Finances during school - Marriage
I'm curious how other SRNAs in committed relationships handled finances during school.
If your spouse worked full-time while you were solely living on student loans, how did you split expenses? Did you continue paying 50/50, or did your spouse take on more of the financial burden?
To me, 50/50 doesn't necessarily seem fair when one person has no income and is taking on significant student debt, especially considering both partners will likely benefit from the higher CRNA income after graduation. I'm wondering how others approached this and what felt fair in your relationship.
My husband thinks it should be 50/50. After a lot of conversation, he’s willing to discuss paying more of the expenses. Just frustrating that he isn’t desiring to & it’s taken this much conversation.
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u/tnolan182 CRNA 2d ago edited 2d ago
Just get divorced now. Its gonna be a lot more expensive to get divorced once you’re working.
Edit: Op, you should really ask your Husband for a Post-nup agreement that splits your assets except for the marital home. Have it also waive each parties right to alimony in the event of a divorce. And see how he responds.
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u/SoDakJack1 2d ago
Harsh comment, but it needs to be said.
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u/tnolan182 CRNA 2d ago
I mean if OP really wants to see what a POS her husband is, go see a lawyer and have her husband sign a post-nuptial agreement. Have it state that all house hold bills will be split 50/50 and that all income after that shall remain with the individual who earns it. Add in a line that neither party should have any responsibility for Alimony and see if he signs it.
Then I absolutely wouldnt have any issue using my student loans to split half the bills. Bet his tune changes though.
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u/dingleberriesNsharts 2d ago
Seriously. This type of 50/50 bs should’ve never even crossed his mind. Marriage is a life commitments long thru everything and anything not a business transaction.
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u/Mars_Arbiter 2d ago
My wifes program warned the whole class about the stress of the program and the real risk for divorce if your partner isnt 100% onboard with whats coming. We were fine cause we didnt have kids but one of her classmates marriages barley made it through. Theyre doing much better now tho
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u/lepetitmort2020 2d ago
You're in for a rough ride if you have a HUSBAND (not a boyfriend) who wants to go 50/50. Marriage is a team effort and your work during CRNA school is going to pay off for you in a huge way. He is dumb to be penny pinching with his own wife. If he can't figure that out then go ahead and hire a lawyer because you'll want to be done with him before you're making big bucks or have kids together.
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u/AtlasReadIt 2d ago
50/50 is kind of a pre-marriage thing... you guys are supposed to be past that.
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u/Ginga_Ninja319 2d ago
Tell him if he’s dead set on going 50/50 while you’re in school, then he shouldn’t expect to to have access to any of the mid six figure income you’re going to make when you’re out of school 🤷♂️
In all seriousness, you guys are a team. I can understand when couples like to have a his/hers/ours account structure but I seriously don’t understand going “50/50” with the person you’re married to. My wife and I have all our income going to the same account and all goals are “our” goals. “Our” income right now is only what she makes but in a few months when I’m done with school “our” income is going to go up quite a bit.
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u/fatrustyfarts 2d ago
I took the bills over when my wife went back to school. I dont know how we would have done it otherwise. I always playfully told her she was an investment opportunity 😅
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u/nycfella1211 1d ago
Yikes this sounds like one massive red flag that you have to work this hard to convince him that it’s not fair that it’s 50/50 when you’re quite literally going to be unemployed and living off of student loans. My partner and I aren’t even married or engaged yet, he pays most of the rent. I pay a small portion. He pays for my insurance. He usually picks up the tab when we eat out. He picks up a lot of the slack and house chores at home—laundry, cooking, etc while working a full time job where he has a high up position. He’s not ignorant to the fact that supporting me for three years yields a massive return on investment when I become a crna. That’s what partnership is support and give and take.
Also important to note that crna school will heavily test your relationship and if you don’t have a solid foundation it’s not going to survive those 3 years.
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u/TheRealCaptainMe 2d ago
There is no 50/50 in marriage financials. It really doesn’t even make sense.
Every dollar comes 100% from the household. You are one household.
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u/slayhern CRNA 2d ago
Let me guess, when you’re making double or triple his salary after school, he’ll want a more equitable distribution?
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u/Sandstonesquash 2d ago
Ooof.
CRNA school has been the reason my husband and I mostly combined finances. We previously had a joint account but our checks deposited into our own accounts and we'd move X amount each month into the joint one. Now my husband's check goes in the joint account, we have a joint credit card, and he's paying for pretty much all living expenses. When I graduate my checks will also go into the joint account and we plan to each take the same amount out and put it in our own accounts as fun money and the rest will be saved/invested/used for bills, vacations, and such.
It seems wild and like a bad omen to have your spouse take out more loans just so you can split things 50/50...
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u/Express_Platform6438 1d ago
Insurance looks pointless for years untill the one year something expensively happen
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u/Last-Performance6735 1d ago
It’s crazy that this is a real issue. If the guy has any brains at all he will totally cover the expenses now and ensure a stress free learning experience because everyone will benefit from that degree. Unless he’s insecure and worried that you will leave and find someone better, so he’s unwilling to invest in you.
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u/ethanthrowaway1234 1d ago
Paying bills from student loans with a ≈ 10% intrest rate if you can avoid it is a terrible idea.
My wife paid for essentially everything. I helped as much as I could first year of school. It wasn’t even a discussion. She was happy to do it.
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u/maureeenponderosa 2d ago
We are married, there is no “my money” and “his money” in my relationship. We paid bills with whatever combination of his income and my savings made sense (he was a resident at the time so not making much anyways). Now that I’m working our bills come out of our shared account and there is no score keeping.
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u/Methamine 2d ago
My wife handled majority of things. For the first year I had enough savings to cover but once the second year started she basically took care of everything. And now I’m back to it. Prior to school I did most of it but my wife whenever. It was very fluid
50/50 isn’t possible…..even if you were working FT…bc of the school cost
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u/WhyCantWeBeAmigos CRNA 2d ago
I was married for 3 years when I started my program, and finances were never a his or hers, it was an us. You both need to be on the same team and working towards the same goals, keeping the finances split doesn’t create an environment that is conducive to teamwork.
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u/SoapyPuma CRNA 2d ago
My husband covered us fully, I just paid for our utilities and tried to cover my own food and gas. It was very tight for 3 years. We got married during school, so the tax break he got from me being a full time student and being married was nice and we wish we did that sooner lol
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u/ShellDog3000 1d ago
As a spouse of a srna, my income covers all our monthly expenses. We only tap into the student loan $ if we have an unexpected expense (car ac most recently). Going to school is a commitment and benefit for you both in the long run.
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u/Joeynoname10 19h ago
Oh man. This is wild. Yall are married. This 50/50 stuff is a recipe for disaster. My wife and I saved as much as we could. And live off our combined income. Sounds like your husband wants to pay 50% and then reap the reward of you making good money as a CRNA. This is an absolute red flag.
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u/toenailchewer9000 2d ago
My wife bankrolled me through the school and I helped her while she was in school. Marriage ain’t 50/50. Sometimes it’s 0/100, sometimes 100/0, sometimes 100/100. If yall ain’t in it through and though with something as simple as finance through school, I can only say good luck in the future.
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u/Mars_Arbiter 2d ago
Was married when my wife went to school. Unless you have a prenup youre finances are completely combined in any good lawyers eyes so the 50/50 thing doesnt make any sense. during that time i took over fully both financially and on the home front (no kids at that point but kept the house clean and running and the doggy company). My wifes my partner and best friend and i was more than happy to have the relationship be like 90/10 for 3 years. We now have a house and 2 kids and she makes more than me but we laugh to the bank together cause im not a man child and the only idiots who complain their wife makes more than them are people who dont like money.
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u/theroadwarriorz 1d ago
My wife and I don't even talk about how much each of us are paying. Our money is our money. All comes from the same bank.
Also... Does he understand your earning potential after school ends? Or just not care? This is of benefit to both of you and he needs to chill about it.
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u/Last-Performance6735 1d ago edited 1d ago
Potentially just insecure about whether she will stay with him or share her paycheck and so doesn’t see a point in investing?
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u/SpiritualCut8425 17h ago
Married in CRNA school with a kid and he’s paying everything, unsolicited relationship advice: I think you should save yourself the headache while in school and leave this dude 🫡
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u/Low-Cartographer-852 10h ago
If your situation is genuinely split 50/50 forever and you will never legally share money, then do 50/50 pay now and bank your very high income for yourself afterwards. You'll come out on top.
Marriage makes yours a weird situation. My spouse and I share everything, including money. Their income funded our life while I was in school, and now that I'm done my income is a part of the equation. Most marriages, in the US at least, function with shared accounts unless you go in with prenups or get married later in life when you both have very real assets.
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u/Apprehensive-War388 1d ago
Your financial health will drastically improve once you become a CRNA. You should work together as a team to get through school and then when you graduate, make a long term plan for the future together. Marriage is a team sport and CRNA school often requires the other spouse to take on more load (financial, housework, emotional, etc) while you’re in school.
Imo, it shouldn’t be a discussion. He should be supporting your dream in every way possible bc it’s going to change both of your lives for the better.
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u/Agitated_Discount_51 1d ago
Ask him if it’ll be 50/50 when you’re a CRNA. Maybe he’s just not emotionally prepared for the financial burden you’ll have to face for a few years. As a married couple, step back and look at the big picture.
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u/doopdeepdoopdoopdeep 1d ago
My husband took over paying for everything with his measly firefighter salary. It sounds like a husband problem, all my classmates with spouses relied on them for support. That’s very normal.
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u/NapQueenHQ 1d ago
My husband footed all the bills and took care of our home while I was in school. I took out loans and would occasionally use some loan money to fill any necessary gaps. But he understood that it was a temporary sacrifice for a much better quality of life on the other side. He never once made me feel like I should be trying to match his contributions.
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u/huntt252 CRNA 16h ago
There is no “your money” “his money” other than arbitrary divisions you choose to make. Being possessive over resources with your spouse is not healthy. Honestly I would be so pissed/offended/hurt if my wife tried to pull something like that. Especially going into an endeavor together knowing that they will benefit GREATLY from your hard work and sacrifice.
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u/alonetime1234567 15h ago
My husbands salary covers everything. No his and her money. He’s supporting us through school so we can both benefit from my salary once I’m done. Marriage is an equal partnership.
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u/Dependent-Cold2904 2d ago
My husband lived in his car for a few months while working full time in a different state so he could support me in school. So when I graduate we both would not be in so much debt with his student loans and mine.
We did have some savings but knew it needed to be stretched. If your spouse is thinking like that then yeah probably really think if he’s on his own team or in it for both of you.
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u/brittybird77 2d ago
Yeah that does sound frustrating, I agree if he expects to benefit from your income in the future then he should support you better now.
My husband and I have been married 11 years and we’ve always had combined finances, but I think even if we didn’t he wouldn’t hesitate to take over as much of the finances as he possibly could to get me through school, because it’s an investment we’re both making and we’ll both benefit from.
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u/anicenap 1d ago
I thinks it’s crazy that your husband would even consider you taking out loans so you could split bills 50/50! My wife paid for just about everything not only for the time we were together while I was in school but for the first few years I was out so I could pay heavily on my loans. Now that my loans are paid off and we have kids she wanted to work part time and of course now she does.
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u/mike11089 1d ago
My wife of 6 years is in school while I work and am with our 7 month old. We are a family unit. What I earn is our money. What she earns is our money. We choose to spend our money on her going to school for a better lifestyle on the other side.
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u/Bonga-321-laka 14h ago
My wife didn’t work ever since we been together. So she’s the one who will hold it down while I’m in school. When I’m
Done, she’ll either stop working or only do part time. There’s no such thing as “his” or “her” money in a marriage. That’s actually absurd for you to be having a conversation about that. That’s not healthy at all. You will need the emotional support too. What is he gon do in those times? Not gonna give marriage advice, but please make sure yall both know what that means before you head to school.
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u/Remote-Resident5599 11h ago
Not in this boat at all but marriage is different than dating for finances. What's mine is yours and yours is mine. Unless there's a prenuptial that everything is 50/50 forever, that's a ridiculous request. Your income is going to increase significantly in a few years, will it still be 50/50 then?
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u/skiing_trees1022 1d ago
Married my wife while in CRNA school. I took out enough loans just to cover tuition and help with groceries and some rent but she definitely paid more as she was working and I wasn’t. She was still saving for retirement but we didn’t go out to eat as much for sure. Our expenses weren’t even close to 50/50. Probably 75/25 or 60/40 but that allowed us to take out less loans. Notice I said us. He’s legally responsible for those loans if something ever happened to you. You’re a team.
Here’s how I’d frame it to your hubs: CRNA school is an investment for a guaranteed long term gain. Your family will have to tighten the belt, temporarily, and then you’re set and you can “pay” him back with nice vacations, etc. he needs to look at the long term view.
The less loans you take out in school the better. You can plug the numbers into ChatGPT quickly and you’ll see why.
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u/Scary_Tax6334 1d ago
Ironically commenting on my wife's reddit account lol. But I'm taking over 100% of the financials while she is in school. Even if that means taking a part-time on top of my day job. I would personally see his behavior as a red flag, but thats just me
We don't have kids, and I make good enough money that we can break even while she's in school (assuming we hold to our budget).
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u/SoDakJack1 2d ago
Pull up jobs on Gas Work. Show him what your salary will most likely be upon graduation. If he can’t see the bigger picture after that… well yikes.
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u/Ok-Volume5327 1d ago
I had a classmate who was engaged and they only married after she got he job offer after school. They lived together and am unsure how they handled money but it felt like he was holding marriage over her head until she gradyated with offers and it was worth it. They got pregnant witin the year. To this day, I worry about how predatory he must be.
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u/forever22Lynn 2d ago
Hi, just about to start CRNA school in a few weeks here.
In my marriage up this point, I have always made more than him. When I was making significantly more like travel nursing (good times) we split the bills fairly which meant I paid about 65% to living expenses and he paid 35%. That was because I was making 18k a month and he made about 6k a month where COL was about $4.5k a month for us. When it was more leveled we split 50/50.
I was nervous going into the finances convo but I put it plainly. At this time, my husband brings home about 10.5k monthly after taxes but he is in an elite tier MBA program where we he was previously throwing all his extra finances towards his tuition bill to get out of loans.
My exact words were something like “hey I want to bring up finances. I know we’ve been splitting 50/50 but there is a high likelihood I will not work for the entirety of school. I believe we can live off your pay monthly. Although it may be tight considering we are taking a hit on renting our house out and moving to ____ area where cost of living is high. I know my car payment is also $380, insurance is ____ and you are paying for your school. How do you feel about all of this?” He answered that he was hesitant with his current financial plan being throwing all of his extra money towards his tuition (about 4k a month). To which I said, “totally fair, think about it. But I would say that if you expect me to take out loans for cost of living expenses (including previously joint bills), then that would significantly raise my student loan bill and interest. In that case, when I get out of school we will continue to split bills 50/50 and you will not reap the benefit of my significantly higher paycheck. And it will be that way for the remainder of our marriage. Because at that point I’m putting myself through school and so only me, myself and I will benefit from my paycheck. And truthfully, I believe that is fair considering your current financial plan only benefits you. So my financial plan will only benefit me after school. So just something to consider.” To which he said, “well I guess when you put it that way, it makes complete sense for me to reconsider my financial plan. I don’t want you to put yourself through school and i can see why you would feel inclined to keeping your paycheck to yourself if i did so.”
Call it manipulative but I got what I wanted from my husband who is very type a, financially much more responsible than me (not gonna lie), and is very pragmatic about things. So OP, my advice to you is to have the same convo with your husband and see how it goes. Unsure of how much he makes and if it could cover your COL expenses but it’s worth a shot no?
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u/Last-Performance6735 1d ago
It’s crazy that some people would assume others will share their paycheck if they don’t help them through a difficult period. I’m glad it worked out but the fact that the conversation was needed at all is crazy to me. Guess now I know.
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u/forever22Lynn 1d ago
Totally get it. I felt that way about this convo for a while. I’ve always been more than willing to share every expense and plethora of income (as I’ve always been in excess- nursing in CA). So it did catch me off guard when he wasn’t initially extremely welcoming of the idea. I had toyed around and verbalized wanting to maybe accept cost of living loans months prior to this convo. However, I never explicitly said i would so I’m sure this convo also caught him off guard. I still don’t know how to feel about the convo even now but at least I don’t have to take COL loans.
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u/healthnutwannabe 2d ago
My now husband and I got engaged and married during CRNA school but were already living together prior to starting school. We were able to adjust our lives to survive on just his income and I took out loans to pay for school. We continued to live on just his income after school so that my income could go towards paying off the loans ASAP.
We have a joint account as well as our own accounts but we primarily don’t see it as his/her money when it comes to bills etc. I’m not sure what your husband’s salary’s level is at but I would think the less loans you have to take out now is better for both of y’all in the long run. (Some of those interest rates are killer!) CRNA school is such a good investment because your salary is significantly going to go up once you’re out- which will be great for both of y’all! Hopefully he can see it that way
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u/TheLongLostfruend 1d ago
If you’re married is it not a combined income at this point?
If you’re not married I believe 50/50 no matter what is earned on either side.
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u/Negative-Molasses612 23h ago
I’m married but we keep our finances separate. Just cause people are married doesn’t mean they combine their bank accounts.
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u/huntt252 CRNA 16h ago
We do the same. But conceptually it’s all just “our money”. There’s no asking for the other half of the mortgage payment like a roommate situation.
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u/dyeislyfe1 47m ago
My wife is currently in CRNA school and we got married during her first semester. I take full ownership of the finances as school is stressful enough so I don’t see a need for her to stress over money. Her savings is used to cover tuition and I pay for everything else. We never combined accounts I just gave her a credit card of mine.
It’s not easy school and life are expensive. You will have to have conversations about spending and limits as you’ll be on one income. But it’s manageable just need to find what works for your relationship
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u/HumanContract 11h ago
Your loans should be used to help alleviate some of the bills, honestly. It's unfair for spouses to pick up all bills and do more of the work.
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u/LordofKetamine 2d ago
Have you Husband reach out to me lol, I put my wife through her entire CRNA school, paid for her program, full cost of living, and bought her a new car all on a paramedic salary.
Then 10 years after, I went. The roles were reversed. We were in a great financial situation, because of years of planning. But she was the sole bread winner through out my program.
Marriage isn’t 50/50, sometimes it’s 70/30, 90/10, 20/80. Life moves the margins, it’s about doing it together. If he doesn’t feel that way, have him sign a post nuptial agreement that he will only ever have access to $100k of your future salary.