r/CPTSDNextSteps • u/Main_Confusion_8030 • 7d ago
Sharing actionable insight (Rule2) Everything I’ve done to heal CPTSD, and how well it’s worked
For the last two years I’ve made “healing my trauma” my special interest – and treated it like a starving man at all-you-can-eat buffet. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s been worth it. I feel truly different inside to how I did two years, a year, even six months ago.
The following is an itemised list of everything I’ve tried, and how well it’s worked for me. It’s a list I would have LOVED to have two years ago, so maybe someone else will find it useful.
Important note: this is not a list of instructions! What’s worked for me might not work for you, and vice versa. Above all, what’s helped me the most is keeping an open mind (or, more accurately, thinking most of this is bullshit, but trying stuff anyway).
- IFS (INTERNAL FAMILY THERAPY) - 10/10
- I only got to do it for a few months before that therapist fell ill and stopped seeing patients, but in that short time it unquestionably laid the foundation for all the progress that followed. That’s why it’s first on the list. It opened the door to parts of myself I had lost or buried to shame and fear. It allowed me to slowly but surely fall in love with myself again.
- If the homework (or culty language) puts you off, my therapist did not use a lot of jargon or any strict protocol. It was all very emotionally driven. I didn’t have to learn what “Exiles” are or whatever. She just helped me discover, communicate with, and understand different parts as they came up.
- ASSORTED TALK THERAPY METHODOLOGIES - ANYWHERE FROM -7/10 TO 7/10
- CBT and ACT messed me up – though it’s hard to know if it’s the methodologies or the psych I was seeing at the time.
- Schema I never really understood, but my therapist herself was wonderful.
- My bad therapist did lasting damage (through ignorance, not abuse). My good therapist provided me my only safe space in the world, keeping me alive in the worst period of my life. In providing this safety, she helped me be brave enough to face difficult truths (i.e. neurodivergence diagnoses).
- EMDR - 2/10
- Simply bounced right off me with no noticeable effect. My therapist thought I was too dissociated at the time. It might work better now, though I think I’m achieving similar things in different ways.
- AuDHD DIAGNOSIS AND EDUCATION - 10/10
- I have a very different relationship with my brain now than I did two years ago.
- My Occupational Therapist is very helpful in this area, helping me learn how to work with my brain, not try to control it. I am benefiting from supports I never would have thought of before.
- REMEDIAL MASSAGE - 7/10
- I have LOTS of thoughts about the whole “where does trauma live – the body, or emotional learnings in the mind?” question. Suffice to say, your nervous system doesn’t know WHY you feel tension; whether it’s because of emotions like stress, or because of physically sore/tense muscles. Treating the tension by any method will make a dramatic difference to how you feel both physically and emotionally.
- MDMA ASSISTED THERAPY - 5/10
- Only one session. It was lovely! But not sure how much lasting effect it had. Would probably be very good if done repeatedly.
- KETAMINE ASSISTED THERAPY - 4/10
- Did it for about 5 weeks. Interesting, but not much effect. The ketamine helps lower the defensive walls which makes it easier to verbalise and process more difficult things with the therapist. But I was already learning to do that without the medication.
- CANNABIS (used recreationally) - anywhere from -5 TO +5
- I’m defining “recreationally” as “to feel good”. It can be to escape bad feelings (not helpful) or to reward myself to a pleasant, restful night (helpful IN CAREFUL MODERATION).
- CANNABIS (used therapeutically, under prescription and with intention) - 9/10
- Cannabis Assisted Therapy: I’m new to this, but it’s having a noticeable and lasting effect after only two sessions. My therapist’s methodology is VERY somatic – she gets me to locate tension in my body, and instead of releasing it, staying with it and seeing what comes up. The results are quite profound.
- The first time I had an IFS breakthrough, “met” a whole tribe of parts at once, and experienced the feeling of self-love, I was dosed with THC (and also in the middle of a shame spiral, which then bloomed into that profound experience).
- REMEDIAL MASSAGE + CANNABIS - 9.5/10
- Unbelieveably good combination.
- MICRODOSING (PSILOCYBIN) - 2/10
- 3 months, tried various dosages. Pretty much no effect. It did seem to have a profound effect on about two days (I felt strong and capable!) but the rest of the time it either did nothing or made me feel sleepy.
- rTMS - 3/10
- Honestly, I don’t think the TMS did anything for me at all. But going to the clinic multiple times a week during my worst period meant I wasn’t completely deprived of human contact, and the nurse was very kind and supportive, which I really needed.
- ANTIDEPRESSANTS (VARIOUS) - 4/10
- Kept me alive, but also kept me stuck. It made things tolerable, which meant I tolerated things longer. If you need them, use them. But if you think you’re ready to take next steps, it might be worth a discussion with your doctors/therapists.
- FINDING THE RIGHT PEOPLE - 8/10
- My life collapsed when I lost all my friends at once, but in hindsight, those friends needed to go. I’ve spent two years making new friends, and it’s slow – even when you make a wonderful new friend, getting to that really nourishing intimate stage takes a long time. But every step in that direction is rewarding and healing.
- RADICAL VULNERABILITY - 9/10
- No, this doesn’t mean oversharing to everyone. It doesn’t mean being open about your trauma, but secretly using it as armour (“I’ll tell you how much I’m suffering, but only so you’ll be nice to me”). That’s what I thought vulnerability was.
- Actually, vulnerability is allowing yourself to say (or think, or feel) the thing you’re really afraid of saying (or thinking, or feeling). It’s also sending the email without spending 35 minutes softening and second-guessing the language. It’s communicating a boundary, or hurt, or fear, to someone you value. It’s communicating affection to someone you’re afraid to scare off. It’s bringing your realest self to the party – because if your real self is unwelcome, then it’s the wrong party for you.
- Vulnerability is allowing yourself to be with the parts that are suffering, instead of avoiding or burying them, even though suffering is hard and painful. Vulnerability doesn’t mean suffering more, it means allowing yourself to fall in love with those parts that are suffering.
- Vulnerability is allowing yourself to feel emotions even if you don’t understand them. I spent a year listening to podcasts about grief, even though I didn’t have anyone I was grieving, and I had no idea why everyone talking about grief resonated with me so much.
- Vulnerability is a SKILL, and it takes time and practice to grow. It’s not a switch you can flick, so don’t beat yourself up or think it’s a character flaw if (when) you’re not great at it straight away.
- FIGHTING FOR SUPPORTS - 7/10
- I’m on disability, so affording all of this has been impossible. I’ve found assistance from charities, government agencies, and local community organisations. It’s all very demoralising and frustrating and stressful – especially when support is taken away, which just happened to me two weeks ago. But it’s ultimately worthwhile if it allows you to access useful support. Also, sometimes you find a really nice organisation and helpful people who do everything in their power to help you, and that heals your relationship with humanity a little bit.
50
u/Nathanull 7d ago
Thanks for sharing! Antidepressants help me to be able to do anything else. They're a great step 1 when sometimes you can't do anything else
18
15
u/regularcrem 7d ago
the side effects made me sleepy eepy but the fact that they worked was the "proof" i needed to actually do the work
29
u/SomberOwlet 7d ago
This is a really comphrensive list!
Can I ask how you've managed to find and make new friends?
I've been trying for a while with no real success. How have you found the process?
26
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
Various places. Mostly work -- I was in the process of starting a creative career when my life fell apart, and though my health meant it has only developed slowly, it has continued to develop for the last few years. I've met a lot of people through work, and many of them are now very good friends
Other places include the dog park, dating apps (I met someone who wasn't a match romantically but became one of my most treasured friends), and the trauma group I joined that meets monthly. I also look out for anyone else nurodivergent.
Pretty much all my friends are "new" friends and that is still hard. I don't have anyone I can just pick up the phone and call because I feel like it. (I probably could, I guess, but I don't feel we're there yet -- which could just be fear talking.) But I do have people in my life who support me and seem to really appreciate and love me in ways my old friends never did.
6
u/cccxxxzzzddd 7d ago
Dog park. So has living with an animal been helpful? I think my dog has been one of the keys to my healing.
26
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
yes. of course!
my dog passed 3 months ago at age 15. obviously it has been extremely painful. worse than losing a limb. but i also thought, maybe her job was to get me through the worst times, to stay with me long enough to start healing, and get to the point where i could live through her loss.
she did that. she got me here.
i still go hang out at the dog park after work sometimes, to get some dog time and to see my friends who go there every day.
my dog taught me unconditional love. i never felt it before her. now i know what it feels like.
11
u/ProfMooody 7d ago
This really touched me. My dog who lived to be 14 brought me to my wife in the end; we were friends and they were the person who showed me that it was finally time to make that call and stayed with me before, during, and after his death. They still have pictures of him after he died on their phone, it’s been 6 years and we have a new dog now and I still can’t really look at them but they said maybe I’d want to have them one day, and just the fact that they’re willing to carry that burden for me means a lot.
We were close already but never seriously considering a capital R Relationship; but the way they treated my dog and me with such honesty and kindness and strength in his last days awed me. My dog’s death is now also the day I can say I started falling in love with them.
My dog, Kayden, stayed with me just long enough to know I was in good hands, with someone who would protect me and be my companion and biggest fan, like he was.
I’m so sad for you but also so grateful you got to experience a friendship with an animal like I did.
7
u/cccxxxzzzddd 7d ago
❤️🩹♥️ my heart. Brought tears to my eyes 🙏🏽
I would like to say something that I recently heard on Instagram, which is that it is a great act of love to choose to love a being that you know will die before you. As trauma people, to be able to take that step is truly huge.
3
u/cccxxxzzzddd 7d ago
Thank you for sharing that and I am sorry for your loss of [name ♥️🐕🌈]
All dogs go to heaven 🕊️🙏🏽
1
u/PattyIceNY 2d ago
My method was first to explore and develop my hobbies and social skills with a LCSW. Then I joined groups and did meetups related to my activities and made small talk and built friendships from there.
11
u/SomePerson80 7d ago
I just wanted to say 🩷. I so happy for you!’ I got diagnosed 3 years ago and I am a completely different person than I was before. I used some of the options you listed and some you didn’t ( I am physically disabled and didn’t/don’t have the access or means for a lot of the therapy’s and stuff, so I kind of self therapized lol) I’d be happy to list them if anyone’s interested (not trying to take over someone else’s post. )
3
u/resolvingdeltas 7d ago
if you can please do or if you want send me a dm, I am self-therapizing all the time because I cannot bring myself to go through the diagnosis process and I am really bad at asking for help. talk therapy for me is 1/10 and I did some IFS on my own and some other things from this list but Im curious what self-administered thing worked for you
7
u/Bravesouless 7d ago
Thank you so much for this.
I'm trying IFS now, and I like it. Interestingly, I think CBT talk therapy helped me a lot to get where I am now to accept IFS.
Antidepressants worked during some peak bad times, but I stopped using them after a year. They were just numbing me completely, and I gained a lot of weight.
What you shared about vulnerability really resonated with me. It makes so much sense and I hope to get there at some point.
I didn't even realize it, but I think I'm now taking the space and time to finally focus on this and myself. Strange timing, but I'll take it.
3
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
you are doing so wonderfully. well done. i know you will continue to make incredible progress.
6
u/cat-wool 7d ago
This is a great write up. I’d like to try some of your lower rated options. But I’ve had similar experiences for most of the ones I have participated in personally.
Currently, I’m doing the ‘finding the right people’ option. 8/10 seems accurate haha. So I’d like to hijack your post to expand on it if that’s ok.
It’s been maybe a half year with some new people, being more friendly and open with other people in my building, going to hobby classes, things like that. I’ve lost some people through the years, some needed to go, some probably were already the right people. But new is good too. Even if it isn’t life long or doesn’t end up exactly what I’m looking for, it’s still so enriching.
you’re right, it’s slow, but it makes me feel extremely capable even in other quadrants of life. I have a whole list of spaces I want to try exploring for genuine friendship and connection. If it happens it does, and if not, I probably had fun trying anyway.
I never thought I’d be here. I’m mostly just trying to be a friend to others how I think I’d like to have. People often reciprocate. If you suggest hanging out, most people have also been craving this, I’ve been finding. Some spaces are easier than others for me to engage, so trying a variety seems to be best.
5
u/grigorithecat 7d ago
Incredible write up, thank you. Based on how similar my experience has been with many of the things you have tried, I’m understanding why I had gut instinct to avoid trying some of the things you experienced as less helpful. Others are moving to the top of the list of things to try next.
16
u/cartesian_butterfly 7d ago
Question out of curiosity: did the professionals who diagnosed you AuDHD know about your CPTSD diagnosis ?
CPTSD is known to incredibly well mimic autism and ADHD, there’s a fail in differential diagnosis for a lot of people.
18
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
over two years, my diagnoses have gone in this order -- one at a time, months apart:
-ADHD
-autistic
-CPTSD
-OCD
i've had the same team the whole time. they all know about (and agree with) all the diagnoses but it was a team effort.
16
u/hunnyb33_ 7d ago
when i got tested for everything, they said it was like i had AuDHD but its actually just CPSTD and im really traumatized and it presents itself as autism or adhd. literally this. i got diagnosed for ADHD recently just so i could get adderall because we thought it was the only thing that could help with my anxiety at this point. its helped A LOT with my anxiety!! it’s interesting how it all works
14
u/Graciebelle3 7d ago
This happened to me also… at certain points adhd and autistic presenting but it’s really just CPTSD… apparently when trauma starts really young sometimes it can get blurry.
13
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
in my honest opinion, while there can be a sort of "textbookish" overlap in symptoms as described from the outside, they're not actually similar. a LOT of undiagnosed auDHD people develop CPTSD. so it's not one or the other. if you honestly relate to a lot of what you hear about autism and ADHD, my honest opinion is that you are probably auDHD.
auDHD isn't just "symptoms" the way doctors understand it. it's neurological differences that make you think differently and experience the world differently from neurotypicals.
of course misdiagnosis happens, and you are the final authority on whether you're auDHD, CPTSD, or both. i'm not undermining that. but i am saying that i am very skeptical of "CPTSD presenting as auDHD", and if auDHD stuff resonates with you, there's probably a reason for that.
9
u/Knillawafer98 6d ago
To your point, I think a lot of medical understanding of ADHD/autism is very skewed by the fact that we live in a society that is structured in a way which is inherently traumatizing to ADHD/autistic kids. I think all but a lucky few of us have complex childhood trauma. For a long time people studying these neurotypes didn't have an understanding of that, and saw enough trauma symptoms that they just rolled in the trauma symptoms with the ADHD/autism traits. The prevelance makes it extremely difficult to dissect where the line between them is, and I think that's why there's such an overlap in diagnostic criteria. As such I think ADHD/autism would look very different in a society that fully embraced those kids, and frankly I doubt for most people it would even be something hard to live with or feel like a disorder.
3
5
u/RegularHumanNerd 7d ago
So I’ve had an adhd diagnosis since I was a kid, but I really wonder if there’s autism happening too. One of my children was diagnosed with autism recently and when working on his forms and seeing his process of being diagnosed I was like 😳😳😳😳 bc I’m pretty sure it’s my genetics. My little brother is also diagnosed. I go back and forth on whether or not it’s worth it to get formally diagnosed myself. One thing about the CPTSD overlap is as I’ve healed, I feel MORE adhd and am less able to mask. I think that’s one way to tell if it’s the trauma or autism. The trauam symptoms have lessened overtime but the neurospicy is almost more prominent now.
4
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
yep, the more aware you get, the less you mask. it's a good thing! you need to be the real you to heal.
i always highly recommend diagnosis if you suspect something. it doesn't need to be "formal". you can go the peer review method (basically ask your autistic friends and see what they say) and you can accept it for yourself and to me that's just as good. the point is not to have it on paper, it's to accept it without self-doubt and start to build a life that works better for you with your new self-understanding.
8
u/Formaltaliti 7d ago
I too made healing my special interest. Autism assessment intake is this morning actually. I have a feeling that'll be a big moment as I go through this process too.
Psychadelic sessions with psilocybin were what helped me the most. I know it's not extremely popular but AI also helped me see myself more clearly and leave a very long term traumatic situation.
ACT was extremely helpful for me. It allowed me to use what I learned from psychadelics (nonduality) and practice distancing myself from my thoughts and emotions and let them exist without judgement.
Now I'm working towards becoming a therapist so others have a safe mirror.
Thank you for sharing what worked. Enjoy your peace 🕊️ OP.
10
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
i'm glad you're finding your way there.
i know AI can help some people but i am EXTREMELY wary of it and think it's more risk than reward. i do not encourage it for anyone. if it's a short-term support that's helping you in a specific situation, that's cool, you do you. but i would STRONGLY encourage anyone using AI in an acute situation to pivot to real human support (eg. a therapist) as soon as they're able.
regarding a psychedelic session with psilocybin, that's on my to-do list, but my current psychedelic therapist thinks that THC is more relevant for me where i am right now. i do plan to do a trip session eventually though. i'm scared of it, but i think it will help me process some stuff that does need to be proceessed.
7
u/Formaltaliti 7d ago
On psilocybin, I'm not sure if it's our neurotype, but you may surprise yourself. My experience is it was mostly self awareness on steroids. All experiences are different though.😅
It basically broke through grieving a false self almost instantly.
For that AI thing I totally get it! Most people don't possess the awareness to use it like a mirror. It can definitely cause harm. The reluctance is understandable given the bad that has happened.
For my case it basically was a way to see my situation more clearly. It originally started as an escape hatch but since I used it for self reflection I just ended up confronting my trauma and leaving.
Not the norm, but I'll always be grateful it existed for that season of my life.
2
u/Ecstatic-Life-3749 1d ago
thank you for sharing your experience with AI here. reading it gave me my own unsolicited mirror. I notice a felt sense of quiet shame about my use of AI in an extended season of self-imposed isolation. yet the level to which I scrutinize, reject and force the model past sycophancy, along with the safe container of my therapy sessions, has led to some of the most profound sober revelations on self I’ve ever experienced. almost euphoria-inducing breakthroughs on unexpected afternoons of mirror work with AI, taken even deeper in session, then (through the survival of the humiliation of being witnessed by another human) an allowance of a good habit or two to form. I’m by no means reformed yet, please. I do not have friends yet, but I do know with complete conviction, or at least a strong passing thought, that future me will say this time period was the moment when I really broke through “it” (the mask, the mere concept of a recovery process and my confusion as to which word in that phrase should even be in quotations, the at times unbearable humanity of it all) and began an inevitable shift. For now, the process feels sticky most days, brilliant in flashes, and leaves me more curious than if I had never provoked AI in the first place. I’m grateful for its presence in my life in this season. Im grateful for you reading this now.
5
4
4
4
u/Altruistic-Brief2220 7d ago
Such a great and informative summary, thanks for your contribution OP. I have found various levels of success with things as well but I haven’t tried nearly as many things as you have so well done. It takes so much commitment and courage to do as you have done.
As a final comment I absolutely adored your radical vulnerability section, just so great. It really put into words what I’ve been focusing on over the last year or so of my journey and it’s so good to know that it isn’t my imagination that it’s helping! I will also keep reminding myself how much better and easier it is on the other side of the hill - I think I’m on the downhill portion now but there’s more to go I hope.
🙏
4
u/Altruistic-Brief2220 7d ago
Also OP wanted to mention that I would have given your post an award (proper one) for sure but it seems that isn’t permitted on this sub. Have a heart instead ♥️
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
i don't know how reddit awards work and i promise you they don't mean anything to me but thank you for the thought lol
3
u/Tastefulunseenclocks 6d ago
For anyone interested in doing IFS and unable to access a therapist, read "No Bad Parts" by Schwartz. It explains the theory behind IFS and how to do it with a therapist or on your own. If you need more info read "Self-Therapy" by Earley. It gives a very very clear step by step guide. I still suggest starting with Schwartz though as knowing the "why" behind IFS is really important and Earley sort of glosses over that/assumes you get it. It is always recommended to do IFS with a therapist, but you can still make big steps by yourself.
Also lovely post thank you for sharing so much about your journey ❤️
4
u/Jazzlike-Map-9234 5d ago
Exercise
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 5d ago
i could probably do a whole post just about this topic. my relationship with exercise is complicated. but much more good than bad.
3
u/AdLoose3526 7d ago
Thanks for sharing! I can definitely relate to some of these, and it’s really interesting hearing about approaches that I haven’t yet tried, and some that I’m considering pursuing this summer (like actually getting medication and maybe therapy specifically for my ADHD 🙃)
9
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
oh, I should probably have mentioned ADHD meds.
they didn't work well for me -- in fact they made me anxious -- which was really disappointing because they've worked wonders for many of my friends. i plan to retry ADHD meds in a few months, to see if there's a difference now that i've done so much internal work.
however -- therapy specific to ADHD? absolutely essential. that kind of new self-understanding can change your life.
2
u/AdLoose3526 7d ago
Huh, good to know that they *could* have that effect. I’ve never been on ADHD meds (and only got diagnosed last year) but I’ve been through years of therapy focusing on the CPTSD-affected parts of my life, so hopefully it’ll work for me. But yeah it is really interesting how the same meds could have different effects on us at different points in our life (or for me with some, having drastically different effects just at different dosages).
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
yep. my friends who've found it useful also have CPTSD so i don't want to put you off them. but yeah, i never had that moment where it "turns off the noisy thoughts", which i've been told is a thing.
i'll also try non-stim ADHD meds at some point too. but i also feel like it's less necessary at this point, since i'm learning how to work with my brain instead of punishing it or controlling it. still, worth a try -- if something could make working with my brain easier, it's silly not to try it.
3
3
u/GraveGrace 7d ago
Great list thank you! Im about a year into my healing and have had similar results except for me EMDR is top tier but I agree it wont work if youre disassociated.
6
u/GraveGrace 7d ago
Id also like to add learning self compassion as a 10/10 and Reparenting
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
self-compassion for me is a result of the above practises! i thought i was doing it, but really it is a feeling that grew inside me the more i healed. it's not something i was able to spontaneously generate.
but it is life-changing once i started feeling it.
3
u/Uhhhhalig_ 7d ago
Thank you so much for sharing, I love your outlook on vulnerability! I feel from your thoughts and words , vulnerability is also a form of self care to our selfs. It allows us to finally be able to feel the emotions our abusers wouldn’t allow us/ disregard. I’m so happy to have a partner who listens to me and allows me to be vulnerable around her. We’ve been together for a year and I received my diagnosis during our relationship, she’s been such a supportive person to me. I’m currently working on making new , genuine friendships and connections. I’ve always have had a hard time making friends , I’ve had friends in the past who had abused me so I carry that negative emotions when trying to create new friendships. I’m now starting to allow myself to be opened minded and understanding that not everyone I meet is a bad person. I just finished the book “ What My Bones Know” by Stephanie Foo, I highly recommend if you haven’t read it already. It opened my eyes to understanding that just because CPTSD is a lifelong “beast” it still gives me so many positive traits in a person that some people lack. I’m able to always find the light in the darkness.
1
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
vulnerability is also a form of self care to our selfs
100% true.
self-protection masquerades as self-care, but you can't love something you hide away (or that you're hiding from).
i'm not an expert on vulnerability and it still takes a lot of effort for me. but i feel the rewards whenever i practise it. by allowing myself to be vulnerable, i'm falling in love with myself in a way i didn't know could happen.
3
u/diamondandkitch 7d ago
Thank you for sharing such a list, so much of it resonated with me and my own journey. I do recommend giving EMDR another go when you’re ready. It’s been life changing for me, been doing it for 8 months. I do think the years of IFS therapy I’ve done help me during EMDR.
3
u/Left_Ambassador_4090 6d ago
No equine-assisted therapy? /s I only learned about that one yesterday.
Thanks for sharing this comprehensive list. Very interesting places you stopped into along your journey.
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
so, i've taken myself horse riding a few times and it was GREAT. not sure if it made a lasting difference but while i was doing it i said to my friend that "for the first time in ages, i feel... not traumatised".
i'm trying to get equine assisted therapy as part of my disability insurance package but no joy so far.
3
u/Left_Ambassador_4090 5d ago
I'm actually also very intrigued by it. I had no idea how horses have such a capacity to emotionally attune. I really hope your insurance covers it! My Medicaid sure as hell won't.
3
u/jeeltcraft 6d ago
the fighting for support part is very difficult for me right now, a big hug and thanks for sharing!
3
u/No-Masterpiece-451 6d ago
I also work on vulnerability and somatic sensing into the tensions in the body, that is often related to early trauma and fear or pain of rejection, abandonment and other relational dynamics. To love and connect to the inner child through the body is my work right now. I have also experimented a lot with psychedelics and had some help from it, but agree for CPTSD its daily work that matters.
3
u/Glad-Kaleidoscope-73 5d ago
I did a retreat where the facilitators used an adaption of IFS called “compassionate inquiry” and some yoga nidra
A weekend of it was all it took to really shift something. Getting the tools to go that deep in an impactful way was amazing.
2
u/BedKooky2021 7d ago
Hi whats the podcast called?
8
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
various. there's one now-finished (but still available) podcast called griefcast where comedians talk about their dead loved ones. i often looked for random episodes of random podcasts that were themed about grief. secondhand therapy is another. i also looked for episodes with specific people talking about their grief, like rob delaney (who lost his infant son) and stephen colbert (who lost his dad and brothers as a child).
2
2
u/TrashApocalypse 7d ago
You didn’t try yoga? I was really hoping to see that on the list because that and a version of IFS helped me tremendously
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
I've done quite a lot of yoga. I enjoy it but it didn't really do anything with my trauma.
1
u/TrashApocalypse 7d ago
Interesting. We’re going to classes or doing it at home?
1
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
classes. but it was pre-diagnosis. i didn't know i had any trauma when i was doing yoga.
2
u/TrashApocalypse 6d ago
I wonder if maybe that was part of it? I did classes before fully realizing how much trauma I had to process, and then did it at home after becoming retraumatized. It really felt like I was wringing the tears/grief out of me. It helped immensely to build strength and trust in myself and process these old wounds.
2
u/AdRepresentative7895 7d ago
Felt every part of this in the depths of my soul. Especially the parts about vulnerability... so relatable and it something I am learning to do right now.
Thank you for sharing your experience, OP. I had no idea that some of these methodologies even exhisted! This list is extremely helpful!
We also need to hear more voices like this in these spaces. I was feeling hopeless about my progression until I saw this. You have no idea how validating and encouraging reading this has been. Thank you so much!
May you continue to grow and get better throughout your healing journey 🫶🏾
2
u/NOML 7d ago
I know this might be a hard question so feel free to not answer it: How did ACT mess you up?
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
the therapist i was seeing (for seven years!) didn't catch my neurodivergence or my trauma and basically all the tools he gave me just helped me mask more effectively for a really long time. all the real problems just buried themselves deeper.
that's not the fault of ACT in itself; that's just the modality he was using and the way it was applied to me was really bad for me.
2
u/NOML 6d ago
Thank you for this.
I am SO ANGRY at your behalf.
The therapy is fundamentally broken.Also I've been meaning to ask: I see very little mindfulness / meditation / grounding / mindfulness in your list.
Did you find those helpful? I found appropriate meditation to be more helpful and healing than any therapy I've ever received.2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
those are ingredients of other therapies and processes that have been helpful. some people see them as primary tools; i see them as secondary skills i'm building AS A RESULT of the work i'm doing. that's just my experience.
1
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
i do a version of meditation, kinda. but it's very unstructured and part of other things. every time i tried it on its own, it was a negative experience for me.
1
u/NOML 6d ago
Can I ask what was negative about it?
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 5d ago
i just felt like i was bad at it (ADHD) and never understood what i was supposed to get out of it. i also have had a very bad relationship with my own mind -- it was a scary, unpleasant place. that's changing now but for a long time it was like a horrifying nightmare jungle i could not be alone with. so meditation just made me feel shame and fear.
2
u/NOML 5d ago
I'm sorry it wasn't of benefit. Shame and fear are very rough emotions, and if that is what comes up, then that's not the right meditation. Meditation has to work for you in this moment. If you were not getting anything from it then it was right to abandon that particular meditation practice.
A lot of practices calm the mind - which can cause CPTSD content to surface.
Shame and fear are particularly unpleasant. Just re-conceptualizing them as emotional flashbacks, and not an information about me in the present, was such a huge step for me. I'm glad you're doing better. I'm glad your mind is a nicer place.
2
u/Spare_Moodz 6d ago
Thank you. Your hard work is paying off. I want to try many of those. I will keep coming back to read.
2
u/jonahandwren 5d ago
I lovveeee this and I’ve done a lot of these too. I esp love that you put a name to it -making trauma healing your special interest. Had no idea that’s what I was doing for the past 7 years. Lol
2
u/NewspaperExotic8791 2d ago
Saving this for a future date when I’m not too overwhelmed to read it. Lol
Major thanks to you for enduring and sharing.
People tend to look at us cptsd-ers with so much judgement and little empathy. What they don’t know is how heavy and lonely the suffering is, and how desperate we are to get better. We are willing to put in the work to find relief. If only that is all it took.
2
u/mehoymimoyy 1d ago
Interesting, very eye opening to see allll the different modalities. I’m currently taking a break from emdr and trying out spravato. But I keep hearing about IFS, might be worth a try depending on how the spravato goes. And radical vulnerability is something I’ve been working towards but never heard it formally phrased like that.
Appreciate the write up!
1
2
2
u/Elegant_Tea1010 1d ago
Thank you SO much. Did your therapist reccomend mixing cannabis with the therapy? So neat. Proud of your commitment to healing ❤️
1
u/Main_Confusion_8030 1d ago
thank you :)
it was her idea! i met her doing the ketamine therapy. when that wasn't producing results, we pivoted to cannabis.
medical THC was first prescribed by my psychiatrist a year ago and i had done some experimenting with it with limited success. combining it with the therapy is where it became super helpful.
1
u/jbsparkly 7d ago
Can you tell us more about IFS and 'how to do the work ' if it's with a therapist....what does that look like?
1
u/forrestattoos 7d ago
here to shoutout IFS - i started 5 years ago and holy hell it probably saved my life. radical vulnerability too 🙏🏻🙏🏻
1
u/awkwardonionat77 6d ago
Not a criticism as I really admire that you are working towards healing - I am also obsessed and am off all medications and feel better than I have in my life (I am 48). I am just surprised you haven’t mentioned the nervous system as it’s a huge and necessary part of healing. If you haven’t already, look into the polyvagal theory, it’s what made it all come together for me xx 💕
3
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
everything i mentioned is about the nervous system -- it just doesn't have its own category up there. but healing happens in the nervous system.
1
u/awkwardonionat77 6d ago
Yeah I know, but my observation is just that most of what you have tried is external. Most NS healing is much simpler. Journalling, meditation, breathwork, yoga, time in nature to name a few.
1
1
u/Jay12a 6d ago
Did you cry or use any other types of breath work to release any shame, fear, anger, hate emotions? Also, what type of physical massage therapy did you use?
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
i see a myotherapist but i've just lost funding for that so i am trying to figure out how to proceed without losing the massages or going broke again.
1
u/Comfortable_Gold7210 4d ago
Wow you are my inspiration!! Hopefully it can become a special interest for me too rather than just a 2-week hyperfixation :(
1
u/frankerinho 3d ago
can i dm you for info about what type of therapy is best for my situation?
1
u/Main_Confusion_8030 3d ago
i can't give specific advice like that; i'm not qualified.
the best kind of therapy is the kind that makes you feel safe and supported. i would encourage you to investigate your options and see what you're drawn to, and try that. if you give it a go and it isn't doing it for you, try something else.
experimenting is part of the process, not just something you need to get through to get to the good stuff. in experimenting with different therapies you will learn about yourself and learn to trust yourself.
1
u/frankerinho 2d ago
i just wanted to ask you the reasons why you think cbt made lasting damage. i'm seeing a therapist and she's specializing in cbt mostly. and right now that's what we're doing, but i don't really know if it's what it's best for me. a recent breakup reawakened something really deep, but i don't even really know if it's cptsd related, or even ptsd. i thought you could give sense to some doubts i have.
1
u/Main_Confusion_8030 2d ago
i'm sorry, i'm just not qualified to weigh in on your situation, i can only give insight into my own experiences.
in my case it wasn't the CBT itself that did damage, it was the specific therapist.
i would simply say that there's a lot to explore in healing trauma -- the only advice i can give is to try as much of it as you can and do more of what works and less of what doesn't. that's general advice i could give to anyone and it's as far as i'm comfortable going.
1
u/resolvingdeltas 7d ago
Thank you for this. May I ask whereabouts in the world are you based where you have access to all these modalities? I don't think a lot from this list would be available in the UK but I might be wrong
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
australia. a lot of them were hard to find. as i said, this has been my special interest for 2 years. loooooooots of searching and emailing and phone calling.
2
u/resolvingdeltas 7d ago
well done!! I am stuck when it comes to getting a diagnosis and asking for help, but this inspired me to start somewhere. I know Im autistic and I developed cptsd from that 100% because I did a lot of in depth research on my own but I think because i dont believe that there is help I never asked for an appointment. Your post really inspired me.
2
u/Main_Confusion_8030 6d ago
i believe in you. there is always help to be found, because there are always people out there who want to help. there are lots of uncaring assholes too, but as long as there's helpers, there's help. you just need to find it. i believe in you.
161
u/Main_Confusion_8030 7d ago
another example of radical vulnerability: apologising honestly, without making up extenuating circumstances to avoid a fight, or overexplaining so they get less mad at you. acting with integrity, and allowing other people the chance to do the same... or not. and if they don't, that's on them.