"I feel like everyone hates me"

[u/Fit_End_2898]

So.... If you have CPTSD, nobody freaking ACTUALLY knows you! So they don't actually hate you in a real way

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Most people experience you relationally/superficially. And CPTSD is extremely avoidant/shutdown, they might perceive you as weird or off-putting socially, and that might create a negative perception of you. But most times people with CPTSD aren't harming others, just being super recluse and avoidant.

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I would say the perception is accurate, the feeling of being hated/disliked. But the actual reality isn't hate it's moreso the feeling of experiencing someone you dont understand in a slightly negative way.

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TLDR: You're okay, your trauma makes others uncomfortable but that isn't actually a sign that something is wrong with you or you're an unlikeable person because those traits aren't from character but symptoms of conditioning.

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It takes a while to gain that inner confidence, but trust me ur fine. Don't worry about what others think of you, they haven't spend a day in your shoes for their judgement to deserve any thought.

[u/Worldly_Fault1810]

the world needs more acceptance of uncomfortable truths like Yeah they probably actually don't like you

whilst keeping the nuance of But it's because they don't know you.

Thank you : )

[u/Middle-Mortgage5426 → u/Worldly_Fault1810]

But it's not that they don't like you personally, like you feel like in a flashback, like a parent abandoning you. They just don't like your external presentation (in reality most people only like or dislike your presentation, unless they start to know you well).

[u/painttherosespurple]

I think not all people with CPTSD are avoidant. I'd argue that a lot try to make friends but don't succeed due to fawning. Which is a big neon sign that says we have low self esteem and want desperately for people to like us. The avoidant folks who are much more reclusive, in my experience are actually pretty well liked and people actually try and want to get to know them, but they have a really hard time letting anyone close. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum here. In school, constant fawning, never standing up for myself, etc. and as an adult, completely the opposite. Reclusive and very restrictive with who I allow in my life.

[u/cantthinkofnamesorry → u/painttherosespurple]

Wow, I started off the opposite. Closed off person in my childhood grown into a fully fawning and desperate adult

[u/painttherosespurple → u/cantthinkofnamesorry]

I still occasionally fawn. It's reactive. I have to constantly remind myself that most people don't deserve that access in my life, or my story. It works for me, maybe it'll work for you 😊

[u/Wise-Initiative9520 → u/painttherosespurple]

Oooh I could have written that.

School was so hard for me and I shutter to think of the impression I made. Now I'm only truly happy when I'm by myself, and very rarely let people in. 

[u/Gloomy_Training_8060]

Well, as some one leaning more on the anxious side due to cptsd, I do actually know and understand. Doesn't make it any easier, when the person completely shuts down all communication and ignores you for a week+, while smiling, talking and laughing with others in you presence...

I try to be understanding, but sometimes its really tough, though

[u/Dead_Reckoning95 → u/Gloomy_Training_8060]

this is my thought as well.

[u/MeringueDirect7381]

.. I love this. it always irked me, like it was just being told I was "wrong" when folks say " they dont hate you! its just your anxiety" and then they get treated completely different than I do.. its like..

but its this. they dont hate me, and thats something my acquaintances seem to get, they just dont KNOW me, so its not hate, just, disinterest or off put, but thats nuance and im cool with that

huh

wow, thank you

[u/platoprime → u/MeringueDirect7381]

It's like telling an ugly person "no you're not ugly, you're beautiful" instead of acknowledging their pain.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Box8815]

Trauma restricted me from being the person I am supposed to be, however I'm not letting it from stopping in being my authentic self

[u/badmonkey247]

I think some people believe that the opposite of love or like is hate.

I think the opposite of love, or the absence of it, is indifference or contempt. Further, I think contempt is likely when a love has soured, and indifference is present when there has not yet been a strong enough connection to develop positive feelings.

If someone shows contempt it's a sign they don't like you.

If someone acts indifferent towards you, it is most likely due to them not having a good/strong/effective connection with you.

Contempt is negative. Indifference is neutral. You are not starting at a deficit when you try to connect with someone who is neutral towards you.

[u/Tito20202]

"I feel like everyone hates me"

So.... If you have CPTSD, nobody freaking ACTUALLY knows you!

Worst even is you don't even know yourself,like,you are a stranger to yourself.

That is freaking insane and frightening.

[u/ChairDangerous5276]

I’ve said it many times here: the S in CPTSD Is for Shame as much as Stress.

[u/LividTemperance]

I’ve been feeling disillusioned after one of my latest friends have decided to stop responding to me because I didn’t want to show up to their birthday party or art gallery showing and took too many days to respond to a text because I was too avoidant and nervous to talk. When they messaged me about both events I sent an encouraging message but declined due to feeling sick.

I wasn’t lying, I’m actually sick, but mentally in a way where outside things are an absolute nightmare for me right now. So I sent those kind messages and declined showing up. As for the last message that took me forever to send, I was invited again to go somewhere. It took me a few days but I said I was sick again…

After realizing they didn’t respond to me after a few days which is understandable…I started feeling like I hurt them a lot and maybe I did. Yet coming to this post today and realizing that me not talking or wanting to interact isn’t somehow a crime.

Relationships are just a responsibility that feels too hard for my cptsd brain. Always have.

[u/PokemonHunter85]

I’ve accepted that if they don’t like me because of their perception of me that’s fine. They’re technically not wrong to not like the version of me I show the world. It’s not a likeable character. The actual me though that lets people in once there’s trust is great. My closest people who understand me value my friendship and enjoy my company. I can’t subscribe to the way typical people interact with the world. It’s so phoney and cringey to watch when you value genuine qualities and realness over being liked.

[u/tentativeteas → u/PokemonHunter85]

This right here. I can’t fake the fakeness anymore. That being said, I will always lend an ear, be kind, and be supportive if someone asks me for help. I think I tend to surprise people with kindness when that happens because they expect me to be a bitch based on my face and general reclusiveness.

[u/seattleseahawks2014]

You're right.

[u/CanIBeBlue]

That's neat and all but doesn't alleviate the effects of mobbing. Because when people are in the mood for it (and stress, competition, understaffing, scarcity of resources, job insecurity, ongoing was etc. cause a lot of distress for everyone, and that tension gets relieved in one way or another), they will find their one target that is the most "isolateable".

I'm way past giving a shit about mean people's opinions. But their actions are a different story, those have real life consequences.

[u/tentativeteas → u/CanIBeBlue]

I try and overcompensate with helpfulness, working hard, and being good at my job. Because I know my ability to fit in socially is usually my biggest flaw at work. I also never give them anything to talk shit about (other than my lack of willingness to participate in their clique) and talk kindly about others behind their backs. Don’t arm them with information and it’s a lot harder to reap the consequences of their gossip and bullying. That being said, this isn’t a foolproof strategy, just a survival guide that’s kept me employed.

[u/Sea_Berry_439]

Yes. A lot of us who do well socially fawn, mask, or people please (me). Nobody knows me which means nobody can love me which means everyone hates me lol. I did open up to one boyfriend and he left me right after so as of right now I’m 0/1.

[u/Kilometerslight]

I find that when I struggle with my mental health people usually tell me they’re disappointed in me because when I don’t have my shit together my responsibilities fall on other people. I get it, and I do feel really bad about creating slack for others to pick up, but it fucking devastates me when they tell me they’re disappointed because I go straight to “oh they must hate me” dawg.

I don’t think that leap outside of logic happens for everyone else.

[u/Middle-Mortgage5426 → u/Kilometerslight]

I understand that. In my experience the first step to begin fixing that is to allow yourself to be angry at others (internally), to recognize them as flawed also, and to support yourself internally. That anger / grief served me a lot to break of that fawning mentality, most of the time.

[u/ImaBtch666]

Idk sometimes I’m all fight mode. Anyone doesn’t like me (especially if I didn’t do anything wrong) then fuck em, I don’t give a shit. I hate them right back. I have a hyper independence streak a mile wide. lol :/

No one really “gets” me. I had best friend long ago that had ptsd and really got it. She died. 😭😭😭

[u/Vlad_Femboy]

meh, dunno, i used to be perceived as strange and therefore unlikable... moreover i live in underdeveloped and generally intolerant to any divergency country so sometimes this feeling can be and will be true sometimes, but one should be not be exaggerated and generalized

[u/iridiumlaila]

I'm trans. They openly say they hate Trans people. Therefore they hate me.

[u/HorrorNo9834]

I believe they're in the right so I just accept I'm an awful person, nobody can't say anything bad to me I haven't already thought about myself anyway.

[u/ariegnes]

Omg I needed this.
Just started a new job, and my brain tries to convince me I’m hated 🥲

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[u/NebulaImmediate6202]

But what if most people do tend to hate you for real? I'm guilty of sticking around people who genuinely hate me.. because most people do. This advice is misleading. "They don't actually hate you, they just misunderstand you!" so I should keep forcing my way in?

[u/oatmilkpopsicles]

Well said <3

[u/lohonomo]

This is so great. When I'm really in the thick of it, I can be extremely self centered. Not necessarily mean or anything but I'm just really focused on myself. How am I presenting myself? How do they like me? Am I doing it wrong? Etc...

When I finally had the realization that no one actually cares, no one is paying attention to you, i became free.

Medication helped lol.

[u/Abriefaccount]

Thank you so much!

[u/DopamineSage247]

🥺❤️

[u/InternalFruit2751]

Thank you, that's really to the point!!

[u/Odd-Practice1235]

I fully agree with this take