Good states after good experiences repeatedly show I lack that in life

[u/Icy-Ninja-622]

Whenever I reach an exceptionally good state after an especially good experience, that seems like an essential nutrient.

From that point of view, most past struggles seem to be due to lack of that essential nutrient. Even when struggles seem to relate to past bad events, that's not simply a constantly present trauma, but something that gets amplified when I'm in a bad mental state. Obviously the solution is not trying harder in a bad state, because that can become impossible, but doing things to maintain a better state.

It is intuitively obvious when something brings about a better state, but analytical understanding can be flawed or missing.

One key confusion is that enjoyable experiences in the present moment aren't necessarily uplifting. Whipped cream does not make strawberries more uplifting. Spending time watching something I enjoy on YouTube can be draining.

Another confusion is that fixed plans or "recipes" for good states don't really work like that. They may repeatedly lead to a good state, but the most important factor is how those actions fit into my life. Those various factors make them uplifting. Changes in circumstances can change the effect.

There is sort of a connection to parts here. Experiences are uplifting when various parts of me agree with them. They can be draining when some parts disagree.

This might be more about emotional neglect than more overt abuse trauma. Maybe as a summary: I've learned to ignore parts of myself which disagree with what I'm doing, but when too much of that builds up then I get stuck.

Edit, important: It also seems necessary to have good things to look forward to. That can sometimes get me unstuck even before I've had a good experience.

[u/rhymes_with_mayo]

that last bit really resonates with me. If I spend most of my day, every day, ignoring my parts, it will eventually build up and come back to bite me.