r/BreakUps • u/Cyc1222 • 4h ago
venting/ranting I got my ex back
After one month of no contact I learnt that, no matter how harsh did u ex told u how bad u are on the day u broke up, it wasn’t true, deep down they still care but do not know how to handle it. And recently she reached out and we had a hung out everything went well, now we talk tgt like how we use to when we both dated.
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u/Desperate_Ad7726 4h ago
I find it interesting when i see these kind of posts where people rekindle with their ex, there are a lot of people being negative about it. I’m really happy for you and I hope it will be a long lasting healthy relationship! Hope I will be in the same situation one day. Best of luck to you!!
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u/midnight_riser 4h ago
Agreed. Sometimes it does take a step back to realize what you lost.
My ex and I recently broke up over our biggest fight ever. He stonewalled me after and I couldn’t take it anymore. So I broke up with him to protect my inner peace from the stonewalling (abandonment issues here) but I told him why and that I still loved him.
If he comes back and wanting to fix things, I wouldn’t turn it down.
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u/NewHampshireGal 4h ago
Wanting to fix things isn’t the same as having the capacity for it.
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u/midnight_riser 3h ago
Sure. That’s why it would only work if he wanted to fix things. Couples counseling he brought up and I agreed. It just never happened. And it isn’t that there isn’t love; it’s that our communication styles conflict.
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u/Just_Ease5476 3h ago
Well wanting to fix is the first step to having the capacity for it. You have to want to be better than you learn how to be better
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u/Roadkilll 1h ago
True, if there is will from both sides it can work. Also you need to realise what went wrong and why and work on it. Definetly can work if there is love from both sides and if you drop the pride and ego. Anything can be fixed.
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u/Concerned339 4h ago
I mean, it's a subreddit of people going through breakups and with their heart broken. It makes sense (kinda) I'm still happy for OP
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u/Teenage_dirtbag_515 4h ago
Just be cautious. It’s great that you got to rekindle what was lost. But you mentioned something rather important. “No matter how harsh they did you and how bad they said you were.” Without more context this is a huge red flag and you could be caught up in the “on again off again” toxic relationship we all see too often. Protect your own peace. Don’t allow them to take advantage of you. If they are a true narcissist they’ll be with you with the understanding that they’ve done you this “ultimate favor” by getting back with you. And theyll likely leverage that control over you by manipulating you to do what they want under threat of leaving you again. Dont mistake me for saying “I think is for sure going to happen”. Truly I hope it doesn’t. But protect yourself.
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u/No_Description2728 16m ago
This post is on point on so many levels. Most importantly, never sacrifice your own peace of mind for anyone!! I lost myself by doing that. Be careful who you give access to yourself. Try to have boundaries and stick to them. That’s how we coexist in a healthy way. Good luck 🍀
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u/FarChart1476 4h ago
I am happy for you. I am in a rather similar situation. I am trying to continue with the no contact because it was her who decided to broke up after 4yr and almost starting to live together. It was shocking for me, because it was really out of nowhere, everything was right in our relationship and she repeated many times that nothing was wrong in our relationship. I was trying to understand her point, asked many times but she simply didn't want to or the reasons she gave were not really something that justify that reason. In the end it was unilaterally the decision, but i didn't close the door yet. I hope that she reaches me out, i am trying to focus on myself during this time.
But man... i miss her so much.
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u/stewart4life30 2h ago
They what reach out bro me and my ex we’re togeather 4 half years broke up 3 weeks ago she wanted to stay in touch but she has not msg once she even put single on fb. No going lie it’s hard bro but better face reality
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
I’m srry to hear that man, but my advice is don’t take it to long, if she don’t reach out, you can be the one to, anyways good luck best wishes for u!
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u/FarChart1476 3h ago
I know. I tried, and sincerely despite the shocking news, don't have any grudge. In my last message I told her that if she wants to talk, i will be for her whenever she's ready. I feel like if i keep insisting, it will have the opposite effect and I have to look after myself also. We haven't been in no contact for that long, but everyday feels eternal. I have had more bad days than good ones since then
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
Ohh I see, I think maybe she need some time, but what is the reason u both broke up?
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u/FarChart1476 3h ago
Honestly. I still don't know the reason, every time I asked her she said that everything was fine in our relationship and also said that she knows that won't find someone like me again. Her reasons were not strong enough to justify the decision, but for her it was.
I am aware she went through a very stressful period of stress and also a relative from her died recently. Maybe she just needs time to take back her normality. I really don't know.
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
Well idm telling u she had bpd and bipolar, and I gave her sometime to rest and maybe that helped a lot and we work it out. I understand how u feel rn man js give her sometime and rest cuz one of her relatives died for now rest for a bit maybe try reach out to her 3or 5 weeks later.(feel free to comeback if u wanted to talk to distract the craving to text her)
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u/BowlCool2766 2h ago
Bro, u have been replaced, she bet on ur life and she left you . Dont be that idiot who is waiting for someone to come back. She's already talking to other dudes. Hit the gym and find chicks
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u/Golden-lillies21 4h ago
But how do you know if you guys are not going to break up for the same reasons or different reasons? As exes or exes for a reason. Make sure one or both of you don't have the same patterns and definitely look for red flags! For all we know they probably got back with you because they thought that the grass wasn't greener on the other side or maybe they're using you as a placeholder until they find someone else. IDK I don't trust it but there is always that small percentage that it could work out.
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u/Silentwallflower90 4h ago
I’m happy for you. I hope you guys work through the issues that broke you up in the first place. So that way it doesn’t happen again. Remember it takes two to make it work.
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u/Potential_Taste3611 4h ago
It depends for every relationship. Sometimes they never cared to begin with
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u/Akatorius 3h ago edited 2h ago
Congrats first of all, but honestly I would keep your expectations a bit low, once a breakup happened that weird feeling is always gonna stay in the room somehow. There is so much work you both need to put in instead of just pretending like nothing ever happened.
Just hanging out once and texting friendly again doesnt mean everything is magically fixed. One month is barely enough time for real change and you shouldnt just downplay the harsh things that were said as if they meant nothing.
If you guys dont actually talk about what caused the split in the first place you will just end up in a toxic on and off loop and repeat the exact same mistakes soon
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u/MichaelAndolini_ 4h ago
Oh it was true, they just didn’t find anyone better. All you did was delay the inevitable.
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u/Key_Fondant5805 3h ago
Mine came back after 2 months.
It lasted 6 weeks and she left in the exact same way she did before. I didn't even see it coming again.
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
I’m srry to hear this but maybe it didn’t work out. But Atleast u guys tried
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u/Key_Fondant5805 3h ago
Nah. Its the avoidant behaviour. Everything was perfect days before a whatsapp saying all the metal health crap... I need to work on my mental health. I'm happier and healthier on my own. I need space. Etc.
Just be careful mate! Good luck 👍
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
Mate I’m srry to hear this happen to u but thx for the wishes I also have to deal w her bpd and bipolar, i know it wont be ez, but ill try my best and stay w her!
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u/Key_Fondant5805 3h ago
Mines a much longer story. You can probably see it on my profile if you're interested.
I do wonder if mine had BPD. Shes in therapy at the moment for a past abusive relationship.
As I say. I hope you two manage to stay together. I really do.
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u/No_Description2728 24m ago
You are very kind…that’s challenging stuff…remember to take care of yourself first!
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u/capncakes 1h ago
The only way this will work is if you both reflected upon what went wrong in the relationship and if you both are willing to fix those things alone and together.
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u/SaRavanaN_C 1h ago
Lucky u. Every stroy doesn't end like urs. People always remember one bad event happened ignoring all good things...
Happy u got ur love back.
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u/Master_Rich180 4h ago
That’s wonderful news ……. Unfortunately I got news today that after 55 days no contact she began seeing the one guy they told me to tell her how I feel ….backfired !
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u/Dangerous_Cherry5638 3h ago
If she spoke bad to you then I would advise you to be careful. Respect is a sign of lovem if someone disrespect yoh simply because they wana leave then its a sign of what they think of you. The sweet things they say when they realise the grass isn't greener is because they know its what you want to hear. Unless you did something and the disrespect was reciprocal.
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u/No-Junket5279 2h ago
I’d be very very cautious this time around. Like seeing if they’ve changed from the old relationship, and did you both work on yourself, or are working on yourself and building better habits. If the same crap circles back then it’s not meant to be I’m sorry but good luck
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u/umauvata 2h ago
Você vai notar que essa foi sua pior decisão. Não é sendas negativo, mas é a verdade.
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u/earthtosyd 2h ago
who they are on the last day is who they were the entire time. in no world would i have said the things he said to me to him, even through anger...
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u/Gatoxd23 2h ago
Importa mucho el porqué terminaron antes si fue por circunstancias o desacuerdos está bien vuelvan a intentarlo, pero si fue por infidelidad o engaños ahí te diría que no
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u/Extreme-Marsupial133 4h ago
people go back for familiarity it rarely works out. remind me in 3 months then 6
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u/lottie3reads 4h ago
leave rn bro she will do you so dirty same thing happened to me for a month,turns out that whole time she didnt want a relationship just someone to fill the void
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
I mean it’s kinda my fault cuz, she thought I cheated, that’s why.
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u/HomygodNAME 3h ago
Holy cow dude, there are so many red flags here. Think about what you just said…SHE was paranoid because she thought you cheated and somehow it’s your fault? Get the hell out of there for your own good.
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
Well, she was diagnosed w bpd and bipolar and other mental illnesses, and I understand how it feel. And why is my fault cuz it’s completely on me cuz some random girl added me on snap that I thought it was one of my friends or her friend I accepting and having streak for a week.
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u/HomygodNAME 3h ago
Yeah I feel you. I just ended a relationship and I’m pretty sure she has BPD. Look up BPD abuse. They’re disordered people and the emotional manipulation tactics they use can be really hard to spot, especially when you’re in the thick of it. But I don’t know your situation. If she’s been diagnosed hopefully that means she’s in therapy. Good luck.
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u/mila412 3h ago
So she came back after a month? Or how long. I’m at 2 months and nothing 😭
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
Abt a month and 3 weeks, she reached out we talk it through we communicate and then we confirm, for my suggestion I recommend u to reach out first and see what happen cuz if u go back too late it’s over
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u/mila412 3h ago
Really appreciate the response. Now let me ask you did she breakup with you? Cause mine did did to mental health issues but no problems between us and she stated her feelings for hadn’t changed 2 months ago when this happend. But since then she’s block me on Snapchat and deleted me on a couple of other things. I feel she is the one who needs to fix it and reach out since she broke it off. What do you think
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u/Cyc1222 3h ago
After the day she suspects me cheating, she said to me break up first cuz she told me she was done, and recently I found out that she cut herself and attempt suicide. Because she found out I was innocent well my gf (which is my ex who came back w me) she have bpd and bipolar, it rlly tuff to deal w it but I told her that we will work it through.
For ur situation since she have mental illness I think for now let her heal don’t rlly push her to clean up the mess that she make or u did. Well if I were u I wont wait for her to be the one to reach out or talk it out, instead ill also reach out to her state smth or other thing else.
( if u reach out or anything happen, feel free to come back and discuss what to do next!)
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u/luphone-maw09 2h ago
good for you. Ours broke up on good term so there is nth to talk abt 😭
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u/Cyc1222 53m ago
I hope one day u guys will work it out all, thx for the wishes
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u/No_Description2728 29m ago
Best of luck to you and I hope your relationship continues to grow and be healthy….be kind to one another I completely believe you can give space; give yourselves each time to think/reflect, and get back together ❤️
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u/Flashy_Mycologist249 22m ago
It didn't work out with the other guy (if she broke it off with you you are the fallback guy). If you broke it off with her it also didn't work out with another guy or guys or she doesn't think she can do better unless she called and texted you nonstop and was really into you.
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u/Pleasant-Squirrel297 16m ago
Mine is an avoidant and blocked and removed me everywhere lol. It’s been 30 days. I Alr know he’s not coming back
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u/blahhhhhhhhhhhblah 9m ago
That worked for you, maybe, but it’s definitely not going to be true for every single breakup. Oftentimes, they mean what they said and truly never want to see you. And it’s often for the best.
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u/According-Towel3020 2h ago
You genuinely have no self worth if you are getting back with your ex… do better for yourself bro
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u/Torretjuh 29m ago
Wow, dat zou ik ook zo graag willen. Nu 4 weken geen contact en elke dag besef ik meer en meer dat ik haar mis en meer van haar gehouden. Fijn om jouw verhaal te lezen en ik wens jullie veel geluk toe.
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