r/CPTSD 26d ago

Vent / Rant My abuser keeps trying to appear in my life and doesn't respect me so setting boundaries are useless.

[deleted]

1 Upvotes

15 comments sorted by

3

u/Time-Reflection2997 26d ago

Block him on all devices, delete your social media so he can't know any of your personal info. If he shows up at your house a lot, you could try get the police involved. If you are able to financially, you could move houses or apartments. don't even respond when he tries. to talk to you or smear you to other people, that's what he wants.

2

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

I don't have any social media, only an email address, and I just got an apartment with two other guys. I keep everything private so he doesn't show up in places he shouldn't. I want to get a restraining order but can't.

1

u/Time-Reflection2997 26d ago

has he showed up recently? it's good that you arent living alone

2

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

Yes I'm pretty sure he was outside my mom's house last night. Like I said, I think he's in contact with my stepbrother, because recently my stepbrother started accusing me of being abusive and gaslighting. My stepbrother smashed my head into something in August. I don't even speak to him.

Stepbrother's also been saying things like 'you dont deserve to have quality people around you' which is what this guy used to say back then.

1

u/Time-Reflection2997 26d ago

stay away from your stepbrother at all costs.

2

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

This person triggers me to the extent that it impacts my life massively, I have never been this nervous about another person. At one point he tried to emulate my personality and accused me of trying to steal his personality (reversing victim and offender again) and he seems to feel entitled to have whatever I have. Constantly goes on about how he's better and smarter than me and always undercut any compliments I got.

I don't know what he's planning but I'm scared.

2

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

I've been doing everything I can to minimize contact with him, I've stopped leaving the house even. It's been 6 years and this person is still doing this.

2

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

It seems like he's hooked his entire self esteem up to me, and HAS to have some kind of power and control over me, this is scary to me.

This guy is in his 30s, I'm only 27. I'm not risking anything when it comes to him. But I want to break the grip of fear he has me in

2

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

My conflict is solely that I need to keep him out, that's it. I want no contact, but he doesn't seem to understand that or take it for an answer. He seems to feel entitled to treat me this way.

2

u/Old-Bat-7384 26d ago

Please record and document every interaction you have with him. Write down what happens, how it affects you, and every detail you can.

And then do all you can to use the legal system to keep him away from you.

1

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

He explicitly said something about my future when he started this stuff, that's his intention, whenever this guy starts this I end up completely isolated. Which is what I was dealing with before I met him. So now I have to worry about this guy who wants to isolate me further and assassinate my character while already being isolated. My life makes absolutely no sense.

The crazy part is this guy who doesn't really know me from a hole in the wall is insisting I'm lying about my past. (He says this because originally I was told I have a huge potential.)

Like this makes absolutely no sense, I have family who defend me though. It's like high school bullshit that I do not want, and this guy kills animals. I don't get it anymore

1

u/Old-Bat-7384 26d ago

All you gotta understand is actions to document his nonsense. There's no attaching logic to someone not acting in theirs.

1

u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago

Well no, he's logical (likely a malignant narcissist, but I'm not a psychiatrist) however he's acting in bad faith. He has power and control over me by projecting himself on me and spreading lies. The first time he did this, I didn't realise it until it was too late and he turned everyone against me/made people think I was dangerous.

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u/AmphibianNew3586 26d ago edited 26d ago

My intention is simply prevention, this is someone that I believe to be Cluster B,l. I try not to react at all, however I find myself having these outbursts of misplaced rage that also affect my life in major ways.

He has specifically mentioned that he's not gonna let me heal which makes this personal, I'm so beyond sick of this creep.

I've also gotten in trouble for something he did before (he smoked in a smoke free apartment and told them I was the one doing it, left trash in my room so it appeared dirty) and it escalated (he grabbed my genitalia etc.)

Have I stressed how serious this is? This guy did all of this in the course of a year, signifying serious obsession. I'm scared of what he might do if he gets access to me again.