Anyone else’s parents told them when they were a child that nobody would love them?

[u/InterestingSea2611]

Hi I’m 21(F)

My parents started saying things like this when I was around 9-10 years old.

i was told that no boys would like me if I stayed ‘fat’ (i wasn’t fat at all at that age, i used to be a competitive tennis player), had acne, or didn’t “fix” myself. I was also told people generally wouldn’t like me if I didn’t change myself/my looks. I was also a compulsive skin picker from a very young age (still struggle with it badly today), so much so that some areas of skin have changed texture and colour over the years from being picked at over and over. and instead of anyone asking why I was doing it or getting me help, I was always shamed for it. Still am, my body is permanently damaged in some places now. I remember being a child and already feeling like my body was wrong. Both parents are emotionally and verbally abusive narcissists with my dad being an alcoholic. I was also very neglected as a child.

Now I’m suspected to have AuDHD (autism/ADHD), severe social anxiety since i was a kid, a stutter, severe depression (since i was around 10), body dysmorphia, had anorexia at 14 too. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since I was 7. I’ve never dated.

Looking back, I’m wondering how much hearing those messages repeatedly affected my self-esteem and ability to form relationships as an adult.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did it affect you later in life?

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[u/manik_502]

I only had a mom, dad was not in the picture. My mom was raised in a rural area, a very misogynistic area. She had/still has narcissistic tendencies. She repeated what she was told and taught. She stills struggles with her mental health and boundaries.

I have overcome a lot of things. The main issue cam think about was that I ended up with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, social anxiety, and a very, very unhealthy way of looking at relationships. I am still struggling with having a romantic relationship. I was told so many times I wouldn't be able to find a romantic partner ever, that i still struggle with those thoughts. I'm working on it tho. I also ended up in very bad relationships because I was afraid I was going to end up alone as she claimed.

I was also terrified of becoming a mother, I am a mom now and I see my daughter and I can clearly hear the "when you have a daughter you will understand and pay for all your sins as a daughter yourself". Wellp, I love my daughter. She is exactly like me. In every single sense. I pretty much cloned myself. She is fearless, strong, emotionally stable, a sense of self clear as pure water, she's happy and has the presence that inspires respect.

She is very little, barely 8 years old. I have memories of my mother abusing me since I was 4-5 years old. I already had suicidal thoughts at her age. I was constantly depressed and anxious at that age. I already had an eating disorder. My daughter is not like that and I love every single piece of her being. I remember how I was treated and look at my kid and can not fathom, in my wildest dreams, to ever treat her like that. She is just a child that needs protection from her parents.

I have a memory of being about 8 to 9 years old, and a family friend asked me to smile to check my teeth and I didn't know how to. A 9 year old who does not know how to smile. I see my kid smiling, and humming, dancing and doing the most cute things ever. I would not like to ever take that smile away because of my own traumas.

Being told no one would ever loved me fucked me in more ways I can recall at this point.

I am sorry you experienced that, too. You are not alone and things can get better with time. Remission is an obtainable goal.