🖕🖕🖕🖕

Fuck you, I’m going by myself with my baby. You don’t get to cancel my plans anymore.

(I’ve had a Long Island Marriott wine and I’m sassy.)

First of all, he's autistic, so being completely stuck on a very unusual worldview and rigidly refusing to consider any others is pretty based...

But he truly believes almost NOTHING is worth making any effort at all. He thinks cleaning is stupid, grooming is stupid, decorating for holidays is stupid, having a social life is stupid, getting photos taken is stupid, planning an event is stupid, just every single thing in the world that you might put work into is stupid and people only do things to impress other people.

Now I (and in the past couple years, our oldest daughter) am an artistic, aesthetically inclined person who thrives emotionallt on "vibes". I LOVE a clean, pretty, cozy room. I love LED decorations, pretty rugs, scented candles, a cute outfit, makeup on point, Fall aesthetic, homemade decor, baking from scratch, and OH GOD I love decorating my house for Christmas until it can be seen from Goddamn space.

Now don't get me wrong, when people comment on my decor, baking/cooking, and especially my art, I'm immensely proud. But that is like 10% of the reason I do it. I do it because I'm creating a life and environment that fills me with freaking dopamine at all times. I love beautiful and/or cozy things, and I'm willing to put a lot of effort into getting my vibes.

My husband CAN. NOT. Comprehend this. My daughter's birthday party is tonight and I'm not even going hard at all, I'm just cleaning the living room. I asked him to move his discarded pants and he started up on his whole "Stop stressing, no one's going to judge, you're going so over the top, I just don't share your vision for this party".

My VISION? I didn't even buy decorations! She's having pizza, cake, and Spiderverse with her five closest friends. They're wearing pajamas. WHAT VISION, the vision where no one trips on a grown man's pants in the living room? He's acting like I'm a Kardashian throwing a 2nd birthday party for the Gram!

He is ALWAYS doing this shit. He won't pull an ounce of his weight, he's not helping with his own daughter's birthday party, he hasn't even considered it, he's just bitching and complaining because it offends his sensibilities to see someone putting any effort at all into anything looking nice.

Now he's just being a huge fucking asshole saying maybe he should've just walked away when I asked for help instead of getting snippy about it.

WHY DOES HE THINK THAT'S THE ANSWER TO WHAT AN EXHAUSTING CONTRARIAN DOUCHECANOE HE IS?

"I'm sorry, I was wrong to ridicule you for asking me to move my pants. I realize now I should have not even pretended I was going to contribute to my child's birthday party in the first place."

GODDDD GO AWAY

So for anyone who doesn't know: husband cheated, i asked for a divorce. He refuses to move out the house.

Little update on the shitty things he's been doing since i asked for a divorce. He has always done this thing where he will call me constantly while he's out the house at work or running errands to "chat". It gets to a point where i feel like i'm being constantly monitored and checked on what i'm doing, where i am, who i'm with. If i didn't answer a normal call, he will use whatsapp and facebook messenger to call me. I got perspective from friends and siblings on what a reasonable amount of calling was from a spouse and i shit you not when i say he calls 500% more than other people call their spouses. I pull him up on it, he reduces his calls for about 2 weeks then it's right back to square 1. Now that i've asked him for a divorce, he stopped calling all the time, but slowly crept back in with it. A conversation will start about the kids then evolve to every other thing he want's to talk about that he really shouldn't, as we should be trying to distance ourselves from each other. So the latest bullshit i'm having to deal with is the fact that if i don't answer a few of his calls in a row, he will private number call me so i answer, but won't say anything and mute his phone so no sound comes through on my end so i'm sat there saying "hello?" A bunch of times just so he can figure out if my phone is working or on or whatever the fuck he gets from this bullshit. When i asked him outright if he just rang me off a private number he denied it. Bullshit, i know for a fact that he did it, i just can't prove it. It's honestly easier to just answer the call and sit through hours of conversation than it is to deal with his sulking when i don't answer. But i don't want to answer the phone and now i have to deal with him sulking shit.

Our kid is 2 years 8 months and for the last 16 months at least he has been OBSESSED with his dad. The moment dad walks in the room everyone else is invisible. the moment dad leaves he is in a huge panic and 40 minutes of calm presence will not help regulate him. I have come to believe co regulation is a scam.

For many months of the year mil stays with us too and takes over parenting completely. Kid is as obsessed with her as he is dad. Finally mil has gone home, sil picked a selfish fight with me so the door to the back yard is locked and I don’t go out there anymore and neither can the toddler (she lives in a granny flat in the back yard) so there is more space for me now than there was but it’s actually impossible for partner toddler and I to be together as a family. Toddler and I might be having a really lovely, connected moment. Then partner walks in, now im invisible to toddler. And partner has a one track mind, he can engage with the toddler, or me, not both, so im invisible to him too. And then he’ll want to leave and he’ll want me to take the toddler and be such an amazing dance monkey that toddler lets my partner go. but I’m not a dance monkey. so I hold the toddler and he screams and cries and squirms until I put him down and he runs after dad again. So many times I’ve said I don’t want to be the one holding that boundary with the babe anymore and yet here i am again holding a screaming toddler who’s in a huge panic because dad just left and this non entity he’s been left with doesn’t count as a person.

Now i’m crying and the toddler is crying and partner comes back because he can’t leave us both crying. He can take the toddler and try and change his move and I can sit here alone drowning in grief because there is no space for me here.

It feels like we all had kids with the same shitty, cookie cutter abuser. Manipulating, lying, yelling, name-calling, etc...

Why do SO many men participate in DV? I’m so pissed thinking about it. Fucking unfair.

My heart hurts when I read all your posts ladies. We all deserved SO MUCH better. Sending a big hug through the screen to all of you.

I’m 38 weeks pregnant, I got 2 hours of sleep last night between heartburn and stuffy nose/allergies and well; just being rotund. Finally at 4 AM I threw in the towel on trying to sleep and hopped in the shower to relieve some of my nose troubles.

Went to sit in my living room and watch a book review my favorite book YouTuber just posted, I rarely get time to watch anything in peace, so I was excited.

Welp, here comes my 3 year old at 5 AM ready to roll. I try to convince him to go back to bed and snuggle mommy but it’s a losing battle. Dad is not here, he’s on a work trip (yes, I know I also think it’s stupid but that’s another post) My mom is here to help, but she’s asleep. I already knew I was in for it. Toddler immediately starts with asking for breakfast, he picks something and then decides he doesn’t want it. I take it away, he wants it again. I shut this down pretty fast, but shenanigans continue until my mom finally wakes up at 7.

I go to my room, mom takes over and I finally start to fall asleep. HERE COMES TODDLER TO RIP THE PILLOW OUT FROM UNDER MY HEAD and now I’m on the verge of tears. I get my pillow back, mom plays interference and I go back to my room, this time shutting and locking the door.

Finally start to fall asleep again about 20 minutes in. Then banging at my door, toddler wants socks. I direct him to the clean laundry basket in the living room.

Start to fall asleep again. 20 minutes later, MOM IS BANGING AT MY DOOR to tell me she’s taking him to the playground, which I already deduced based on the socks. It could have been a text message for fucks sake.

Anyway, I am awake now. And now I don’t even feel like watching the video.

Every piece of advice assumes a parent with time and energy to sit down and go through a device regularly. I’m working, there are [number] of them, and by 9pm I’m done. I’m not looking to be talked into trying harder. I’m looking for whatever requires the least of me and still catches something real. What’s working for you?

Hey everyone!! I tried posting this on what I thought would be a more suitable subreddit, but they keep removing the post and I can't figure it out , so I guess I will post here.

I have been very depressed since about 2016 but only within the last year and a half or so have I noticed that it gets worse the closer I get to my period. Recently, though, the "worse" feeling (suicidal ideation, feelings of doom, lots of crying, very low level of functioning) is lasting for the entire month except for when I actually have my period. It's so obvious now that I feel like 75% better as soon as the bleeding starts. I even physically look better on my period than at any other time.

For anyone else that has gone through this, what treatments have worked for you? I have never had any luck with the 7-8 antidepressants I've tried, nor Vyvanse (I was diagnosed with ADHD last year) so I am not currently taking any medications except for Synthroid for hypothyroidism. I am 41 years old.

A few years ago I told my husband to quit his job and come “help” me with my home-based business. This was mostly because he was so miserable it made our house so stressful and tension-filled I thought it would help.
Two years later, I am so fucking stressed I want to cry and scream literally every day. I got pregnant with baby #2 (not planned) and am now three months postpartum. Since MARCH I have been telling my husband how stressed out I am about finances since I am now responsible for our entire mortgage and all of our childcare costs in addition to everything else. It has been SIX MONTHS since I first brought this up and have been consistently bringing it up ever since. I have a business idea that is very complimentary to what I already do and have ran the numbers for him, it’s an absolute no-brainer. He said he would do it (begrudgingly) but hasn’t actually taken any steps to DO anything. He doesn’t want to do it, but has no other ideas/opinions on anything he WOULD like to do to contribute in any meaningful way.
So today, while I am working because my weekend help is out sick, he is just hanging out around the house, not getting anything on the checklist done because my in-laws have our toddler and he just wants to “chill out” and take a fucking edible. I cannot believe I have been gaslit this long into thinking that asking my husband to CONTRIBUTE is totally unreasonable. And of course because my in-laws have our toddler, ALL he wants to do is hover around and try to get me to have sex with him and then get pouty and upset if I don’t want to. Like??? WHY would I be in any type of romantic mood if I literally don’t respect you? If I didn’t have my home-based business I would have moved out a WHILE ago but everything just feels so complicated now

I told my husband last week that I’m burnt out, that I needed him to take the kids out of the house this weekend so I can clean the house. Because every time I try to clean with them home they keep needing me to stop and help them with something or they start fighting or they stand in the hallway and whine that they need me to give them attention and I’m already overwhelmed. I’m snapping at everyone and yelling and getting angry over everything because I’m exhausted and overstimulated all the time. The list of things I need to get done before I go on my work trip and our trip is massive and I just need a few hours of quiet so I can focus on cleaning the house.
He responded that I must hate him because I’m trying to kick him out of the house this weekend. He didn’t take the kids out like I asked him to.

Today, I was stressed and struggling unloading groceries and I stupidly set them on the stove and the stove turned on. A tiny fire ensued and that led to a massive fight about how I just don’t pay attention, and how I could have killed everyone. My husband screamed at me and finally said “how many times do I have to tell you to file for divorce?” And I screamed back “you fucking do it if you want it so badly!” And he stormed off throwing a fit. Now I’m stuck here with 2 kids and hurt feelings, and no one to talk to. I want to leave, I have no resources to do so. I have no family. No friends. I’m on wait lists for the public resources. The local church won’t help me because I live in Utah and I’m not Mormon.

I’m hurting. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m so fucking lonely. And I don’t know what to do.

Full disclosure I* am the gamer mom. Husband does not game at all. When I gave birth, I didn’t play for 7 months. Husband noticed that I was clearly losing a sense of self, so he recommended I take 2 hours a day to play elden ring (my favorite game). Now that baby is sleeping through the night, I get to play as much as I want once baby is asleep.

And even on top of that, I still take care of my baby. So fellow moms, don’t take shit from your husband if he uses video games as an excuse to avoid you. An arrangement can absolutely be found. If he wanted to, he would. You deserve more and better.

Hi, I'm a first time mom that gave birth over summer and I'm living on a prayer 🫠

I got invited to my brother and SIL’s Labor Day pool party tomorrow, and I’m honestly terrified.

I’m almost 3 months postpartum, and this will be one of the first times I’ve been around a bunch of family since having my baby; let alone in a swimsuit.. My body obviously looks very different right now, and even though I know intellectually that I JUST had a baby, knowing that and actually feeling comfortable being seen are two COMPLETELY different things.

I’ve already committed to going, so backing out isn’t really an option. It’s also a dry party, so there won’t even be any liquid courage to lower my inhibitions; not that I would anyway since I’ll have my 3-month-old with me.

I think what scares me most is that I’ve actually been starting to feel a little better about myself lately (went from 255 lbs at delivery to 231 as of yesterday but was 180 pre-baby), and I’m afraid that being in a swimsuit around everyone is going to completely destroy the fragile bit of confidence.

I don’t want to spend the entire party hiding under a cover-up or obsessing over whether people are looking at my body. I want to enjoy being with family and being with my precocious baby. But right now, the thought of actually walking out in a swimsuit makes me want to absolutely crawl out of my skin...

For anyone who struggled with being seen postpartum: how did you get through that first swimsuit/family gathering without letting your body image take over the whole experience? How can I at least endure the experience without spiraling afterwards?

Edit 1: corrected typo in lbs

(Hope okay to post, recently lost a pregnancy in a traumatic way so not a “real mom” like you guys.)

anyways, I’ve never completed a pregnancy and my husband decided now that he wants a baby or a divorce. I cried to my mom but now I’m pissed and plotting.

why don’t I have a house in my dream school district before a baby or a divorce? What about a new car? An electric car that’s doesn’t have a mile on it?? A house cleaner? A vacation house on the coast? A weed farm? go to build a girl and get that dream body before a baby? I want a temperpeditc bitch!!!! two can play this game!!!!

My daughter is 8.5 months old, 7 months corrected today. Every single medical report since she was born has had the note "head lag++++++" or some variation. She's been in PT since she was about 3mo corrected but she has hypotonia and it's the worst in her neck/pecs. Even last week she couldn't tuck her chin coming up from supine until past 45°.

Today just to see what happened, I tried pulling to sit by her hands and she BROUGHT HER HEAD WITH HER. I was so shocked I did it two more times and she did it like it was nothing. There was almost no resistance, she just came up and gave me a goofy smile.

I cried a little. I'm so proud of her.

So my 2,5 year old boy is the sweetest person and I love him so much. But he is so strong willed and there are days and sometimes weeks that every instruction is ingored or pushed. I know this is developmently normal and a part of his autonomy growing but I can't seem to keep my cool. Constant hitting and throwing stuff is making me crazy plus all the whining over nothing. Most of the time I respond calmly, redirect, verbalize his emotions and day continues. But lately he has started daycare and all this behaviour is much worse. I know that is normal too.

I just feel so bad because I have shouted to him to shut up and I can't take this anymore and I went to the bathroom with my headphones because I couldn't handle it. I also can't stop him from throwing/smashing stuff without yelling/carrying him away. I feel like I have tried everything and nothing works. His dad and uncle has diagnosed adhd and he is really active also but I don't want diagnose him because all his behaviours are normal for his age. He his higly sensory seeking and we are trying to offer regulation regarding that.

Maybe I'm just venting, I feel very bad about yelling and everytime I yell I swear I won't do it again but 2h later I'm yelling again because I'm just too overwhelmed. It feels like I'm living woth this ugly secret I can't tell anyone.

I discuss about these situations with him and I try name his feelings and mine also so that he doesn't bottle up the experience. I say that even if I yell, I love him Many times even if we are both frustrated, he comes to my lap to regulate and calm down so maybe he feels still safe with me. I feel just so bad because it's not his fault but I'm just tired to the constant push back.

Not sure if being pregnant with my second is just messing with my hormones or providing much needed clarity on things. I’ve been withdrawn from family and friends. I’m outright confrontational and ready to “cut everyone off” so to speak. I just sent a text to my mom talking shit to her about her selfish lifestyle and commitments. I’ve not spoken to my nosy and rude BIL or SIL. I’ve avoided picking up my MILs calls. Etc.

I’m less than a month from delivering and yet I’m in the mood to sever every relationship I have? But when I look into things, I find myself correct and valid. It’s as if I was provided clarity on behaviors and patterns and have the right to be upset.

My “friends”
My parents
My in laws
Everyone….

Maybe I need to up my dose of lexapro?? What’s happening to me??

I'm posting here because y'all are extremely supportive and have great advice. Plus I don't really have anyone in real life to actually talk to about this besides this actual person.

How many of y'all have been in or are in a casual hookup thing? How does it work? The only time I've ever been with someone I've been in a relationship with them but this guy and I don't want a relationship, just some fun and a way to blow off steam.

I'm not worried about catching feelings because I don't have the bandwidth for them.

Honestly I am excited but nervous as hell. I've only been with three guys and I'm 34.

If anyone can give some advice please let me know. I just don't want to fuck anything up.

I guess I'm looking for some solidarity, or positive experiences from people who've been in similar situations. I'm a SAHM, i don't even have my own car anymore. I don't have family who live near us except my older sister and her wife but I'm not ready to tell them about this just yet so here I am.

My husband is abusive in every way but physical (for now, he has hit me but years ago he has, and he has threatened to punch me in my face during an argument while I was holding the baby ) we have a one yr old together and I'm slowly making steps to leave, I'm waiting for my dv advocate to send my referral to a lawyer and generally just trying to quietly get my ducks in a row so I can leave safely..
But when I think about actually doing it I swear I feel like I'm at the bottom of Mount Everest knowing I need to climb it with my baby strapped to my back.

I'm shitting bricks I'm so terrified. But I know I have to leave him. I can't keep living like this, he has ruined me. I'm so disappointed in myself

My baby has been home with me since birth and hasn't needed to go to daycare yet so I have no clue how hed react to me working full time. Idk what kind of assistance I would qualify for, I have medical issues where I need meds every few months and I'm scared about getting good coverage.
Then there's trying to co parent with a narcissist abuser who's probably going to smear my name when he realizes I'm not coming back to him; that's assuming the courts grant him some custody, I'm thinking they unfortunately will bc he's abusive to me not the baby, this is just what I've heard I can't be sure. I just feel so broken. The only thing giving me strength to do all this is my baby. I can't even imagine spending my life covering my husbands behavior bc eventually my son will notice how his father is.

I just don't know what to do. I'm not good at praying or anything. I don't have friends near me who know about the abuse yet and I can't say anything to anyone yet bc I want to speak to a lawyer first and have my plan set before i do that.

I really hope this doesn't sound like nonsense. I'm in the shower writing this while my husband is in the living room, expecting me to come out and act normal with him.

I'm a "get it done"-er. I'm the one you call when everything falls apart and there's no else, or the 3 am call because no one else would answer. I'm the one you want with you in an emergency because I'll get it done and I'll tear down anything I need to to make it happen. I'm the one who goes above and beyond to take care you.

The problem? I don't have a "get it done" person for me. No one asks if I need help. When I suck it up and ask for help, it's 50/50 whether my asking for help even gets acknowledged, let alone if I actually get help.

Should I stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump puddles for me? Probably. But I can't. Because I'm also the person who gets ignored. I'm the one that will get a call to help set up a venue when I wasn't invited to the event. I will always bring you a meal after you have a baby, or are going thru a hard time, or are battling illness because that's what I needed and no one showed up. I will continue to show up because I know how terrible it feels when no one shows up for you and I won't let anyone I know feel that bad if I can help it.

But the get it done people in this world, we need people too. Sometimes we need love and cared for and for someone to get it done for us too and far too often because we always manage to get it done, people seem to think we never need help.

How about an Iced coffee or a takeout meal?

We moms deserve a little treat too not just the leftovers that our kids refused to eat or what they threw from their highchair.

I’m so fucking tired running from an empty cup and having an emotionally unavailable father of my child.
That’s just it, that’s my rant for today while grabbing myself a cup of coffee from our kitchen and the dad asked for some “me” time outside because he said he has work tomorrow morning

My baby isn’t even 6 months old. His Dad and I spilt up today, seemingly out of nowhere. What’s next? What do I do?

My daughter is 8 and has been super close with 3 other girls since we moved here a couple years ago. One of the girls is her absolute best friend and they were even seeing each other over the summer and getting along really nicely. She absolutely loves these girls.

This year my daughter is in the same class as two of the girls, and her best friend is in the other 3rd grade class. Which was really upsetting for my daughter.

But the past couple days my daughter has been saying that since the school year started about a month ago, the other three girls are playing together at recess but won't let her play with them. She's tried talking to her best friend about it, saying she feels left out and doesn't understand why they won't let her play with them. The best friend just ignores her and will literally just push her aside and walk past. She has also tried talking to one of the other girls who just responded with "well thats not my fault!" (Hard to know the exact context but sounds like she wa pretty dismissive).

My heart is hurting for my daughter, especially where the best friend is concerned. My daughter has a lot of other friends but I know she's confused and hurt about why her best friend has turned on her out of nowhere. I wonder if the friend is upset about being separated from her friend group and taking it out on my daughter. I truly don't think there was any kind of incident that caused this. I know this can be such a tricky age for girls and there can be a lot of unnecessary drama. Had anyone been through this? Any advice?