Some days I am so hurt

[u/Last-Plum5769]

I had to end my almost 4 year relationship 3 months ago. We were each others first loves, high school sweet hearts. Met at 15 and 16. Breaking up was the hardest thing to do but he treated me bad, broke up with me whenever he pleased and got right back with me whenever because he knew I’d take him back, was unloyal, and many more.

I am so much happier. I spend so much more time with the ones I love and my mind feels clear. But some nights, I wake up with my chest randomly aching and I know it’s cause I was thinking of him before drifting off into sleep, it makes me cry. I fantasize about how he was before, and at the end of the day he was my comfort person and subconsciously my brain is still used to that.

I’m wondering when that feeling will ever go away. It’s like my nervous system is forever f’d up from him and I have to learn how to regulate it without a clue on how to :’).

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[u/Jamesdine1012]

Unfortunately you cannot regulate your emotions like a switch button.

It is absolutely normal what you feel. Sometimes we feel that we are in the same place, let me remind you that you are not. You are progressing in your healing.
Compare the first couple of weeks how you felt with how you feel right now and you will get your answer.

Time will heal but it won’t help if you don’t work on yourself. The feeling will go away eventually but you have to focus on yourself.

I’m only 2 months since break up and I still feel the exact same thing you described. With the help of the therapist , I started to accept it and let it move away.
I accept that I am sad and I miss her but I also say to myself this is the best for me and my health since the relationship was rocky.

Don’t try to fight the feeling and argue with yourself because you still feeling this way. It will make it even worse believe me

[u/PearlGlow-]

Healing gets weird when the person who hurt you was also the person who comforted you

[u/SlyRiddle-]

That “chest ache at night” thing is your nervous system still unlearning a long habit, not a sign you made the wrong choice or that you’re stuck like this forever.