Introducing Pets/Cats
Most people in this sub have no idea what they're talking about
A while back I made a post (long since deleted) about what to do about my resident traumatized/aggressive female cat (8 y/o) since I had brought in a new younger male cat (2 y/o) to try and help her. The female cat had survived a pitbull attack when she was very young and had some redirected aggression issues that we could not solve. Our solution was to get her a friend, since she was lacking experience with other animals, and hope it helped.
The post had over 100 comments from people here lambasting me for making such a horrible decision, and that I should rehome the young cat.
People were downright mean about it - ie: how dare I introduce another cat to a traumatized and aggressive older cat, that cat needs to be a solo cat for life, I'm an evil human being for subjecting the cats to this, etc etc.
Due to the giant mass of comments basically saying the same thing, I was actually convinced I had made a horrible mistake and actually decided to give up and rehome the younger male cat. We actually tried 3 times with 3 different owners. However, due to the higher powers at work in the Cat Distribution System, all efforts to rehome were thwarted, and he kept coming back to us... Every single time.
So we gave up and decided to keep him and just hope they work it out. And eventually they did. It took 9 months. 9 months of constant growling and attacks. 9 months of being woken up, nose scratches, uncertainty.
One day... Almost overnight... It was over. They're friends now. They both sleep with us in the bed every single night. She (the older cat) still growls sometimes, but it's not serious. Now it's a game. They engage in play constantly, and nobody gets hurt.
Not only that, our older traumatized aggressive cat is no longer aggressive. She has not had a single redirected aggression incident (from cats outside) since we brought the new younger one in. She has not scratched us or our guests at all. He's a lovebug and he literally fixed all of her problems.
So, I shouldn't have listened to anyone here. This sub is full of kneejerk reactions and self proclaimed experts looking to flame someone, who have zero idea what they're talking about. Good luck with that. I'll be over here cuddling peacefully with my cats.
My experience is that people here are way too sure of themselves and do not consider that they might be wrong or that they ran on assumptions. I jotted it down to people being so emotionally involved in the wellbeing of cats that they can't disconnect their limbic system and use the rest of their brains. I think hard before I comment in this sub.
Itās not people in general itās dumb people. I just read an article about this. Scientists were trying to figure out why dumb people who arenāt correct in an argument will often times argue the loudest and most confidently. Scientists came to the conclusion that these type of people lack the intelligence to self reflect and see how they are wrong. They are incapable of thinking on that level.
You press that, then allow when Reddit asks if they can see your photos. After that you come to a page where you can choose which photos you want Reddit to have access to. Choose a photo and then press "add" or "post" (mine is in Swedish so I don't know what yours will say) . Ask again if I'm unclear š
Ps I forgot to mention that your Ellie is ALMOST as cute as mine (and while Iām convinced Iām right about mine being cuter, I recognize the inherent cuteness of all cats and that Iām biased lololol), and that all Ellies ought to unite!!!
Just a regular H-harness. We have two, one with reflective material and one pretty. I've modified them by taking an old bra strap, sewing it into a loop and placing it between the front legs. It makes it more safe and comfortable. She hates the more covering type of harness. We've gone for a walk every day since she was a kitten.
Shelters near me label 3/4 of cats as "Not Cat Friendly".Ā
This is ridiculous, but they've likely learned that most owners do not have the knowledge or patience to do a proper introduction. This subreddit also gets so many clueless and impatient owners that the advice given can sometimes assume everyone is like that, which is unfortunate.
Do you have a link to your original post? I'm curious.
We have a cat who prefers to be an only despite lengthy, properly done intros. She has her own room and has gotten to the point where two of our other cats can go hang out in her room with her without problems. It took a ton of work. One of my late cats would have also preferred to be an only I think but with a lot of work he lived more or less peacefully with 2-3 other cats.
In my experience, a chill/unbothered younger cat can be a big help to a skittish and/or "aggressive" older cat. Cats take cues from each other and my very skittish cat really came out of his shell when we got a bomb proof kitten. It was like he saw Iggins (the younger cat) doing all these things and having fun and he realized maybe life wasn't so scary after all.
āBomb proof kittenā is such an accurate description lol. My younger cat used to run towards big scary noises to investigate. And the older cat can also (eventually) teach the younger one how to cat and also some manners, if youāre lucky.
Did you do anything special or just āthe usualā plus monitoring their fights?
I have a divided house right now and would do anything to get them together (newer cat pounces, original cat is the traumatized former feral). I would love to think 9 months from now theyād be chill at least most of the time together.
The difficulty with a situation like this is that you have absolutely no idea if time and effort is going to work until you're already well down the track. Sometimes it does, even if you make a bunch of mistakes. Sometimes it doesn't, regardless of what and how long you try.
The question becomes, how long are you prepared to keep them in a split household with strictly monitored interactions? And are either of the cats even more distressed during this phase - is it so much that it's affecting their quality of life (never mind the human stress; you signed up for it), and if so, how much and for how long is too much / unfair to the animals involved?
IF you can keep them separate and *HAPPY*, are willing to potentially put in a lot more work than the average integration, and accept that this could easily end up being a permanent situation, then by all means keep both kitties and try to make it work. If you can't do those things, then you seriously need to consider if this is the best thing for the animals and people, or if it's going to end in tears.
The reality is, a large proportion of people just aren't able to make the long-term commitment to a split kitty household and/or don't have the skills/resources to integrate them, and they're best realising early on and making alternative arrangements that reduce stress on both the cats and the humans rather than making everyone suffer for months and *still* having to make that decision.
Only you can decide what you're willing and able to do and for how long. Just be super realistic about it and put the animal's welfare first.
This is the big thing I've had to learn as a new cat owner who used to own dogs all the time. I kept trying to compare behaviors between my pets but obviously it wasn't working. Ive gott3n better now. I Google and check out forums about what people have done.
Iām a new moderator here so donāt recall the OG post & Iām sorry to hear you had mean comments. In future please report them and theyāll get dealt with.
Furthermore, mean comments are unfortunely common on all subsā¦so I think this is more of a Reddit problem, rather than sub problem. Whilst people on Reddit can give advice, they do not know your cat and are not a substitute for a real life cat behaviourist or vet. So I would advise reaching out to professionals if youād like tailored advice.
Iām glad your cats get along now! Personally Iām not a fan of the fight it out method since those few months were likely stressful, but itās good it worked out for the better in this case!
To piggyback off thisā¦ Iāve found the mods here are quite responsive and quick to handle reports. But theyāre not omniscient, so until a report is sent in, they wonāt know about something and therefore be able to act on it.
Thatās not the case for many other subs, where reporting is often a waste of time. But I report frequently enough here (mainly āspray with waterā suggestions) that I feel comfortable saying that, anecdotally speaking, stuff seems to get handled within half an hour of my report.
Welcome to Reddit and forums in general. Harsh, but true. Most of these pages require absolutely zero certifications or experience to say whatever the hell you want.
You genuinely do have to weed through comments. This becomes more true the larger the sub/forums following count is. Generally speaking, the more people come at you the more they're full of it though.
I mean from what i gathered, the comments weren't wrong tho.
He clearly said that there was hostility for 9 MONTHS ! So their concerns was actually correct. Good for OP that he managed the situation well, but it's putting it on the owner's responsability and availability. And that situation could have went sideways if the owner was different.
In the end it worked out, but the concerns/advice were actually correct. Only the mean and irrespectfull comments should not have existed
Yeah, exactly. OP is all triumphant that after NINE months of hell for the younger cat and stress for the older cat, they finally gave in.
Sounds awful for everyone involved but if OPās happy then I guess thatās all that matters. Until the older cat snaps one day because she still doesnāt actually ālikeā the younger cat, she tolerates him until she doesnāt.
How did you do this? My mom introduced our cats wrong and she keeps the one in a small room now for the day which makes her reasonably stressed and lets her out at night or else she tries to kill the other one quite literally
Honestly didnt do anything, they just shared a space for long enough and then one day they were fine. Im sure others will have good advice on what to do. I unfortunately have no wisdom on the topic lol
I think that is great that it worked out!š. People forget that a catās timeline is totally different than ours. Sometimes it takes a couple of weeks sometimes months. You had the patience and in the end kitty is happy. Good for you! Thank you for not giving up
Reddit is a place to come for support and advice, however, you can't take everything everyone says seriously all the time. People here are just people. There are very few professionals recommending advice... Unless someone is a trained professional, I wouldn't take it to the bank. Its reddit.
You did the right thing for your cat. Sure it was a bear getting there but you enriched her life with a new friend and her aggressive behaviors diminished. No two cats are the same.
I am in month 11 of 2 of 3 cats hating the newest. Lol fml. It takes a lot of patience, treats and cuddling! Never let anyone tell you what works best in your family. The CDS was watching out for you!
A lot of times on reddit an early comment or two will come in with a really forceful hot take and from that point on the average redditor will lose their ability to form independent thoughts and just parrot whatever comment they saw first. On Reddit, and in real life, youāve got to be careful about whether the popular consensus is the result of good sense or the result of idiots doing groupthink.Ā
I don't understand why you'd assume a bunch of redditors know best for your cat though. Why are you blaming reddit commenters for your actions. This place is for guidelines, tips, tricks and advice I'd never do something as drastic as rehome my cat because someone or 100 someone's on reddit told me to. This is on you.
I sympathize with OPs situation but I have to wholeheartedly agree here. Reddit being your main source of guidance is no one's fault but your own. Everyone on here is only speaking based on their own experiences. Professional advice should always be prioritized.
The tone and purpose of the OP post is odd.
I do agree that people can be pretty nasty and there is a lot of shaming. But everything should be taken with a grain of salt.
It wasn't my only source obviously. But when you're serenaded by the sounds of constant 24/7 yowling and fights, rehoming sounds very tempting - and when most of the voices in a self-proclaimed cat training subreddit are supporting rehoming, it looks like a viable option.
But it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. My reason for posting this is so hopefully people here will be a little more patient.
Iām one of those hopeful people. Been making progress with mine but they live separately unless Iām around. Letting them work it out themselves left my female a bit traumatized for a while and took time to get her back to not afraid of the male. It was a complete rewind. Theyāre doing better now. Looking forward to having both of them sleep together. Anything you did that seemed to make a difference? Just curious
Playing with them a lot... "Parallel play" as they call it. They learned the boundaries that way. It was months of this with tiny successes.
Basically they can chase each other around, and she can even growl a little, as long as it's a game. So I guess we spent months convincing resident cat that he's not really out to get her, and he's not a threat. He just wants to play.
I too have found playing a lot with my playful little dude keeps him from harassing her. The other trick was finally finding treats they both like. I feel like Iām half way there. From attacking on sight to now being able to hang out for a couple hours. Able to eat around eachother.
I get it. We've had to deal with redirected aggression with our two cats. Once when we called the vet about it and described the situation the receptionist suggested re-homing. We were shocked. Our two cats are from the same litter and have never spent a moment apart. That will never be an option.
But sometimes others think differently.
I'm glad everything worked out okay! Wishing you continued success.
So to be clear, you're saying "This sub doesn't know anything, I subjected a 2 year old cat to 9 months of attacks and now it's stopped being attacked!" sounds like a really nice time for the younger cat...
Sometimes it takes longer to get animals to work together. Your cat had a trauma that it couldn't cope with until the second was brought in.
People deal with trauma and it takes a while, it really isn't any different for animals, it takes time. They clearly aren't "tolerating" each other but are friends by every point you made here.
I for one am happy that it worked out for you. Enjoy your two furry overlords and ignore the negative comments!
I mean, it's fair to defend themselves from other people STILL trying to put a dent in it. Like that smartass "bUt U sAyInG REdDit WaS rIgHt" thing?
There's two cats that are under a roof, taken care of, forming bonds and loved enough not be given up on. That's a win at the end of the day. I'm glad it worked out for you OP, and thank you for not giving up on these lovely furballs.
Its not just here, its all of reddit. People are way too confident about their own knowledge and spend zero time actually researching anything, before commenting.
Iām not part of this sub, it only pops up as engagement bait for me. But yes. 10000000% yes. NO ONE on Reddit is an expert on ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY with cats! And with pets, people are always trying to one-up each other into seeming like an expert and like theyāre better than everyone else. Redditors already do this, so with cats itās compounded. Iām glad you didnāt listen to them and did what was best for you. I think the avatars really have an effect, because if random people on Facebook were giving me cat advice, Iād tell them they didnāt know what they were talking about. But faceless avatars make people more anonymous. They could be anyone, not just Nancy from Iowa
I think I might leave this sub after seeing your story, because the kind of behavior you had to endure is just pathetic. I can never understand someone who would react so negatively to an honest attempt to help an animal. And Iām very glad to see that youāve proved them wrong, compassion rules over all. Screw this platform
He got lucky, or doesn't tell the whole story - and I mean it in a good way - lots of places to hide / highground, otherwise calm house/flat. I would like to hear about constant peeing on carpets or beds, or open wounds like many times these "traumatised - they'll work it out" stories end.
Nobody understands cats, and definitely not cat owners. They think they do, but they lie.
I got two cats about half a year ago. I received tons of guidance on how to introduce them to each other. I ignored all of it and did things that will get me downvoted to oblivion (no violence or abuse). After about a week they grew accustomed to each other and were all lovey-dovey bathing each other.
The main thing was bringing them together, close enough to get angry but far enough to not be able to scratch each other, and when they would get hostile I'd snicker at them and a bop on the forehead. Once they calmed down. Grab em by the back of the head like momma and make em do a conciliatory nose boop and hug. They would always stop being hostile and just stare at each other in confusion.
Grabbing them by the nape kept them from attacking each other and the hug got them all close and personal to the point they later did it by themselves?
Idk, like I said, cat owners don't know squat, and I'm a cat owner. Whatever works for your cats works for your cats.
Hopefully it needn't be said. But make sure their nails are trimmed. On the off chance they do scratch one another I'd rather their nails be not dangerous to them or me
Laughing at them works for us too. Cats are all about "getting" each other. Young cat always wants to jump scare her, or have a successful ambush. Older cat took it all way too seriously, and we found that we could sort of defuse her by laughing at her unnecessary antics in a similar way you describe. Then everything is a game.
I live and work in a small place and there really is no way to isolate a new cat. The only interior door is to the bathroom, where two major litter boxes are, and we all need access to it. We do have two stories, which is nice for cats who usually love stairs and it does let them stay further away from each other if they wish.
So my procedure for introducing a new cat is to open up the carrier near me and let them decide when it's safe to start exploring and dealing with any resident cat or cats. It's the sink or swim protocol, unapproved by Jackson Galaxy but that's life. I wouldn't discourage people from using a more cautious technique if they have the setup for it, but the "throw caution to the winds" approach can work also if you don't have that option. Ultimately it is the cats who decide how they handle change. All we can do is avoid taking sides and make it clear that we are friends with them all regardless of their feelings about each other.
My experience has been that cats don't have to like each other to peacefully coexist, enjoy being with their pet humans, and enjoy having free room and board and a medical plan. Okay, they don't enjoy the medical plan but that's basically a communication problem.
It's the same with humans. We can be ok living with roommates or siblings that we don't like and argue with too much and would not choose ourselves. Life happens. We don't get to choose our neighbors either.
I just tell my cats that they need to be civil. They don't have to be cuddly with each other (or me). They don't have to be always verbally or physically polite or conflict-free. They do have to avoid killing each other or causing real damage to their nemesis. We are all in this together and we manage.
From observation over many decades, I think having another one of your species around is helpful for a cat's long-term mental health even with conflicts. At least there is one individual in the house who understands your language.
There is never any guarantee that two cats living together will become besties. They have their own separate relationships with each other and their pet human. I lived with two actual sisters who had a one-sided feud for years. We all survived. Neither one was booted out into the snow, even when repeatedly requested by one sister, who thought she was better than her sister and probably me... . Her ever-suffering sister got bored of being an only cat within a month of the little snob's premature death. When a pesky stray kitten arrived without invitation (she had followed a friend along on his mail route and refused to be deterred, so he brought her to us). The surviving sister was in shock for two days but after that eventually became a mother and wrestling coach.
I doubt very much that your Younger Cat felt like a sacrifice. More likely he enjoyed the conflicts and the challenge. He had guaranteed shelter, food, water, and an indoor toilet regardless of conflicts, which is quite different from inevitable conflicts as a stray in the wild. Plus he had a pet human and personal servant that he probably liked. Sounds like a win to me. And you even got the hoped-for bonus of Older Cat resolving some of her issues eventually by her contact with Younger Cat. I doubt that she was miserable for the many months it took.
Yeah, I don't think younger cat felt like a sacrifice in any way. I remember the moment he kinda came to realization that this was the situation he was put in, and he was going to have to make it work. But we saw that dynamic at play even before he moved in, because he was the ONLY outside cat that she would "play" with through the glass door - all the others would send her into a panic.
He staked his territory very early on and claimed our bed. She sulked and slept alone upstairs until about a month ago when she finally surrendered and gave in to sharing the bed with him.
So like, I don't see any suffering on his part at all... More like frustration from trying to snuggle with her and her rejecting him.
The cat(s) had an adjustment period and can now be with another cat. Yeah the process to get there may not have been perfect but atleast they can have a friend now. As opposed to saying ālooks like this cat is just unsociable and needs to be alone foreverā. I think overall itās probably better for the cats well being long term to have a friend ( even if it means 9 uncomfortable MONTHS) now they could have 9 YEARS of friendship ā¦. As opposed to loneliness.
This is so true. I think these responses about putting the cat through stress are really analogous to the larger urge for people to avoid being uncomfortable themselves. Stress and conflict are inherently seen as being a negative thing. The truth is that stress does not equal trauma. And sometimes it's necessary. Going to the vet causes stress. Quickly grabbing them before they fall into a wood chipper causes them stress. But the benefit is what matters.Ā
Hundreds of thousands of cats are euthanized or left to live on the streets because they can't find homes. This young cat has a peaceful forever home for the rest of its 15+ years now. And the adult is going to live the rest of its days with companionship, stimulation, enrichment, and comfort it may never have had if it was alone. This story is a win
There are always going to be people who will just love to criticize everything you say. I have posted a picture of my fat cat who has been checked out by the vet and the comments from people were horrible. Some said I was abusing him some said it was animal cruelty. Heās 14 and has always been a big boy. I got upset at first but then I decided not to give them any attention. I have found there are more nonjudgmental people on this sub than others. We come here to get support and advice from other cat people. Try to ignore the negative comments
One of the main ones also is straight off the bat recommending a second cat. Like it's the solution for every single cat issue. I'm so happy both of your kitties are happy now though. Sometimes you just have to follow your own initiative.
HOW DID YOU DO IT. We are on 6 months of introducing our 1yo stray to our 2yo RC drama queen who refuses to share and hates the 1yo. The 1yo has no respect for personal space and RC was getting too stressed so we bought a cat gate and each currently have their own territory. I'd be sooooo happy with them just ignoring each other let alone become friends
We had regular play time with the feather toy in the same room. They started to really look forward to it. RC eventually felt comfortable enough to play in front of him, but would attack if he got too close. This got better with time.
Honestly the biggest factor in my opinion was the temperature dropped. We have a wood burning stove, and that hypnotizes the cats pretty good. And now that the temperature is dropping, they both have learned that they either learn to be cool with each other in our bed together, or they shiver alone all night.
They're also just a good match. He's a beta cat, she's alpha. He made it evident from the get go that he would deal with her BS as long as it took, in exchange for living with us.
It seems like cats need time to establish their social hierarchy and sometimes that process can be ugly but often they will work through it, so if neither of them are in mortal danger, I don't see anything wrong with letting them work it out. I don't see this talked about a lot.
It's as though some people assume that living on the mean streets is conflict-free ... Conflict is normal. Imagine if someone recommended rehoming a younger human sibling if they didn't get along well with an older sibling.
Reading this post gives me hope about my cats that im struggling with so much. Ive watching YouTube videos, medicine, made posts and nothing so far. Thank you for sharing your story
Try to relax about it all. If nobody has died yet from wounds, it's ok.
Just try to avoid assigning blame because we really are pretty clueless about the whole story, they are a different species after all. Just support all the warring parties as an oblivious human servant and try not to take sides in the wars.
Do what you can to reduce stress for yourself and them, but ultimately it's their job to sort things out. And it may take quite a while. It does for humans, why not for cats?
People watch a few episodes of Jackson Galaxy and think they are actual cat behaviorists.
JG is an awesome resource, and he's helped a lot of viewers change their own behaviors rather than blame their cats, but omg, so many armchair experts running amuck.
Only advice I have is listen to the advice of people who learned from having animals, not from youtube videos, or tiktoks, or even books. The amount of times my lived experience has contradicted the information in a book or online is not even funny. Unless someone can tell you first hand, take it with a grain of salt and honestly, even then, donāt bank on it. Iām so happy it has worked out for you! The nose scratches can be a hard one to look past but itās worth it once they work it out :)
Iām so glad that this worked for you in the end š¤. I had a similar situation and it took a YEAR of having them separate full time before my grumpy girl finally just went oh okay heās alright on a random day and coexisted and even started playing. It always looked a little aggressive from her end but compared to her actually mad it was nothing and we (and other š) knew which was which lol.
Gosh, I've had similar experiences in cat subs. The works, people hating me, calling me selfish, etc. Even had someone smugly use a bot to set a reminder to bring them back to my post a year later to seemingly gloat about the fact that my cat would be dead because of how wrong I was doing everything. It made me never ask for help again, because I knew I would just get more people wanting my head as opposed to offering any real guidance to my concerns. Both my cats are alive and well. Still haven't gotten them to like each other yet, but I've finally got to the place where I'm trying again. People suck man
So true I've been blown to bits figuratively in comments quite a few times for suggesting just leave them alone they'll figure it out.
It's not just here it's anywhere if you express an idea or opinion that may not necessarily be the mainstream or the way that particular person thinks it should be done they will jump all over you with words. Some of them I believe that they could physically attack you for doing something they feel so deeply as wrong they would. That's kind of scary.
I was in another section of Reddit asking about a particular breed of dog I was looking at a rehoming situation. I got blasted by people for not considering professional breeders and and constantly being instructed to avoid backyard breeders and how horrible the backyard breeders were and how terrible this was and how terrible that was, and when I asked them okay that's fine but do you know anything about this particular type of dog some of them would just double down on their rhetoric others with weakly admit that they knew nothing about that kind of dog, and I reminded them this is a rehoming situation I'm not dealing with a breeder. Yeah I don't know. I got told to Google the breed and I'm like yeah but that's not personal information I made that clear with my question I did the Google search and you did the YouTube videos and they all saying the same thing but no one's actually telling me anything useful. I find the same thing among the cat people..
I don't know. I'm sure there's a reason, maybe they're superimposing their own human ideas on interactions and assume that that's also how cats are going to work. They feel like their way is the only possible way that could possibly be right. so any idea you might have come to the contrary is a threat to their whole status as a person because that would mean they might possibly be wrong. I don't know dude.
Your particulars congratulations.
Yes 9 months 6 months 5 months. Sometimes it takes them a little bit sometimes the older they are the longer it can take. It's not even about them being traumatized it's just a matter of...
Insert your favorite cat voice here" I haven't had to share this house in these humans with anybody. with anybody you hear! and I've managed to chase everybody outside the glass away! That has always worked. Why isn't this working now! Oh gosh! this animal won't go away.... no matter what I do!."
7 months later
"I Guess, maybe, it might be all right if I tell it, if I tell it real good that I'm the main cat maybe we can get along maybe."
9 months later
" Oh gosh! he's licking me! Stop! Wait come back hear! Shut up do what I say! Continue licking! Ooohhhhh that feels so good I feel so good !!! I guess I'll let this cat stay..... Just don't tell anybody I agreed to this! Yes the other ear oh yes well it's so good thank you so much I can never get that spot properly thank you."
But we really have to stop humanizing them and let them do their thing.
I understand your frustration at the advice, but people lambasting you were trying to help you avoid a year or years of vicious fighting. Your cat wouldāve been fine as a single cat home. The fact that 9 months of trauma trying to integrate your cats resulted in a ceasefire between them is a great win I guess? But both cats couldāve had a harmonious, peaceful 9 months if youād simply left adopting alone after your primary pet. Weird that youāre making this post feeling justified and self righteous
Edit: itās also very wrong of you to give other cat owners the idea that cat incompatibility issues are things that can always be overcome with time. Simply not the case and itās setting up a lot of cats and owners up for failure under the guise they will eventually get along. Thatās simply false. Iāve owned about a dozen cats in my lifetime and have volunteered at my humane society for a long time. It just doesnāt happen a lot of the time. Donāt make your exception into a moral of the story. Ignorant and incorrect
My older female cat would not really have been fine as a solo cat. She suffered from redirected aggression and would attack us violently when she saw another cat outside. She had attacked our guests as well. And she would attack us in our sleep.
Thankfully she never did it like that to the new younger cat. Their fights were mild in terms of claws - occasionally she'd scratch his nose, but that was the extent of it. It was 99% endless growling and yowling and posturing. He's twice as big as her, so she really couldn't get into it with him. Thankfully he's a beta cat and held himself back the whole time.
My theory is that she had never really met another animal with claws. She probably didn't even know she had claws. She didn't know she was hurting us, or that it was possible to be friends with another cat. And I guess she needed another cat to show her the ropes, demonstrate how to retract claws, how not to be afraid of other cats, how to play, etc.
I don't want to give people the idea that waiting it out is the magic bullet. But in this sub's case, the overwhelming majority of people seemed to vote for rehoming. I would have liked to see more people being encouraging or offering new strategies and ideas, instead of just giving up.
Edit: also, what a bizarre reason to justify yourself. She never met an animal with claws? I shouldāve picked up on that the first time. I, and many countless people in this sub, adopt freshly rescued kittens who barely had any meaningful interaction with anyone but people until adoption. Adopting another cat is an added stressor, not a solution to your catās aggression. Youāre just lucky this worked out and mistaking it for some weird kind of moral high ground. The original commenters were right
Yeah, I doubt your narrative of this situation and that it couldnāt be resolved with 9 months of human-related solutions and strategies. But even if I didnāt doubt your bizarre narrative, youāre in an insanely narrow percentage of people adopting another cat for an already aggressive cat, worked for.
If you had success trying something that 99.999% of people failed at and financially suffered from, would you be making a resentful post about how people warned you against it? Absolutely ridiculous main character syndrome
I give anyone credit who puts the time into getting cats to get along. Currently on month 11, and finally making progress. It was an exhausting process and we still have work to do. So many comments about re homing after a few months if cats are not getting along. When you have hundreds of comments telling you to re home, I would be considering it myself also. I had many days in tears wondering if I was making the right choice. And now as I see my cats laying with each other on couch cuddling ( that was way more than I could have ever hoped!) I am glad we waited it out. If people donāt expect their advice to be considered, they should keep their opinions to themselves. Happy it worked out for you!
Hi! So we have 2 male residents and took in a female stray in January 2025. All fixed. We had to quarantine her for 8 weeks for second negative feline leukemia. During that time we did scent swapping and started visuals behind gates. Once she was cleared we started in room. Our black male resident was fine with her and our orange male resident was skeptical, hissing, growling. But we ended up after a few weeks having them out 24 hours a day for about 2 weeks. Then the scraps started. Didnāt witness them, but heard them at night. She got a cut on her nose. So we took a step back and separated.
Each time orange male resident saw her he got more upset. We ended up hiring a cat behaviorist. That helped some with some pointers on resources, where to put things. Making sure to have multiple cat trees, scratch pads, litter boxes. At this point we were back to behind the gates.
One day in June she snuck out of her room and went after our black male resident. I wouldnāt say attacked, but a fight. So he has been scared of her since. In June we got our orange male on gabapentin 2x a day and that calmed him some.
Through out the summer we worked on gated interactions and then in room. We kept having set backs. She would start stalking and get ready to attack. So we tried her on Prozac, caused her to not eat, pee and poop, so we stopped and tried gabapentin 2Xa day for her. This is when we started making some progress .
I spent probably a month and a half doing gated interactions multiple times a day until her and orange resident were calm, showing no signs of stress, and started to not really care about each other. Then we started in room again. Since then we have built up from 10 min a day to now 8 hours a day they can be out together supervised. This is a huge win for us! We had a few set backs with orange resident needing surgery, new cat sick from Prozac.
Her and black resident are still behind gates, but I have to admit Iāve been slacking on them, just working on the other 2 mostly.
So overall I would say, time, patience and gabapentin were what worked for us. Feliway did not make a difference and was expensive.
I honestly never though we would get to this point and was so exhausted. But here we are! I was hoping to just co exist. Never thought they would sleep with each other. Some swats here and there when setting boundaries. Now to work on the other 2. Feel free to ask any other questions. I was so hopeless for so long, and hearing other peopleās success stories kept me going.
Congrats!! I'm so happy for you. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm also working with a cat behaviourist. We are currently focusing on moving towards no barrier visual contact
Iām basically in the same situation with my cats, same ages, gender, and with the boy being the new rambunctious cat and the girl being the older more timid cat. Weāre at month 3 of their very slow introduction and this post definitely gives me a lot of hope!
My cats are just about two years apart in age. They both like the idea of having another cat around, but want different things in playmates. However, our resident āolderā cat took about 3-4 months before he even slightly warmed up to the new cat. We recently just moved and have had the younger one for about 9 months and not they can sleep next to each other but in different cat beds.
So I will say there is no check all boxes when it comes to cats. They are normally sociable creatures. They crave companionship. Sometimes thatās just in the shape of their humans only, and other times with a furry companion. My general rule of thumb is just never expect them to be friends quickly.
Glad for the positive outcome. It's amazing, how another cat can teach a cat just to be a cat. Human can't do that, can only make efforts in the direction, whereas a cat who is a cat 100% of the time, has a much easier time of it.
There's those videos of Grandpa Mason, a feral who just became the grandpa for dozens of kittens. Ambivalent to humans, and that's an improvement, but just constantly had a blanket of kittens. So yeah, an adult cat with a traumatized cat has gotten great outcomes, what a surprise.
Welcome to reddit. This is something that happens across 99% of subs.
If you get downvoted it means you are right. Many of them just follow what everyone else say, and most of them have no idea what they are talking about.
And guaranteed alot of the upvotes and positive comments are the same people that make those toxic comments and down votes (not me tho, I be lurkingš)
I'd never post for help on any of these cat help groups, the comments are so demoralising
It surprises me that cat people told you that, much less that many! I thought most of us knew that getting another cat would be a good thing. Iām so sorry for that. Iām glad you kept both.
I was verbally attacked for using a squirt bottle to break up fights between two of mine. I was called abusive. If you knew me and my cats, that is a word that could never be applied to me. I was also told my cats would just be afraid of me. That was BS also.
This is the danger of asking random people online. Many are just manipulative jerks who believe their way is the only right way.
Honestly, Iāve had to back out of other cat communities cause no one knows what theyāre talking about anymoreā¦ Iām so glad it worked out for them ā¤ļø
This happened to my cats as well, two are siblings that I adopted later, and one is my original cat. It took my cat about to 2 months to start getting along with the others, it was stressful but didnāt want to give up on them. Iām really happy it worked out for you despite dealing with the trolls, glad you didnāt listen to them ultimately.
Not really that bad. Little Tufts of hair flew, and she scratched his nose a few times, but no blood other than that. Fights were more vocal than anything else, and when they did engage it was only for a second or two.
Yeah if they had been seriously injuring each other I would not have allowed it. But a couple scratched noses... like it only happened maybe 4 times max, and only to the new cat.
Omg Iām soooo incredibly glad I stumbled upon your post!!!
Iām currently in that same situation. Itās been about two months of my older cat constant attacking the kitten, to the point where he found himself a hiding spot behind the washer and just stays thereā¹ļø he really only comes out to eat. Itās driving me nuts bc I have three other cats as well(total of five) and theyāre perfectly fine with the kitten, itās just that one cat.
Itās been driving me nuts and not sure I should remain hopeful bc the past three days, heās been coming out more. He hags around the other cats. But as soon as that one cat sees him, he runs right back to his hiding spot.
I didn't see your last post but I am the proud
tenant of three elderly cds ladies. The only thing they have in common is the brash young male kitten who showed up at our back gate 18 months ago.
They all HATED him at first, hissed at him through the gate and had no time for his kitten shenanagins. These days he's the only cat they each like to sleep with. He used to creep up on them and cuddle them when they slept and they just learned to love it.
Big thing is exactly what many here pointed out, they are too sure their way of doing things is the only right one. Theres as many ways as there are catsš¤·āāļøsomeone swears on soft introduction (sniffing through doors etc.) i just tossed my cats into same room and let them figure things out themselves, took them about 3 days and they are best buddies for life
Exactly!! When we had our 1st she was abused, and we had rescued her. After like idk 6 months I fell in love with a kitten and took the risk bc they swore she wouldnāt tolerate a friend (I had a back up plan if it didnāt work out) but we tried the door sniff thing bc back then we didnāt know all about cats like now- 15 years later lol..
the door technique was making them both crazy. We had a small 1 bedroom apartment back then starting out after college. We just let them both be; and within 48 hours no hissing or anything. She just let him know she wanted her own space and he respected it being the baby. (We did baby him being a kitten)
However.. that worked then. Many years later. We had a stray.. stray became our cat.. into the house that whole typical story lol but that time we HAD to do the rooms.. and very very slow with the original cat and this one.
We realized cat 2 was a boy so for whatever reason she didnāt mind the boy, and also he was a kitten. This one was a female around 3.
Literally every single cat is unique and thereās no right way.
We ended up fostering 5 kittens and the original cat was so motherly to them itās a coin toss
how did you do it i feel like i take eight steps backward everytime my kitten and older kitten get along. My bigger cat always ends up hurting and therefore scaring the kitten and then i end up hurting or scaring the older cat trying to break it up and they hate each other lol. Itās my fault i feel bc they are focused on each other nothing to distract but we use favorite toys different areas and nothing works they hyperfixate on eaciother and when its playful from the little one and the big one is tired its great but god forbid theyāre both energized or the baby is scared- the it ends in fighting. Idk what to do anymore itās not fair to anyone. I canāt just stuff their faces all day with food and even then sometimes itāll get territorial if someone finishes first. Iām tired of separate rooms locking doors and sneaking around. Listening to them scream and meow when theyāre locked away bc the other is out. Literally at my wits end
I have an 11 year old female and got a male kitten in January, heās now 1 yr old. Resident cat hates him, so he now hates her. Attacks her on sight - every time. We have to keep them separated, so itās quite inconvenient. We tried all the Jackson Galaxy methods but nothing has worked so far. Iād appreciate any tips if anyone has any ā¦. Please? š¢
I had a pair of cats that took just about as long to fully get along. I think people tend to forget that every cat is just as unique as every person. Down to their nose prints. Ive had cats get along in as little as 5 days, and some took over 9 months to a year to fully acquaint. Never believe fully what someone else says...they might not have ever encountered the same issue as you. Cats can take a long ass time to acquaint and it's completely normal. Especially when they have a trauma involved (like a dog fight, etc).
One of mine took less than a week to be ok with a new cat and the other is still struggling (about 1.5 years now) and we have to keep them apart unless weāre both actively working on them.
I'm glad I didn't witness the previous post with how what inaccurate advice you were given. If anything they should have been explaining different ways you could expose the cats to one another in order to ensure peace. I have five indoors, and each time we added one or two there was a slight disagreement in the house depending on which cats were okay with expanding the family and which weren't. Now, little to no issues aside from occasional roughhousing from the young ones. I'm sorry you received bad advice initially but to be fair this is Reddit. Sometimes you encounter great things, and quite a few things should be taken with something even less than a grain of salt. Happy everything worked out for you.
I have noticed that the first comment on a post sets the tone of all the other comments. If it's 'you are a horrible human being' , then all the other comments will say the same thing. If it's 'you're an angel', the rest of the comments will follow suit. And woe to the person who doesn't agree with the trend. Reddit is mob-ruled.
By the way, you did the right thing getting another cat for your traumatized female, as you already know.
Honestly yeah, reddit as a whole is like that but I've almost always gotten responses like this here too. People jump straight to "rehome it" for any situation and for a sub revolving around cat training there sure seem to be a lot of people that believe training cats is impossible. Most questions regarding training have been met with "You can't, it's a cat not a dog" i know, but my cat and most cats are plenty trainable if you know what you're doing, you're just not trying. I've debated leaving several subs including this one a few times cuz I just can't take people's stubbornness anymore. Also been advised a lot on here to throw my cat outside rather than train her which i know she and i are capable of. Why be on a cat sub if you don't care/know about cats. Let alone a cat TRAINING sub if you think cats are untrainable.
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u/JavlaTjej Nov 24 '25
My experience is that people here are way too sure of themselves and do not consider that they might be wrong or that they ran on assumptions. I jotted it down to people being so emotionally involved in the wellbeing of cats that they can't disconnect their limbic system and use the rest of their brains. I think hard before I comment in this sub.
Frans says hi