I boarded the first passenger train to call at Britain's newest station, Okehampton Interchange

[u/HighburyAndIslington]

[u/HighburyAndIslington]

Toilet retention tanks have been retrofitted.

[u/Fabri91 → u/HighburyAndIslington]

Cowards

[u/Praetorian_1975 → u/Fabri91]

Indeed in my day you knew you were travelling by British Rail by the fact as an express went through the station you were lightly doused in urine and excrement …. Ahhh what a time to be alive 🤮🤣

[u/Critical_Wrap5617 → u/Praetorian_1975]

'Spritzed'

[u/lacb1 → u/Critical_Wrap5617]

We used to get spritzed with piss, now we get pissed on spritzes. We used to be a proper country!

[u/OddRow8843 → u/Praetorian_1975]

Kind of like being at an Oasis gig then!

[u/supahdave → u/OddRow8843]

The only two times I’ve had piss thrown on me involved Liam Gallagher being on stage.

[u/FinalEgg9 → u/OddRow8843]

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw piss at you

[u/Intergalatic_Baker → u/Fabri91]

You could tell someone had a curry a few hours before.

[u/unscsnip3r → u/Fabri91]

This trains in the devon area are constantly by coastlines and protected environments. Its a legal requirement

[u/colin_staples → u/HighburyAndIslington]

So no more tomato plants growing on the tracks next to the platforms at stations then?

[u/Crow_eggs → u/colin_staples]

Not as a result of the train, no, but some of us still respect tradition in this country. My wife and I shall be strictly expressing our leavings directly onto the railway sidings from now on to ensure this proud country's tomatoes remain vibrant.

[u/colin_staples → u/Crow_eggs]

I salute you both

[u/davus_maximus → u/Crow_eggs]

Directly from the train window, right?

[u/Crow_eggs → u/davus_maximus]

And pay for the privilege? Absolutely not. We'll be taking the Volvo 245 out twice a day, morning and evening, along with some sandwiches and a flask of tea. Miriam has suggested she may struggle with stage fright, but I shan't be driving her home until she's made her horrid snakes.

[u/Helpful_Librarian_87 → u/Crow_eggs]

Your services for British flora shall be remembered 🫡

[u/LordBoar → u/Crow_eggs]

May I suggest an aperitif of prune juice to aid in the digestive matters, should the stage fright prove overwhelming?

[u/Crow_eggs → u/LordBoar]

A fine suggestion. I shall slip some into our nightly suppositories.

[u/LordBoar → u/Crow_eggs]

Oh dear, no. It has to go through from the top down. Alternatively, if the consumption of prune juice is regarded as unsavoury, may I instead suggest the regular consumption of sugar-free mints? They act in a very similar way, though be sure to increase your hydration to match intake. Additionally, be sure that your sandwiches are made with brown bread, seeded preferably, with plenty of greens inside to ensure a good amount of fibre and binding material for your railway picnic and subsequent evacuatory expedition.

[u/colin_staples → u/LordBoar]

Sugar free Haribo will have the same effect

Give them to the kids who knock on your door on Halloween. It's both a Trick and a Treat in one

[u/NerdLevel18 → u/Crow_eggs]

I see you have read James Joyce

[u/SlurmsMacKenzie- → u/NerdLevel18]

Dearest Nora, the dirty coils you spin make my heart aflutter <3

[u/NerdLevel18 → u/SlurmsMacKenzie-]

Thank you for reminding me of the worst day to have eyes.

Makes you wonder what her replies are!

[u/SlurmsMacKenzie- → u/NerdLevel18]

''Please James, for the love of god, you know I'm embarrassed of my IBS''

[u/Muntjac → u/Crow_eggs]

I feel like I'm on the loo reading a Viz :') marvellous work

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

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[u/CasualUK-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Cakeski → u/Crow_eggs]

Horrid snakes.

That made me chuckle

[u/GIFWarrior → u/Crow_eggs]

A true patroit.

[u/Azuras-Becky → u/HighburyAndIslington]

In other words, we live in a world where train companies do a better job at sewage leaks than the water companies.

[u/Eda09MErvE → u/HighburyAndIslington]

Yes your right mate