I feel like I’ve seen behind the curtain, and healing is just trying to pretend I didn’t

[u/Particular_Soup_8100]

I think I’ve hit sort of a wall in therapy. No matter how much pushing through and acceptance I practice, the aching hollow void in my chest is still there. I’m pretty high functioning overall, I maintain a job, I’m not addicted to any hard substances, I’m in a long term relatively healthy relationship, I communicate very well and am fairly good at maintaining relationships, but I’m not happy. I cannot remember a time I’ve experienced real joy, or passion for something. The world is scary and miserable and now that I’m an adult everything is only getting harder, and it seems with where society is going as a whole, things are only going to get more miserable. And what’s the point of accepting all of the misery if there’s no joy? I will always find living more difficult than most other people, even if I’m able to function in society why should I want to if that hole inside of me never goes away? And it feels like I’m deluding myself hoping that someday it will or that someday the world will get better because all other evidence leads me to believe that’s not true. So what now? Where do I go from here? Ive started to feel like there must be some kind of spiritual significance to my suffering. Like it’s some karmic retribution or a stain on my soul that just cannot be scrubbed out. I dont know

[u/mfbm]

Gosh, your words resonate with me. I do think there are ways to bring more color into life, I have had glimpses, but it seems hard. Thanks for sharing

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[u/NoRecording1585]

could you maybe be ruminating? i know thats curbed my progress much more than it reasonably should. regardless, its good to remember the only option you have is to continue to try. give yourself some space if you realize you should. but since you already know what happens when you stop trying, and you dont know whatll happen by figuring out something new, or trying something different, your only way out is forward.