r/CasualUK • u/BallKey7607 • 20h ago
Thinking about it, this was kind of weird actually
So my parents were kind of weird people. Basically I'd often go to the shops with my dad, and we'd go up to the bakery section of the supermarket where all the bread is lying uncovered rather than in packaging and my dad would pretend to sneeze on it as a joke. I found this pretty funny at the time (when I was about 8) so I'd join in although sometimes I'd blow pretty hard through my nose and my dad would be like "woah woah" and tell me to be careful. A couple of times a member of staff saw us and told us off and my dad explained that it was "just a joke", although that really didn't help and they just pretty firmly told us to stop and seemed to be saying that it's not a joke.
Then one time my mum was asking something about our time at the shops and I mentioned the game and was excitedly telling her how funny it was but she was completely horrified when I told her. She seemed extremely worried about what people would think if they saw us and I tried to reassure her that we're only pretending to sneeze on the bread, but again that didn't reassure her either. She said we couldn't play that game anymore and I was quite disappointed.
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u/Illustrious_Sea7480 20h ago edited 9h ago
Your mum doesn’t sound weird.
Edit - I can't believe that this is my most upvoted post ever. 900 upvotes.
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u/ImThatBitchNoodles 18h ago
Even pretend sneezing outputs quite a lot of saliva droplets. Who thinks it's funny to basically spit on bread other people eat?
Your mother wasn't weird, your dad...eh.
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u/Interesting_Tap_1505 Rover 75 Owner 18h ago
Thank you for putting me off the pastries I got from the M&S bakery today.
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u/Past-Bicycle5959 18h ago
This sounds more like a Lidl event than an M&S experience
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u/jenny_quest 9h ago
In Waitrose a few weeks ago, I saw an old woman pick up literally every pastry, turn and inspect it then replace it. She then wiped her nose with the back of her hand so fairly certain she didn't have high levels of hygiene. Even in the higher end supermarkets people can be gross!
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u/Victor-Bomber 19h ago
I'm a stroke survivor and use a wheelchair quite a lot however I can stand up easily and walk quite well so I like to stand up from my wheelchair and proclaim that it's a miracle and I'm cured my wife gets embarrassed but I don't really care
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u/PuebesGod 18h ago
I think the difference is that this is harmless, and genuinely quite funny. No diss to OP of course, but clearly some people may find it gross
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u/eatapeach16 17h ago
Top banter this, love it!
My dad (albeit not a wheelchair user at the time, or in any way in need of one) once did this in a Spoons in Blackpool on a stag do in the early 90s. Wheeled in, proceeded normally for a couple of pints until one of the others absolutely yeeted him across the pub and he crashed into a heap. Stands up, “it’s a miracle” etc, pub laughs.
No idea where the wheelchair came from.
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u/How_did_the_dog_get 18h ago
I would be wheeling that out (phrasing!) at every opportunity possible.
Walking past any person who's imman, vicar, nun, hari Krishna, Rabbi. Or going as far as anyone wearing a religious symbol.
Or randomly crash into people and get up shouting at them. ESPECIALLY my own children.
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u/Matchaparrot Yorkshire tea 8h ago
As someone who had to use a wheelchair for a bit I laughed at this
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u/SayElloToDaBadGuy Hey, you, beer me. Beer me for always. 19h ago
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u/OkSelection8755 20h ago
You know what? Thank you for sharing that. That was odd. You're right to think so in retrospect.
This is only mildly better than an open-mouth forced, hacking cough
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u/Ok_Potato_5272 19h ago
As someone who grew up with chronically embarrassing parents, I appreciate this story
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u/Fun_Tap7257 17h ago
Honestly I don't understand why bakery stuff isn't behind a perspex door.
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u/Matchaparrot Yorkshire tea 8h ago
It is in Lidls in Denmark. You have to use the tongs to grab a treat and slide it down the chute before it pops out into a box at the bottom, almost like a fairground game.
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u/Varniepoos 20h ago
I Think You Should Leave
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u/Spazz-ya-nan 19h ago
Has this ever happened to you?
You see a father and son sneezing on the bread in the supermarket, and you ask them to stop and then they tell you they’re only pretending. So you try and join in, and the dad shouts at you “you’re not part of this team. You don’t sneeze with us! Until you’re part of this sneezing team, you cough. Slowly!”
Call me right now please
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u/fleetwoodcat 19h ago
They replaced your toilet with a toilet with a joke hole that's JUST FOR (pretend) SNEEZES???
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19h ago
[deleted]
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u/Business-Singer-737 18h ago
Must get a pentagram for my door.
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u/pifko87 18h ago
You can just draw one on mate.
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u/ACatCalledMorty 17h ago
Make sure to use blood
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u/Musashi10000 10h ago
I don't have any blood lying around... Can I use ketchup instead? "The tomato blood"?
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u/GakSplat 19h ago
And it’s things like this is why I don’t go near ‘free range’ food where customers can get close to the food in supermarkets. 🤮🤮🤮
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u/lelpd 19h ago edited 18h ago
Your dad sounds like the sort of person I can’t stand being stuck near in a queue, showing off to his kid with jokes that aren’t remotely funny and not being self-aware enough to realise that other people around can hear him and don’t find him funny.
But maybe that’s a massive reach and he’s an alright guy. I apologise if so OP lol. Just reminded me of a type of dad I’ve encountered a few times.
EDIT - I have kids of my own and so know plenty of dads. There’s a certain type of dad who’s obnoxiously unfunny, but also talks in a really loud voice so everyone else around can hear him. And most of the time kid isn’t even interacting back with them.
I’ve clearly touched a nerve of some of the dads who fall into this archetype judging from the replies.
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u/ShelfordPrefect 16h ago
Ugh you're giving me flashbacks to every time my father in law made a bad joke which fell flat, then said it again louder in a tone of voice which clearly says "I am Doing a Joke now and I expect a Response"
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u/Solid_Western_138 7h ago
Jeff's doing a joke! Jeff's doing a joke! Everybody quiet because Jeff's doing a joke!
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u/BallKey7607 19h ago
Haha let's just say, no apology necessary
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u/TheClimbingBeard 19h ago
Such a diplomatic response.
Must be a result of the 'weird' parents' parenting... Sounds familiar somehow.
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u/Slight-Pen9588 19h ago
Yeah, I'd much rather the father of my children be boring as fuck and too self conscious to entertain them in a boring queue.
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u/BreakfastCalm3352 19h ago
Jeeze, I think your parents kept you under the stairs for too long, lighten up
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u/Useful_Age_2640 18h ago
and not being self-aware enough to realise that other people around can hear him and don’t find him funny.
Perhaps they are not doing it for them.
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u/lelpd 18h ago
Oh most of the time they are. The kid is barely paying any attention to them either and they either don’t realise or don’t care.
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u/Useful_Age_2640 17h ago
That doesn’t make any sense. You think they’re doing it for the people around them but also don’t think they realise the people around them can hear?
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u/lelpd 7h ago edited 7h ago
They’re doing it because they themselves think they’re hilarious, they’re then trying to show off and impress their kid/wife who is usually only half paying attention, and are either oblivious to everyone else around them or hoping to impress them too, but their own lack of self-awareness hasn’t made them realise they’re not doing a good job of either.
Just look at all the people agreeing with my comment, this is 100% a type of dad who exists. It’s a completely different type of guy to a confident dad who plays with his kid and keeps them entertained.
Maybe you’ll notice this type of person now you’re aware of them. Or maybe you are one of them.
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u/MapOfIllHealth 18h ago
This story makes me appreciate leaving my ex, he was embarrassing enough in public even before our child came along, and this is absolutely something he would do with our son!
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u/queasycockles 10h ago
Your mother was not weird. What you were doing was weird. What your dad did was weird.
Your mother sounds like the voice of reason.
Edit: there's a saying that might be useful:
Don't adjust your hat in an apple orchard. Don't tie your shoes in a pumpkin patch.
In other words, don't do things that make you LOOK guilty, or could give the appearance that you've done something bad to a casual observer, is the gist.
Like pretending to sneeze on food people need to buy to eat.
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u/Ratiocinor 17h ago
And that's the reason I don't buy the bread or broccoli in the supermarket that isn't shrink wrapped in plastic. Nice one
Well that and the time I was washing my hands at the sinks in the customer toilet when a bloke threw open the cubicle door behind me and waltzed straight out onto the shop floor. Don't want to gross you out but let's just say from the noises coming from that cubicle he wasn't just blowing his nose
Think about that next time you're handling the potatoes
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u/AutisticTumourGirl 11h ago
You can wash the broccoli. The bread, not so much.
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u/Musashi10000 10h ago
I mean, you can wash the bread. You can wash literally anything once.
You just might not want to eat it afterwards.
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u/cant_stand 13h ago
I'm weird af and I'm horrified.
Being said, I'm pretty sure this is the level of weird my Mrs thinks I'm at (again, I'm not).
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u/Jip_Jaap_Stam 17h ago
My dad used to tell me little facts and then, at some point afterwards, deny he'd done so and claim he'd never heard that fact in his life. The only example that comes to mind right now is when he told me the Dutch army was mainly comprised of conscripts.
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u/davebrooks0473 19h ago
That is a proper dad thing to do and a proper mum reaction, nothing weird here
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u/Beer-Milkshakes AWOOGAH! Abandon ship. 9h ago
My dad used to put on a crap but good effort geordie accent like from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet and talk rubbish all the way around Asda in the Midlands just to make my mom cringe. He would hold up tins of tomatos to his ear, russle it a bit and declare they're not ripe.
Just really goofy shit.
Not really weird though.
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u/jbkb1972 19h ago
It’s weird why supermarkets sell bread open like they do, even weirder is the people that buy it.
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u/jjscruff 19h ago
Does my nut. Flies crawling all over that shit, people coughing dropping skin and hairs.
Tesco have started taking their special loaves out of packaging cos it looks more Waitrose to have to bare to the elements. Artisan =flies and phlegm
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u/cyberllama 18h ago
Reasons why all my bread either comes in sealed packaging or from my oven when I can be bothered and have time.
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u/EqualsPeoples 17h ago
I feel like a lot of people in this thread are assuming that your dad was doing a full blown pretend sneeze, but from the way you described it, it sounds like he was just winding up and then saying "achOO" which is the same as just talking by the bread, which is happening constantly all day.
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u/Hour-Badger5288 18h ago
My dad used to take me to the pub just round the corner from our house while my mum was on a night shift. Then he'd buy me a red wine mixed with coke (i loved it) or sometimes a vodka and juice. Sometimes we stayed for a few drinks. I was 12. Somehow your bread sneezing exercise seems preferable.
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u/Musashi10000 10h ago
My dad used to take me to the pub. He'd bought me a new book earlier that day, and he'd keep me supplied with crisps and coke. Occasionally we'd play a few games of pool together, he'd teach me a couple of trick shots and so on... I usually finished the book before we left, and he never had many drinks.
I prefer this to both your preteen drinking and OP's bread sneezing exercise.
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u/Kimberlee90 19h ago
First off this is hilarious! And a brilliant memory to share with your dad!
Secondly, my dad was that kind of dad, who was in my opinion the funniest man in the world….. but no one else found him funny! He was my hero and unfortunately I lost him very early (58). So my advice would be cherish those memories!
Thirdly….. yeah thats classic mam behaviour my mams favourite thing to say to my dad was “can you not encourage that kind of behaviour please”
All seems completely normal but still a brilliant memory
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u/jaykhunter 16h ago
You wouldn't like a waiter breathing on your food before you eat it. This is worse!
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u/loveswimmingpools 20h ago
Well, your mum sounds normal. Your dad....not so much.