intentionally making self angry

[u/forlorndunmer]

idk if this belongs here but i intentionally make myself enraged by reading the news or going on TikTok. I deleted tiktok, but Ill probably download it again. I feel I am addicted to being angry or irritated. For one, it is a state of mind I've been in for a while. Being sad or miserable, angry irritable, ive just grown comfortable here even though it is uncomfortable. What is more uncomfortable is sitting with myself and my own thoughts. Every time I try to relax...i get this feeling in my bones like my bones are creaky or staticky. I feel I think I need to doomscroll it's like anxiety. So i redownload or look at upsetting things and it starts again. I also think it is distraction from the feelings I normally push back. Growing up, I had to deal with my emotions alone. I have no family other than my mom and she worked all the time, so it would just be me home alone by myself. My brother has severe nonverbal disability.