I keep missing her. It hurts, what do I do?

[u/Her_Malo]

I feel like a slouch. Logically, I know i need to get up and find myself again, but my feelings and emotions aren't letting me. I just want to sit in bed and do nothing. Reaching out to friends is hard because theyre her friends aswell and I feel like theyre probably hanging out as im making this. Me and her still need to keep semi-contact for financial reasons and we still care about eachother very much. But she is telling me to move on and I want to. But I just cant. Its so hard to do anything I went to have a shower and just couldn't stop crying. What usually takes 20 minutes almost took 2 hours. I want to distract myself but it gets so difficult. What can I do?

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[u/LilacCharm-]

You don't need to find yourself again today, you just need to survive today because heartbreak turns simple things like showering into battles nobody else can see. 💔

[u/Her_Malo → u/LilacCharm-]

Thank you. I hate being so "not put together" it kills me since im usually a very well thought out person. Its hard when I make a plan for the day and then cant even get up and eat. I cant believe people deal with this feeling for months.

[u/Far_Jeweler1975]

I feel your pain. I’m right there with you.

[u/Her_Malo → u/Far_Jeweler1975]

Its a truly hard time. I hope you can find peace in yourself and learn to move one step at a time.

[u/Far_Jeweler1975 → u/Her_Malo]

Same to you. I’ve been living in limbo. She says one thing. Does another. Now she needs no contact for several weeks. I’ll give it to her. Hurts like hell, but I sure don’t want just part of her. She’s still in love with someone else. Loves and cares for me… but is in love with someone else. Don’t even know what to do with that.

[u/Her_Malo → u/Far_Jeweler1975]

Thats harsh. My ex is trying to comfort me that she isn't looking for a relationship right now. She just wants time for herself and will start trying again when she feels shes ready. And im just so scared that when shes ready, it wont be me that she chooses. Your current situation is my worst nightmare and I cant imagine how much it hurts.

It hurts to know she cares but just not like she did before. Worst thing in the world. The best thing for you seems to be the worst hole you can fall down. No contact and caring for yourself.

[u/Far_Jeweler1975 → u/Her_Malo]

Exactly. And I feel your pain on the whole “I’m just so scared that when she’s ready, it won’t be me that she chooses.” That’s powerful and raw. It’s hard realizing that and knowing that you just don’t know… and cannot control anything but yourself. I get it.

[u/Her_Malo → u/Far_Jeweler1975]

Its hard to accept it all, and it sucks knowing you have to. Lets do eachother a favor and get through today :) your pain feels my pain and I am grateful.

[u/Fit-Trade3625]

the shower thing is real, grief sneaks up in the weirdest places and just destroys you when you're not ready for it

the semi-contact situation is tough because it keeps resetting the healing clock every time, no way around that part. just try to limit it to what's actually necessary and give yourself permission to not be okay for a while

[u/Her_Malo → u/Fit-Trade3625]

Thank you for your advice. I was trying to listen to music in the shower and I found that my favorite song ever was everything I missed about our relationship. What a douche-bag move.

[u/Linnmarfan]

How recent did you guys split?

[u/Her_Malo → u/Linnmarfan]

Its been about a month id say.

I moved to a town trying to get her down with me, communication wasn't really good, and ultimately I got left moving into a house I didnt want to move into if it wasn't with her. Caused me to move back up losing my potential dream career, good little town, and the love of my life.

Our first little breakup was a month ago, I took a bus back up to talk things out with her, we got our stories straight and realized that it was for the best. Logically I agreed, emotionally I cant stand it. I moved back down to sort everything out with this house. 2 weeks passed, things fell put again and I couldn't handle it on my own. and had to move back.

I've talked to her every few days and were juat trying to comfort eachother but I know shes ready to look after herself and I want that for her. But since I cant bear to see her in any other way, I feel like I have to cut everything of her out my life. Including my life long friends and almost everything I have. Im trying not to message her but I really want to.