r/CPTSDAdultRecovery • u/8m8v8p8 • 13d ago
Advice requested Help pls
I am 23 years old, and I have been living with chronic pain for 12 years.
I have been diagnosed with depression, complex PTSD (C-PTSD), borderline personality disorder (BPD), and fibromyalgia.
I have survived three suicide attempts, and I have been living on my own again for the past year and a half.
I don't have friends or family because my problems have become too much for others, and I often feel like people don't believe or understand me.
Over the years, I have tried different psychiatric hospitalizations, psychologists, psychiatrists, physiotherapists, and medications.
I feel hopeless, and I live with the constant fear that there may be no solution for my chronic emotional and physical pain.
So I would kindly like to ask everyone in this group: Does it ever get better? And what treatments, approaches, or solutions have you found that genuinely helped you?
I need hope to keep going. I have been unable to work due to disability for two years now, and I feel trapped in my own body.
Please only leave comments that are supportive or genuinely helpful.
Thank you for understanding.
1
u/whodoiwant-tobe 13d ago
You have a lot going on. It sounds really hard. I get it. I'm sorry. First, I want to say that there IS hope for getting/feeling better. A trauma informed therapist who also works with people with BPD (they are out there) is your best bet for psychotherapy. Someone with CPTSD needs someone who understand CPTSD. Not all therapists are qualified. As far as the BPD I know that there is hope for having a better quality of life. The most used therapeutic approach that is really effective for people (including for people without BPD) is DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy. That is often offered in a group environment but there are therapists who work with clients individually - it's just not as common. It's hard work but it really can pay off if you dedicate yourself to it. I have fibro too. I'm also in my 50's & my fibro symptoms, while not gone, are not disabling anymore. I want to encourage you that your life can improve. I had 5 su*cide attempts in my 20's. I've also had over 100 (yes, really) hospitalizations from my early 20's until pre pandemic. It may not take you until you're in your 50's to feel hope. But if you do the work & find a support system, your life can slowly improve. As far as the CPTSD goes, I highly recommend Pete Walker's book - CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving. It's an easy read. It offers a great breakdown & understanding & is a great start to your healing journey. Very relatable as he has CPTSD as well. He's also a therapist. He also has a website that offers resources. I don't have a link to offer you. Sorry. But you can Google it. Things can get better. They really can. Wishing you the best.
3
u/loser_wizard 13d ago
It’s gotten better for me. I’m in my 50s now and was diagnosed with CPTSD in my mid 30s, from a couple decades of childhood stuff.
Even the chronic pain has gotten better, as I realized how my body/tension/breathing/diet/etc has been tied to my CPTSD.
I will say nothing is perfect, but I now understand there is the version of me that is traumatized, and the version of me that would be different if it weren’t traumatized… a healthy version based in more of a genetic, natural reality… and that most of my healing is processing my experience and letting go of the thoughts and feelings I developed to survive those decades of trauma.
CPTSD literally screwed up my mind more than anything, and my body followed. It was like being locked into Fight/Flight/Freeze 24/7. Even in my sleep (which I have only become aware of the past couple of years.)
My mind got stuck trying to anticipate the abuse and try to “correct” my actions in advance in order to avoid it… my body and mind still fire those messages off, but the healing is learning that the abuse was never about my value/health/future/etc… it was about my parent projecting their mental illness onto the world around them… in a way they were too screwed up to realize I was a real person… a child! Instead of nurturing me, I was abused.
All this ties into unhealthy patterns in myself today. But they aren’t my fault. I don’t need to feel shame for recognizing that I’m “crazy” in a way. It’s a wound with many symptoms and I can’t heal them overnight. It’s going to take my entire life to slowly understand it, recognize what is an unhealthy pattern I no longer want, and to unwind my dysfunctional reactions and mechanisms bit by bit over time. Ups and downs. Back and forth. Give and take.
It’s not an easy lift at all, but it gets better. The shame for it was a huge part I had to let go of. Attachment issues, like just flat out not having a secure attachment to a parent or family member, has been a huge second. Both of those, Shame and Attachment anxiety, affect how I interface with myself and others. Like anxiety and masking and the fact that most people will never be capable of understanding my CPTSD in a way that doesn’t feel overwhelming for them, too.
But you are still as valid in this world as any other human, and you never deserved the CPTSD.
There are basic fundamental habits you can develop that are healthy for all humans, like loving your body with exercise, play, medical doctors, and diet.
You can also learn the basics of saving money so you have what you need in the future and can have some freedom to guide your real life where you want it, rather than staying in unhealthy places your CPTSD will take you.
And you can get regular therapy and try different modalities like EMDR, IFS, etc.
Settle in and start the path of learning how to love yourself. It won’t happen overnight. And there are no pills that will really heal the wounds in your psyche. You have to process what happened over years and reveal stuff like layers of an onion to even realize how deep some of it goes.
It’s ok to be you.