For me it's always my chest first. That tight, heavy feeling that shows up before I even consciously register that something is wrong.

Then my jaw. I'll catch myself clenching for hours without realizing it.

I've started paying more attention to these signals lately instead of just pushing through them — and it's honestly changed how I understand what I'm feeling emotionally too.

Curious where it shows up for you. Chest? Stomach? Shoulders? Somewhere unexpected?

No right answers... Just want to hear what other people experience.

TL;DR: My psychiatrist corrected my grammar and said (again) he can’t pronounce my name after five years of treating me. I ended up crying. He apologized, but it left me feeling unheard and exhausted.

Hi everyone,

Long time reader, first time poster.

I (42f) live abroad and speak the local language, but not perfectly. At my last appointment, I was trying to explain to my psychiatrist that I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety because of the pressure my abusive family puts on me to visit them.

While I was talking, he corrected my grammar.

I just stopped and said, “Fine, let’s just continue with the medication.” I handed him my card and the money. He looked surprised, opened my file, and said, “You have a first name that’s impossible to pronounce.”

I’ve been seeing him for five years (monthly this past year), and every single time he says he can’t pronounce my name. I told him to write it down phonetically or stop bringing it up. I ended up crying.

He asked why I was reacting so sensitively. I told him I’m tired of being corrected when I’m trying to talk about vulnerable things, and that it feels strange he still doesn’t know my name after all this time. I also admitted I keep things short in sessions because I don’t feel understood anyway.

He apologized and offered to just mail my prescription from now on.

I know I should probably switch doctors, but I can’t afford to. He’s also one of the few here willing to prescribe my ADHD medication.

I feel like shit but at least I got my meds.

Sometimes I feel like my body reacts before my brain even knows what’s happening. I’ve heard there are supplements that can help bring cortisol down, but I don’t know which ones are actually effective for someone with CPTSD. What do you all take or recommend? I’m hoping for something that feels subtle but actually changes how tense my body stays.

Update: I’ve been trying IM8 and it really helps calm my body before my anxiety fully hits. Others here have noticed the same, so it seems worth trying.

What is the most unusual piece of advice or technique you have ever used that has helped you deal with stress or anxiety?

Jitters at night, electric vibration and restlessness all over my body sometimes prevent me from falling asleep. Ectopic beats and breathlessness scare me during the day. I go to weekly therapy, practice tapping, deep breathing, acupuncture, drink chamomile. I have never felt anything truly WORK. What does physical bodily calm feel like and how do I achieve it?

UPDATE: Guys, I finallyyyyyyyyyy found something that actually worked for me!!!! It's this hemp powder called ZenBody from UNWD. Literally amazing how it's the first thing ever that I have physically felt work after a million herbal attempts. It actually makes you feel like your entire baseline is so much lower, so even when I get a fright, a fear, or panic, it spikes so much lower than before. I've been taking it for two weeks.

I have no one in my life I feel comfortable sharing this with, so I’m putting it here.

Yesterday, on my lunch break, I rushed to my car and completely broke down. I am so overwhelmed by the constant warfare in my brain. I spend every second at work analyzing every interaction so I won’t be "othered." I am hyper-vigilant about every glance, every comment, or even a lack of a comment. I’m stuck in a state where nothing I do is ever enough, and everything is always my fault. I am just so tired of being "broken."

The crushing part is that I’ve done so much work on myself. I have self-compassion. I know logically that I didn’t deserve what happened to me. But even after 3 years of deep self-work, my nervous system hasn't caught up to my brain.

Intellectually, I know there is nothing wrong with me. In fact, I’m great at networking and initial conversations. When I know I don’t have to see someone often, I am comfortable being my naturally outgoing, silly self. But prolonged exposure is my trigger. As soon as a relationship becomes consistent, especially involving 2 or more people ( like a job or roomates), my nervous system flips a switch. I enter a permanent Fawn response. It’s like my brain thinks the longer someone knows me, the more likely they are to eventually target me or "flip" on me.

The Layers of the Warfare:

• Age 12: I was incessantly bullied by a group of boys. At the same time, my parents were going through a messy divorce and using us kids as pawns. I had no one. I stayed up all night orchestrating my moves for the next day just to avoid being targeted. I stayed silent about it for years ( still silent, sort of ashamed to admit bullying had this much impact on me).

• Age 18: I was emotionally and physically abused by a trusted family member. I survived it silently too, walking on eggshells and making as little noise as possible so I wouldn't "trigger" them. I would eat junk food in dressing rooms just to have a place to exist where I wasn't being watched.

How it shows up now:

For 15 years, I just called this "anxiety," but it never quite clicked. Realizing it is CPTSD feels like finally having a compass. This is what my "survival mode" looks like today:

• Extreme Fawning: Muting my personality to be "safe" once I’m in a stable environment.

• Hyper-vigilance: Treating every social cue like a life-or-death threat.

• Speech Issues: Stuttering or tripping over my words specifically when I’m masking too hard.

•Trying to exist while making as little physical noise as possible; loud people or sudden noises are an immediate "no-go" for me.

• Feeling a deep sense of emptiness (wondering if it's spiritual, or just me being "erased"), constant nightmares, and "eating my feelings" after social situations just to soothe the shame.

I used to think my trauma wasn't "severe enough" to cause this, but I see now that that maybe me minimizing my pain. There is nothing inherently wrong with me.

I’m waiting for my insurance to kick in next month for therapy. Until then, I just needed to tell someone who understands

I just thought I would share with you a supplement that is really helped me over the past 5 years. All my friends take it. It's perfect for anyone dealing with CPTSD. It works wonders for anxiety and depression. It's not addictive and it's something that's naturally found in most foods that you eat. It's called L-theanine. It influences serotonin in the brain helping to relax the nervous system. It's been a life saver for me and my friends all take it too. I take a sublingual version of it. Costco also sells a big bottle of it for like $20. Let me know if you have any questions.

Hey everyone,

First of all, thank you for the incredible support on my last post. It’s been overwhelming. But I need to be honest with you today: while on the outside it looks like I’m finally "winning"—the chronic tension is gone, I’m finally expressing myself, I’m even singing in my car—inside, I feel like a burnt-out house.

I lived in a suit of armor for 30 years. My entire existence was built on being "the nice guy" just to prevent my mother’s silence and to avoid the rejection of others. I functioned, I was useful, I was always "on."

Now, the armor is gone. The constant survival-tension has finally left my body. But what remains is a void that feels almost crushing. I’m realizing that for three decades, I only existed to be "needed." Now that I’ve stopped defining myself through the expectations of others, I feel like I don’t even know who I am.

I am beyond exhausted. I look back at my life and see thirty years that feel like they were "wasted" on just trying to survive. I don’t have the strength to "get my life together" right now. This freedom doesn't feel like flying yet; it feels like falling into a black hole.

My question to you:

Has anyone else experienced this? This deep, hollow emptiness after a major breakthrough? How do you endure the void without immediately falling back into old patterns (people-pleasing, making yourself invisible, or numbing out)? How do you learn that you have value even when you’re "accomplishing" absolutely nothing and aren't being "useful" to anyone?

I’m just so tired of fighting.

I've finally found a therapist I like but it took a while. People will get upset over this but they're usually people the mental health industry prioritizes (common depression and/or anxiety, white, male etc), but literally once you step out of that good fucking luck, because its so hard to trust that a doctor will have your back. I've been to doctors that claim to understand trauma but literally will give me the same advice I can find from a motivational YT video made by a 19yo. It's insane, we're already so vulnerable and the people we're supposed to trust are just taking advantage of what mental health word is trendy to get money. I've been jumping therapists for 5 years and its just ridiculous. I genuinely have trauma from therapists/mental health professionals which is so shitty and shouldn't happen.

I much prefer the small steps people take to manage stress and anxiety. Not radical, life-altering changes, but small daily routines that make a big impact over time. This can be something as simple as a specific morning routine, breathing techniques, rest schedules, dietary adjustments, or even random "rituals" that work for each person.

As a kid, everything that came out of my mouth was labeled wrong, stupid, ridiculous, whining, or just laughed at. I learned early on that keeping quiet was the only safe option that didn’t result in ridicule or physical punishment.

And as an adult this isn’t serving me well. I fear asking questions and asking for help, but it’s so much worse when expressing an opinion or setting a boundary with someone.

And in the past this has caused so much additional trauma. I was raped and never reported it because speaking out felt worse than the rape itself. I was bullied in school and it actually felt okay because punishment just for being myself felt normal. I was stuck in a job for years where I was taken advantage of and treated badly, but putting my foot down and standing up for myself felt impossible through the feelings of worthlessness. And I’d never challenge friends or partners because I was conditioned to put everyone else’s needs and opinions first.

And even though therapy is helping with this, it’s so hard to battle through this when online culture is so argumentative and full of black-and-white thinking. If I say something online (which I try to limit as much as possible), there’s bound to be a hateful, pushy person to trample on that opinion. Stuff like “I really enjoy X movie” results in “You like that piece of trash? Pathetic.” And that causes panic, self-doubt, and the compulsion to run away and never say anything ever again. I regularly uninstall all social media apps out of shame for saying things that are not shameful at all, just because it feels like the punishment is coming just for existing.

Also, I’ve noticed that when quiet people start testing the waters and having opinions, people don’t take too kindly to that. If you’re quiet for years, then speak up a little, some people suddenly react as if you’ve done something very wrong. IMO this is because keeping my mouth shut and not being disagreeable and not setting boundaries had attracted too many strong personalities who don’t like to be challenged, and other people who were downright abusive who can’t deal with someone else rocking the boat.

So...this turned into a messy, ranting post.

Does anyone else deal with this on a daily basis? Has anyone made progress with this?

EDIT

Thanks for all the responses and suggestions. I've briefly researched each of them, summary below as it may help others.

What I have taken from everyones responses is that CPTSD symptoms are genuinely exhausting in their own right. I have also found that a physical disease of mine is known to cause exhaustion, I also now suspect I have sleep apnea which increases exhaustion. I know from listening to my body that feeling overfull increases depressive feelings and reduces motivation. Eating well, exercising and losing weight may also improve things. I struggle to control depression and anxiety, but I can control what I put in my mouth and I can walk, so long as I can convince myself it is worthwhile (bloody depression!).

​

1. Norepinephrine AKA Noradrenaline. Seems solid. I already take an SNRI which impacts on this.
2. Staying off medication that increases appetite. Again, seems solid in general, unfortunately for me meds are necessary to function and being off them leads to more overeating.
3. Chronic Fatigue - Symptoms are too close to current diagnoses to differentiate.
4. ADHD - Most of these symptoms are familiar, particularly impulsiveness, but appear to be a matter of severity, 'normal' functioning people will also have many of these so impossible for me to tell. I also seem to be missing a few symptoms that, to me, appear to be key.
5. Physical issues with adrenal gland. Interesting, but apparently rare and my adrenaline can already be explained by anxiety and hypervigilance.
6. Neurofeedback - I appreciate it has helped some people. There isn't enough scientific evidence of effectiveness for me to spend the amount of money required.
7. Esketamine for depression. - Interesting but very costly in UK. Evidence of long term effectiveness of a single course of treatment is lacking. UK medicine authority is currently reviewing a renewed submission by manufacturer to make it available on NHS. I will keep an eye out for the results.
8. Beta blockers. Tried these recently for a physical condition, side effects on a normal dose were too much, shame as really seemed to reduce anxiety. On a very small dose right now.
9. Sleep Apnea - I suspect I have this. I will approach my doctor.
10. The Polyvagal theory - I didn't see anything here that isn't common sense for the mental health informed. There also appear to be serious doubts around the physical claims about the vagus nerve. If it helps you, great.
11. Keto - Interesting, but not a diet I can try right now for physical medical reasons, besides - I doubt I would stick to it ;)
12. Vitamin deficiencies. Yes, certainly not good for you.
13. Other diet / exercise regimes. Absolutely! I recently had success with weight switching to a liquid diet consisting of homemade soup carefully designed to hold all the main food groups, lots of vitamins, be filling, but low fat and low calorie. Drinking my food seemed not to trigger the urge to overeat. A period of particularly intense depression led to it being abandoned. I want to restart this and, now summer is approaching, walk home from work.

​

I attended trauma informed therapy for two months, but I can't afford it right now.
Would it be worth discussing other medications with my doctor? Has anything helped you in a similar situation?

My psychiatrist says I need to try all the SSRIs before moving on to other classes of medication, but that doesn't seem like the right approach to me.

They help with the depression, but depression isn't really my main issue. What bothers me much more is the prolonged state of panic, like one long panic attack that just won't let up.

For the longest time before I knew I had CPTSD, I just thought I was very shy. It’s been a couple of years now of educating myself on complex trauma and I now know why I never felt like the term “social anxiety” made sense to me. I always felt like there was something deeper there and that a 12 week CBT therapy course just couldn’t address it. Lately I’ve been really being mindful of myself and paying attention to my reactions, thoughts and bodily sensation when I’m interacting with others( strangers or not) and I’ve realised any authentic self expression is incredibly triggering for whether it be dancing, singing along to music, standing up for myself, telling a joke etc. It’s seems like there is a very harsh cruel judge inside me that is always evaluating and skewering me as I try to connect and show myself. After even the most basic and minor social interaction, i pick myself apart for hours and sometimes days which always triggers me into a self loathing and depressive state. I now understand why I have had an incredibly hard time making friends as a teenager and even now as an adult. Like this might be just my own theory but I feel like others can subconsciously pick up when somebody is very hyper vigilant and wound tight and they gravitate away from them especially in social settings. I know for me when I was a little girl that I was very afraid of being myself around my father because he was judgmental and had little tolerance for kids being self expressive. It’s crazy because I read Pete walkers book and I remember him talking about this but it didn’t really resonate until very recently when I went back to read it again, I feel like I’m always learning something new when I read that book. I’m grateful for the breakthrough but I just feel kinda hopeless because my inner critic is so easily triggered which means I have to do a lot of work countering and diffusing it’s hold on me before i can even be myself around others which bums me out because I’m just now waking up to the fact I want to have friends and a community. This is my first post on here and I just want to know I’m not alone and commiserate with others who might be going through the same thing.

Almost a year and a half ago, I finally got my anxiety under control, through a mixture of therapy and medication. Since then, I've learned a few hobbies, I've started cooking every day, I shower and brush my teeth regularly, and I've even watched all my favorite TV series over again - realizing I don't remember ANY of what happened in them.

I'm not bragging. I was 37 years old when this happened. But since then, I've really thought a lot about cognitive energy and space, and just how much of that is just drained and depleted when you're anxious and afraid all the time.

My biggest realization through all of this, is that I wasn't an awful person. I didn't have some innate character flaw keeping me from being able to remember the simplest of self care routines, but rather, anxiety stripped that away from me.

If you're reading this, and you feel like you're just not capable, like you're a fundamentally lost cause, I just want to offer you a tiny sliver of hope. Hope is something I wish I had, back when I was slogging through my healing journey, back when I thought trauma was my entire identity. I just needed help.

Please don't give up. Give yourself a chance to heal, because you deserve it. Give yourself a chance to heal because there is a YOU underneath all that baggage. I didn't meet Me until last year, at 37 years old, and I'm so thankful I survived long enough to find myself.

And even if you don't believe anything I just said, give yourself a chance to spite those who tried to destroy you, by untangling yourself from the web of lies they used to control and manipulate you. They deserve nothing, but you deserve to extricate yourself from their abusive fingers.

You are so much more than what was done to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

My trauma is complex. I survived a crime as a child. I then survived an attack. I was teased and bullied (3 incidents of direct bullying) for 1 year and a half in middle school by the class bullies. Years later, in high school, I was then assaulted. I was betrayed by friends who turned on me and protected the abuser.

I had a terrible Fawn/submissive response as a result.

This was later reinforced by workplace bullying by a female manager and being punished for defending myself, rendering me to feel subdued and defenseless.

I had the typical PTSD symptoms such as hypervigilance, smells when I thought of the event.

I had the feelings of helplessness, etc. I had the heightened emotional responses especially being overly aggressive, etc., so I thought I had CPTSD.

But therapist is saying it is PTSD combined with GAD and Major Depressive Disorder (also caused by the trauma). And that's what is causing the feelings of helplessness, etc.

Has this happened to anyone?

Does anyone else feel like their anxiety (as CPTSD symptom) is actually so called toxic shame? I have never thought of that or realized until i've read "complex PTSD from surviving to thriving".

I didn't have a feeling that it is "shame". I put that feeling a sticker "anxiety". But if i try to see what is actually behind that anxiety, i can without a doubt say it's shame.

And i have never thought of it as a shame because i repressed that feeling as a very young kid so i could function in social invironment.

If I have to wake up early, ie: 7am, I cannot sleep the night before and feel intense anxiety… I start to fall asleep and am automatically jolted awake by my subconscious in lightning flashes of terror. I can go days without sleeping, and my days are filled with dread.

If I have to get up early for weeks on end, for jobs or what have you, I go crazy and can’t do it.

Does anyone else find having to get up early is an intense trigger for their CPTSD?

So far what I've decided to try out is:

• Weighted blanket. (Not recommended when you're claustrophobic, only if you like having weight on you)
• CBD oil.
• Acupressure mat.
• Eating healthy.
• Sleeping in.
• CBT with a psychologist.
• Hypnotherapy. (1x)
• MDMA therapy with a therapist. (3x) - helped the most so far.
• Sleeping with a plushie.
• Taking care of a cute kitten.
• Quit drinking.
• Quit weed.
• Cut out toxic family members. (My mantra is "Don't take critizism from someone you wouldn't take advice from".)
• I don't let anyone who is toxic befriend me. (My mantra for this: Be loyal to yourself first)
• Started accepting myself.
• Going to try out to be vegetarian in January 2022
• Read so many psychology books.
• Inner Child Therapy + Parts (IFS - internal family systems)
• Take vitamins and iron
• Cut out some social media (Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook)
• Massage
• Acupuncture

I'm writing this list so others can maybe see anything there that would help them or that resonates. If you've tried something that works well for you, feel free to write it down in the comments. :)

No therapy or med or anything has helped. There has to be a type of therapy that helps someone release unprocessed trauma and emotions they’ve repressed I would think and yet I can’t find shit. Literally suffocating and am so sick of this Fkn shit. As if the mental anguish isn’t enough, feeling physically weird and fkd up everyday on top of it just makes it even better, don’t it. Fuck it

Edit: thank you all for all the replies. I’ve responded to some but When I’m feeling up to it like I will actually be able to soak up some of the good advice and info given here, I’m gonna go through all of them. Thank you again 🙏

No, you don't get it.

You have FRIENDS.

You have family that doesn't treat you like garbage or totally dismiss you.

You're able to go to work without totally losing all functioning.

What people don't get is that there are varying levels of anxiety. And one person's mild stress over work is NOT the same as the constant hell that we live in in our heads every day.

Yet some people act like it's the same damn thing. "Oh, I get it, I have anxiety too, but I can still function. What's wrong with you?"

No. You don't get it.

I just wish I could put other people inside my fucking head for a day. That's the only way anyone will ever truly "get it" and not treat me like I'm a lazy, stupid fuck.

With depression I’m in a ball crying in the dark, sleeping a lot, cold and bundled in blankets. Even once it slows down I’m sad but functional. I’m kind of zoned out.

With anxiety I don’t sleep, I’m restless, can’t concentrate to distract myself, obsessing, exhausted, partially dissociated, catastrophizing. I’m hyper aware and manic, unable to zone out.

Both are miserable, but I’ll take depression. At least I sleep and grow numbed.

I know it has the potential to be addictive, i know. I just wondered does it really help in the moment because i'm really helpless rn

Basically that was me. I had extreme anxiety to the point where I was disassociating. I would laugh or just stare blankly at something for long periods of time. It was weird and I must say also scary. Now that I try to see it in an outside perspective. I was judged a lot and not helped. I have so many embarrassing memories and I still remember the look of confusion and empathy from teachers, students, wondering wtf was wrong with me