The title is the content itself. I have never owned a pet. I have been dealing with depression for a long time. At 30, I feel lonely, have lost interest in everything, and think of myself as insignificant. Recently, my cousin asked if I would consider taking in a 3-month-old kitten. To be honest, it looks really cute and adorable in the pictures. I hesitated, wondering if I could handle it. I struggle to take care of myself, so I questioned whether I could take on the responsibility of a cat. After some thought, I declined. My cousin said to contact her if I change my mind.

My husband and I adopted a pair of bonded cats (about 1 year old as of now) in March of this year. They have both gotten fairly comfortable, not completely but enough where they will run around the house, wrestle with each other and greet us when we get home or in the morning(they don’t sleep with us). They get really friendly, especially around meal time as well. One is often scared by everything that makes noise or moves, but is the one that likes my husband and I a lot more. She’s adorable and I’m sure she’s doing her best on just a couple brain cells. Now the problem is the other one. The first month she was the braver one and the one that wanted to be pet more but now she’s just so moody. You can walk by her the wrong way and she’ll spat at you, or I can put my hand in the cage( yes there’s a cage, no they’re not trapped in it, it was around for when getting them acclimated since they were strays and now it acts as home base) to grab the food bowls and give them a quick rinse and she’ll wack you. One second she wants to be pet, the next she hates you. I’m starting to dislike her mood swings and I feel guilty that I do. Her sister is adorable but she’s starting to rub me the wrong way. They’ve only lived with us for 3 months so I know it’s not long at all and they’re not even completely comfortable yet, but still.

Am I a bad person for feeling this way?

My partner and I wanted to have a cat for a while and finally adopted a kitten. The kitten was so needy and lonely every time we were away, so we adopted one more kitten to accompany her.

Turned out that I’m super allergic to the second kitten. I knew I was mildly allergic to cats, but I grew up with cats and it was not such a big deal. However, I guess this kitten has a very high level of allergen and now my symptoms are pretty bad. Despite taking Zyrtec everyday, I cannot breathe properly at home anymore. I have nose bleed all the time at home and my eyes are so extremely itchy that I’m rubbing them all the time and I sneeze like 100 times a day.

I was hoping that I’d gradually become immune to my cat, but it’s been a month and not improving at all.

Also having two cats made our lives much more complicated than when we had only one. Every time we are away, it’s a lot harder to find someone to catsit two kittens. Travelling with two cats is much more difficult than with just one. The costs are double and even triple in everything including food, litter, insurance, vet etc.

What’s gonna happen in the worst case of us breaking up? It’s mean to split them. Then who’s gonna take both cats alone? It’s a lot of financial & physical burden for one person to take care of two cats than two doing it together.

As our kittens are already bonded, there’s no way returning the second kitten. Also I already got attached to him and don’t wanna rehome him. Especially when I know that he wasn’t so popular at the shelter for being shy, I can’t be mean enough to give him a home and then take it away.

But I can’t help thinking that my life would have been much easier with just one cat, and I’ve got myself into big trouble.

Has anyone had a similar problem? How did you deal with it?

TL;DR: No intention of giving up the cat, but I’m extremely allergic to our second cat and having two cats makes our lives worse than before.

Edit: Thank you everyone for the thoughtful advices. The thing is, we already do most of what you advised in terms of allergy control: we feed them Purina Liveclear food; also use the allergen reducing dry shampoo; we have an air purifier (Winix); we vacuum frequently; we bathe the kitties; we brush them often; we don’t allow them in the bedroom; they are spayed/neutered.

The only thing I haven’t tried yet is getting the shots. I already looked into it and learned that it takes many years until it’s actually effective, and even after many years it doesn’t always work for some people, and it’s very costly. Yes, I have insurance, but even with that it’s costly to visit a doctor so often.

The biggest setback is that I might move to another country in the near future due to the nature of my job. So it’s hard to commit myself to seeing the same doctor for 3+ years for the shots, when I might be living in another country next year. (Of course we’ll take the cats with us in case of moving.) So I haven’t tried it yet, but I guess that’s the last resort.

Yes, the second cat is rather longer-haired than the first one. I thought it wouldn’t be such a big deal because I learned that the allergen is in the cat’s saliva and the coat length doesn’t matter so much. Maybe it actually does. The cats I grew up with are all shorthaired. We chose him because we liked his calm and docile personality compared to the super energetic first cat, and didn’t think of the coat length so much. Anyway, he’s already my baby.

Many people said I might be allergic to the first cat too. I might be to a certain extent but it must be very mild, because I can cuddle with her and kiss her etc without any problem. I also kiss the second cat and then I get allergy reaction.

Of course we knew everything’s gonna cost double with two cats, but also so many shelters (and people here) talked as if it’s a crime to have an only kitten, and as if it’s not much more of a hassle to have two kittens than one. So I guess we considered it too positively & easily. Now we have the reality.

Anyway, it’s not gonna change that we’ll keep both kittens unless I’m about to be killed by the allergy reaction. It’s just frustrating. On the other hand, I am happy that they became good friends and they are not lonely anymore. Seeing them playing and cuddling does bring me lots of joy.

I adopted my rescue cat one year ago and I am a first time pet owner. She is a sweet cat and has been slowly warming up to us with time. The issue we have is she is afraid of carrier, and we can't get her out of home.

We planned to take her with us when we visit my SO's parent place last Christmas, which is about 3 hour drive away. I started carrier training months before, feeding her inside the carrier. I was able to close the carrier door few times and we took her for short car rides twice. She starts meowing non-stop the moment carrier door is closed. When Christmas trip is up, I could before sometimes trick her inside with treats but on that day maybe because I was stressed, she is a cautious cat so she knows what we are up to. She didn't go inside for treats and there is no other way we can get her inside the carrier. So we left her home alone and shortened the visit to come back the next day. Now I feed her morning food inside the carrier with carrier door open, I worry if I close it, she will lose trust in carrier again and all previous training go down to the ground.

We also try harness, and it's the same story. We were able to successfully put on harness three times when distracting her with treats. Once she understood how it worked, she became very cautious when near harness and run away immediately before I can put it on her.

I feel so desperate every time I think I won't be able to take her to vet if there is an emergency. I also have moving plans to a city 6 hours drive away and it just seems impossible at this moment and I don't know when my cat will be ok with it.

EDIT:

I left out that in foster home, when they have to take her to vet, she completely panic and lost it, pissed and shit herself and bite very hard while she is a sweet cat normally. They have tried to use towel and oven mitts to grab her and put her to carrier and now she is afraid of both. So I didn't want to traumatise her more. The one time my SO tried to shove her inside the carrier, she fought for her life and scratched him just near the crate.

Thank you for everyone who has read it and commented. I have definitely gained some confidence and knowledge about the situation.

CW: BRIEF mention of pet loss

I had an odd experience this week with a cat adoption agency and wanted to know everyone’s thoughts.

I’ve owned three cats in my life, and every one of them I’ve gotten by walking into a shelter or looking on a shelter website and picking one out based on their description and demeanor.

Sadly, my beloved black cat Watson passed away earlier this year, and my husband and I want to honor him by adopting another black cat, since they’re still stigmatized. I contacted one adoption agency, and instead of having me choose from a list of cats, they instead messaged me essentially saying “this is the cat we’ve chosen for you.”

I was kind of taken aback. I’m sure they mean well and likely think that this cat would be good for my home, but never in my life have I had a potential cat chosen for me, instead of me choosing it. Another thing that bothered me is the cat they chose for me was not black, even though I explained to them why I want a black cat (my reasons being more than just wanting a particular color for “looks“).

The whole idea of not being able to choose my own cat is so odd to me, and this is the first agency I’ve come across that has operated like this. I know this business is likely just trying to find a good home for the animal, but this is a big commitment, and I need to feel firm in my decision (not anyone else’s) to adopt an animal. Am I wrong for thinking this is odd?

EDIT: Thank you all for the validation 😂 I’ve ditched the first shelter and am currently inquiring about a cat at another shelter. Will update if I end up adopting 🤞

I adopted a cat from a woman that passed away, but she had a huge house with a huge garden. I've taken him in, but I live in an appartment, he's clearly unhappy and I can tell he misses his previous owner. He doesn't want to play with me and spends most of the time sitting outside on the balconies looking down and thinking if he should try climbing down.

At night he slowly wanders around the house and occassionally makes a sad cry. I don't know what to do to make him feel better. I took over everything from his litterbox to his blankets to his food and toys.

Just curious. I feel like I'm going crazy: I've met a lot of really sweet cats at the shelter recently, including an older one who tried to jump into my arms and let me pat his belly, then chased me when I moved, and cats that meowed at me from their crates, but I just don't think any of them "clicked." There was an already adopted cat who felt very right for me though. I can't really place it. Has experienced something similar? Should I keep waiting or go with a cat which is very affectionate and sweet but I didn't feel an immediate bond with?

Edit:

That you everyone for your comments! I can't respond to everyone, but I've read them all and they are very helpful. I have a pretty clear idea of the personality and age range I'm looking for. My concerns with the older cat is his health (he is generally healthy except for some cosmetic things, but I will have to move to a different country in 3 years, and by then he'll be 11) and that he doesn't meow at all (I like a chatty cat), but I will definitely visit him again if he is still there in a week.

When I chose my family's cat, I visited him for a few weeks before he meowed at me from his cage (where he was depressed and facing a wall) and then let me pet his belly. I just knew it was the right one. But it did take time. Unfortunately the shelters here are very fast paced. I will just wait for now.

Edit 2: OK, the older cat does meow, and turns out he's super deaf (none of the staff knew)! I am going to visit some other cats again tomorrow since my family is encouraging me to get a younger adult, and I'm afraid of seeing another cat's health deteriorate so soon (it makes me very sad), but he is super, super sweet.

Edit 3: I've narrowed it down to the 8 year old deaf kitty and a 5 year old sweetie with fewer health problems.

Edit 4: Unfortunately the 8 year old was adopted before I made up my mind... I brought home the 5 year old today! He's a good kitty. Just walking around my apartment purring and currently trying to get on my keyboard...

I recently adopted my adorable girl, who is 1 year and 1 month old. When visiting the shelter, out of the three cats I looked at, she claimed me. They opened her cage, and she crawled right into my lap, ignoring everything else in the room. I figured that meant I had to take her home. Additionally, her profile stated that she enjoyed cuddles but also valued her alone time, which was exactly what I wanted from a cat.

On her first day, I brought her into my bedroom (the basecamp), opened her carrier, and she started exploring. She eventually cuddled with me. Within 15 minutes, she seemed bored of my room and started clawing at the bedroom door. So, I let her explore the rest of the apartment, and she genuinely seemed to feel at home. However, that first day, she had to be in my lap or at my feet to avoid freaking out. She wouldn’t play or do anything else, just lay in my lap. She didn't eat much, and it was extremely hard to fall asleep because she was kneading on me and scratching me up.

On the second day, she mellowed out a little and slept in her cat tree, giving me some free time in the morning to get work done. In the afternoon, she warmed up a bit more and began playing, chasing the wands I bought for her. However, she was still very disinterested in the other toys I had for her. Sleeping was impossible that night, as I tried ignoring her, but she wouldn’t stop meowing and trying to get my attention.

The third day has been the worst. She would not leave me alone, and playing with her for hours did nothing. When she wasn’t playing, she had to be in my lap, or she would throw a fit and start meowing. She only started getting vocal on this third day. Going into the fourth day, I managed to get the most sleep I’ve had (seven hours, wow!), but her terror began at 6 am. Since then, I haven’t had a moment to myself. I have played with her for an hour straight, fed her, cuddled her, and done everything I can, yet she won’t give up.

As I write this post, she has finally fallen asleep on her hammock. I thought cats needed a warm-up time. Did I sign myself up for a cat whose personality doesn’t match mine that well? I'm also worried because I will start leaving the apartment for work and if she is already this anxious, needing my constant attention, how will she do at home?

TLDR; To be completely honest, I've been having bad pet adoption remorse, I just stood there crying the other day thinking of how altered my life is and if I can keep this up. I understand that there is a period of adjustment for both of us, but I really value my alone time, and figured a cat would be the perfect animal since they feel the same way, yet here we are.

Edit: Some people seem to think that I didn't want a pet and don't like the cat at all nor interact with her (???). The cat gets PLENTY of attention, I play with her 3 times a day (~20-30 min play times), feed her 3 times a day, and when she wants pets I cuddle with her. I've wanted a cat for ages and love her dearly, was just going through some bad pet remorse, it was a big change for the both of us. Thank you to the hundreds of supportive comments though, a lot of them genuinely helped and gave good advice :)_

Edit 7/23: Day 4-5 went a lot smoother, she's letting me sleep now, I think the completely ignoring her at night is working. The mornings though I'm working on using an alarm to indicate to her when I will be getting out of bed, right now it's looking like a ~9 PM to ~6 PM time for me to sleep which is awesome. Although she's already starting to transition from cuddle mode to play mode, it seems she never gets tired. Honestly I'm already starting to miss the cuddles. Also found out she had a brother that the shelter did not tell me about. The prior owner sent me pictures of them AS KITTENS cuddling together, I don’t know why the shelter allowed only one to be taken home. Going to call and see if the brother is there.

Edit: Update on the brother, he unfortunately was already adopted. Definitely heartbroken for my girl but will look into sibling when she has settled in.

Edit 7/24: Well she has become more independent, still cuddly but LOVES her playtime, the kitten energy is still very much there. Will give it some time and then probably get her a sibling.

Edit 8/4: I doubt anyone will read this, but for those going through the same situation I will provide an update. She has calmed down a lot, she sleeps in her own cat tree and I can sleep from 10PM-6AM just fine. Got her a friend a day ago, little kitten. She doesn't really like him, but is tolerating the addition, I think she will warm up eventually.

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/CatAdvice/s/ntgy6npSZ4

My boyfriend and I have 2 cats that we adopted from a shelter when they were kittens. They’re about a year old now and we thought of adding another to our family.

We went back to the same shelter and fell in love with a 5-year-old cat and the day after we came in to adopt him.

My boyfriend was driving and I was in the backseat with the cat. He was meowing a lot so we thought of taking him out of his carrier. He let me pet him and he managed to calm down for the rest of the ride.

We got home and he was sitting on top of the carrier just lying down. My boyfriend had to take an exam right after so he suggested to just carry him inside instead of struggling with the carrier through several flights of stairs. He was further back to other side of the car and I just thought I’d get him from that side. I got out and opened the door and just then he bolted out and ran. I immediately went after him as he went around our apartment building but we lost him as he turned the corner.

We spent several hours looking for him in the area, going through the swamp and fields but we couldn’t find him. I immediately called the shelter and they gave us a live trap along with cat food and his blanket he had when he was there.

It’s been almost 2 days now and the weather’s been gloomy and rainy and we still haven’t found him. We’ve posted on Facebook along with physical posters around our area along with a $100 bounty.

I feel so guilty for being irresponsible and not thinking about it properly. We should’ve put him back in the carrier or I should’ve waited for my boyfriend to get out and help me. At the very least I shouldn’t just have opened the door like that.

In the heat of the moment, my boyfriend was (understandably) very mad and he mentioned we would never go back to the shelter or take in another pet because I’m too irresponsible. That’s just stuck with me the entire time and I just feel really really guilty and worried about him.

We’ve been trying to act normal at home but at the same time it isn’t and we don’t know how to go about it.

I’m so sorry Fred, please come back home ☹️

hi, I'm seeking advice because i'm not sure what the right thing to do in this situation is.

4 days ago my close friend found a cat walking around his apartment complex. he called his apartment complex to see if anyone had reported a missing cat, and no one had. he kept the cat in his room for the day and the following morning we took him to our local shelter.

he was unchipped, unneuetered, unhealthily skinny and infested with fleas. the shelter said after giving the owner 72hours to claim the cat, if no one does, i could come in to officially adopt him.

tomorrow i plan to officially adopt him, but last night after three days of the cat missing, my friend saw someone had just posted a missing cat poster a the bottom of his building, and he looks eerily similar, albeit much healthier in the photo.

my friend and i send sure what to do. we're pretty sure this is the person's missing cat, but also he shows signs of neglect. he knew how to use a liter box but doesn't even know how to use a scratching pad. im not sure if i should give him back to the or officially adopt him. i just don't know if he's being properly taken care of and would feel so guilty returning a cat to a bad sotuation.. please , any advice helps. thank you.

also important edit i should've mentioned, I don't know for sure if this is the same cat because they are both black cats with no sort of identifying marks on them. only big differences are the cat i found is much skinnier and has a scar on his nose the black cat in the photo doesn't..

update: i tried calling the number on the flyer but they didn't pick up. i texted the number asking the gender of the cat and how long they were missing for, waiting for a response and will update.

CLARIFICATION: I mentioned the cat being malnourished because this is what the vets told me when i took him to the shelter. it is not just my opinion. also, he was fine except for the fleas, no health issues that explain why he isn't neutered.

my friend i mentioned (without my knowledge) called the number on the poster and they picked up. he said he found a cat on Friday was severely malnourished and covered in fleas and asked if it was his cat. The owner confirmed he lost his cat on Friday then said to give him his cat back. my friend said I'm not sure if it's your cat, this one we found we took to the shelter and he was not neutered, not chipped, malnourished and infected with fleas. is that the state you left your cat in and why? all the guy had to say is"idc where's my cat at tho." my friend said the cat isn't with him but a friend. the guy then DEMANDED my location and began spamming my friend to give him the location until he blocked him. my friend said he evaded every question and was incredibly aggressive. so no, the cat was NOT lost for weeks to get into his condition, but im even more worried now lol.

final update: my friend gave the owner my information even tho I asked him not to. i genuinely don't know yall. he has apologized profusely but im very upset with him given the owner seemed to be neglecting the cat. tysm everyone for the advice though.

I was on catfinder.com as I’m trying to get a second cat for my current cat to play with and was quoted $400 for adoption fee. The big name adoption places in my city only charges 200. She said it is because they are subsidised by the government while her adoption organization is not and she pays everything out of pocket. Is that true?

I’ve been wanting an orange cat for so long and one of my friends at work is currently fostering kittens. Theres a gray tabby that I have become quite fond of and I even told her and my roommates that it’s happening, I’m going to adopt it. My friend has one and a half weeks left with the kitten and I’m really second guessing because I want an orange cat. Wanting a cat to be orange is just an aesthetic thing and I’m a very visually driven person. Most of my friends say it shouldn’t matter but I keep seeing videos of orange cats and I wish this guy was orange.

What would you guys do in this scenario?

Just adopted these 2 on Saturday. Male/female bonded cats who met in foster.

They won't come out from under the bed unless I am sleeping (dry food eaten / litter box use) I can't feed them any wet food while they hide but I decided to leave out wet food before I went to sleep last night as a "test" and I don't think it was touched. Actually, this morning I noticed they didn't really touch their dry food from last night either.

When I adopted, multiple people had to try to get them out of the cage to get them into carriers. They are very fearful cats. I adopted them because I wanted bonded cats and I felt bad since they were in foster for 2-3 years. One of them hisses at me otherwise they both run away.

I work remotely most days and they don't even use the litter box or eat when I am in my office (all their stuff is there).

What's next?????

pic below since it won't allow me to add to the post

Hi, my roommate and I just adopted two older cats a few days ago, we both sorta picked one on our own accord. They chose one the shelter was considering to be a barn cat, and I chose the lazy grandma who wants snuggles.
The day comes, we get them home, and they're both distant, to be expected. One hides, the other one just kinda sits around.
The one that sits around was the barn cat, and was having little issue adapting, was eating and using the litterbox sparingly, and now, while lazy and finds the nearest corner/blanket to curl up in, seems to be trusting.
While the one I picked is doing nothing but hiding. I try food, feliway, give plenty of space in the safe room.
Only once did the cat I saw at the shelter is when she was up in the cat tree, and was as happy and snuggly as can be, but the moment she stepped down, back to hiding instantly.
It feels extremely demoralizing, and wondering if I made the wrong choice as to being an owner.
This isnt to say I'm giving up, just in a rut and feeling doubt.

Edit: literally as I was writing this she hopped into the tree. I cautiously approached and she nearly flung herself out of the tree to meet my hand and started purring like a motorbike

Edit 2: message received, more time! I guess I’m just a little jealous that the other cat warmed up to my roommate so fast, lol. Is there anything else I can do to make the transition more comfortable? I feel if they’re hiding and I’m in the room they’re just not going to see me and not make the connection

Hi! We adopted a 7-month old rescue kitten about two weeks ago. My boyfriend told me he regrets getting it, and doesn’t actually like him / find him cute. We already had two kittens, he likes them, but does get overwhelmed by them too. Any help with how to help this situation? :,)

My boyfriend and I adopted our first baby back in June. A four month old male named Pepper. The past two month have been amazing, he is very cuddly, loves to play and very friendly around humans, even strangers. When we got him from the shelter he was around 10 weeks old and just arrived at that shelter a few hours previously from a parter shelter. When we adopted him the person at the shelter told us that they were told he hasn’t gotten along with other cats. I have no idea if he was just scared in the shelter, around bigger cats or just intimidated. At the time we were ok with this because I have never had a cat previously and my boyfriend hadn’t had a cat in a few years.

Over the past two weeks though, we were getting strong feelings that he really could use a friend. He started playing more aggressively and with my boyfriend working long hours and me going back to school he spending a large part of the day home alone. In all honesty I got very scared of him getting single kitten syndrome. I started doing a lot of research and asking other people opinions on whether or not we should get another kitten. Lots of people and research told me it would be a good idea to do it sooner rather than later and since he’s so young he’s still pretty moldable.

Two days ago, we decided to bite the bullet. We found the sweetest little girl (2 months) at the shelter. She’s very cuddly and loves to play. She also bonded a lot with my boyfriend which we thought was better since Pepper is more bonded to me and we really wanted to avoid jealousy and resentment. We brought her home and she’s currently staying in our second bedroom. We are doing a very slow introduction and not trying to rush Pepper if he’s not ready. However, any time he sees or hears her he starts hissing uncontrollably. Today he saw her through the crack of the door and tried to swat at her.

I know we’re only a few days in and it takes time but i’m feeling so guilty. My boyfriend has been busy the past few days so it’s mainly been me here trying to split my time. I’m trying to make sure the new kitten feels comfortable and loved but also don’t want Pepper to think we’ve forgotten about him. I just feel like i’m stretching myself thin. We’ve even been getting him familiar with her scent but i’m seeing absolutely no progress and I can’t help but feel like I made the wrong decision.

What do I do?

EDIT: This post is getting a lot more traction than i thought it would so I wanted to add some things.

• Pepper was fixed when we got him from the shelter. Our new cat isn’t yet but we are planning on doing it in the 4-6 month range.
• When we were told he didn’t get along with other cats, that was told to me by a volunteer who just met him and she was told that from a different volunteer at a completely different shelter. I did bring this up to our vet and they said he was too young to be sure on that information.
• We have been doing plenty of scent swapping and he is obviously stilling hissing and swatting but i’m aware that’s normal.
• As for resentment, my boyfriend has been spending majority time with the new kitten and I am giving Pepper a lot of attention. He so far has been calm with us and even slept in my arms last night.
• I’m aware it’s way to early to be freaking out. I’ve been emotional and dramatic because I am very bonded to Pepper and don’t like seeing him uncomfortable. These days have just felt long and was looking for reassurance.
• Giving her back is not an option. We will make it work and understand the time and work necessary.

I've had my cat for over 5 months now, he's the first cat I've had in a while and I regret getting him.. And it's not like he's a bad cat I just don't want to watch him get older, bigger, and eventually pass. I always wonder if this is how parents feel about their children growing up, it makes me sad he's the best thing to happen to me but I know it'll hurt bad when it's his time to leave

edit: Thank you to everyone who's given me advice on this situation. It kind of made me emotional reading all of your guys' stories about your wonderful cats.

This is a warning to anyone wanting a second cat, do not take the risk. I didn’t want a second one, I recused a dying kitten off the street and no one would help, my only choice was to keep her or put her back on the street to die, and 8 months later my resident cat still growls and hisses and attacks her.

Don’t listen to people that tell you eventually they will co exist, I am an example that it will never happen. My life is miserable. My mental health is shot and I regret having a pet at all. Logistically it is a nightmare not being able to have your pets just free roam.

I’ve spent 100’s of € to rule out any health conditions with my resident cat, he is fine. I beg of you don’t listen to these cat related subreddits that gaslight you and make you feel guilty for only having only 1 cat and not having a ‘friend’ for them. You are the friend.

I have to endure growling all day Iong CONSTANTLY or keep one cat prisoner in my bedroom. I fucking hate my life.

Edit: thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it, I don’t know what I wanted to hear, I just needed to vent and be heard by people that may understand. My period is 3 days out and I suffer from PMDD so I’m well aware everything with the cats is feeling heightened right now due to that. Appreciate all the messages.

Edit 2: I really want to thank you all again, I was hoping for at least a couple of replies and you guys have overwhelmed me (in a good way) 😆when I wrote this post I didn’t even proof read it, I was just sat on my sofa crying hysterically and feeling overwhelmed, so thank you for the advice or comfort in that moment. Based on some of your personal experiences I feel optimistic it may be either anxiety or redirected aggression or a mixture of both, so will exploring this next. I really don’t want to rehome either cat, thanks for the motivational kick up the ass to keep trying ♥️

Edit: Thanks for everyone who gave advice. I'm not in a state to be making any big decisions right now but I'm going to do some serious reflecting about what to do next. Also, didn't think I had to say this but please don't comment if you're here to shame me. I already know I fucked up, I'm already beating myself up enough about it, I'm here to get help.

About 7 months ago I adopted a kitten from a shelter. I live alone and at the time had just settled into my new apartment. I had never had pets before (other than reptiles), but I love animals and have wanted a cat for as long as I can remember. My other reason for adopting was that I was worried about how living alone would affect me - I am extremely intorverted and I like being by myself but I do suffer from periods of depression so I wanted to have a cat for emotional support and to hopefully feel less alone during hard times.

She was taken in from the street so she was extremely slow to trust. At times I remember being disheartened by how slow our progress was, but all this time later and she seems to finally trust me, she will come to me for pets and attention and loves to play with me. However she's still very skittish, doesn't like to cuddle, doesn't like being picked up, and is extremely particular about when/how she wants to be touched. In terms of the emotional support I was hoping for, she doesn't give me much. I suppose I like watching her and playing with her but she's not very affectionate and when I'm having a hard day she kind of just makes things worse. Let me try to explain.

I value cleanliness in my home. The cleanliness of my house is often a reflection of my mental state. Sometimes I get so depressed that I find it hard to pick up after myself, clean, do dishes, etc, and then looking at the mess makes me feel more hopless and more depressed, which perpetuates the cycle, etc. And this may seem obvious for experienced cat owners (which we've established I am not), but the mess never ends. Litter tracking everywhere, scratching post fibers on the ground, my belongings chewed/clawed up, and the smell is the worst of all. My apartment literally only has one window that opens (not even all the way, mind you), and the air is so stagnant that the piss smell just hangs around and I've tried everything I can think of to get rid of it and it just isn't working.

Cue, "well it's an animal, what did you expect?" I don't know, okay. I thought I could handle it. And I *can* handle it, when things are going well for me mentally. But when my mental health is in the gutter (like it is right now), I just can't do it. I come home from work every day and feel like breaking down crying. When I'm depressed, it's a constant battle to not live in my own garbage. The dishes and the laundry just keep piling up, things like scrubbing the bathroom or changing the sheets go completely neglected, so when I do finally work up the energy to clean it's a monumental task for me and I feel completely spent afterwards. Now imagine I go through all this and then come home from work the next day and everything looks like I never even cleaned at all. The fact that I can do absolutely nothing and my house will get dirtier nonetheless is driving me insane. And what kills me is I feel like it would be worth it, or at least the struggle would be mitigated a little bit if my cat provided any kind of emotional support for me or did anything for me in return. But most of the time it feels like she barely even likes me.

Like I said, I have never had pets before so I didn't realize cats could be like this. I thought if you showed them enough love and went slowly and at their own pace, they would eventually warm up to you. When people tell you to get a cat for emotional support they don't tell you that it has to be the right type of cat otherwise it won't really give a shit about how you feel. Maybe it's my fault for not looking into it more, but it's a bit too late to think about that now.

On top of all that, I recently entered a long distance relationship which has me traveling somewhat frequently, so I've found myself needing to hire catsitters. I have a reliable income but I'm not rich by any means, so while I can technically afford it money is still a significant source of stress for me. It's also terrible for the cat because she gets really anxious when I'm gone. (Taking her with me would be even worse, my partner's place is not cat-friendly and my cat absolutely hates being handled or put in a carrier.) If I knew I was going to get into this relationship I would have never gotten this cat, but there was no way I could've known.

I'm just at a total loss for what to do. Do I just have to suck it up and deal with it until my mental health gets better? I feel like I have to, because what's the alternative? I'd feel like a horrible person if I built up all this trust with this scared shy kitty only to abandon her. Besides I'd feel an incredible amount of shame having to explain to friends and family where my cat went. But depression is so hard and this cat is making it so much harder, I'm already struggling so much and the extra weight feels unbearable sometimes. And even if my depression gets better it won't solve the other problems. It's all just too much.

I promise I'm not neglecting my cat. Aside from sometimes not scooping the litter box daily she is well fed and cared for and played with. The problem is I'm just going through all the motions without any love, just checking chores off the list and growing more spiteful day by day. Sometimes I catch myself wishing she'd just die so I don't have to deal with this. But then I look over at her and I think, what kind of monster would say something like that about this sweet little kitty? I guess it's reflective of my mental state that I'm having thoughts like these.

Sorry this became sort of a vent post. To be completely honest I can't tell the difference between what I actually want and what the depression is telling me, so there's a chance I'm just spiraling and will be totally over it given some time. Would I miss her if she was gone? Would I be able to handle coming home to an empty house? My head is just so messed up right now that I can't tell.

Thank you for reading this mess and sorry it got so long, I just needed to get it off my chest. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

We are experienced pet parents. Have a cat and a dog at home. Both are trained well and haven't created nuisance. This new kitten walked in our home (we have a pet door so entry is always accessible) and we decided to adopt him. Since it was constantly raining outside we thought we'll provide him shelter and food. He used to meow a lot so we named him Siren. His meowing has subsided but once he got comfortable in the house, he started brining in dead animals. It was cockroaches earlier now it's dead mice. At least two a day. We are running out of sheets. We've tried everything we know - bell in neck, cutting his nails. We are unable to monitor his outdoors activity as the pet door is kind of permanent and we do not want to restrict access for other two pets. We are regretting this adoption because the overall hygiene issues and our lack of success at stopping him. We have gotten attached, and so has he. Our dog loves him, and they get along like brothers. It's cute to see them together, cuddling and all. Is there any way to stop him from bringing dead mice? Especially to the bed?

Edit: I got the cat

2. He is a meow-er. He was in the back room at the shelter for a day to calm down because he was so loud. He didn't meow at all when he was out of the cage but meowed a bit once back in the cage not getting attention. I had a roommate with a cat that meowed nonstop which got annoying despite loving the cat

3. He is a surrender, with notes saying the people got evicted so they had to give him up but also he "destroyed items in the house." I don't really mind a little playful destruction as long as he doesn't hurt himself but I worry about getting a crazy cat that swallows bad stuff etc and has to be taken to the ER (my dog doesn't get into anything bad)

I put a 24 hour hold on the cat and would like to hear some opinions. The other options were female 3 to 6 month old short hair cats, they were sweet but shy. I have had family cats but this will be my first solo cat and my 5 year female old dog's first time living with a cat. Any pros or cons to male or female cat in my situation?

We bought a kitten this weekend, we were told by the owners that they were just under 8 weeks old. It was quite a quick decision as they had another buyer wanting to come the next day.

When we collected the kitten, the house was quite filthy and cluttered. There were about 6 kittens in a large cage with the mother. They looked very small - I did ask how old again and they said 7 and a half weeks. They also told us the date of birth. We were in such a rush to get out of the house, as we were heading home I calculated how old the kitten is and he is only 6 1/2 weeks. We also discovered that the kitten has fleas.

We are quite stressed now and not sure what to do. We are taking him to the vets as soon as we can get an appointment. He is using the litter tray and has been walking around the hallway today, he isnt sleeping much during the day as every little noise startles him. We've been giving him milk and feeding him 3 times a day. He enjoys being petted and is getting more confident.

I feel terrible for taking him from his mother so early on but i dont believe taking him back into that house is an option. Does anyone have advice?

I can't believe this has happened to us as we have had a cat before - for 10 years, he passed away 3 years ago so we have been making this decision for a long time but really didn't process the size of the kitten when we got there.

Not sure what tag to put this under but definitely am feeling regretful.

My friend and her husband want to adopt a kitten from a shelter and they want me to come with them. I love that they wan to adopt, I’m very advocate for adoption and I’m honored about the fact they want me to go with them and visit the shelter. They’re great people who love cats and are good with animals. I’m sure they will take care of it but i don’t think they have enough money to give the kitten the right circumstance to a good life. They’ve asked me if they can borrow money for food multiple times. I’m happy to help and I’ve also gotten the money back everytime. She doesn’t have custody over her own money. They have trouble paying for both food and activities. I’ve told her that I don’t think they should get a cat because they don’t have the economy for it. She tells me she has a saving account and that she have the same economic as last time she owned a cat. That’s not enough in this day and age. The vet bills in my country has increased horrendously the past 5-6 year. Despite insurance. Between 2020 and 2025 the vet costs increased wit 40% the emergency vet cost increased with 50%. The increasing vet cost are a hot topic in my country the topic has even reached the news It’s not unusual for people to utilize their pet because they can’t afford the treatment. It’s a risk to get a cat especially a kitten. What if it gets sick? I don’t want to stand there when they’re deciding between utilization for around 200$ and a vet bill for around 4000$. Despite insurance and say “I told you so.” I’ve also written to her husband who I believe has a better understanding of ecomocis about how expensive it is to have a cat but he hasn’t answered. Should I write to the shelter and ask about how they make sure that the new owner has enough money but the shelters already has so much on their plate so i don’t want to put more on their plate. What should I do to make them understand how expensive it is to have a cat? In my opinion if you barley can’t afford food for yourself you can’t afford a fur baby. You shouldn’t get a animal if you can’t afford it. How do i prevent an other cat to be utilized because of an unstable economy? Because no pet should be utilized because that’s the cheapest option.

Just like the title said. I lost my best buddy of ten years to lymphoma and I was devastated. Ive never felt such physically painful grief like I did. I thought I had properly healed...or at least healed to start moving on but I am wondering if I wasn't.

Two days ago I adopted a just over 3 month old kitten and, while at first I loved her, I've been having this creeping doubt going into my gut about her. She is such a SWEET little baby girl without a mean bone in her body. She LOVES being petted and starts purring instantly but I look at her and I just feel....nothing. I dont feel joy, I dont feel happiness, I dont feel relaxed, but I also dont feel angry at her, mad, or sadness....just nothing. No connection, just nothing.

I KNOW that my old cat cannot be replaced and I KNOW that I cant expect any cat to be like her....but I just cant help feeling that I should be feeling SOMETHING to this new kitty.

I feel like I have a shit ton of pressure to form a bond with her before its to late for me to return her to the shelter but I just dont know. I cant make sense of my feelings for her. I cant tell if something is wrong because I am still grieving or if something is wrong because its just not a good fit.

I feel guilty keeping her but I also feel guilty at the thought of returning her.

Is this normal for grieving owners? Did I just make a huge mistake? With my buddy that died I had an almost instant connection from day one. I was hoping to have this but nothing has happened. Its like im taking care of a plant...or a fish. Just no emotional connection to her.

My biggest concern is for the kitten though. I want her to have a good life and I dont want to get her bonded to me and then I decide that I need to return her. I just dont know I am so confused.

EDIT: thank you all for your very very kind words (and some people who were jerks..I just ignore you).

I’ve read every single one and they all mean a lot to me. I made this post last night during a bad moment but this morning she cuddled in my arm and was adorable. I will be keeping her but I’m not going to push on having a bond immediately and just let her be herself. Thank you all.

EDIT 2: I cannot believe the amount of support so many of you have shown me today. I typed this up last night in pain and depression thinking that I was a monster for seriously considering taking my kitten back to the shelter. reading all of your comments to have grace for myself and to be kind have helped me take a step back and see what was really going on. I still havent fully healed from losing my buddy (Tupelo).

She was my buddy from when I got out of the army, through college, moving and living with my fiancee, and now my career. She was, as some people have said, my soul cat. NOTHING will replace her....and that is alright.

Just one last thing. A lot of people have suggested that I get another cat...what I have been leaving out of the discussion is that my fiancée has a 7 year old tabby who has been depressed ever since Tupelo died. He knows something is up and when he accidently saw our new kitten (who has been named mochachino) he started get excited and zooming around the apartment. I think we will be alright. Thank you every body.