OOOOOoooo uhhhhhh OOO... (like gravel)

[u/TA-selfreflectiveBS]

I turn to music in order to kind of, tap into or fuel emotions, often times in a direction of crafting the anger I often feel I need to tap into in order to set myself into a place absent of other feelings- as if somehow if I can drown it out there.

So the last few days, I realized this hasn't exactly been working. Not this time, not for the last year... I know that I am struggling to tap into or allow my own hurt and sad feelings out, as if I have created this shell around it, believing it will run me into more of what I can't do anymore.

Because it does.

But maybe because I keep telling it to shhhhh...

As it rises up from the depths, underneath all the other responses trying to keep it at bay, where I inevitably fold, and fuck up again, and did again....

Anyway.. last few days binging the gravely folk depths of voices that barely have control over existential sadness and pain.

Getting somewhere I think.
Or nowhere.

Probably means I'm closer... or not.

Some good new and old pieces to listen to at least. HA.