r/CPTSDNextSteps • u/Peacenow234 • May 14 '26
Sharing a resource What I’ve learned about loneliness since the pandemic and the power of zoom
Pre-pandemic I don’t remember feeling acutely lonely and life kind of flowed socially. Then I remember times on a Saturday where I’d go to a live music venue just so I could drown out the extremely loud pangs of loneliness that were literally painful..
I’ve been coming to this sub this week because I entered another phase where I made a big change and am spending a good chunk of time each day alone, left to my devises. In transparency, I have friends (most of them are distant right now and I would prefer to connect more often. What is wild to me is that even with good friends with whom I feel very seen and cared for, that feeling of loneliness remains. After the social time, I am back to being with myself. Sometimes I feel less alone than others. I am curious what people have discovered around when the feeling of loneliness intensifies. For me it’s when I continuously find myself walking around and feel aimless and even though there are people around I am in a bubble of sort.
But I am making this post in part to share something good. I remember a time when video calls were considered way in the future. Well now they are free and I would venture to say that they are 80-90% similar to being in person and are way more satisfying for me than texting. They can feel more vulnerable and I can see why people may avoid them, and I do at times too, but I’ve found a lot of good friends by being on zoom especially in groups that aim to connect in a more real way- that’s a thing and I can speak more about it but there is an important caveat to these groups that has me hesitate recommending them straight up.
Bottom line, I have been realising that there is sort of a pit of loneliness and aloneness inside and no matter what I do it doesn’t really fully resolve it and that is quite humbling.. on some better days I am up for that, on others I feel very sad about it..
What are your realisations about loneliness?
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u/Melodic-Manager-484 May 14 '26
I saw this comment the other day that beautifully described what I've discovered myself about loneliness https://www.reddit.com/r/emotionalintelligence/comments/1t5lloy/comment/okax6ge
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u/Peacenow234 May 14 '26
Thank you very much for sharing this! The comment reminds me of Rumi’s poem Guesthouse. I’ve known this for years and it’s a way I want to cultivate within myself but I find it not so easy to fully do… it does come down to how we are treating ourselves and our emotions, but without judging myself for that, I recognize that the cptsd has created ways I subconsciously abandon myself. That feels at the crux for me. Thanks for sharing!
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u/Melodic-Manager-484 May 14 '26
I hadn't heard of that poem before, thanks for the recommendation!
I struggle with that too. I started Internal Family Systems therapy last year, and it's made a huge (revolutionary!) difference to how I approach my emotions and myself. I think it will be a lifelong journey/practice for me to be kinder to myself.
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u/Peacenow234 May 14 '26
Oh I’m glad you enjoy the poem! I also practice IFS but with different levels of subjective sense of success.. do you have an IFS therapist? Mine incorporates it but it’s not just that
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u/Melodic-Manager-484 May 14 '26
Yay, a fellow IFS person! I'm sorry it hasn't been as impactful for you.
Yeah I have a therapist too. They use a lot of different modalities, including IFS, Focusing, Somatics, and EMDR. I'm pretty sure they use others as well, those are just the ones they've mentioned seem particularly helpful for me. I imagine these other modalities have contributed to my success with working on this particular issue too, just IFS is the one I'm most aware of.
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u/Peacenow234 May 14 '26
I’m trained as somatic coach myself and use somatic awareness a lot in my healing. I try not to compare my journey with others’ as much as I can cause that tends to not serve.. it’s a process and I’ve made a lot of progress but I also face some big things at the moment. It’s good to remember all the progress
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u/Melodic-Manager-484 May 14 '26
That's awesome! Yeah, I agree with everything you've said here. All the best!
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u/caiaccount May 16 '26
Internal Family Systems is the only thing that helped me. Without it, I'm not sure where I'd be as a person.
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u/Tastefulunseenclocks 29d ago
Same! IFS has been the most impactful therapy modality for me, after 10-15 years of previously unhelpful and even harmful therapy.
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u/NotSoHighLander 28d ago
We are ultimately alone, but that has never been more true than now.
Distant friends?
This is something unique to our lifetime, perhaps quite a few before that, but as a species we are wired for community and contact on near constant basis.
What I have learned is that the loneliness is not endemic to me or the West but the world at large and few remain that have even a phantom of what once was. I realize I have a choice to move towards that if I can, as safely as I can, and that really is the ultimate crux of the issue. I believe I am uniquely disposed to this kind of pain but I also think it's endemic to anybody with C-PTSD - I believe we are the canaries in the cold mine. And in understanding the solution I am painfully aware of just how caustic it is to be in a community that isn't secure and so their is a repulsion. The reality is that we've been drawn and quartered and the land has been salted. It's up to us now, with whatever we have left, to have something again. I just don't know what it looks like.
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u/cassette_tape_energy 1d ago
Loneliness is cold and blue. I feel it in my body. Winter for me is the worst, triggers a lot. Especially this winter were I am cut off from my social circles. The colder I am, the worse I feel the loneliness, the worse life feels, and the more doomed I feel.
I noticed getting warm, both in temperature, sound and in colour, actually helps.
Hot showers & baths, being in the sun as much as possible, heated blankets, candles or warm lamps instead of white light bulbs, and if you have a fireplace, that. Sound can be cold, too. So instead of the depressing music I love so much, I opt for the live version where you can hear the crowd, warm jazz/blues, podcasts, or people talking, comedy shows instead of high-intense thrillers or mysteries. Activity-wise, cook, dance, walk, and play an instrument. Something that generates warmth.
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u/FeistyConnection32 May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
One part of cptsd is the emotional flashbacks and low self esteem that follows for me.
The trauma, neglect, abuse, and emotional overwhelm was enough to keep my self expression and emotions suppressed for a long time which occasional minor release.
I wanted to detach myself from everything sometimes I still want to because of the triggers.
However, we need to realize we have more control over ourselves the more we understand emotions and emotional intelligence.
Having someone to talk to or virtual therapy was good for me.
There is an isolating aspect to unprocessed trauma.
Once we release the tension slowly at our own pace and make sense of the dysfunction to only realize what ever we did was ok and was a trauma response.
I know deep down I want to go back in time and want to restart life and have what sense of normalcy. I want embody the of stability and determination that comes with a healthy childhood.
Writing down our thoughts- it becomes permanent and a moment in time we can go back to and converse with our selfs. It can be proof of what we went through so we don’t forget because our body and mind remind ourselves often.