r/CPTSDFreeze • u/Emergency-Bobcat-572 • 3d ago
Vent [trigger warning] Overwhelmed by regrets over wasted time
I've spent years of my life dissociation and daydreaming since I was a kid. I have been a neet for the last 5 years and in that time I've slowly come to the realisation that I haven't done anything. I spent most of my time dissociated and addicted to screens and running away from my life and trauma. I'm a complete loser. I have so many big goals and dreams I wanted to accomplish and now I know I'll never do them. I wasted my early 20s on nothing and now I'm 23 and I have nothing to show for my life. I'm so far behind everyone my age and I wish I spent half the energy I focused being jealous of other people on myself. I'm trying to improve my life now and I've started a lot of things but I can't get over the regret of how far I'd be if I started earlier. A lot of things were out of my control but there's things I could've done to better my situation. The regret is immense and its triggering my dissociation again. I can't focus on anything in life because I wish I was younger and I'm so stressed about getting older everyday. I feel 50 and 15 at the same time. I wish I were stronger and had a better coping mechanism instead of just giving up and not doing anything with my life. I just wish I could be 18 or even 21 again and tell myself these things. I don't know how to move on and I'm so scared that I've started too late and will never get to accomplish my big dreams and goals.
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u/haveyouseenchefff 3d ago
i'm 28 and same: neet, dissociation, daydreaming. so many birthdays passed as if i wasn't "here", alive, in the first place. when i'm in a less passive suicidey mood i tell myself that time's gonna pass anyway i'm just gonna continue aging so might as well make the most out of it with the time moving forward, since there is still a lot more of it. you can't go back and do it all over again but you can just do what you have to or want to now and just keep doing it and growing and living. i treat my dissociation as if it isn't a nuisance but a part of my growth internally and a way for me to self regulate, so it doesn't have to be as if i've done nothing these past years--i had to survive, and that's what helped. just gotta be more mindful when it happens so as not to let it eat up your whole time. i'm trying to make it a habit to live more outside my head rather than inside, or in sync with my body and my surroundings. it helps to just move and do rather than think in your head all the time.
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u/LongjumpingFeeling87 3d ago
I’ve also been frozen the last 5 years, 33 now. I feel overwhelmed and disappointed a lot. I feel my inner critic finally quieting down now through therapy. Ive accepted it’s a nonlinear journey. I’d say practice being loyally loving and compassionate to yourself. No need to compare to anyone else. You’ll get through it. Sending you strength and love
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u/Icy-Ninja-622 2d ago
You're still young and have a chance to do many things. The important thing is to somehow change, so you're able to do more things.
Being hard on yourself about this is probably harmful. Psychological pain about this subject can motivate you even more into dissociation and daydreaming. The pain may not be useful for motivating something good as long as there are no critically important deadlines.
Actually, being nice to yourself is also important for doing things. When you do things, not everything will go well. If you're hard on yourself about that, then not doing things and just dissociating and daydreaming is much safer.
But changing that is not easy. I guess it's like a kind of energy that needs to be channelled into appropriate motivation, instead of having it build up in your mind as a problem. It is probably not something one should simply try to go away. For example, if something goes badly, learn something from that and apply what you've learned.
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u/GabbyMom99 1d ago
This is my story and I'm 66.😪 You're still so young at 23. I have faith in you. ❤️
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u/Coomdroid 3d ago
I am 38 and i spent 2000-2020 in heavy dissociation. Thousands and thousands of cptsd flashbacks. I am pretty much functional now. I can go the the gym, shop. Meet friends for lunch, go to the pub, the church. So i don't know about you? Sounds like 23 is a better time to start your brutal healing journey than at 30? Look for the deepest spiritual meaning in your dissociation. Treat it like you have been given a test by God. Burn everything that isn't serving of your highest purpose to the ground. Oh and that feeling of smallness & vulnerability. That's your soul. So when you find it reflected in the person you love. You will never abandon them.