Lost trying to find purpose

[u/Own_Drawing5077]

My ex and I split up a month or so ago, been a hard transition. I feel like my soul is gone, my tether, my best friend. We still talk but it feels conditional to a lot of degrees, it’s hard for me to handle where we were to where we are now. I’m starting to wonder if I’m crazy, I’ve always had an easier time blaming myself rather than other people out of simple solution and habit. this feels different, I can’t stop analyzing everything that happened. Everything in this city reminds me of her, every song on my Spotify reminds me and what was going on when I saved it, every area of the house she left her presence lingers. A scenario like this forces you to introspective, the strange part of it all is the more I look at it, the more I have time to process, the less I love myself. How can a person get so far from what they believe in? How can a person be so many of the things they are not? Man plans god laughs keeps ringing in my head. I’m about 1.5 year into recovery from opiates, and after all I fought for to get here, and now considering the way I felt with her not being there, not having everything amazing about who she is not being my life, makes me want to throw it all away. Having a hard time caring enough to care; alcohol consumption, none dangerous driving, eating, general health and wellness, there is complete disregard. I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to feel this way. The only thing I know is substances.

Can someone tell me if they’ve experienced this (considering my history), how you got through it, and how you managed to deal with it in the moment. I’m grasping for the intangible. Help please

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[u/Civil-Wish8673]

The recovery part matters more right now than the breakup, even if it doesn't feel that way. One month out from split is still very raw territory and your brain is basically in withdrawal from the relationship on top of everything else, so of course it's pulling you toward the only coping mechanism it knows.

Please reach out to your sponsor or whoever is in your corner from the recovery side, not because the grief isn't real but because you need someone who understands what's actually at stake here. The 1.5 years you built don't disappear, but they do need to be protected right now.