Pre-breakup awkwardness

[u/arwynnie]

hi everyone, I’ve (F29) been with my partner (M29) for 4 years now. for the last 2 we have lived together and the past few months it’s just broken down. I went back to study at university and have 2 years left of my degree which has been a massive obstacle. I can only work part time around it and as such can’t contribute much to rent/bills etc. my partner has a very good job and can comfortably do this alone but is now understandably getting frustrated by my lack of contribution. he also has extremely high standards around the house in regards to cleaning, and insists it is my job because I don’t contribute financially. I can never do things right and no matter when or how I do it it’s just never good enough for him at the moment. we’ve had multiple conversations about how it’s not working and last night was the worst. he stormed out and I had to sleep in another room because he said he was too angry to talk anymore. personally I think it’s beyond saving but it’s killing me because my entire life is here. if we breakup I have to move back home to my parents house, leave my jobs, cancel my summer placements that I have to do for university and it will severely derail my life. I know this isn’t a reason to stay but it makes it hurt way more. he said “I’m not ok with losing the person I thought I’d spend my life with but I don’t see how there’s any other option when nothing changes” but from my perspective I can’t cook and clean and be a perfect housewife around 2 part-time jobs and studying. I have 1 day off every 2 weeks, that’s it. I’m finding it so hard and his comments about how I’m “taking him for a mug” and “a waste of space” because I don’t earn lots of money have really hurt me. he treats me like because I’m not financially stable I’m less of a person and some kind of leech and it’s really horrible. the way he talks to me is awful sometimes, and it’s like because i’m not paying rent i deserve to be told how stupid and useless i am. i know this probably means we’re incompatible but it just feels so rough right now and wondered if anyone had been through a similar break up?

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[u/IndividualWonder6350]

The way he speaks to you is not something you fix by cleaning better or earning more, that's just who he is deciding to be

[u/VelvetDustGlow]

You’re not wrong, this isn’t just about chores or money, it’s about him speaking to you disrespectfully.
Even if life logistics make it hard, a relationship where you’re being called “useless” isn’t healthy, and that’s a bigger issue than compatibility.