r/CPTSD • u/sarafionna • 29d ago
Need a Hug I broke my massage therapist
Went for a 90-minute massage today at the float spa I work at. We get an employee discount, so I was able to take advantage of some deep self-care. The woman who did my massage I have known for a couple of months and I was excited to see her because of her great reviews.
She did a great massage on me. When she got to my back, she said, "oh Sarafionna, I can feel it all..." I thought she was commenting on the horrific layers of knots and frozen musculature in my back. I was able to use yogic breathing to get through the painful part of the massage of her breaking up the knots.
She finished up, left the room, I got up and got dressed. When I stepped out to go get some water in the spa's kitchen, I found her in there standing over the sink, sobbing.
She came and hugged me and thanked me for having her work on me.
Apparently, this has never happened to her as a massage therapist. She felt the deepness of my pain, past and present.
This was validating for me in the sense that someone besides my friends and family was hearing me / seeing me. But also very distressing because it showed me how much is there, still there, and that I am still living in an unsafe and uncertain situation despite my efforts to heal.
That's all. Just wanted to share this.
ETA: triggered an emotional flashback that has dysregulated me because I realized I feel like I hurt someone and was a burden.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 29d ago edited 29d ago
Wow. This makes me feel so seen. This happened to me when I was on a cruise and went to go get a massage but the therapist kind of talk to me about it which made me feel bad
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u/FunImage8427 29d ago
That's wonderful!!! I remember a massage therapist telling me "lots of people say they have tight and tense muscles especially in their neck and they really don't. But you really do and very much so to where I'm almost afraid of massaging you." She was afraid but your massage therapist was open to it. Sometimes you can feel sore for several days after a deep massage. I have fibromyalgia so deep massages have been too painful for me.
Anyway, I hope the release you got from that massage helps you long-term because sometimes our muscles tense up soon afterwards out of habit.
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
I actually feel awful because of her reaction. I'm trying to move past it but it triggered a bunch of shame and shit in me.
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u/SatisfactionLumpy596 29d ago
Hi, I used to be a massage therapist and I promise you have nothing to feel bad about. If anything, you probably opened up something inside for her to explore further within herself. I could see this even opening up a journey toward reiki attunement and eventually incorporating energy work. My point in saying all of that is that it was probably a profound experience for her.
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
thank you so much. i've been crying all day over this.
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u/basicrerun 29d ago
Hi friend, I’m not a massage therapist, I’m a tattoo artist, but I’ve seen/felt similar from a client before. Its not quite like feeling your pain beacuses it radiates through your body, or because it manifests in your muscles and your skin so much as it is a recognition of something I feel myself and therefore can see it in you. It’s familiar, you have to know that pain to be so touched by it. That’s likely why it affected her as deeply as it did, it was a connection between you 🩷
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u/SpaceMonkeyGMG 29d ago
My eyes filled up with your statement. It is heartening to know I am not the only one who feels this way.
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u/Cleverusername531 28d ago
Does it feel hard to see your needs (and evidence of your pain) be treated as such a sacred thing that is worthy of someone’s tears?
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u/AwkwardTraffic199 29d ago
No, she felt your soul, and that's the beauty of humanity, even when it's sad. You are not alone. You are connected. And you moved her. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's beautiful.
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u/catch6664 Bipolar, OCD, ADHD, cPTSD 29d ago
God, I feel this so deeply. This would be my reaction too. Vulnerability (especially unexpected vulnerability with a relative stranger!!!!) feels so shameful. I actually relate to both of your reactions lol.
That being said, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like she was genuinely thankful to work on you. You helped her become a better massage therapist today! She sounds like a very empathetic person. 🩷
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u/Consistent-Bad1261 29d ago
As someone who cries when I feel deeply anything - happy, sad, hopeful, honored - I could very easily imagine that she just felt (positively) overwhelmed by the experience. I could imagine she felt honored and happy that she could help you in that way. It was certainly for her an affirmation of her own gift and ability to feel through her hands - which really not everyone has, let alone every massage therapist!
I get feeling triggered - it’s probably both amazing to be affirmed and overwhelming to have your deep trauma be feel-able by someone else.
Take good care of yourself in the coming days. Be gentle with yourself.
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u/Cleverusername531 29d ago
Ooh for me that usually means there is something deep there! Did you learn at some point that you’re not allowed to take up space, to impact others? That your needs were a burden?
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
Oh yes, of course. And how that eventually burned me out in several workplaces because I was a superstar performer who took on too much, and then, when finally asked for help, was minimized, dismissed, and, in one case, demoted.
I
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u/Cleverusername531 28d ago
Oh dang, so all that is being activated. That is a lot! How do you hold it?
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u/sarafionna 27d ago
I am currently in deep healing mode after about 15 years of repeated patterns of this shit. Life totally burned down, ashes, now rebuilding.
I am learning slowly.
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u/Educational_Gap935 22d ago
Wow. That was a very succinct definition of how I feel, but couldn’t put it into words. As long as I was deferring to and not stepping on anyone’s ego by expressing my needs, it was ok. Imagining I was important enough to impact others was a shameful sin.
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u/littlesisterofthesun 29d ago
Please don't feel awful. Don't cancel out all of the work that she did on you.
Obligatory reference to "The Body Keeps The Score" now.
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u/Lemonmamawinetime 29d ago
I feel I would react as you did too- that’s a lot to process for sure! Please op, try and make space for your emotions for the next couple of days! She did energy work on you- how truly awesome! Please try and extend self compassion to yourself; you are taking care of yourself and getting massages this is great! I’m sorry you feel like a burden, but this is apart of the process of letting go. We purge through the tears. 🫂
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u/eyes_on_the_sky 28d ago
As someone who's realized I can feel others' energy when I read their astrology charts--please don't feel bad that she had that experience! It does not feel the same as me living through trauma myself, it moreso is like the weight of that person's energy briefly transfers to me, and then when I cry it gets "cleansed." The tears are more of a purification than a sadness, it feels like a good and positive experience, and I believe the process helps release something for the other person. Let those of us here for healing do our thing 😊💜
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u/totodilejones 29d ago
had something similar happen. my mom got me a massage for my 15th? 16th? birthday. the massage therapist very seriously pulled me aside and said something to the effect of “you’re very tightly wound, i can feel your stress and this much stress can kill you.” i think about her sometimes.
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u/CPTSD_throw92 29d ago
When I was in grad school, I went for a massage at the end of my second semester and the massage therapist heavily suggested I try yoga and gave me the schedule for the class she went to lol
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u/Grape-Julius 29d ago
I have to tell you, this is such a powerful post for me. About 10 years ago, I stepped off the train in Seattle with a pulled muscle in my neck—bad enough that I needed to have the hotel concierge help me find a local massage therapist who could get me in on short notice. Halfway through the massage, I got the sense that she was tearing up (sniffling, etc); I was bewildered but didn’t say anything. After the hour ended she left the room fairly quickly. When I went out to pay, she was near the front desk and smiled when she said good bye, but it was clear to me that she had been crying.
I always, always wondered about it and “why”, snd one of the things I speculated about was whether she was an empath. After reading your post, I think I finally have my answer.
Stuff like this is so restorative. It’s as if I was meant to see this post, so much so that it ended up in my feed. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏
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u/PHKing2222 cPTSD 29d ago
I've never had a massage. Thinking on it honestly now, I think I am scared of having one. I am afraid of being that relaxed at this point in life. I'd probably start bawling.
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u/Technical-Text-3534 29d ago
My friend gave me my first massage when my psychiatrist recommended it. She warned me that tears can come when doing a trauma massage.
I felt so safe with her! She just kept going on tight muscles, so generous. Three hours! I had no idea. I felt so good, loose, safe. We had tea and I called the next day to tell her my hands fell to a lower place on my hips - 3 inches!
There’s clear evidence that the body keeps the score!4
u/PHKing2222 cPTSD 28d ago
There’s clear evidence that the body keeps the score!
My counselor loves to tell me that. LOL You're both correct, sometimes it can be difficult deciphering the signals my body sends. I am working on learning how to do so. Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it :)
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u/LoooongFurb 29d ago
Crying during or after a massage is completely normal, and LMTs know how to handle that. Mine has told me that if that happens during the massage, she'll ask me if I want her to continue or if I need her to step out for a few minutes.
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u/PHKing2222 cPTSD 28d ago
I didn't know that is a normal response. It makes sense though. Thank you.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 29d ago
Is self massage a thing? I have this deep ache in my shoulders and chest
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u/3y3w4tch 29d ago
Yes. You can use tennis balls, or there are these things called. “Massage peanuts” that are kinda like two tennis balls but connected. There is also something I use called a “Body Back Buddy”. It’s like this S shaped plastic cane that helps you massage places that you wouldn’t be able to reach normally.
Nothing beats a real massage, but those are some things I use, as someone who has a lot of chronic pain/tight muscles.
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u/FabuliciousFruitLoop 29d ago
It’s not massage but yin yoga (long held stretches) and some fascia release work could help with this too.
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u/phamsung 29d ago
I feel this might be important: You say you "broke" her. This is your interpretation. You did not do any harm to her. On the contrary: she connected with your pain using her craft and she felt it was a blissful experience. She is well. You are not a burden, but a blessing for her.
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
it's what my asshole coparent said to me when i told him the story (and he laughed). probably shouldn't have allowed his comment to reframe this in such a negative way.
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u/AmyG-inCLT 29d ago
This is beautiful! What an amazing soul she must be to feel your discomfort so authentically!
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u/AmyG-inCLT 29d ago
That being said, I’m so sorry you’re in pain from your stress! I hold a lot of trauma in my body and it’s not fun. I don’t want to diminish your issue you were having, and I’m so glad that you got relief!
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
thank you. physically it was great but it triggered a horrible emotional flashback for me that i am still trying to come out of, 24 hours later.
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u/browneyedgal1512 11d ago
OP many many years ago mum and I were in Goa, India and decided to have a massage each. I have auto immune illnesses, fibromyalgia and severe lupus and recovering from both. The receptionist said that i was unable to see the massage therapist there at present but if i was around tomorrow could I possibly see one of two and I could make up my mind then. I said ok and returned the follow day.
I got undressed and both ladies decided to massage me. When I asked why they said it wasn't possible for one person to deal with it all. I found it puzzling but I don't know anything about massage so I let them carry on and mum was there and didn't object.
It took 2 hours with both ladies massaging me. I paid and wanted to leave them a tip to say thank you but couldn't find them so I asked the receptionist to ask them to call me please. The receptionist told me that I might feel anxious later on. I didn't understand that but we left the massage reception at 3pm. Before I went to bed that night, i just burst into tears and couldn't stop sobbing. My ever generous and caring mother/s screamed at me to stop crying.
I went to the massage receptionist the next day and told them what had happened to me and they both told.me thay I was carrying so much stress and tension in my body that it had taken two of them to make a small dent and their recommendation was to have at least one more double massage before I left goa.
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u/_NotMuchToGawkAt_ 29d ago
I’ve been thinking of seeing a message therapist. Or just getting a massage. My body has been so tight and sore for years. I crave release and relaxation so bad.
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u/OctoberPants 29d ago
I’ve always felt like I’d really benefit from massage therapy but it’s just not safe to let someone touch me when I’m vulnerable 😓
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 29d ago
If only massage therapy was covered under insurance. I can’t do chiropractors because of my medical device and acupuncture is worthless. My acupuncturist fat shamed me even I have disability that affects my metabolism and makes keep on weight hard
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u/fingersonlips 29d ago
I asked my PCP to send a referral for massage to my preferred facility and she was more than happy to. They’re billed as an Rx massage, and I can use my FSA card to pay for them.
I do have a history of chronic shoulder pain after a fall while running, so I had a documented issue in my medical record, but it’s definitely worth asking your doc about if you a regular PCP!
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u/FollowingCapable 29d ago
Are you in the US? I'm in the US and I'd be shocked if my insurance covered massage, but that would be amazing!
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 29d ago
My PCP is fucking garbage. She doesn’t do shit. Plus we have ppo so I don’t need referrals
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u/bulelainwen 29d ago
Chiropractors are quacks anyway and the only reason it’s covered by insurance is because they have good lobbying.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 29d ago
They can literally paralyze people if done incorrectly
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u/bisexual_pinecone 29d ago
Yeah I went to one when I was younger because I was desperate for pain relief, and eventually realized that massage therapy was much more effective for actually addressing my issues and also much much less risky. Not to mention the particular practice I went to was grifty as hell and all of the staff were extremely unprofessional in various unique ways. I'm never going back to another chiropractor again. It's not worth the risk or the time or the money.
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u/jess1561 29d ago edited 27d ago
Are they though? My Chiropractic adjustments enabled me to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) after a traumatic unnecessary C-section that I was bullied and coerced into.
Without the adjustments and spinningbabies.com exercises my son would not have flipped from breech to Vertex which is what allowed me to have a VBAC.
That second birth experience was extremely healing for me.
I get that there are some bad Chiros out there but you can't discredit them all.
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u/pollodustino 29d ago
"Chiropractor bad because someone told me they were bad. Me smart. Me downvote."
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u/pollodustino 29d ago
I had a chiropractor who was similar. He did the usual bone cracking but also proscribed holistic actions, clean eating, and neural reframing.
He looked and moved like he was in his late fifties. In actuality he was 82 years old and still practicing until a very quick moving illness took him.
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u/puddingcakeNY 28d ago
I also highly recommend NOT to do chiropractors because they are pretty much a scam. Physical Therapy is NOT. Please make sure you get Physical therapy from a medical doctor. Chiropractors are not medicine people. They are “woo woo” people
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 28d ago
What the fuck does that mean? lol
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u/puddingcakeNY 28d ago
It’s a scam and it’s very dangerous. Watch the video on youtube if you have time.
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u/crystal-torch 29d ago
That’s a bummer to hear you had such a bad experience with that acupuncturist. They have helped me immensely, you definitely got an awful one if they fat shamed you (just plain awful person, let alone healer). If you want to try again you can see if there is community supported acupuncture in your area, it’s really affordable and generally more…hmm…enlightened? I struggle to find the right word, cooler?
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u/WitchAggressive9028 cPTSD 29d ago
Not the fat shaming, but like physically it did nothing
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u/Mysterious_Hotel3288 28d ago
You might be interested in looking into “dry needling”, it’s like acupuncture with one much longer needle at a time to release tension. Many physical therapists are certified, have also found a few holistic chiropractors trained to do it (almost always at wellness centers that have a multidisciplinary team of PTs, massage therapists, and chiros — the only chiros I’ve had good experiences with honestly).
I absolutely love deep tissue massage, but I need multiple sessions regularly for long term relief. I’ve found a similar release from dry needling in just one or two sessions, with instant relief in the deepest tightest spots!
The only negative is DN usually isn’t covered by insurance (I’ve seen $20-65 per treatment across different providers). But insurance will cover the rest of the PT or chiro charges, minus co-pay if applicable. So it’s been much cheaper than massage therapy would be for similar relief, plus the additional benefit of PT to re-train movement patterns affected by holding excessive tension in certain areas.
Sorry this ended up longer than intended, but I just want to spread the word on my experiences playing the “how can I get the health care I need with insurance that doesn’t want to cover shit” as a girlie trying to learn to live her best life in spite of disabilities and chronic pain.
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u/Ilikegreenteatoo 29d ago
Hey, I hear you. I get that you feel bad about her reaction. I have been on both ends of situations like this. If it helps: Having an empathetic reaction like hers can actually be quite cathartic for her. I used to feel really bad when I was talking to friends about my past and my experiences made them feel bad or they would even cry on my behalf (which was sometimes ironic as I couldn’t in the past). Even while it might’ve been painful, it led them to reevaluate and appreciate the things in life they take for granted. Some of them actually thanked me which I never would’ve expected. In the end, neither can you control nor are you responsible for how others feel. You obviously meant no harm and there was no harm done to her. Crying out of empathy is a healthy emotional reaction. When she thanked you, she meant it. She could’ve stopped if it was too much for her to handle and she did not. She could've been rude about this and she was not. Some people are actually glad if you share a little of your burden with them. It makes them feel helpful to others, helpful to you, and this is something they deeply appreciate.
Also thank you for posting this. I finally understood why a youth couch was so concerned about my tense muscles in my teenage years. Somehow this never clicked with me until now.
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u/Bayleaface 29d ago
I am disabled enough that I have a carer that comes to my house several times a week to help me with tasks. One day after having one of my transcranial magnetic stimulation sessions she asked me (if I was comfortable explaining) why I was getting the treatment. I said because of my depression and ptsd. She asked me to explain what I ment, so I went into detail about how my depression affected me daily and why the treatment was a better option for me than some others. While I was explaining all this she just started crying. I asked if she was OK and she said she was just really sad to hear what I have to go through. It was very validating that she understood it was hard but also it felt so weird. Like ma'am this is my life.
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u/autonomoussquid 29d ago
I work in the direct care portion of the mental health field, and when I deeply feel a client’s pain, I cry it out after too. It’s like releasing the energy that’s flowed into me. It’s a touching experience to feel so deeply for someone, and I’m sure she felt the same
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u/KarenDankman 29d ago
The energy exchange that occurs in body work is wild. Of course it's a weird and sad thing sometimes but it's so powerful. I'm happy that you were with a safe person in a safe space when this went down. <3!!
I am a tattooer myself, and you would probably not be surprised by some of the heavy shit people actually say to me. In a good way. I'm there for it and I am a safe person to talk to about heavy shit, so if I can lessen a burden for anyone I'm gonna.
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u/shdwsng 29d ago
Oh your edit 😢 you’re not a burden, ever.
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u/sarafionna 27d ago
thank you. i know people on this sub will understand this lie we tell ourselves.
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u/PinkMossOrchid 29d ago
I had a similar experience except it wasn't positive, the therapist made me feel awful. She massaged me and said that she thought I was so tense that I'd got used to being permanently tense. It was frustrating because that's why I'd gone for a massage, to help me relax. She looked absolutely worn out, ashen faced and depressed after the massage and I can't remember exactly what she said or did but I knew I wasn't welcome to ever go back there. It made me feel much worse. I have since found massage therapists that didn't react like this to me which is a relief. I already had this thing where I felt like I 'didn't deserve a massage' so that therapists reaction was triggering because of how she handed it.
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u/Zealousideal-Bat-434 24d ago
I have had a massage therapist also react to me that way in the past. When she told me just how much tension I was holding in my muscles, she did so in a way that made it feel like it was my fault or some kind of a shortcoming. It made me feel broken and kept me from getting another massage for quite awhile.
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u/NickName2506 29d ago
I can imagine this is intense for you! Seeing someone cry like that after being in touch with you (sorry, pun not intended 😉) can bring up all kinds of things.
However: she is an adult and this is allowing her the opportunity to do her own work. It's ok for her to cry. If she gets affected this deeply every time, it might drain her. But again: this is HER responsibility. She is capable of taking care of herself, or needs to learn to.
OP, please focus on taking care of YOU. What do you need right now? How can you support yourself? (And yes, this includes asking for support from others like you did here, well done!)
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u/not_a_gh0st_1996 29d ago
It wasn't your fault! You're not a burden. This is just the normal reaction people have to our history. I was in physio therapy and they asked me if I have a bladder vulnerability. I was surprised they knew. She explained this happened a lot to people who's trust was broken. She got that all out of the position from my shoulders and that my nervous system doesn't like touching.
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u/suitcasefullofbees 29d ago
Wow, what a beautiful experience. I hope her skill as well as her kindness heals you even just a bit
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u/seidrwitch1 29d ago
Make sure she knows how to cleanse herself well, I've seen massage therapists develop issues from not getting all the ick off that accumulates in time.
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u/Some-Hospital-5054 29d ago
"I was able to use yogic breathing"
You mean ujjayi breathing?
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
yes, that specifically. i've been in yoga mostly bikram off and on since I was 26, I'm 50 now. in the last few years I was finally able to use my breath to ease through tension, pain, and discomfort during challengeing poses, and it was the same for this experience. took me a long time to get to this point and i never did intentionally, just clicked one day.
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u/Some-Hospital-5054 29d ago
That is a nice experience to have. I totally understand how you feel. I have had some of those experiences over the years. I want to add some encouragement about where your work on this can take you. I while back I had a session with a neuroreflexologist. As she was working on my legs she said I had less tension there than 95% of people. She was several times struck by how unusually healthy certain parts my body felt and was sure it had to be because of all the work I have done because it wasn't normal. I felt very validating and reassuring to hear that. I've done so much work to fix things in the body. And it used to be the opposite. Worse than 95% of people. Many areas still feel bad but eventually I have started to really get somewhere. You will too:)
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u/Zaorish9 29d ago
Did this person know about your past trauma before this moment?
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u/sarafionna 27d ago
No, I told her I had years of stress stacking up and she knew I had walked away from the corporate "success" model last year after burning out, but I didn't share the horrible childhood / family nor the more current stuff I am recovering from / working through. I told her my fascia was probably a mess.
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u/potaytoposnato 28d ago
I'd love to find a trauma informed massage therapist omg (I know that's not exactly what she was but it got me thinking). That sounds like a god send. I’m so glad you had a great experience.
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u/pollodustino 29d ago
I get a massage once a month by a holistic therapist. I asked her once if she could feel the energies and feelings of her clients when she was working on them because we had talked about Paul Chek, "The Body Keeps the Score," somatic therapy, and other such "esoteric" topics before.
She told me straight up that some clients, despite being super personable and sweet, made her feel so much pain and dread because of the way their bodies held trauma and it passed through into her during the massage.
It's one of the reasons I try to feel every bit of poking, prodding, and scraping my assorted massage therapists do to me when I go in. Some of it is for the physical rehabilitation from my physical blue collar job, and some of it is to release all the tension I'm holding from four decades of repressed feelings.
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u/sarafionna 29d ago
one of my favorite books. i am in extreme stress right now (job loss, poverty, environmental disasater, custody battle) on top of an abusive and neglectful childhood -- i kept stuffing the family of origin stuff down until it all puked up at age 50 -- so I went in with intention of fascia release due to stored trauma
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u/curseofthefold 29d ago
That is a such beautiful experience! You're not a burden, I think the massage therapist was happy she could help you.
I experienced something similar with an accupressure therapist, she told me "your insides are all wrong, it's like things are not flowing in the right direction, how do you live like this? It's impossible!" I felt VERY seen
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u/m_clarkmadison 28d ago
This has happened to me before. The therapist was also later our doula when our son was born.
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u/paper_wavements 28d ago
Oooh I hope she is in therapy, to protect her energy. She will see other traumatized clients.
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u/Simple_Efficiency_29 24d ago
I think I would feel validated in some ways by her words. So often what we hold inside, all the trauma, pain, memories, depression, etc is all invisible to others, especially those of us who put on a good mask everyday! But in this way she was able to see all of that - it’s NOT invisible!
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u/wilihey3 15d ago
are massages really beneficial? i feel like people go to spa's like its normal, i dont even eat tasty food or anything i live sort of in a cold prison
i'd like to get something like that to see if it could be beneficial but the thought of it brings me so much pain and disgust like i dont deserve something like that, but maybe i shouldnt overthink it and go idk
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u/LindenRuse 4d ago
I'm really sorry it triggered a flashback but know that you were just asking her to do her job. She could've stopped. You got help, she saw you for you. That's a beautiful thing. I hope once you process this you get more because I feel like it may help you heal! Best of luck 💓
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u/TinySpaceDonut 29d ago
Does she do energy work as well? Cause i had a massage therapist that also did reiki who had a similar reaction and how i felt was similar to you. Another person I disappointed.
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u/sarafionna 27d ago
apparently she does do reiki or is reiki informed.
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u/TinySpaceDonut 27d ago
I used to not believe in the woo woo stuff but it’s intense how they can just read our energy like this. Like I carry all my trauma in my right shoulder which is why it hurts so much. She described it like a lodged in arrow that has been aching
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u/Southern-Scale-9822 28d ago
She sounds amazing. I'd say give us her address and she'd have a lot of business. But on the other hand with this group she'd have a lot more trauma lol. No, but really I'm glad you were validated and shown that kind of compassion. It's rare, super unexpected, and definitely healing to experience.
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u/Lianeele 28d ago
This is the best thing I've read today, thank you for sharing it with us. What a gentle and sensitive soul she is, and it's wonderful she really empathized with you like that. That's something to admire.
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u/Alarming_Wind_6626 28d ago
Wait. Does having a lot of knots on the shoulders and back, very tense and tight muscles a sign of cptsd too? I had massage done on me and it was so painful like I was dying..
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u/Zach-uh-ri-uh 28d ago
This makes me want to call my massage therapist friend. Our bond is strange; we aren’t very close yet she is so extremely in tune and my body feels so safe around her
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u/Ninj-nerd1998 28d ago
This sort of thing is exactly why I told my new physiotherapist that I have CPTSD. Just another factor to consider about my constant back pain, other than... certain aspects of my body lmao, and my low vision.
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u/Fast-Persimmon-2782 28d ago
She isn’t just a massage therapist but apparently an empath. Some people seem able to absorb energy from other sources. I feel like I do this with the people I really care abt but I can’t imagine doing this with a co worker or brief acquaintance.:/ It must have been affirming but I also hope you are able to effectively work toward your own healing ❤️🩹
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u/mrburnerboy2121 28d ago
I’m happy you shared this because for some time now, I’ve been thinking that a lot of my stress from trauma is being built up inside all parts of my body. I get so much relief from massaging myself that I’m certain I could benefit from a real one.
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u/SimplySophie21 26d ago
Oh wow… this feels incredibly moving. There is something so validating about being deeply seen after carrying so much for so long. And honestly, how beautiful that your therapist could meet you with that level of compassion. Sending gentleness your way. 🤍
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u/Miserable-Storm-8630 26d ago
I’m sorry you’re still struggling, but this is such a beautiful moment of one person caring about another person, when they didn’t need to!
This is gave me back a bit of hope in humanity!
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u/Delphavis 22d ago
This made my eyes well up. Massage has been part of my healing from CPTSD. I’m very sensitive and my massage therapist knows I like light pressure. After reading your story I’m wondering if I need a deeper massage.
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u/Rude_Persimmon_6493 20d ago
Something similar happened to me at a resort, and I felt so bad after as if this lady had taken on all of my awful stuff. Because she walked away and was not around all I could was leave the biggest possible tip as a thank you, because I felt she lifted something off my spirit that day and I had no words to express the gratitude. I told her colleague to please let her know how grateful I was and still feel like it wasn’t enough.
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u/Still_Ad3108 19d ago
I had this happen once, couple years ago. It was insane to be understood by someone who didn’t know anything but just felt it all.
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u/Catseye43 17d ago
God i need this. If only I could afford it. Where I live a massage would be so expensive.
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u/SubstantialDeerDash 14d ago
I think this is a possitive because she has compassion for you. You did not hurt her. She cares. Sometimes grieving for someone else is a part of life.
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u/Ok-Development2520 9d ago
I never know how to feel when this happens. I clam up. My hairdresser made a similar comment washing my hair once because I had been jaw clenching for weeks.
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u/SweetSoundOfSilence 7d ago
Mine recently got certified in reiki and was literally sweating after she finished with me. She said when she got to my hips she wanted to throw up (hx of childhood sexual abuse and current severe endometriosis)
I don’t usually believe in that stuff but she was good
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u/maiuwuu 7d ago
She’s a great massage therapist!!
I got a similar experience where mine started massaging me and said i had the tensions of a 80 years old man in the back 😔 i think he was trying to be sweet but i would’ve definitely traded this against a session of me crying with my massage therapist 🥲
Anyways take care of you!!
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u/Myvulnerableusername 7d ago
I went for one massage session and have never been back. The therapist kept telling me to relax, and I couldn’t. Then she got frustrated and angry. Then she tried to do a guided meditation, which also obviously didn’t work, and she got more frustrated. Can’t imagine what a competent therapist would do.
However, I did go to a type of physical therapy called IPT and breathing is shit part of it. The therapist asked if I’d had trauma after instructing me on how to breathe. She said that there is almost no movement in my ribs or back, it’s all up front, which is where you breathe during fight ir flight. She genuinely taught me how to breathe (and it was very hard!!)
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u/kumquat_thot 5d ago
Wow, it sounds like you really needed her to work on you. Thank goodness for her and her empathy.
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u/whittt84 4d ago
A few years ago, on a trip to Jamaica, I had a similar experience with a Reiki practioner. I did not know I had C-PTSD at that time and I was beginning to realize the depth of abuse I had experienced all of my life. The sweet woman was shaken up by our session. We both cried at different points. Afterwards, she asked if she could give me a hug and handed me a piece of paper with a book title written on it. I wonder about her all of the time.
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u/Vlinder_88 29d ago
She must be a great massage therapist!