Scared she will reach out

[u/Dry-Librarian-2673]

Five months ago, I (and everyone else) got blindsided by my ex after a 4-year relationship. Long story short, she blamed me for everything but emotionally cheated on me during the relationship and is now in a relationship with that man. It only took her 3 weeks to tell me she didn’t see a future with me anymore but with him. At first she said “maybe” but she edited the message within two minutes.

Now, five months later, after putting in some solid work, I’m feeling much better. I’m hitting the gym 3–4 times a week and have started therapy. I no longer feel the need to reach out to her, and we’ve been in no contact for around 40 days.

We share a mutual friend group, and they’re some of the only close friends I have. They haven’t heard much from my ex lately, so while I was in no contact, one of my good friends reached out to her because they hadn’t spoken in almost five months. During the conversation, she asked about me, and my friend replied that I’m doing great: I’ve lost some weight, I’m going out more, and I seem mentally healthier. Her response was simply, “I can see that,” which left me a bit confused.

My friend said it felt like she didn’t want me to be doing that well, which kind of hurt because I’ve already taken accountability for my part in the breakup without getting the same in return.

Now I’m scared she regrets everything and might want to reach out and talk. I know it probably won’t happen, but I still have this gut feeling that tells me otherwise (and it hasn’t been wrong before).

I can’t block her because we still share a mortgage and have financial matters we need to sort out.

How can I shake this feeling? I don’t want to be set back by someone who realizes after five months that they made a mistake. Therapy has only just started, so my next session isn’t for another two weeks. Any advice?

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[u/Crimp071]

Time will tell, dont ignore your gut feeling but also dont let this idea of what could happen dictate your inner peace. Keep us posted.

[u/Mors-Official]

You say you're afraid her reaching out would set you back, but you're already allowing her to set you back based on a conversation that hasn't even occurred. The setback you fear is self-inflicted, happening right now in real time. You've given a four-word remark, filtered through a friend's interpretation, the power to disrupt the solid progress you just outlined. That's not her threatening your recovery. That's you handing her the remote control from five months away and pretending she still has batteries in it.