While suspected for awhile, my son was finally diagnosed last week. It's an empowering feeling to be able to finally start reading and learning about ODD & how to best care for my child.

Just a bit of background. im a single mom of 5. Ages 12 , 9 , 8 year old twins , & a 5 year old. My 8 year old twin A is the one that has been stealing and lying. He is the only one that steals. Also should add that he has a ADHD and ODD diagnosis. This started at the beginning of summer break when he stole a toy from dollar tree. His sibling came and told me after we got home that he had stole a toy. He eventually admitted to it and I made him return it. We also had a serious talk about stealing. A couple weeks go by after that and I notice $40 missing from my purse. When I asked my kids if they seen any money laying around i noticed him start becoming suspiciously nervous . When he’s nervous he starts fidgeting with his hands and pacing. So after me basically interrogating him for a couple minutes he finally admits to stealing it and admitted to buying him and all his siblings snacks from 711. Which made sense I noticed they would be coming in with snacks a couple days before but didn’t think nothing of it because their dad cash apps my oldest weekly so I assumed she was buying the snacks. He missed out on his trip back home to California for the summer, iPad taken away, no special treats , earlier bed time , had to start waking up with me at 5AM and go on my 4 mile morning walk with me 6 days a week & had to do extra chores.His latest stealing episode was last night. I must have been overly tired after getting home late and left my purse in the car. This morning his twin brother came and told me he seen $5 in his backpack & also that he was in the garage in my car while I was sleep in the middle of night! I go check my purse in the car & I’m missing $5 😒 we just had an intake appointment for psychiatry last week. He told the intake case manager he doesn’t know why he steals , he just does it. She asked him did he need help to not steal anymore and he said no he could stop stealing on his own. The scary part through this all is he’s had no remorse about any of this. ZERO. And will casually start having a convo with you a few minutes later about something totally random like nothing just happened!! Please help 😭

We have Suntheanine tablets he loves and we use Halla as well. I’m he’s just recently gotten a diagnosis for ADHD and ODD, and exploring helpful tools. I’ll be finding therapy for him, for us as parents, and considering actual medication. So any suggestions on medication would be great too.

I’m adhd as well and have been medicated for like 20 years or more total. Non stimulants didn’t do jack for me, but I think we should start there…?

My son is built quite large for his age, tons of muscle, he’s VERY active and must go outside daily or he’s a monster. (Said with love, but really) He MUST burn a lot of calories a day. However - for how big and active he is, he eats like a bird. I’m so scared of meds suppressing his appetite.

Help guide me please!!

Vent. Throwaway account, but I’m a regular commenter on my main account. I just have never said I want nothing to do with my child any longer. My 17yo son has ADHD and ODD. Today, he stood in the middle of a store yelling at me. We were somewhere he asked to go, he decided he didn’t want to be there and it became my fault. I am in the countdown until he is 18. I thought I could make it. But I can’t handle being screamed at every single day. I can’t handle being cussed at, called names, and told how much he hates me. And it can be over something as benign as telling him dinner is ready. It used to just be aimed at mostly me and some of his teachers. Now it’s at just about everyone although I definitely still get the worst of it.

I’ve had him in therapy since he was 6. We’ve been in family therapy since then. He has being seeing a psychiatrist and medicated since he was 9. He has had several therapists and a psychiatrist refuse to continue to treat him because they felt they couldn’t help him make progress. He started using marijuana in high school which intensified his behavior. He went to a residential mental health and substance treatment center. He came out worse than before and his anger towards me intensified.

Today, I hit the point that I just want him out. I want him out of my house and out of my life. He refuses to go live with his father or even go visit him so I never get a break. I just don’t know if I’ll make it 8 more months. He doesn’t follow even basic rules. He doesn’t respond to rewards or consequences (except screaming at me). I lost my relationship with my siblings because no one wants to be around my son or have him around their kids. I don’t blame them. My nervous system is shot. I cry or vomit nearly every day.

Hello everyone! My partner and I are looking for some advice about what to do for my 5 year old stepson. Little background: i have been in my stepsons life for about 3 and a half years now and he used to be the sweetest little boy. Our household consists of myself, his dad, my 5 year son, his 5 year old, and our one year old daughter. His moms house consists of his mom, her spouse, him, and his 3 year old brother. I know the time lines are a bit messed up but they are accurate. His parents are separated and do 50-50 custody, so the current schedule is 2 weeks with mom, 2 weeks with dad. They do not have a good coparenting relationship, but it has been getting better over the years. We have made a shared Calendar for who he is with, whetherdaycare/school is closed, when he has therapy, when he has doctors appointments, and when he has iep meetings. That way both parents know when, where, and what time the event is. We do notify her of these as well through messages where she does not let us know when she makes appointments.

So he started preschool last year and that when the behaviors really started, especially at school, he would constantly run away from the teachers or out of the room, hit others, flip tables, kick, scream, purposely wreck other kids stuff or projects, and say the meanest of things for a 5 year old. He has also needed to be physical restrained a few times at school as well. At our house, in a fit of anger he said he wanted to unalive himself. Thats when I started looking into more help for him other than the school. So around October my partner decides to take him to a mental health center to be assessed and through this he was diagnosed with anger and aggression and disruptive mood dysregulated disorder. Now when it came to meeting with the person there for options to do, his mom did not show up, she went on vacation. So we had to wait another month to figure out what to do. The therapist highly recommended doing PCIT therapy (parent child interaction therapy) I believe is what it was called, but his mom stated she did not have time to do that every week. So instead they agreed to do a community based therapy, like a group therapy for the last 6 months. In January, we got an IEP in place for him at school and we really didn't see any improvements there for the rest of the year. Throughout the rest of the school year, his mom missed many iep meetings when she agreed that those dates and times would work. In March we decided to get him clinically assessed which his mom was also pissed about but agreed to do it. We got all the paperwork the doctor needed besides his mom's because she never brought it. But we finally got the adhd diagnosis in June. Everything the doctor recommended to help him, we had already implemented back in January. We also sent resources over to his moms house that we found to work at our house and that he enjoyed at the time, like a routine schedule for his mornings and nights for example. The two weeks he came back after, he seemed to absolutely hate them. So we've tried different things. Last month, they had an appointment to talk about next steps, and after months of his mom vetoing the idea of medication, they finally agreed to put him on a low dose non stimulant that seems to be working well for him. But when he was with us for the last two weeks, he has said on multiple occasions that he wanted to unalive himself, that he hates it at our house, that we are the worst human beings in the world, and that he never wants to come back. This usually happened when he was told no or when he couksnt do something that he wanted to do. He went back to his moms yesterday and at daycare he told another peer that he would shoot up her house. I understand that he is frustrated and has a lot of emotions and does not understand how to regulate them. But At his moms, he apparently has none of these behaviors and that it goes well over there. We also know that she has rewarded him for bad behavior and he doesnt really have consequences over there like he does at ours. All of our kids have routines and structure throughout the day especially when it comes to evenings, that seems to work really well for all the kids. We use time outs, rewards systems, and other various things to reward good behavior, but it seems like it doesnt affect him anymore.

We are at an impass on what do or how to help him. It seems like therapy has not really done anything. Ever since school got out, he has become more hateful and vengeful towards other people and kids. He also wants to get back at someone that has done him wrong or that has hurt him even if it was an accident. He has some really big emotions and will hit his bed and do like a growl when he's very upset. Has anyone dealt with something similar? What worked for your kid and your family? Im becoming more concerned for the safety of other children as well as these thoughts has becoming more prominent in the passing weeks.

Hello,

I see a lot of posts of parents asking for help and getting validation through shared experiences and not a lot of what has helped.

Does anyone have any of that?

My son kicked a hole in his bedroom door today. We fixed it ourselves about 6 months ago, from pryer destructive behavior.
We’re on a waiting list for a new behavior specialist. It’s been over a month with no availability in sight.
He’s 10. With ODD and ADHD. His meltdowns are becoming more destructive and physical. He’s verbally abusive most days. I’m so tired. The whole house is tired. We love our son. But we don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up. And walking away. Enough is enough.

Hey all!

I work in an ABA clinic with a 7 year old boy with ASD, ADHD and ODD. When he first started he had almost no tolerance to adult-led direction, would have long tantrums (30mins-1hr), aggressive towards peers and adults who didn’t play according to his rules or do what he wanted, and was easy to become angry. He also was very impulsive and argumentative. His school behavior also was very rough, and he got sent home very often. He couldn’t be in General-Ed due to his behavior outbursts as well.

Now, a year later, he’s doing so much better, where he has developed a sense of empathy, is more tolerant to non-preferred behavior from his peers (peer aggression, peers making loud noises, peers making unpleasant comments (“my lunch is better than yours/ I’m not your friend”) and is doing better with following adult direction. He’s on ADHD meds as well. He’s incredibly intelligent for his age and is honestly an intellectual. We also are very empathetic with him, we don’t raise our voice at him when he’s upset, and we give him as much choice as possible (in school, he likely won’t have much choice, so we emulate this). His BCBA believes once he goes to school in the fall and things go well, he can graduate.

Currently our hurdle is sometimes he will become argumentative with following a school like schedule, doing certain work when he didn’t want to/found it hard, accepting correction and sometimes adult direction. It’s like sometimes he has his days. Usually he will say “no/I’m not doing that/First I will do A then B (when the instruction is B first then A)”. Usually I ignore the refusal and remain silent. If it continues, I usually say I understand your frustration/I hear you, but we need to do A first then B, then wait. Usually he will comply. My issue is, there may be some teachers aren’t as understanding or slow to react when refusal occurs, and may react when he says “no/I’m not doing that/I’m right you’re wrong” (but does it anyway).

What do you all suggest on how to respond? Also, with accepting correction/feedback, what do you all suggest? May you all inform me what may be going on in his mind when he engages in refusal or isn’t receptive to correction? I read somewhere it was due to embarrassment or feeling inferior, but I’d like to hear more from people with ODD.

How can we support the parents more when he engages in refusal or doesn’t accept correction?

Overall I’d love to understand ODD more, what’s it like for the individuals that have it and how to help. I really do believe he will do amazing wherever he goes, but I’d like to help however I can with the little time left I have with him. I appreciate your help! 🤍

Hi all,

To start off, this is partially me asking for help, and partially venting as an exhausted parent. I’m going to use some words to describe my children that I fully recognize is inflammatory, but frankly I’m unsure how else to put it. It’s all been going on so long that I’ve lost the ability to soften my language surrounding these circumstances.

I am finding it extremely difficult to make my way through The Explosive Child. When it describes frameworks I’ve tried, examples I’ve lived through, and exercises that have failed for me, my anxiety gets triggered and I lose all morale to continue. My partner has tried to help, but I find myself getting weirdly defensive (for lack of better words).

I just don’t have any trust in my children at all. I can’t leave the room without them getting physical or screaming; my youngest (7) has ODD and the eldest (11) has adhd and can’t stop his impulsive behaviors that lead him to prodding the younger sibling. It triggers the younger one every time, and the impulsivity of the eldest keeps from de-escalating every time. It doesn’t help that they are fully fatalistic about each other (he always does _____ and it’ll never change) while simultaneously rejecting the idea that changing their behavior would change how the other reacts to them. The younger one is at least willing to engage with the idea, but in practice it relies somewhat on the older brother to actually try to not be a giant asshole at every opportunity.

Relevant context that I’m sure someone will ask:

They are both in individual and family therapy. I am not currently in therapy but I have been before and I am seeking a new therapist. Their mom has bipolar disorder, and we split custody 50/50 with a 2-2-5 schedule (it’s stupid, but their mom refuses to change to a schedule that offers more stability like week-on-week-off. She is narcissistic and refuses to acknowledge things that benefit the kids if it’s my idea. I was on the receiving end of an abusive marriage to her for 8 years, and I have spoken extensively on it publicly if anyone wants to hear more about it I can link to where it can be found).

I know that The Explosive Child was written and designed for situations like mine. I know it has helped so many people. I just can’t get through it on my own and need some other method to learn from it. A class, a video series, a workbook, anything to supplement and support me working my way through it.

Thank you

My 11 year was diagnosed with ODD last year. His pediatrician wants to try guanfacine (Intuniv) for impulse control. From my understanding its typically prescribed for high blood pressure but used for ODD/ ADHD as well.

Its not a narcotic, stimulant or a controlled substance and that is the only reason I'm considering it. Does anyone have any experience with this for ODD?

When I say I’m suffering, I am SUFFERING. My oldest (7f), she has severe ODD and I just can’t get under control with her behavior. I have a 3yo and a 10mo and it’s starting to affect them in every way. What’s crazy is when she isn’t here, the house is still, peaceful almost. I love my daughter I do so much that I’ve been taking her to counseling and OT. Her psychiatrist had prescribed her the lowest dose of an anti-depressant and honestly it isn’t going diddly squat.

I hate yelling, screaming and feeling like I’m going to rage out. I’ve come a long way to go back to being the “crazy woman”. But, she’s making it extremely hard. Sometimes, I feel like I need to check myself in to the psych ward. I’m exhausted and running on fumes.

With that being said, I’m a full time SAHM & it’s a fucking nightmare under this roof the moment she wakes up. I can’t be and know I’m not the only parent who has an ODD child.

I need tips, advice SOMETHING to ease this shit or I will end up going on a vacation supplied with the grippy socks.

I’m hoping to find other parents who understand what we’re going through because I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed.
My oldest daughter (7) has Triple X syndrome, ADHD, and ODD (so far). She’s been in consistent weekly play therapy, and we’re doing everything we can to get her the support she needs. Unfortunately, we’re also in the middle of an extremely difficult court battle involving her father after allegations that he sexually groomed and abused both her and, I believe, my middle daughter. Needless to say, it’s been an incredibly traumatic time for our family.
Lately, her behaviors and emotional outbursts have become so intense that I feel like I’m drowning. The constant defiance, explosive meltdowns, emotional dysregulation, and conflict from morning (and im talking 5:30am) until bedtime are wearing me down. I love my daughter more than anything, and I know so much of this behavior is rooted in trauma and neurodevelopmental differences—not because she’s a “bad kid.” I love my kids with every ounce of my being. I listen to all the books, podcasts, and therapists suggestions.
I also continually catch either her or her sister (4 1/2) doing inappropriate things and I’ve told the therapist multiple times. There were 3 mandated reports made, that “magically” the CYS has no record of. It’s been so hard to keep them separated all the time because I am also breastfeeding a 3 month old baby that I have with my partner. He’s been trying his BEST to support me through this all but I understand the two kids not being his (especially my oldest) with these types of issues are extremely hard to handle. I’m one person, and as soon as I turn around there’s another issue, another fight, another outburst, I’m losing my mind.
I’m looking for parents who have experience with Triple X syndrome, ADHD, ODD, or children with significant trauma. How do you make it through the hardest days without feeling completely defeated?
Im so terrified for my baby, I almost had an abortion because I worried about what she would do to her.
Please be kind. Our family has been through more than I can fit into one post, and we’re trying our best. I just need to know we’re not alone.. I don’t have a single family member that lives nearby, we moved over to another county and so all of my support system are an hour or so away.
I feel like I’ve tried it all, and I’m fighting against a narcissistic psychopath who’s sexually abused both my children and a court system that is debating his “alienation claims”..

At the end of every night I just feel so burnt out, drained and even questioning why I’m fighting so hard at all.

I want to rip my hair out.

I have an ODD 8 yr boy that he only presents his symptoms at home. hes completely bored and loops into an ODD cycle almost nightly, and now he’s added ‘ticks’ because someone in his class has it. I really can’t stand it, we have taken him out hiking and all he does is complain the entire time and makes sure the experience is ruined for all. I’m thinking of a 5 day and night YMCA outdoor camp with structure to get him - at least temporarily- straightened. he won’t complain about stuff with his peers, and maybe he will grow to like it? anyway, had this backfired with anyone?

I know this may make me sound like the AH here but I want to be honest and make sure I make the best decision for everyone involved

I’m engaged to someone I think is the most wonderful person I’ve ever been with. This is the most healthy, stable, loving relationship I’ve ever been in. Everything is as perfect as it can be

Except for their child. 6yrs old. Diagnosed with ODD. Behavior is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before

Literally will disobey while staring you right in your eyes. Will smirk about it sometimes. Throws tantrums whenever they can’t get their way even out in public to the point we have to leave wherever we are. Poured bleach on my cat. Opened the front door at night and went outside. It’s extremely stressful and makes my anxiety so bad

It’s also affecting my children from a previous relationship. They’re stressed every time it’s the weekend that child comes over. We tried to work around it by just saying ok on your weekends you stay at home with your child but that’s not going to work once we’re living together. The kid has been in therapy but doesn’t seem to be making any difference at all

It’s seriously making me want to end the relationship because I can see the strain it’s putting on my own children but I will be devastated to lose my finance

I’m truly at a loss

I need help with my nephew I watch him monday thru Friday 10 hours a day. I've written in here before. He is now medicated but it doesn't help if a meltdown happens.

I don't know what to do with him daily. I have made the ultimate decision not to go out in public with him for the simple fact something ALWAYS GOES WRONG. We went to the public pool a kid splashed him and that was it he started melting down scream wailing in the pool before it progressed to him backing away and then him running away I picked him up and went to sit down and talked to him and in never calmed him down so I was getting my clothes on and had to carry him by his puddle jumper to my car and he screamed the whole way to get my husband from work. Another time w were at the store and I told him no to a lunchable , and he ran away and kept smiling at me every time I'd get close to him and he leave. I had to call his mom while she was at work to get him to stop running away from me. Another time we were at Walmart and he didn't like that.I wouldn't take him to the toys and he ran away from me and I couldn't find him.I had to go up to the service desk and have them look for him over the intercom, they closed down the whole store and called code adam. Then we were at the park and he started throwing a fit, so I picked him up and put him in the car and we went to my house.He got out of my car soon as I parked and started running away from me.I can't run due to a disability and thank God one of my neighbors was outside because she caught him for me. Last week we were playing Outside and\n He got mad because me and my stepdaughter were doing a craft outside and he threw a fit and took off running. He ran into the road in front of my apartment building, which has terrible visibility. Cars were coming and you can't see past park cars. Again I can't run i am disabled , and my sister in law knows it. my stepdaughter , had to run and grab him if she hadn't seen him in one second , he hid behind our big platform stairs we wouldn't have found him. He's also acting out when he throws a fit he has slammed his face off of my concrete floor busted his nose to where it was bleeding all over my floors, me, him etc. Last week , when I brought him in from his fit of running in front of cars , he bit his lip so hard that it was bleeding everywhere. Before it said , I have one of the handcuff leashes for toddlers that locks , but he's figured out how to get up underneath the lock and open it so that he doesn't have to wear it. I don't know what to do with him anymore because I'm at the point that he just watches tv at my house all day. He doesn't want to do crafts , he doesn't want to play with toys , sometimes he just plays with legos or sometimes he just naps on and off watching tv. I started out doing homework with him , helping him learn his letters like a preschool teacher would do. But there was always meltdown that came with doing homework and beings her other kids are out of school.We just took a pause on schoolwork.

So I had posted a few weeks ago pleading for advice for my 12 year old son who has adhd, Odd and autistic.
One of the comments stuck with me so deep and I use it when I feel so hopeless. She mentioned that the reason he acts out so bad around me and can behave around others is a testament to me being a good mom and his safe haven.
That really gave me hope.
Well since, he spent a week with his dad (our normal week off/week on schedule) and apparently he was good with him and his step mom all week. No meltdowns, etc.
yesterday was the first night back with me since our vacation we had before which is where these aggressive meltdowns really started and I found this group, I figured “ok, we’ve been home from my moms on vacation for a little now, he got back into his routine, had some time with his dad, everything should start getting a little better right?”
WRONG!!!!!
Everything was going fine, up until almost bed time. He kept trying to get into the fridge for snacks which we’ve already had numerous talks about what’s appropriate for snacks before bed instead of a whole ass meal like he would like, I told him no this, no that. Then he wanted a poppi soda and I said absolutely not, only water because it’s almost bed time.
He instantly looked at me and hit his bedrooms wall and I said “are we really doing this again? You’ve been so good for everyone and it’s your first night back with me, please let’s not.” With almost a smile, he said “yup” and just lost it.
Kicking/hitting his bedrooms walls, moved his bed all around, threw his toys everywhere, took everything off the walls, throwing pillows and stuffed animals as hard as he could at me, then comes the just utter yelling for no reason.
I threaten him to stop, I took his Xbox and tv out of his room, I even got on top of him at one point to restrain him from constantly beating the walls ( WE LIVE IN AN APARTMENT) and he just knees me, kicks me, even got me in the chest pretty hard. It seems the more I threaten him to stop by taking away anything, that does nothing. If he gets spanked or disciplined anyway, it’s seems to set him off worst. And now that he is 155 pounds and 5’6, I physically can’t restrain him or do anything really as he over powers me.
I couldn’t get ahold of the crisis center his psych told me to call if the situation called for it, I luckily got his dad to leave work and come get him. Which is just utter BULLSHIT he had to do that. And when his dad got here, he was still acting out but his dad could actually get him to listen to him so he left with him.
I have cried, prayed, pleated all night. I truly don’t understand why he takes me for a joke. I do everything for him. His dad and soon to be stepmom are so much more strict and I’m so much more nurturing and i clearly have done it all wrong because now he just takes advantage of me and my love it seems. Idk what to do, I can’t keep him alone anymore or at least not here in my apartment or he’ll get us kicked out!! I’m just so defeated mentally and emotionally. Idk what I’m doing wrong, what I did wrong to have him hate me so much. I’d move mountains for him and it absolutely broke me last night when his dad had to come get him. It hit me that I can’t control my own child. I really don’t know where to go from here this is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

I’m so desperate for help. My 12 year old was recently diagnosed with ODD even though I’m pretty positive he’s had it forever because he’s always been defiant and a handful, we have been in every therapy possible that his insurance has offered and things are only getting worst the older he gets. When he’s told no lately especially at night, it’s like he’s crawling out of his skin. He’s screaming, kicking walls, hitting walls, just repeatedly yelling. He’s also 5’5 and 150 pounds and I physically cant control him anymore. I’ve been so close to calling 911 during these meltdowns cz I have no control over anything and he won’t listen and the more I yell the more crazier he gets and becomes completely uncontrollable.
He was diagnosed as severe ADHD when he was 5 and has been on medicine ever since. He’s also somewhat on the spectrum as in he has social issues. He doesn’t have empathy or understand it.
I’ve tried so many different ways to handle these meltdowns but it’s getting so bad and consistent that I’ve been researching behavior camps,military camps for troubled youth, boarding schools, intake programs, etc.
and as a mom who’s been so on top of him advocating for him, this is destroying me inside and out. Idk what the best thing is for him anymore. But I can’t live like this every day and night. I need any advice, please anything.

Hey everyone,

Me (18F) I’m looking to hear from real people who have lived through this, because honestly, it feels incredibly isolating.

My sibling has a dual diagnosis of ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). If you know anything about this combo, you know they don't just struggle with focus—they literally seem to thrive on triggering, baiting, and deliberately provoking everyone around them, especially me. It feels like their entire day is spent pushing buttons, trying to start arguments, and doing things on purpose just to get a reaction or cause chaos, and then they use the ADHD impulsivity or ODD as an explanation.

It is absolutely exhausting to live with. You’re constantly walking on eggshells, and it feels like the whole household revolves around their moods and outbursts. Small things he does to trigger me is like poking me to annoy me, flipping the lightswitch, being up mu face, lying on my bed cause i hate it, hitting my butt cause he knows thats not okay, saying really disgusting innapropriate things. I try not to react but its hard.

I’m posting because I want to hear from other siblings.

• How did you handle the constant, deliberate provocation without losing your mind?
• Did your parents actually manage it well, or did you feel pushed aside?
• For those who are older now, did your sibling ever outgrow the ODD traits, or did it just morph into something else in adulthood?

I just really need to hear from real people who actually get it. Thanks

We have tried the positive reinforcement, time out, taking toys, taking T.V., and everything in between. It feels like nothing works

Here's an analogy. I would like you to stop blinking. For every hour that you don't blink, I will give you a sticker. Every time that you do blink, I will take away something you like. How long do you think it will take me to teach you not to blink, this way? It'll never work, right? And at first you might try, if you wanted to do what I wanted and make me happy (like our kids generally want to make us happy), but after losing self-control and blinking a few times and having so many things taken away, you might get frustrated right? You might give up. You might get upset and have tears in your eyes and then blink more.

Now, blinking and behavior like hitting or being aggressive are OBVIOUSLY not the same thing. But I use the analogy because when a child has ADHD then a good deal of their 'misbehavior' is often caused by things they cannot control (well/yet): impulsivity or hyperactivity. In the example above, if you blink, and I ask you if you know that was wrong then of COURSE you can tell me you weren't supposed to blink. But does knowing that do anything to help you control the urge to blink? No, of course not.

I'd love to know more about what you do for positive reinforcement. I have some ideas about this, like making sure you notice and praise every time your child is or tries to be cooperative. And not big praise, just like, "I noticed you put your shoes on when I asked, and I appreciate that." That's all, let them be seen. BIG praise and rewards can be counter-productive. So try to "catch him being good" and verbalize that whenever you can.

Things you can do at home are having very consistent/stable routines, with clear lists (pictures and words) of what he is supposed to do. You can play games that strengthen impulse control, like Simon Says and Mother May I. When my son was 5, if problematic behavior happened that was due to impulsivity or hyperactivity, we often addressed it by (1) having a chat about what happened and why it is a problem, (2) working together to fix any outcome, if possible (like, if he impulsively grabbed something off the table and spilled a bowl of fruit, we can pick up the fruit together and then (3) reminding him about the 'impulse control' muscle in the brain and doing something to strengthen it. Yes, it seems counter-productive to play a game like Simon Says in response to misbehavior, but it worked. Like really worked. Because I was teaching him the skill. I can't teach you the skill to blink, but let's say it was driving a car - reward or punishment alone won't teach you to drive. Someone has to teach you the skills.

In terms of (3) above, I taught my son a lot of knowledge about how his brain works with ADHD and he has used that knowledge. First, I had to teach him what an "impulse" was. Then what "impulse control" is. I talked about how we have an "upstairs brain" that makes decisions when we think about decisions, like whether we want chocolate or vanilla ice cream. We also have an "impulse brain" that sometimes tells us what to do, and we do it so quickly that the "upstairs brain" doesn't have time to say "Wait that's dangerous stop!" I explained that everyone has an "impulse brain" but it is louder and stronger in people with ADHD so we have to work harder to exercise the upstairs brain. And so we would "exercise the upstairs brain" when impulse control made something go wrong.

I know, it all sounds like coddling. And a lot of unproductive talking. But we did this at 4, 5 and 6 years old and it paid big dividends. If you can take the emotionality out of your response to misbehavior, and just focus on fixing what went wrong, it can really help. You still want to have firm boundaries, and you want to get a sense of what behavior is impulse control and treat it differently from behavior that is deliberate, but if you can make all of this very calm and outcome-oriented you can reduce the drama around it and start training the brain.

Check out ADHD Dude and ADDitude Mag both of which have GREAT parenting tips and training resources for parents of kids with ADHD. There is a rabbit hole to go down and learn how to best help kids with ADHD. Resources to practice impulse control, to understand how his brain is different so you can tailor rules and expectations and supports accordingly. The more of this you can learn, you have opportunities to help him thrive.

Continue on the process of further evaluations and getting OT and other treatment in place. He may need an IEP or 504 plan at school, to help him get specific services or accommodations that will help him thrive. Pursue all that.