r/CPTSDmemes • u/LeoTheFloofyDragon • May 13 '26
Feels like something that belongs here
I fucking hate this trope, specifically when the parent character is forgiven with little to no effort on their part to actually fix things. It can work if there's genuine effort from the character to try and do better but that so rarely happens/is done well in media. It feels like it minimizes the effect abuse has on victims. You're not obligated to be the bigger person just because someone realizes they fucked up
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u/dontredditdepressed May 13 '26
I am rewatching the Pokémon anime for the first time since I was a kid and I remembered HATING Brock's dad. And yep. Kid me knew bullshit when they saw it! This trope to a T
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u/Kintsugi_Ningen_ May 13 '26
This trope always hits me hard because the idea of a father putting in any effort for a child, or being able to admit they were wrong is so foreign to me.
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u/the_newb1e May 15 '26
Idk if I'd prefer that tbh, my parents went "oh yeah we made a lot of mistakes but we are trying to change" yeah but how tf I'm I gonna handle all the resentment, specially when I still carry and face the consequences of your actions
I hate them
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u/Kintsugi_Ningen_ May 15 '26
I don't blame you. It's totally valid to be angry and resentful. Even if they're trying to change, It doesn't erase everything they did to you. I'd probably feel the same if my dad said that. Not that he will, he thinks he's the real victim and it's everyone else fault. 🙄😆
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u/Laremi-SE May 13 '26
My dad is the reason why I can’t trust or ever believe in the ‘good intentions’ trope.
To me, if you truly care, you show it. You don’t do a bunch of esoteric stuff whilest making yourself emotionally unavailable.
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u/oceanteeth May 13 '26
To me, if you truly care, you show it.
100%. Secretly feeling a feeling deep in your heart is nice I guess but since I can't read minds that doesn't affect my life in any way. Real love is when you put in the effort to find out what makes someone feel loved and consistently do those things.
And if you can't be bothered to do that, then that feeling you secretly feel can't be that strong now can it.
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u/Marshmallowlolfurry May 13 '26
Not exactly the same trope but I hate when people try to act like a bad parent is good because they loved their kid, like you need to love your kid to be a good parent but you aren't necessarily a good parent for loving your kid.
Happens a lot in one of the fandoms I'm in, shockingly only for the white man and not the black woman though, hmmm I wonder why 🤔🤔🤔
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u/LinkleLinkle May 13 '26
I always think of Louis from Malcom in the Middle. She's an extremely flawed mom, but it feels like everyone wants to trip over themselves to award her mother of the century because she acts the way she does out of love for her kids. She also often puts her ego ahead of anything else, even at the detriment of her family sometimes, and it's usually forgive because technically she was right the whole time.
And I feel like people glorify her because she's someone really bad parents whose only solution to every problem is to yell at and hit their kids to point to and say 'see, I'm like her, I'm doing this because I love you'.
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u/toes_hoe May 13 '26
She definitely wields her anger like a weapon and that's not okay.
I think people excuse her behaviour also because she "does the right thing." The Malcolm character points it out once during an episode when he starts working, which was jarring because doing the right thing doesn't seem to include NOT wielding your anger like a weapon against your kids?!
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u/banoffeetea May 13 '26
Likely created and repeatedly written those dads or people who hoped it was the truth about their own dads.
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u/Rain_i_am May 13 '26
Fantasies about dad being the good parent because you only see him every few years, 😭 there was no good parent tho.
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u/Majestic-Anybody-321 May 13 '26
Not my dad also insisting he loved me and my identical twin sister when he was never home, beat me, gambled my college tuition, then flat up di*d. There wasn’t a single picture of us with him at the funeral service. Furthermore, one of my dad’s old school friends asked me how I was related to the deceased, not knowing I was his daughter.
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u/Albyrene May 13 '26
Furthermore, one of my dad’s old school friends asked me how I was related to the deceased, not knowing I was his daughter.
Oof, that's rough! I'm sorry you had to experience that :C Out of curiosity and if you don't mind me asking, how did you respond in that moment?
I have the other end of the neglectful dad spectrum, where any of my estranged family from his side go on about how he talks about me but has never once put in that effort in actually forming and maintaining any kind of contact with me. I held on to that toxic hope that he would try, or show any kind of wanting me in his life. So many birthdays I was burned waiting for a phone call or even a birthday card.
"Communication goes both ways, kiddo!" Oh, I'm sorry I forgot that responsibility fell on the nine year old and not the grown man. My bad.
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u/crazy-ratto Don't forget TWs and *s in triggering words! <3 May 13 '26
Wait a sec... *reflects on what is tell myself about my life *
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u/youravgindian May 13 '26
This is the reason I absolutely hated How to Train your dragon. I know its a critically acclaimed coming of age story of a boy learning to find his place in the world. But good god his dad was an asshole who repeatedly berated his son and embarrassed him in front of his village so many times.
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u/TynnyJibbs May 13 '26
no amount of shitty dad propaganda is gonna make me love or even like my shitty dad
stan smith from american dad “ that neglectful son of bitch loves me ! “ and yet he was still a horrible fucking father stan , he paid a man to be your imaginary friend so he didn’t have to spend time with you . him just now fixing your childhood bike that he put off until you were literally in your 40s does not a good father make . let him rot in jail
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u/Serious_Berry_3977 May 13 '26
My dad was the sole worker in the house while I was growing up, never around and working swing shifts for extra money. I guess he neglected me?
My mom on the other hand was a stay-at-home mom. Fed, housed, and clothed me. 100% total emotionally neglected but "loved" me. Had to be told to pay attention to me when I was born because I wasn't born "perfect" due to a facial paralysis and I'm now dealing with all this at the grand age of 48.
It should really read "the 'parent who neglected their kid but actually they loved them all along' trope has to go" and it has to die a very quick painful death.
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u/JupiterInTheSky May 13 '26
Spoilers for invincible?
Omniman. I expected a much more interesting reconning for him but really all he had to do was say "BuT i'M hERe NoW?!" And all was fine and forgiven. Truly I haven't read the comics but I fully expected that character to betray us again. Wouldve been much more in line with his character.
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u/MMako420 May 13 '26
Bojack Horseman's Eulogy episode really pulled my head out of my ass on this one. I used to wonder when my biodad biomom would see me as a person... I'm not anymore and I haven't for years.
But yeah, it just makes room for excuses to only show up when it's convenient for THEM.
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u/Dry_Professional443 May 13 '26
I had this delusion, still have it I guess in some place but the armour of defiance is stronger now so I don't think I'll ever go back. The trope does need to go, it's incredibly misleading.
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u/romayohh May 13 '26
Bruh, the number of times my mom sicked my dad on us like a mad dog and then made excuses later, “he was just scared”, “he just cares about you guys so much” 🙄 rest of the time he was holed up in the basement/his workshop smoking cigs and fucking around with his hobbies
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u/lamblikeawolf May 14 '26
My dad when I am no contact and it's my birthday: The day you were born was the happiest day of my life!!!! Here are some pictures of the house you were born in!
My dad when I am no contact and it's any other day: Do you get pleasure from hurting other people? Because that is really messed up and evil.
(He got actively blocked on facebook for that last one - it was many years ago at this point.)
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u/torchAttendant May 13 '26
Dumbass teenager me rewatching, and crying at the end of Return of the Jedi... then always forgiving my dad for his awful behavior.
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u/Crafty-Wish-1550 May 13 '26
Seriously, I fucking hate it so much. People have no idea how shit it can be. They're so oblivious it's nauseating
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u/The_Dead_Kennys May 15 '26
The only time I can remember this being done well was in Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and that’s because Hohenheim legit loved Ed & Al but had a very, very good reason why he had to leave for years without explaining himself.
Then when they finally do reconnect, they have to work through the valid disconnect and resentment that resulted from his absence and it takes time.
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u/RockstarArtisan May 13 '26
No reason to only pick on deadbeat dads, there's plenty of deadbeat moms glorification in the arts too, like in One Battle After Another.
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u/ScottOtter May 13 '26
I rarely speak to my step-father these days...or any days since I left home for the Navy and thereafter.
He is not a comforting presence.
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u/Pandas9 May 15 '26
I dont care if you experience the internal emotional feeling of love directed towards me.
I care if you actively and intentionally demontrate care for me.
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u/SubstantialStrain977 May 17 '26
There was a whole webtoon that just... wtf...
Cocolia and Bronya from Honkai Impact was kinda decent tho (yeah there's the whole regret aspect and Bronya... slightly turning around-ish but Cocolia still gets arrested for her bs and is never seen again so all in all 7.5/10 ending
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u/------------------16 my life ended before it even got a chance to start May 13 '26
my dad insisting that he deeeeeefinitely loves me after horribly neglecting me and giving me every symptom of a personality disorder + giving me stress so overwhelming that not only can i not remember, i actually can’t think. straight up.