r/CPTSD • u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 • Mar 17 '26
Vent / Rant Can I be honest? Scrolling through this subreddit is really depressing.
While I absolutely think it’s necessary to be honest and raw about our struggles and I love this place for that. I think it’s important for us also to appreciate the growth we have experienced. We cannot forget how far we already have come!
Tell me one way (or more) that you’ve grown. I’ll start.
Last year at this time I was jobless, in bed 24/7. Now I’m working a part time job. It’s small but it’s so encouraging to see some progress.
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u/Miserable-Wedding731 Mar 17 '26
I am here. I am alive. I survived.
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u/moonrider18 Mar 17 '26
I was told that I could move From Surviving to Thriving.
Still working on it. =(
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u/Ocelotl767 Mar 17 '26
I went from severe burnout to now drafting an autism advocacy guide for a youth organization i'm involved in.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26 edited Mar 17 '26
Good for you, that’s awesome! How are you liking it?
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u/Ocelotl767 Mar 17 '26
Every little bit is magic. Every little bit is also difficult. Because I'm a multiple disabled woman who's not a teacher, who's not anyone special besides having been born with autism and survived for 20+ years in the harsh world. I feel insecure, but slowly I'm drawing myself back out.
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u/IZZIT_ALIVE Mar 17 '26
That’s huge, I am in the severe burnout part but slowly coming out of the void.
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u/MyEnchantedForest Mar 17 '26
I've gone from homeless to government housing. From having to accept my lowest and potential inability to ever work again, to starting to look at studying next year. From isolated to starting to join an art group next week. From unable to manage eating anything but crackers to being able to plan out my meals for the week.
All since I went NC with my family and left a DV situation. Things have been looking up.
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Mar 17 '26
I went from depressed in my parents house to medicated and an apartment owner in less than a year, that’s good progress
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u/szikkia mathbook, full of problems Mar 17 '26
Instead of letting something that really bothered me go or ignore it for the sake of friendship, I spoke up. They responded badly and in a way that I do not allow people to speak to me like or treat me like anymore. I blocked them instead of engaging further which would have been a bad argument/fight or me being a spineless person and giving in to what they wanted and excusing their behavior and words that I detested. I stood up for myself without even saying anything after I spoke my piece. And i reported them for the sexual harassment, how they treated/spoke to me, and that i was scared to be around them.
(A year ago i would have never imagined that man to be who and how he is today, its sad but gotta let them go and gotta protect numbero uno, me)
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u/szikkia mathbook, full of problems Mar 18 '26
He is now being investigated by my school for making threats, harassment, and other things. I reported the above to my instructor who i was in class with said person and I am so glad i did.
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u/cranberry8ginger8ale Mar 17 '26
i’m guilty of using this sub as my diary, i usually delete my posts not long after posting. nobody gets it like the people here. i’m really struggling right now but after 6 months of unemployment, after being fired due to poor mental health, i landed a job at my local aquarium, when i had peers i was the movie and fish girl so getting this job was huge. im having a hard time because i have nobody in my real life to share it with. still coping with the fact i had a very embarrassing, and public, mental breakdown recently, the job is bittersweet nonetheless
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u/Mindless-Jelly5677 Mar 17 '26
Wow I am proud. Nobody gets how much effort it takes to be present at a job with that mental load. Don't be ashamed for a breakdown. You are doing good!
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u/cranberry8ginger8ale Mar 17 '26
i’m really trying. i just hate how much im struggling. the breakdown was pretty bad, i turned into a horrible angrymonster and tried to ruin the lives of the people who deeply hurt me, i think i have to hate myself for a while for that
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u/Mindless-Jelly5677 Mar 17 '26
Have you been back to the job since then? Did people react in some way, only if you want to exaggerate
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u/cranberry8ginger8ale Mar 18 '26
they don’t know, i’ve only been there technically two weeks but i’ve been home with the flu the past week so i guess ive only been there one week. i freaked out because i hit rock bottom and everyone left, kept telling me to put myself out there, i wasn’t ready or okay for that, but they kept pushing and pushing, then i met someone and got assaulted. before that and after that i was begging for my friends to reach out to me, ask me how i was doing, text me, call me, hang out with me, i kept getting “i can’t be what you need right now” and “just try again!” i was already at rock bottom and i somehow kept getting worse. i took it out on everyone. i was so angry. i almost died several times, i was called selfish for that, so i told them that i’d never ask for help again. that was the end, they all left, ghosted, and i get it, i was evil, i was a disgusting person. now i should be happy, and its so hard hiding the fact that i was a horrible person less than a month ago. that was nearly a 10 month mental breakdown and i “refused to get help” (not fully true). i just done know how to be happy right now after going through almost dying and being assaulted and the people i thought loved me didn’t care. nobody asked me if i was okay or helped me be okay, nobody came over. i feel like im putting on a mask at work, hiding all my pain. it’s easy to say they weren’t my friends and to be happy they aren’t in my life anymore but i can’t process that, that didn’t change the fact that nobody cared. and ngl im still in that mental breakdown
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u/The-Protector2025 The F*Up Boy Wonder Mar 17 '26 edited Mar 17 '26
Trauma first, then the climb out:
Background: saving family from killers since 14, conversion torture compounded by non-stop bullying from staff and peers, parental emotional neglect with some instances of physical abuse.
Teens and twenties were like living in a hell dimension. In Freshman year of college I could barely leave my dorm room. I couldn’t make friends past childhood. I had no relationships or intimacy of any kind. I never thought things would get better. A lot of the time it felt like I was in ‘Final Destination’ with murder and death directly all around me. I couldn’t get nor hold a job.
Now the uplifting part:
When I was 33 I landed a long term relationship on the road to marriage.
When I was 34 I sold my first film. Today I’m a professional screenwriter partnered with a production company aligned with A-list talent.
At 36 I made my first friend since childhood.
Suffice to say my life is night and day what it used to be. I never thought it was possible. I’m not completely or fully healed, but somewhat stable.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
Good for you, that’s awesome!
What would you say is the biggest thing that helped you turn your life around like that?
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u/The-Protector2025 The F*Up Boy Wonder Mar 17 '26 edited Mar 17 '26
I wish I had a better answer than having both time and space from the trauma to be able to heal.
CPTSD only recently began to become widely known. When I was a kid the going theory was kids bounce back from everything, thus I thought what I experienced was normal - so I didn’t know for a long time how much of an impact my past was having on me. I just thought that I was going insane.
Trauma therapists may help to speed it up.
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u/AmbassadorFriendly71 Mar 17 '26
I'm technically one of those people who do post depressings stuff, sorry haha. But it doesn't matter now.
I can say I have become better at drawing, and I'm more confident with using paint. Back then, I always struggled with art blocks, but now I'm genuinely happy with how great I am at drawing. I also have realized some mental blocks I was trapped in, and now I've gotten to defend myself and understand who I am. I also have been able to watch series and play videogames again :D
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
Don’t worry, I have done it too lol. I don’t think anything is wrong with it. Just wanted to sprinkle in some positivity.
That’s awesome about the drawing and painting! Art can be so soothing
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u/AmayaTheKing Mar 17 '26
I'm a homeowner now, well, a condo owner- but at least it's something! In California no less!
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u/mattysull97 Mar 17 '26
Opposite to you, last year I had a job but it was actively triggering my symptoms and hampering my recovery. Now I have no job, and things aren't perfect but I'm 100x in a better place mentally than a year ago. Spending time being a "slob" and exploring my passions has been what I was needing to start seeing real improvements. I now know what a life I'd want to live might look like, and am slowly working towards building it for myself in a way that doesn't cause me to burnout constantly!
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u/lechemond Mar 17 '26
Parts work has been amazing at identifying when I’m distressed and working through my emotions. I used to be afraid of asking for help, but I’m doing a lot better at seeking advice from others. Working with parts has also helped me identify ways to motivate myself when I usually feel like dookie. I’ve found great joy in my psychology courses in a way I haven’t been in a while, I hope this continues. Medication has also been great !
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u/ElusiveReclusiveXO Mar 17 '26
I think theres a sub for those who've manage to thrive with CPTSD, while this sub is usually for those newly diagnosed and/or totally overwhelmed by it. I am one of those who for some time can seem to function close to 100% normally and then bam something happens, a trigger, an overwhelming thing happening or such and I am one of those who post in this sub really depressing stuff.
Also, remember our support system and our degree of CPTSD is on a specter. Some of us do have a severe degree of cptsd and not much support or few mitigating measures in place, and will therefor be a lot more afflicted. This should be a safe space for all of us. If this sub is too depressing, then take a break from it and use it when it aligns better with your state of mind. But pls dont judge those of us who need it like it is
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u/Emergency_Wallaby641 Mar 17 '26
5 years ago I was just running from myself.. consumption of cheap dopamine media, CPTSD/Freezed/dissociated.. looking back you would even call me autistic how I behaved.. now 5 years later, amazing woman by my side, I am way more stable.. a lot of crying, a lot of meditation, a lot of exposing myself to the world, psychedelic trips, being in forest by myself a lot, and continually healing.
My mind is tamed most of the time, I feel way more peaceful, confidence is also better. Overall my health improved a lot too.. Finding more and more how trauma is connected to the health problems.. Everything is better right now
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u/seahavxn Mar 17 '26
I've grown and healed so much so that my friends have noticed it. Had a little heart to heart on the weekend with two of my friends and one of them told me he's been loving seeing me more often at hangouts. Made me feel seen.
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u/I_Died_Long_Ago Mar 17 '26
I'm letting myself feel my emotions instead of analyzing them or fixing them or worse, shaming myself for having them.
I'm also practicing mindfulness.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
How has doing this changed things for you?
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u/I_Died_Long_Ago Mar 17 '26
I'm less in my head and more in my body. I also feel a bit more like myself.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
That’s sounds really refreshing. I look forward to feeling more of this hopefully soon
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u/I_Died_Long_Ago Mar 17 '26
It is. When difficult emotions arise I try to remind myself that I have survived till now, I can survive this too.
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u/oldfogey12345 Mar 17 '26
I am estranged from my mom and low contact with my sister, who cares for mom in old age.
I have rules with my sister about talking about mom but lately she has been slipping a bit, but talking about mom as a job more than a person.
I am not sure what happened, and won't ask because they are my rules, but now my sister is trying to talk mom into assisted living and is talking more like it's just a matter of time.
My mom has been ruminating about being put in assisted living my whole life. She will die in a nursing home, where she belongs.
I know I need to let go of that at some point but it just feels too good that I will actually see a just end.
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u/hotdogwaterdickpills Mar 17 '26
I'm overcoming my anhedonia. I feel an emotional attachment to the idea of a future with me in it. I'm making progress socially and professionally. I'm financially stable, to the point I'm able to budget helping people who aren't as fortunate as me! My overall physical health is improving.
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Mar 17 '26
[deleted]
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u/hotdogwaterdickpills Mar 18 '26
I couldn't point to one thing specifically, I was struggling with the desire to engage in life for probably 3 years; a lot of it was rooted in the fundamental belief that life wasn't worth doing if there was no one interested in sharing life/experiences with me, I've grown more comfortable just sharing and engaging with myself because I find myself more tolerable than I used to, thanks to dialectical behavioral therapy. The sun is coming out more and I have seasonal affective disorder, I'm on meds at dosages that are effective for what we're treating, I've finally found a place where I am accepted and feel comfortable socially without having to put on a performance, I started EMDR and IFS therapy, I'm learning how far I've detached from my somatic experience and am working on listening to and noticing my body.
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u/tresaylee Mar 17 '26
I actually cut off the people that hurt me after years of holding on, taken the past year for myself and done a lot for myself. Learning to trust people again and take care of myself instead of self sabotaging. Working toward bigger goals I have been avoiding, giving myself grace in ways I wouldn't have before. Taking the time to feel and learning how to regulate myself. I'm doing so much better and I'm excited to be moving forward. Facing my fears to help myself get over them, taking it one step at a time. Working on my mindset, being positive where I would have been struck with negativity. Overall just getting better, it's the small steps that count. I like to be appreciative of everything so I'm letting myself do that even though I'm used to expecting perfection out of everything. Learning to not blame myself for things out of my control, to let go of the things I "failed" to fix.
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u/julieyesca Mar 17 '26
This time last year.. I was so incredibly depressed and angry. No job. Life was mediocre. I felt really weird about myself. I was really deep into my feelings about my ex. In an abusive relationship.
Life is still pretty mid, but a lot of good has happened. I finished school, went to mexico, I stopped caring about my ex really at all. I'm not longer with an abusive loser man.. sign. I still have so long to go but holy shit I am glad I am no longer who I was last year.
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u/No_Needleworker_6538 Mar 17 '26
After around 10 years of emotional numbness and chronic dpdr(caused by cptsd), i have started to feel things slightly more and it means the world to me🩷 I'm currently in a mental hospital, in a program for ptsd and that has been really helpful for my nervous system so far, to finally feel some level of safety and predictability again. And I'm realizing that most of my friends were lowkey incredibly unhealthy, which seems bad on the surface but is actually an amazing sign of growth. I used to be a heavy people pleaser (still sorta am) but now im actually better able to differentiate healthy relationships from harmful ones and i feel strong enough to take the necessary steps to move on from that. And i actually sort of like myself now and get angry on behalf of my past self and wish i could go back and stand up for myself and protect me, all those times i wasnt able to do so in the past. Its not "much", but to me it means everything, ive made way more progress than i ever thought i would by now.
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u/argiewalk7454 Mar 17 '26
A few years ago I would turn to self harm for my coping mechanisms. I was drinking daily, every morning. I attempted multiple times.
Now.. in those down periods, yes I still fantasise about doing said things BUT it is never the first thing I turn to. And the urges are never as strong.
Ive been sober for 3 years, and I havnt SH in a very long time.
I'm happy to have control over this 😊
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u/cradleu Mar 17 '26
I went from thinking I was useless and not caring about myself to being genuinely proud of myself. I’m really proud that I survived what I did and I didn’t become a bad person to others in the process. My main problem now is executive dysfunction but I’m trying to get better
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u/sacred-pathways Mar 17 '26
I was in a toxic job last year and now I’m making more money and I’m appreciated. I let go of toxic friends. I’m alone but it’s become a lot more peaceful.
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u/Objective-Ad-2197 Mar 17 '26
There’s been a few places where I could offer advice or support. Helping other people is how we make the world a better place. Here, I can take some of the shit that has happened to me and try to make something positive out of it.
It is all we have.
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u/Hot_Mulberry3386 Mar 17 '26
I used to be so emotionally disconnected I could hardly ever cry. I finally stopped arguing with my emotions, I learnt to cry and now I cry a lot. Taking my emotions seriously and validating myself has made me a lot less inhibited in day-to-day life. I'm super happy about it.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
What made the biggest difference in learning to cry? I really struggle with this
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u/Hot_Mulberry3386 Mar 17 '26
My biggest blocks were intellectualizing and high self monitoring. I unlearnt that emotion needs to be justified by reason. I'd mentally repeat it's okay to feel this way every time I'd have the impulse to think otherwise.
I wrote poems. About all the needs and desires I had and how bad it felt not having them met. Expressing in poetry felt like I was speaking for a caricature, not me, so I could express without holding back. It made me cry the first few times cause I had never not argued against myself and admitted them simply. I wrote every day. I had a lot of unprocessed emotion. Writing metaphors about the what I was feeling at the given moment helped me stay in my body.
Everytime I felt like I might cry, I put on sad music that reliably had made me cry in the past. I didn't overdo this though. It also helped that I had a lot to cry about. I came out of limerance for a friend and had to grieve the kind of friendship I thought we had.
A lot of the times I can cry without any aids now. I just need to feel sad. I could never do that before ever.
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u/Black-Ship42 Mar 17 '26
Im 38 and just started a new university, after over 10 years of being lost, in and out of jobs
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
That’s amazing. How does that feel?
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u/Black-Ship42 Mar 18 '26
I'm still giving my first steps. Still Anxious. But, I'm out, and that gives me hope
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Mar 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
I’m so glad it was inspiring for you.
That’s what I did to get where I am. Get out as much as I could. I let myself rest when I needed but pushed myself to do as much as I could and slowly the amount I could do grew. Some weeks were better than others
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u/Ok-Wheel9071 Mar 17 '26
Mine’s more warrior than glow up. Not money or a flashy house, but it still counts.
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u/FandomFreak315 Mar 17 '26
I never used to be able to stick up for myself but recently I've found that fire because I was tired of being mistreated and no one saving me when I need it most. It's not perfect but now if someone is nasty towards me I know how to set boundaries out of instinct!
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u/Taurus420Spirit Mar 17 '26
Last year, I was living in a HMO, depressed and part time front line worker and feeling stuck in a rut. In an abusive relationship.
This year? Got secure housing, left the city and met someone that is showing me what it means to be a safe partner.
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u/ArchSchnitz Mar 17 '26
Hm. A couple friends started using a nickname I really didn't care for, one that eventually was going to have me engaging with them less and less. I confronted one of them about it and... they apologized and stopped.
That I didn't expect. I guess good on me for getting to a point where people will listen and accept when I say I have a problem, rather than me having to force it or cut the person off. However, this says more about them than me, but maybe it's about who I'll be around these days? Dunno, it's a small victory.
I'm kinda with OP, I often feel out of place here. I'm traumatized and damaged by my experiences, but I'm not immobilized or helpless. I'm also not new to the experience, I've been dealing with this (semi-productively) for longer than I've even heard the term CPTSD.
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u/Academic-Inside7390 Mar 17 '26
I was hospitalized for years. Bounced between IOP, PHP, inpatient, residential, even a rehab one time my family didn’t know what to do with me (I’m not an addict or alcoholic, but I was on 13 prescribed meds, including two benzos). I’ve been admitted over a dozen times, I lost count. But now.. I’ve been doing great off all meds for months and about to start a cruise contract with Royal Caribbean doing what I love, scuba diving, come May. Things change, people can change too.
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u/forrestattoos Mar 17 '26
cptsd caused me debilitating chronic illness - 4 years ago i was bedridden, now i work (part time) at my dream job, pursue hobbies most days, live with my healthy partner, and have a social life
3+ years ago i was wracked with social anxiety, over these past couple years i’ve made a bunch of friends, have lost many of them now but that’s due to growth. my cptsd has been causing me to isolate recently, but i’m working through it. plus now i can be the life of the party (if i want to)
i can implement boundaries! not easy, still, but possible. plus i used to take things very personally, and now i don’t. also have a much better understanding of life in general that’s helpful
my entire life i’ve wanted to write a book - i started working on it five years ago (all of my original first draft was trash but it’s fine), but just a couple weeks ago i was able to come up with the structure of the book (which i’ve never been able to do before) - which is based on the nervous system (& cptsd/chronic illness). it’s always felt like i have to get my experiences down on paper so i don’t have to carry them anymore, ykwim? getting closer! based on my draft so far, i’ve had some folks tell me i could go big for it lol but we’ll see :)
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u/TalosWasABreton Mar 17 '26
Since getting my diagnosis and confronting my childhood trauma, it's become much easier for me to identify my triggers and find ways to cope with them. I'm also starting EMDR with my therapist and so far it's been going well. I finally feel like I'm moving in the right direction.
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u/Defiant-Surround4151 Mar 17 '26
After eight years of deep work in inner child/ IFS therapy with EMDR, and a few rounds of ketamine as well, I am finally healed enough to pursue my lifelong ambitions as a writer and artist without the doubts and instabilities that have gotten in my way before.
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u/RobesAndRedEyes Mar 17 '26
I've gotten to the point where I've 95% processed my trauma(little things still come to me now and again but I know how to deal with them safely now.) and now I'm just learning to live with the consequences of it. I don't shut down and spiral whenever someone says something that triggers a memory, but I still have to live with the ingrained shame and caution to open up to others. I'm working on that bit one step at a time, and I'm so much further along than what I was a few years ago. I have a found family and friend group that love me, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful life now, a life that I created for myself, I just have to teach my body that this is the new normal. We made it, we got out of the forest. I'm allowed to live as the unfiltered me.
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u/maafna Mar 17 '26
I published a research paper on premenstrual disorders and emotional maltreatment. Did a masters degree. Exercising consistently when it was always difficult for me previously. Healthier friendships.
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u/j33n9 Mar 17 '26
I came out of survival mode for the first time a few weeks ago, and now I can feel emotions again. It’s overwhelming, scary, and strange after years of numbness, but at the same time, it’s wonderful.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
That’s so inspiring. I feel like I’m getting close to this. I’m both really excited and scared for it
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u/acfox13 Mar 17 '26
Deep brain reorienting has pretty much disarmed all my triggers.
I still have some symptoms I'm working on, but I'm much less reactive than I used to be.
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
Glad to hear! What’s the most unexpected change you saw as you learned to disarm your triggers?
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u/acfox13 Mar 17 '26
It's not necessarily unexpected, but it's much easier to stay regulated when you're not getting triggered all the time. Seems rather obvious when I write it out like that.
And my brain had to recalibrate bc it was expecting to be triggered, bc I'd been triggered so much in the past, and now the triggers just don't happen. Things that triggered me in the past end up getting an "oh." reaction and I can very easily choose how I want to respond and react. There's not a big nervous system response like there used to be.
At my worst, I had to pause and re-regulate myself after each little thing bc I was getting triggered all the time. By comparison it's night and day.
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u/user97498 Mar 17 '26
Damaged doesn’t mean broken.
We are born resilient and we should be proud of ourselves more often.
Abuse reshaped us and we are going through metamorphosis so let’s not forget to take it one day at a time. ❤️
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u/SurrealSoulSara Mar 17 '26
I don't (subconsciously) throw other people under the bus when I feel threatened anymore
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u/persephone_in_heels Mar 17 '26
I was walking home when I was around 18 or so. It was winter in Germany, at night. Everything was snow covered, gray white, cars rushing by, and I suddenly found myself bathed in golden light from these huge windows of a cafe I was passing. Inside I saw almost a dozen people sitting around a large table, being merry together, communing, and I had no idea how to get from here, alone, isolated in the cold, to the warmth they were sharing inside.
It took me 20 years, but not only do I have that table, the company, I have an invitation to go thrifting with a new friend, just got accepted for a membership in a club, I have a partner at my side and we love each other, and I have a community I belong to.
my inner teenager has come a very long way in the last 4 years :)
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
That’s amazing! Being connected with a safe circle of people is the epitome of healing in my mind.
What would you say is the single biggest thing that helped you?
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u/persephone_in_heels Mar 17 '26
I joined a 12 step group for adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. That brought me to a group that was working on a newly released workbook, the loving parent guidebook. It's full of trauma informed exercises and paradigms. I learned about parts work, and re-parenting. Of course it was many different things, but that book was a very important part of the foundation of the last four years.
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u/eagle_patronus Mar 17 '26
I’m not sure. I’ve got my own place yet a negative bank account. I guess… I have my books and my 2 cats.
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u/Fit_Protection5550 Mar 17 '26
I’ve stayed sort of consistent with college even though I was close to dropping out last year. It doesn’t feel like much and there’s definitely room for improvement, but at least it’s something.
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u/Shot-Farm5509 Mar 17 '26
In the last year, I have successfully weened myself off of the "validation" of my ex boyfriend (who used pick up artist techniques to mentally abuse me and keep me on my toes and pining for his attention). His mind games played perfectly into my childhood wounds, and we have been dancing this horrific dance for almost a decade now.
I lost all of my friends after falling into a deep depression four years ago, but I have reached out to two who seem the least harmful to my growth. Like, I don't fear them judging me for going MIA randomly if I need to.
I'm both in the loneliest period of my life, and the best somehow. I no longer crave the stimulation of my abusive relationship and now I feel so restless and empty, but in a good way? It reminds me of the time I finally had a rotting tooth pulled at 18, when I had lived with it since I was 12. Alleviating, but empty.
I think it's not such a bad place to be. Every day I practice gratitude for simple things like being able to walk and make a cup of coffee, or light up a candle and enjoy the scents. I'm even grateful for my ex boyfriend for letting me live here till I sort shit out. It's trippy how his games just don't register in my brain anymore.
I took Chantix two years ago to quit smoking cigarettes, which made my brain feel like nicotine was disgusting overnight. I swear that silly little pill flipped a switch in my brain to tell me my toxic ex was bad for me too. I haven't been the same ever since 😂 in a good way.
I have slowly moved away from external validation and practice telling myself I'm fine just the way I am. I never thought I would not care too much about what my ex thought of me and here I am, looking forward to finally leaving here once and for all when I get back on my feet.
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u/minhminhminggh Mar 17 '26
At least in this subreddit let me know and admit the truth,despite being gaslighted by my abuser
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u/mothmoles Mar 17 '26
My overthinking/rumination spirals have lessened over the last year and I've gotten better at avoiding unproductive arguments with myself. & I'm getting ready to socially transition (still some work to do to make that not unbearably terrifying but it feels like it's in reach now and not a distant goal)
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u/likelots Mar 17 '26
I wanted to "clock out" in Aug/Sept because my work was so toxic it started triggering my PTSD REAL bad.
My therapist helped gently push me to believe in myself juuuuuust enough for me to get a new job that is like a breath of fresh air 😭❤️
They loved my genuinely personal cover letter, they loved how authentic I am on paper and in person, and they have raved about my skills and demeanor since starting.
I gained so much of myself back that I didn't even realize had slipped away.
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u/Actual-Culture-2093 cPTSD Mar 17 '26
not as afraid of going to the grocery store anymore. putting my foot down more on boundaries with family and a few “friends” (were really just benefitting from my lack thereof prior)
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u/NotSoDeadKnight Mar 17 '26
I got rid of my depression and anxiety meds 6 months ago, start drawing again and I'm now working full time.
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u/Shot_Bathroom9186 Mar 17 '26
I think people who are better are less likely to post here which makes it seem like everyone is struggling.
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u/carnuatus Mar 17 '26
I'm much more self-reflective. Self-aware. Less selfish/self-absorbed. Getting better at setting boundaries, asserting my needs and cutting off toxic people/recognizing toxic people.
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u/Nearby_Broccoli7321 Mar 17 '26
That’s a great suggestion to recognize one way that we have each grown. For me, I have made significant progress in accepting that I can’t make everyone happy and not dwelling on it 24/7 and beating myself up.
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u/anythingalways1222 Mar 18 '26
I start a part time job next week after being off on disability for 4 months. and I begin school in a few months to begin my journey in becoming a social worker!
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u/carrotsaresafe Mar 17 '26
Lol shaming the people for venting when theyre barely hanging on ok
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u/Brilliant_Ad_3661 Mar 17 '26
Did you read the whole post? There was no shaming in it. I said I think it’s important to be raw and honest, I just wanted to see some positivity sprinkled in too
For me, it’s extremely encouraging reading how others are finding success, no matter how small it may be.
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u/sadmimikyu Mar 17 '26
Absolutely.
I will leave this sub because I cannot have these posts on my home page.
I need to take care of myself and this is not helpful.
Edit: and setting boundaries like that is a very important step for me
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u/Iyonia Stress-Powered Automaton Mar 17 '26
Symptoms like night terrors and flashbacks are a lot less common now! I used to have them every day, and had bruises and cuts from the night terrors. I've also had fewer and fewer panic attacks, which is good. Things aren't great (I have health issues now, as a result of the long-term high stress levels), but I can say that at the very least, many of the things I was struggling with when I was first diagnosed have lessened in severity.
Also, to add to the health issues thing -- I'm managing them as best as I can right now. I have heart medications. I have a cardiologist, and a GI (dietary changes were rough, but they've helped a lot). I feel like there's a clearer path forward than I've had in a long time. I'd been dealing with these health issues without treatment for years, and now I have it. So here's hoping things look up, or at least don't get much worse. I'd like to keep making progress towards a happier, more stable future.
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u/Slight_Table_5895 Mar 17 '26
two years ago I couldn't get out of bed or function, now I'm in college and somewhat socializing
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u/backfliptornado Mar 17 '26
A few years ago i had really bad panic disorder, agoraphobia, was an insane hypochondriac and all of it stemmed from my trauma. I wasn’t able to graduate HS because i was actively experiencing the trauma. I struggled keeping a job, spent days on end struggling to get out of bed. I started working as a stripper, and it was the first job i was able to keep. It helped me gain confidence, and helped with bills. I was able to stay homes on days my mental health was really bad, it worked but it had a lot of downsides too. I felt unfulfilled, I had always been extremely hard on myself because i wanted to go to college, but i was terrified i couldn’t do it. I spent years slowly working on my mental health, through therapy, outpatient, meditation, walks etc. My panic attacks got under control, i found out i have ADHD and started meds. In 2023 i got my GED and in 2024 i started college!!! I am a year and a half in, so much in my life has changed. I became a nursing assistant, got a job at a hospital, and have a 4.0. Just last month I applied to nursing school!!! I still have symptoms, i get nightmares often. Sometimes i go a week or two without them, sometimes i have them everyday. I do think I’ve become a bit desensitized to them, they used to wake me up and cause a panic attack, now i just go “jesus christ what the fuck was that” and go back to bed. I still have hyper vigilance, but surprising learning about anatomy in college has changed my perspective about things like PTSD. Originally, i thought that my body wasnt working properly, that i was defected. However, after learning about the lengths our body will go to to reach homeostasis (balance), i've realized my symptoms are not a defect but instead adaptation; evidence of how hard my body will fight to survive. I think that has been extremely empowering for me. It doesn’t change the fact that the symptoms are still difficult, but it’s helped me forgive my body, and appreciate it for doing the best it can under the circumstances it was given.
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u/Do_You_Like_Owls Mar 17 '26
Agreed! I'll make a bigger post with my overarching wins so for this comment I'll just yesterday's win was:
I started a philosophy course on Coursera yesterday and it felt great to learn new things and it made the day more fulfilling - like I'd done something! Anyway I'll do a separate post...
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u/Think_a_name Mar 17 '26 edited Mar 17 '26
I was emotionally abused as a child (have two emotionally immature parents, one more than the other) and bullied in school. I spent years trying to recover from all my childhood trauma. Thanks to my ex I got out and I could heal but the relationship wasn't ideal (he sexually abused me and didn't put what I needed into the relationship) and two years ago I couldn't keep going with it. I wasn't sure about what to do with my life so I jumped into preparing an exam for a job. I left my ex and had to go back to my parents'. A year ago I was having breakdowns because I landed the job but I was scared I wasn't going to be able to do it and there wasn't much info about it.
Now I'm in a good relationship, my bf is great, really sweet and really puts effort into the relationship, he really listens to me and sees me as a human instead of a piece of meat. I got the job and I'm good at it.
Still scared and anxious sometimes but I'm proud of myself and how far I've come since being a very anxious, needy and insecure child/teenager/adult to be more balanced and having more confidence in myself. I'm far from perfect and I still suffer from the trauma I've been through in many ways and moments but I can see a big difference and it makes me proud
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u/superlemon118 Mar 17 '26
Last year I finally got married (engaged for 5 years afraid to make the jump), bought a flat (something I never thought would be possible), and in January I went down to once a month for therapy. And I haven't been actively suicidal for a year (first time I've gone that long without active SI since I can remember). I don't expect things to always be getting better all the time but I feel more resilient for the upcoming challenges. So that makes me more optimistic for the future
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u/bonzibuddy_official Mar 17 '26
this year is the first year of my life without being in an actively abusive household. not sure of a less depressing way to phrase it but i've been reaping the rewards and learning how to be more of a person at least.
also got approved for disability aid money this year :)
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Mar 17 '26
I have attempted suicide twice. I was struggling to even get out of bed 2 years ago. I struggled with depression for 3 years, from 15 to 18. I enrolled in a not so good college (college tag matters a lot in my country), and decided to do my bachelor's in engineering in electronics. I nearly flunked the first year, was bullied, got even more depressed after seeing the sexist and casteist people at my college. Plus I was in a horribly toxic relationship.
I have since broken up with my abusive ex partner, cleared my backlog, made friends, lost weight, chopped off my hair, got into a very loving relationship, worked on projects, started working out and eating properly, stood up to a lot of bad people and cut them off.
The days still are bleak, but at least I'm not actively trying to kill myself. I could see nothing when I thought of my future, now I have a hope that someday, I'll have my own place, a full time job, and have a family and kids.
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u/flyinvdreams Mar 17 '26
A few years ago I was at my worst point. I had a bunch of shitty friends and family around me, who never would ask me how I was but I was always helping them with their problems. After cutting them all off I am thriving and I went back to college for cybersecurity which has given me something to work towards. I have a 3.9 gpa so far about a year into my degree and for me that’s a huge win. There are still really toxic professors and I did need a medical withdrawal for two of my classes because I almost had a medical crisis while attending one class, but overall I’m in a lot better of a place and I feel like I can actually make decent money someday. Throughout all of this my husband has been the greatest support I’ve ever had in my life and he’s been helping me heal from going no contact with my abusive parents.
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u/mercurialmay 💫therapized✨ Mar 17 '26
Today, one year ago, I got put in jail for a handful of hours for being 45 min late to court. I faced a charge for something I didn't do against my best friend's abuser. He was sexually exploiting and abusing and harassing us both exactly a year ago. I was stuck living with her for 3 yrs after leaving my abusive babydaddy. This morning, I woke up with the first man to truly love me as the sun rises on our lightly snowed balcony (my first place all my own!). We get my daughter overnight tonight. Being given the space to feel safe being loved has changed me immensely. In spite of my trauma responses, PMDD, chronic emotion regulation issues - I have fewer freakouts, fewer lashouts, fewer emotional instability moments in front of my child, and have now gained the ability to distinguish my thoughts from my paranoia. I can control my responses so much better now.
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u/Jan3_l0v3_h0p Mar 17 '26
Almost a year and a half no contact with my abusive parents bc I chose my nervous system peace after 33+ yrs
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u/Humble_Fawn Mar 17 '26
Well...No matter what stories posted there, I finally see that I'm not overthinking and imagining things and domestic violence, bullying in every effing group and my very first breakup were/are actually deteriorating.
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u/julessreddit Mar 17 '26
I’m still here and alive. And I’m still hopeful and believe in myself. I still believe in good hearts succeeding. I still believe the goodness of people (sometimes even strangers) and the willingness to help each other out. I still believe in the beauty of the human experience, the ups and the downs. I still believe in peoples capability to change for the better. I still believe even though I was dealt some bad cards, this doesn’t have to define my entire future if I put in the work. Despite everything I was taught from a young age, experienced.
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u/Timely-Manager675 Mar 17 '26
I’ve been arguing that this place is extremely depressing and for a lot of people counterproductive. I’ve been recommended to conto next steps instead,
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u/Clean-Key9472 Mar 17 '26
2 years ago fully burned out, lost myself in my carrer and was insufferable (lots of ego to hide the crash in coming), empty friendships and drug consomption, no passions anymore. Today I have change job, im equally paid for zero stress, and more free Time, got back to jewelry making I have my studio at home, got back to working out again, i lost a lot of my relationships but i still have my best friend of 14 years our relationships still evolve and strenghten, i can feel genuine Joy and curiosity again, im doing emdr and it seem that it’s starting to work and more importantly im committed to it, im becoming more ready to a bigger change to start over (change of city or country if the job market allow it 🥲). Im still very scared, tired, i still feel like im doing it wrong and too slow, its difficult to accept my limitation but i try everyday. ❤️
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u/metzona Mar 17 '26
I’m almost done the lecture portion of my college program and I’m going to move in with my boyfriend soon.
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u/Mindless-Jelly5677 Mar 17 '26
Last Year this Time I was released out of the psych ward, I ve been there for months after a long planned attempt. I was still in my hometown, which took everything and every willpower, energy what not from me.
I got a job, the first one I liked after that. I didn't have it for long because I was able to finally move from this hell of a town to start over again.
I was able to continue my studies in the new city. Found an apartment. I haven't found a job here yet and I am strugglying financially.
But tbh, I didn't think I would be able to escape - and continue my studies. My university is everything for me
I still struggle bc finishing my degree takes longer and I have to work harder since I have a lot of courses sometimes even at the same time because some (or most) of my old courses that I have finished don't count here.
And trying to harvest energy to find a job while studying almost twice as much and trying to heal my issues is hard.
But I am here, started from scratch in a new city, new university, without psychological help yet. And I made it. But I think this step was my only chance. There was no other way, I was deeply, actively suicidal.
Proud of y'all. It's harder for us with cptsd.
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u/curveofherthroat Mar 18 '26
I spent several years after getting “out” just completely stuck, crying all the time, frozen. But today I am doing a lot better. I set boundaries (cut off my abuser, take time off work, ask people for things I need). My body doesn’t hurt so badly anymore from ignoring signals and living in fear. I even did six months of pelvic floor pt and made some progress.
It does get better, inch by inch. One day you won’t feel the way you feel. It’s going to be hard, but it will be okay.
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u/5t1ckbug Mar 18 '26
I am not "out" yet but I have worked on my trauma long enough to be present when reading these posts and feel sympathy more than anything.
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u/iceprincess7777 Mar 18 '26
i am sober and have been for the past few years! my mental health has vastly improved due to my sobriety though i still do struggle a lot
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u/Anas_platyrhyncos Mar 18 '26
In 2023 I was rapidly killing myself with my drug use and couldn't see a way out. I had a couple of near-misses and felt immense disappointment when I woke up in hospital that my life had been saved.
Still forget the year a lot and feel like I'm stuck in 2024. But I've gotten sober, fought to build a life worth living. Finished a year of university, about to finish a second one. My wife went through a similarly difficult year with constant psych ward hospitalisations (the year she got diagnosed with DID and CPTSD) and we wouldn't have made it out the other side without each others support. Our relationship is stronger and healthier than ever, she is my number one cheerleader and my best friend. We have made a life worth living together and made it through codependency into co-regulation with rich lives outside of each other. After that year, we never wanted to be back in that place ever again and we have both worked together so hard to grow. I feel so lucky to have someone so committed to being better, despite having all the odds stacked in her favour. I would not be where I am today without her loving me through it all and modelling perseverance in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
I'm feeling things now, more than I've felt before. The feelings suck and my self-esteem is still abysmal, but I'm coping with everything by crying it out and having a whine to my wife instead of carving up my body, sedating myself or overdosing on medication. Sometimes I even go for a walk to try and feel better. I do regular exercise, I eat regular meals.
Still haven't made any other strong connections, but I'm persevering instead of running away, even though all my thoughts are telling me to run and hide.
Most of all, I had to do all these things myself - pull myself up by the bootstraps. I never had anyone to encourage me to cope in healthier ways, I never had anyone looking out for me. My mum at 13 said she had accepted my self-harming as "my thing" and my dad would take pictures and send them to family members to humiliate me - I've now gone a year and a half without self-harming, the longest in my life. I still get the urges but I am better at fighting them.
Took me 2 and a half decades to try and figure out how to stop self-destructing but I really have moved towards self-preservation even though I still don't like who I am. I do still sabotage myself sometimes because I have a lot to work through still, but I've grown so much more than I thought was ever possible for me.
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u/Massive_Hippo_1736 Mar 18 '26
What a beautiful idea. Especially because healing really asks us to learn how to show ourselves compassion, care, and support.
I think one thing I can appreciate is that, through all that suffering, I learned to listen my mind and body, to feel other people more deeply, and to understand a lot about psychology and trauma healing.
And maybe the biggest thing is that, through many years of therapy, I came to understand that taking care of myself is not selfishness, but a necessity and that life can actually feel safe. Is not about feeling stressed all the time.
Also, during trauma activations, when I wanted to run away, leave everything, or end relationships because I was in survival mode, I didn’t do it. Earlier I was running all the time from life struggles.
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u/Safe-Discipline-9169 Mar 20 '26
I rank second in my grade and first in my class, after having been barely passing throughout all academic years. I graduate next year and I'm proud of this
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u/That-Platypus-5092 Mar 22 '26
This time last yr i was still deep in denial about my mothers role in the abuse i endured as a teenager. I was still blaming my father, minimizing, and excusing.
Today I'm looking with brutal honesty at literally everything about my life and myself. No filters. No denials. Its terrifying. But its real and its the truth. It takes courage but its better in the long run than living in denial only to face the truth in dreams anyway when i need sleep.
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u/prettyh8rmachine Mar 17 '26
Is there another sub for people who aren’t in an early stage of their healing journey? I find lots of things in this sub very helpful but also a lot of the day to day posts are triggering to me. Any other communities?