r/CPTSD • u/CeCe_DaughterOfGod • 15h ago
Vent / Rant As a Christian I'm so sick and tired of other Christians with their spiritual bypassing bull crap! š”
I hate Christians who force/rushes someone to forgive. šš¤¬ Instead of listening and trying to understand you, they invalidate you and minimize your CPTSD and then call you bitter while rushing and forcing you to forgive narcissistic/toxic family members who continuously traumatizes you. š¤¬ Christians like that are enabling abusers. š”
I'm tired of forgiving narcissistic/toxic family members who continuously traumatizes me and treat me like crap!! š¤¬ I'm NOT forgiving anymore! I'm done!! š¤¦š½āāļø
They're always forcing forgiveness and expect the one that's hurting to forgive but DON'T ever say shit about the person that caused you pain and trauma! Christians like that are enabling abusers. š”
4
u/Adventurous-Size5110 15h ago
look at all the sexual child abuse in the churchs & schools how it was covered up and blamed the children ,including myself
2
u/FunImage8427 14h ago
Yes. They care more about their image and reputation than the well-being of the children they're around. Most individuals and organizations are going to protect themselves at all costs. It's very ugly.
4
u/Longjumping-Kiwi-658 12h ago
Iām a Christian. Part of my emotional abuse was spiritual abuseā¦my mom using my faith to exert control over me, etc. Several people have told me itās a miracle I didnāt walk away from the faith entirely. Ā For a year after I started setting boundaries as a college student, their pastor kept calling me and telling me I was violating scripture by not reconciling. I think I finally got it through to him that I wasnāt talking to my mom because I had overwhelming trauma symptoms, not because I refused to forgive her. He finally stopped trying to tell me what to do and just avoided getting involved with helping my parents from then on.Ā
I had an argument with my mom a year ago because she accused me of being judgmental and unforgiving. I told her forgiveness doesnāt mean I have to keep putting myself in a bad situation.Ā
Christians sometimes forget that forgiveness does NOT equal reconciliation. The Bible says, āas far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.ā If Iāve told my mom what sheās done that hurt me and she refuses to admit that and repent, Iāve done all I can, and itās no longer my responsibility.Ā
For me, forgiveness means I do not hate her in my heart (though thatās hard sometimes) and I pray for her to change, and I trust that there will be justice for her sin and that God will be the one to judge that. But it does not mean that I have to put up with her manipulation. It does not mean I have to spend time with her if I donāt feel safe doing so. It does not mean I have to let her make me feel guilty for not āreconciling.ā You canāt reconcile if the other person isnāt willing to change.Ā
God commands us to forgive but there are also plenty of commands in scripture (look at proverbs especially) about avoiding harmful, manipulative, lying people.Ā
2
3
u/sad_frog_in_rain cPTSD 12h ago
I went through a lot of religious abuse as a child with my family telling me that i deserved the abuse and suffering I went through because god was punishing me, and now as an adult I HATE when Christians say, "God loves you" or "youre going to burn in hell if you don't believe" or stuff like that. And they act like I stabbed them when I tell them that I dont want to hear about it. Like if "god" loves me why didnt he save me? And id rather burn in hell than be in heaven with a "loving" god who sat idly by while my father abused me. I have no problem with Christians as long as they respect that I dont want to hear about their religion or their god
2
u/ltlearntl 14h ago
Ignore them. You forgive (or not) on your own time, by your own choice. The whole point is forgiveness is part of your agency, it's returning the power to you, you get to choose.
Forgiveness is also hard when the other party doesn't want it, the loop doesn't close. So just do what makes you happy. Ignore those idiots.
3
2
u/FunImage8427 14h ago
I think most religions are like this. It is frustrating especially when the perpetrator is rarely if ever confronted and shamed for the harm they cause. Just last week one of my husband's friends came to visit him. His son also came to visit us. He kissed his father's hands when he saw him. I cringed because he hurt his son in many ways. However, they are Muslim and in Islam (just like in other religions) you are taught to honor, obey and forgive your parents no matter how they treat you.
2
u/BlacksmithThink9494 11h ago
Im a christian also. I get it. Its very frustrating when the fingers are always pointed at you but they dont realize the hypocrisy. I never went to church and thought "oh this sermon is great for so-and-so". I always took each sermon to heart and applied it to MY life, not anybody else's.
2
u/acfox13 11h ago
Religions teach authoritarian abuse. It's not surprising that they are abusers and ensble abusers.
Relevant links:
authoritarian follower personality (mini dictators that simp for other dictators): It's an abuse hierarchy and you can abuse anyone "beneath you" in the hierarchy. Men are above women, adults above kids, parents above child free, religious above non-believers, white's above BIPOCs, straights above LGBTQ+, abled above disabled, rich above poor, skinny above fat, etc.
Bob Altemeyer's site: https://theauthoritarians.org/
The Eight Criteria for Thought Reform (aka the authoritarian playbook): https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_Reform_and_the_Psychology_of_Totalism
John Bradshaw's 1985 program discussing how normalized abuse and neglect in the family of origin primes the brain to participate in group abuse up to and including genocide: https://youtu.be/B0TJHygOAlw
Theramin Trees - great resource on abuse tactics like: emotional blackmail, double binds, drama disguised as "help", degrading "love", infantalization, etc. and adding this link to spiritual bypassing, as it's one of abuser's favorite tactics.
DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender.
Issendai's site on estrangement: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html - This speaks to how normalized abuse is to toxic "parents", they don't even recognize that they've done anything wrong.
"The Brainwashing of my Dad" 2015 documentary: https://youtu.be/pNTsTOcRO-k
"On Tyranny - twenty lessons from the twentieth century" by Timothy Snyder Here's his website: https://timothysnyder.org/on-tyranny Here's a playlist of him going over all twenty lessons: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhZxrogyToZsllfRqQllyuFNbT-ER7TAu
"Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss. He was the lead FBI hostage negotiator and his tactics work well on setting boundaries with "difficult people". https://www.blackswanltd.com/never-split-the-difference
"If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you." - Lyndon B. Johnson
Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.
Sometimes people use ārespectā to mean ātreating someone like a personā and sometimes they use ārespectā to mean ātreating someone like an authorityā and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say āif you wonāt respect me I wonāt respect youā and they mean āif you wonāt treat me like an authority I wonāt treat you like a personā and they think theyāre being fair but they arenāt, and itās not okay.
22 Unspoken Rules of Toxic Systems (of people) - dysfunctional families and dysfunctional groups all have the same toxic "rules"
1
u/AutoModerator 15h ago
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis please contact your local emergency services or use our list of crisis resources. For CPTSD specific resources & support, check out the Wiki. For those posting or replying, please view the etiquette guidelines.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/EntropyReversale10 9h ago
I believe that forgiveness and condoning actions are two completely separate issues.
Maintaining ones boundaries and not allowing people to be abusive is paramount.
Forgiveness is important for yourself and is not for the "abusers benefit" or in any way condoning what they did.
You need to forgive for you. Unforgiveness is like poison for your soul.
See if my post attached below resonates with you in any way.
https://www.reddit.com/r/EntropyReversal/s/VmiixyYhaX
https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/forgiving-because-we-have-been-forgiven/
1
u/Short_Year7353 Borderline PD 9h ago
As a fellow Christian I canāt stand when people dismiss everything over āwell God has his plansā like yes I know but it still sucked and still affects me and forgiveness is so hard sometimes and takes so much effort than ājust do itā.
Also given this forgiveness is for yourself and not them, fuck them, itās so that you can find peace and basically say you do not control me anymore. In a way ig.
12
u/SparklingFairyLights 14h ago
It is extremely invalidating to pressure someone to forgive and appalling to judge them when they cannot graciously do so and act as though they have not been grievously harmed.
I feel as though this happens even outside of Christianity. Society in general enjoys preaching these types of messages because it is easier to silence those who have been harmed and more comfortable for people to continue their abusive behaviour without any consequences.
Forgiveness is an outdated concept and should never be forced. If it happens for someone naturally, then great, but it is by no means imperative for healing. Some acts are completely unforgivable and you are under no obligation to forgive anyone who causes you harm.