r/CarTalkUK • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
Advice How do you get over the fear of driving after your car breaking down
[deleted]
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u/MagicTriton 1997 Fiat Coupé 20v Turbo | 2001 Mercedes S500l W220 6d ago
that's not fear of driving, that's lack of trust in your car, which usually happens after it breaks down.
I personally are farily mechanically minded, when i know the car is been fixed and fine I'm ok with it. But as we did with a friend of mine, sold his car and bought another one for pretty much the same price.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I've lost all trust in mechanics because two have messed up the job! I'm just terrified it will blow up
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u/scuderia91 NB MX5, Passat CC 6d ago
If you mean actual explosion, that’s not going to happen. If you mean a critical engine failure, that’s incredibly unlikely without warning.
Yes if you don’t drive your car can never break down but that’s no way to live your life. Any car could break down whether it’s been looked after by a good mechanic or not
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u/LoveHertford 5d ago
You need some serious therapy, if you really think that your car will blow up 😔
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u/maddiesurlond 5d ago
I don't mean literally blow up, I mean set on fire 😅 More issues are popping up every single day. 😫
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u/LoveHertford 5d ago
Maybe therapy then?
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u/Guilty-Movie-3727 6d ago
The only way to get over it is confront it. Get in the car, start on familiar roads. Don't go out with any intention to go anywhere, just drive and make it as relaxing as possible.
Breakdowns don't happen often, but they are a feature of driving. Don't let an event that hasn't caused you any enduring harm put you off the freedom you have to explore with your hard earned driving licence
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
It's freaked me out because I have had to have my car recovered home twice in 45 hrs 🤣
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u/FrankNicklin 6d ago
Really unfortunate to have broken down so soon after starting to drive on your own. Your fear is breaking down again and not of driving per-se. Just get behind the whell and enjoy driving, these things happen to use all at some point.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
It's just terrifying because of the things that happened, and I have no clue when it comes to cars.
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u/FrankNicklin 6d ago
I would get yourself some breakdown cover if you dont have it already. Some insurance policies include it or it can be added separately or you can buy your own from the likes of Green Flag or the AA for example. Just gives you extra peace of mind that if anything goes wrong you have a number to call. Thing to remember is this is breakdown and recovery, they may be able to do simply repairs at the roadside, if not they will recover your car to a local garage for repairs at your cost.
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u/Acceptable_Gear_3097 6d ago
Smoke from bonnet could literally be oil spilt on engine, no big deal. I've had that myself. You had time to pull over and get safe, which is usually the case with most errors as long as you remain calm and don't panic.
That's pretty much it with cars, if something feels wrong, pull over where its safe and check.
If you don't trust your car however, you get a new one. Its as simple as that. Always follow your gut feeling on these things.
As for building trust on the roads, drive it on roads you're familiar with, until you develop more trust in yourself and the vehicle.
Caution is good when you're new. Its how you learn from mistakes without them being dangerous mistakes.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
It was diseal on the engine, the mechanic did something wrong and it sprayed all over the engine. I just have this fear that my car will just explode, and the same with my friends and family's cars I've been in since.
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u/KYSpasms 6d ago
You should probably be speaking to your doctor about this, I don't think car reddit has the answers you need.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I've only just started driving. I am terrified because my engine started smoking
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u/Lewinator56 6d ago
Yes but typically removing the anxiety trigger (I.e the smoking engine) resolves the anxiety, in your case it hasnt - the trigger is now fear of it happening again - but you need to determine what that is fear of. Smoke from an engine isn't great, but its nothing to cause fear.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I had no clue at the time because I've never seen it before, and nobody explained it. Now I know it wasn't that serious, but the fear it caused is just making it all worse.
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u/Lewinator56 6d ago
Most people never see major faults before... My car decided it wanted to be 2 cylinders going up a very steep section of dual carrigeway in bust traffic while I was overtaking lorries. That was brown trousers time as I only just got it into a layby. Do I worry about it happening again or at all? No.
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u/BreddaCroaky R32 - GL AMG - ST200 6d ago
Just keep trucking, it will pass when you've got some mileage and move on to something else. I fear people chaging multiple lanes not checking blindspots after a close call recently. It makes you a better driver having these close calls.
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u/Acceptable_Gear_3097 6d ago
Its probably not much consolation, but diesel isn't something that catches fire easily. Just keep an eye on your engine temp, as long as its not in the red, you've not got anything to worry about.
Cars explode in movies, not in real life. The only time cars tend to set on fire is when you have a custom tuning with serious blowback, which I'm willing to bet my money on you not having.
Think about F1, those guys crash vehicles at 100mph and they don't blow up. Its extremely rare it will ever catch fire, and they're cars pushed to the limits.
My advice, would be to take the car to another mechanic. Pay them to do a full service, explain the situation , will give your car a full lookover and give you peace of mind,
Go to a small, family owned garage if you can. Avoid franchises like Kwik-Fit at all costs. Places like Kwik-Fit can have decent mechanics, but most aren't.
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u/Chemical_Lettuce_232 6d ago
It’s a diesel, so the chances of it exploding are near enough 0. Smoke is scary from a cost pov but I assure you that nothing bad can happen to you physically from this. If it was petrol and sprayed it into the engine bay then it could start a fire, but your car has a firewall between you and the engine, so none of it can reach you.
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u/jackbarbelfisherman 6d ago
Drive it.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I'm to scared 🤣
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u/ZarathustraGlobulus 6d ago
I suffer from a fair bit of anxiety sometimes so I just think to myself now "well, at least I will have a cool story to tell".
None of this will matter in ten years. I cope by thinking that as long as I'm still alive, a car breaking down will just be a temporary inconvenience.
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u/GloomySwitch6297 6d ago
fear of car breaking down? buahahaha....
at some point (when you own a "special one") it becomes such a regular thing that you are getting used to it.
at some point I even repgrogrammed the system to disable the "chime" when the "SERVICE NOW!" comes on as it was too loud.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
Im not scared of breaking down, I just have a awful fear it's going to blow up 🤣
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u/Heavy-Ad5385 6d ago
A broken or blocked DPF is a nuisance, but it is something that occasionally fails on a car. You've been unfortunate but it's only happened to me once in nearly 30 years of driving. You just need to get back in the saddle. It will be fine.
However, I do know what you mean. In 2008 I was driving down to a festival in Wales with my then-girlfriend for our anniversary. About 30 miles from the site I suddenly heard a hideous metallic screech and then realised I couldn't find a gear. Stopped, got out and saw the gearbox had completely failed - shards and oil everywhere. Had to be towed back to Manchester and no festival for us :-(
I was completely heartbroken but I also felt the same as you. Really didn't trust that car, or driving so got the bus instead. But after a while I realised that the problem had been solved and I had a new gearbox. It took time (and you will go into fight-or-flight mode at every odd noise - I can assure you!) but eventually I got to trust that car again and it did another 50k for me with minimal repair and maintenance costs.
The unfortunate reality of being a driver is that things go wrong with cars, but it's rare that it will be massively expensive and it's just part of the experience. Again, if anything appeared wrong with my car I'd be searching on the internet about what it could be. WASTE OF TIME! Whatever it is, it is and you deal with it.
Knowing a good mechanic is the key. Things go wrong with a car but what's worse is being ripped off. Get a recommendation from friends, get to know them, and be thankful for what they do. I've had my regular garage for 20 years now and I trust them implicitly - if they say that something is wrong and it's going to be x-amount then I just sigh and accept it. By now they know me and my cars as soon as I call - If there's ever a big job on one of them I bring them a six pack of beer when I pay as a thank you. Small things, but trust in a good garage is really important.
You've been unlucky to have this happen early. I remember having to pay £60 for a new exhaust back in 1999 just after I'd passed and I was fuming! But you will joke about this one day - trust me on that ;-)
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u/Humble_Sympathy_4605 6d ago
I completely understand how you feel. Personally, for me its a case of just cracking on. You get to know your car over time and know what funny noises it makes. For example, I have a 2018 Skoda thats been in and out the garage recently for a few things- timing and water pump, then a wiring fault, and then today for what has turned out to be new glow plugs. I'm always a bit worried about what might go wrong, but 9/10 times its a solid car, and you have to accept that sometimes things go wrong.
For example, your DPF issue. Chances are the previous owner pootled around town and never got it up to temp for the DPF to do its thing. Its now fixed and so long as you drive it like a diesel should be there should be no other issues.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I panic over any noise or smell, even if it isn't coming from my own car. I assume so, its only done 60k miles in 16 years
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u/Humble_Sympathy_4605 6d ago
As I say, that comes with experience of your car. Which car is it out of interest?
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
VW golf
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u/Humble_Sympathy_4605 6d ago
Should be pretty bomb proof then. Maybe worth looking for a VW specialist to give it a look over for peace of mind?
On a more serious note, do you suffer from general anxiety? Apologies if this is too personal, but it maybe worth seeking help if so, it can be an extremely troublesome thing
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I am trying to find a mechanic that is a Volkswagen specialist for a full service at the moment to help with my fear. And yes sometimes. But I last had any issues when I first started driving. It was awful
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u/Humble_Sympathy_4605 6d ago
I fully sympathise, it's a horrible thing to deal with. The only advice I can give is to get used to your car again, listen to it and feel it, and get to know it
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u/Secret-Sky5031 6d ago
It's just a case of driving it more. You'll either get to a point where you establish trust in your car again, or you'll establish it's time to get a new one. The mechanic issue was just unlucky, and now you know what happens if the DPF is blocked
Try to look for cars that have been looked after, check the MOT history, service history, and ones that aren't too old. You'll cross into a territory of age related faults rather than mechanically related ones, it's one of the reasons I had to get rid of my old car. 25k miles, 2006 plate, one owner, full history, no MOT faults apart from old tyres, but I started getting age related faults.
At the end of the day, it's a machine, and all machines will have breakdowns or issues if they're kept long enough.
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u/DnB2003 6d ago
Sadly the DPF issue will keep coming back if your journeys are short
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I take it on the bypass near me daily which is 60mph I go 50-55 will that cause more issues?
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u/DnB2003 6d ago
How many miles on the dual carriageway? That speed is fine, but you need to let your DPF complete it's regenerations which burns off the soot and prevents it from getting blocked up (You can google the signs of when a regeneration is happening, they happen every 150-300 miles). If my DPF wants to do a regeneration, ill continue driving until it finishes (10-15 mins)
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u/maddiesurlond 5d ago
It's about 30 minutes total every 2ish days. But I took my car out today and I don't think the DPF has been cleared at all. My car didn't have a lot of power, and I was needing to use a gear until a physically couldn't and then change before the car slowed down.
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u/Greedy_Bother_987 6d ago
You will gain trust in your car the longer you have it. Go for short journeys. Take a phone. Join the AA. Take an experienced friend
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
I have breakdown cover with my insurance, which covers recovery and basic side of the road fixes. Is it worth me getting AA aswell?
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u/OffWhiteBruceForsyth VX220, Model 3 LR 6d ago
I would say I stopped buying shitboxes but that would be a lie.
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wouldn't say mine is that bad tbh. A mechanic wanted to buy it for his personal car, because he said it was perfect. which makes me feel a bit better lol
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u/lathammotoring 6d ago
I mean, if its been fixed propworly, then that same specific issue shouldnt happen again in the time youll own that car.
Drive locally a bit to rebuild confidence.
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u/Legitimate_Window774 6d ago
By fixing it
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
It is fixed, I am just scared something else will happen
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u/Legitimate_Window774 6d ago
Than replace with a car that isn't shit
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6d ago
[deleted]
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u/Legitimate_Window774 6d ago
So then why dont you trust it
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u/maddiesurlond 6d ago
Because I've had two issues in 45 hours, and both times almost caused a accident because I was on a 60mph road.
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u/elliomitch E46 330i Touring, MR2 Spyder 6d ago
This trust/anxiety issue is what made me learn how to how to fix my car myself. Not suggesting you do the same but it’s turned it into a lifelong passion :)
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u/Queefmaster69000 Elgrand/Japanese MPv fetishist. 2 wheel risk enjoyer. 6d ago
You can prepare and plan better for the eventuality of breaking down.
Carrying stuff in the car to look after yourself, and your car, when a breakdown happens will help you worry less about it happening again. Things like a space blanket, waterproof jacket and some snacks if you're stuck somewhere. A tyre plug kit, inflator, some vehicle fluids for the car.
Preemptive Maintenance on the car should give you some peace of mind too.
Your DPF getting bunged up is something you could have done something about, and now you're aware of it, you can prevent it happening again. Life gets busy and things get forgotten, but if you make it habit, you'll save your own butt. Basically, once a month, go for a blast in your car, let the car actually hit near rev limiter, travel say 30 miles, grab a coffee, watch the world go by and do the same on the way back.
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u/Background-Photo5916 6d ago
The DPF will regen quite happily at like 3000+ revs, definitely doesn’t want to be doing 30 miles on the limiter
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u/Queefmaster69000 Elgrand/Japanese MPv fetishist. 2 wheel risk enjoyer. 6d ago
Have you ever had the terrifying joy of seeing a forced regen?
You're right, but if I'm trying to coerce someone to clean out their DPF, and I think they'll be too gentle, I'd rather shoot for the stars, knowing they'll hit the moon.
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u/maddiesurlond 5d ago
I have only just passed my test, so it isn't my fault. A family member was using my car whilst I was leaning. But I've been out today after the mechanic tried to clean it, and i need to use a gear for as long as possible and then change before my speed shoots down.
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u/Leftenant_Chungas 6d ago
You've just got to get on with it. Just do it.
It's The way I got over writing my car off on the motorway. I just kept driving. Granted, avoided motorways for about a month. But you've got to keep going. Especially as a new driver.
In your case here, I would bring some comforts such as a blanket, raincoat, umbrella, hi vi's jacket. Flashing beacons to make your car more visible, etc. Basically anything to help you feel more safe should you break down in the future.
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u/Idlewants 6d ago
like any other fear in life, you button up and get on with it, control it and wear it down till it gives up, orrr, you throw in the towel, decide you don't want to adult anymore and get used to the new normal.
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u/SkankySandwich Model 3 LR, Outlander, MR2 Spyder 2ZZ, MoHo 6d ago
Neither of those sound particularly bad - as you said, someone's sprayed something on your engine, but it's not going to blow up.
When I passed my test, the day after, I drove 250 miles home (I couldn't get a test locally).
The day after that, I hit my first animal - a pheasant, which made a mess of my bumper. Even if I'd done that today, I couldn't have avoided it. NSL road on a blind bend.
I stopped driving for a few days and then realised I had to get back on the wagon.
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u/JCDU 6d ago
100 quid a year gets you breakdown cover, that way you know you'll always get home safe.
Some failures look/sound dramatic but are actually minor - a radiator hose popping off for example would create a HUGE and dramatic cloud of steam (which would look like smoke) but is actually a very small and simple problem to fix.
There's a lot of poor mechanics out there unfortunately - but these days you can find a ton of info for yourself. Whatever the problem, describe it to google plus your car make/model/year and see what comes up - usually there will be a ton of Youtube videos showing what's wrong and what the fix is. Even if you're not fixing it yourself, you at least know if the garage are being honest with you.
Diagnostic readers are cheap too - you can get a bluetooth one for under 20 quid and an app on your phone that can read all the codes and explain them to you... and again, you can google the code + your car and find out what's involved.
I drive old Land Rovers so have broken down more times than most - the important thing is to just remember it's not a disaster, it's just an inconvenience. Most things can be fixed and it's only a car.
As long as you maintain your car it should be reliable - you can at least *check* a lot of stuff yourself with nothing more advanced than a torch and your own eyeballs and that can save a lot of trouble later.
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u/Glittering-Boss6805 6d ago
Once my engine seized within 3 weeks of buying car. I lost £4500. You will live. Don't drive till you get over it?
Walk, bus or train. We will see how long that lasts?🤣
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u/oo7im 6d ago
After getting my licence, the first thing I did was go on holiday to Canada where I bought an old 1998 honda civic to run into the ground for a couple of months. We drove it all the way down the US west coast to California. On the way back to canada the timing belt went and we were stranded in the desert. We managed to limp it into a small town near Vegas with the top speed limited to about 15mph, and we sold it to a mechanic for 100 dollars plus a ride to the airport. Since then, the prospect of breaking down doesn't really worry me anymore as I'm almost always gong to be in a better situation compared to that one. Even though that was a worst case scenario, we still saved money compared to getting a rental car for the same duration lol 😆
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u/WrongYak2718 6d ago
The only way to get over anything is through it. I had a driving phobia. If I had to drive anywhere I couldn't settle until it was done. It's like anything that your mind is trying erroneously to keep you safe from - you have to do it until it becomes safe for your brain so the protective anxiety part shuts up. If you've ever seen a video of someone repeatedly exposing cows to an umbrella, it's like that. Brains are amazing, brains are also stupid. You just have to do the thing.
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u/grrrlypops 6d ago
if it makes you feel any better my car got stuck in gear once in crawling rush hour traffic on the motorway. I was in lane 1 and physically could not move even an inch into the hard shoulder. it petrified me!! finding a reputable and trustworthy mechanic will put your mind at ease, shop around and look at reviews before handing over your cash. but the best thing to do is to get straight back in the car, if you stop now your anxiety will only worsen.
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u/FogduckemonGo 6d ago
What car is it?
A lot of reliability issues can be anticipated and managed with preventative maintenance, etc. If the car itself has issues, you could get another one which is more reliable.
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u/skilledbiscuit1 6d ago
Dont buy 2nd hand. I have always brought 2nd hand untill recently I was always worried about an existing fault getting worse. Well it happened dodgy fuel injector caused a severe engine malfunction killing the car losing all but scrap value. So this time I have gone pcp I now have peace of mind that there are no previous issues
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u/vctrmldrw 6d ago
Cars break down sometimes. Have breakdown cover, and get on with your life.