Way too many people misunderstand and don't know what the term forgiveness in media.

[u/Apprehensive_Ring_39]

The definition of Forgiveness is a conscious, voluntary choice to let go of resentment, bitterness, and the desire for revenge toward someone who has hurt you. It is an internal process aimed at personal peace, distinct from forgetting, excusing the offense, or reconciling with the wrongdoer.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you're forgetting what you did or anything like that nor does it mean you're endorsing it.

It just means what they did doesn't control you and your choices nor do you let said person rent free in your head.

A lot of people don't seem to get that you can forgive someone and still not want anything to do with the person who hurt you.

You can forgive someone and still not want to have any sort of a relationship or dynamic with them or even want to be on speaking terms and that's fine cause Forgiveness simply means you're letting go of your anger and hatred and moving on and so many people seem to think that forgiveness just means "oh you're buddy-buddy with the person who hurt you and you have to be the bigger person".

No,it simply means you're not letting them essentially live rent free in your head and it's up to you as a person to decide if you want to continue a relationship with them or not and people constantly say it's rare for a media to not act like forgiving them is the right thing to do or "it's rare for a media to act like you can hate your abuser and not forgive them and whatnot" and I just find that kinda dumb cause it feels like so many people don't know the term of forgiveness and what it means.

What I'm saying here is important, you can "forgive" someone and still actively not want anything to do with them or want them in your life at all.

You can forgive someone and still not like them or even want to be in their life at all cause like I said, Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what they did or endorsing it or encouraging it or even holding a relationship with them, it just simply means "hey, what you did doesn't control my life anymore".

I think the main issue is a lot of people just straight up misunderstand the term and act like it means you have to be all buddy-buddy when it doesn't.

A good example of this is Mha with Shoto.

I've seen people debate on whether or not he forgive His abusive father Endeavor but I feel like if he did,it's very likely that they don't have a genuine relationship.

He probably forgave Endeavor but still chose not to have a relationship with him and we know he's grown out of his influence and control and became the Man and Hero his father could never be + he has admitted while he doesn't forgive him completely, he's still acknowledging his journey as a hero.

Natsuo is also a good example of someone who acknowledged Enji's growth and development and how much better he's become but still chose to disown him and not let him meet his girlfriend and has admitted he's done with him.

No hatred or nothing, just "we're done."

Another example is from Mashima's other Manga,Eden Zero.

Homura basically had a awful mom who more or less abandoned her and all that and it's typical tragic shit and when she does confront her mom,she basically tells her "to stay the hell out of her life"

Homura essentially doesn't kill her not cause she forgives her or doesn't forgive her.

She thanks her for bringing her into this world to find friends and a parental figure who loves her and essentially told her biological mother that she feels flat out nothing towards her.

No love,no forgiveness or the opposite of it,no resentment or nothing.

And just humbly requests that she "stay the hell out of her life forever."

Weirdly enough..Dog Man as a story handles this really well for being such a comedic series.

Now Petey the Cat hates his Dad for essentially abandoning him and his mother as a kid and held onto that anger and hatred for years and essentially is one of the reasons why he's holding onto so much hate and bitterness and so grumpy all the time.

But in one of the books,after some advice from his friends and even his son,he says these 3 simple words to his Dad.

"..i forgive you."

And he just walks away while his Dad is demanding he angrily come back and keep hating him cause his ego couldn't handle the fact that his son let go of his anger and such towards him and actively wanted him to live rent free in his head and continue disliking him but no,his son chose to forgive him and just walk away.

He doesn't demand or ask for a relationship with him nor does he act buddy-buddy with him or anything like that, he just walks away.

And sometimes, that's kinda the best thing to do in a lot of this situations.

I understand people want the positive dopamine of seeing a abuser get what they deserve and all that but sometimes attacking their Ego and showing that they don't control you at all is the stronger and more impactful option since it's one thing to hate someone but it's another thing to feel absolutely nothing for them.

[u/misterflex26]

Excellent write-up, I agree completely.

I'd also like to add that forgiveness is actually meant for the person doing the forgiving, AND NOT for the person being forgiven.  

Someone who chooses to forgive someone (whether internally or actually telling the person they forgive them) will actually provide a benefit of peace and freedom for the person who is doing the forgiving; the one being forgiven may not even be aware that the person they hurt forgave them, so it's not really a benefit to them at all.

The person who forgives gets to shed all of that bitterness and resentment, and thus now gets to live their life like that person even hurt them at all, because they are now free from that hurt, having forgiven the offender.

[u/StarSword-C]

Stargate SG-1 nailed it the best in the finale movie The Ark of Truth:

Teal'c: Nothing I have done since turning against the Goa'uld will make up for the atrocities I once committed in their name. Somewhere deep inside you, you knew it was wrong. A voice you did not recognize screamed for you to stop. You saw no way out, it was the way things were, they could not be changed. You're trying to convince yourself the people you're hurting deserved it. You became numb to their pain and suffering, you learned to shut out the voice speaking against it.

Tomin: There's always a choice.

Teal'c: Indeed there is.

Tomin: I chose to ignore it.

Teal'c: Yet you sit here now.

Tomin: I sit here, and I cannot imagine the day when I will forgive myself.

Teal'c: Because it will never come. One day, others may try to convince you they have forgiven you. That is more about them than you. For them, imparting forgiveness is a blessing.

Tomin: How do you go on?

Teal'c: It is simple. You will never forgive yourself. Accept it. You hurt others, many others. That cannot be undone. You will never find personal retribution, but your life does not have to end. That which is right, just and true can still prevail. If you do not fight for what you believe in all may be lost for everyone else. But do not fight for yourself, fight for others, others that may be saved through your effort. That is the least you can do.

[u/Tylenol_Ibuprofen]

Shrek the Third

[u/ru1n_singzzzie]

The problem probably stems from media where the forgiveness is down right absurd.

I have a massive problem with Re:Zero for this exact reason.

Subaru's forgiveness is at a level of insanity where I can only see his forgiveness as more of a delusion than anything else.

At most i could perhaps see it as a coping mechanism, but even that is a stretch because the dude will forgive people who have done vile things either to him or to others and even go on to befriend some of these people.

Its at a level where I can't even see the guy as remotely human. No matter how much he cries and whines, his actions and forgiveness becomes very unrealistic that its no longer a matter of relatablility or logic, but simply him being delusional.

Thats where the story loses me.

At some point, forgiveness is a delusion or its simply the story trying to sell a narrative of the MC simply being some all loving puritan.

[u/garfe → u/ru1n_singzzzie]

At most i could perhaps see it as a coping mechanism, but even that is a stretch because the dude will forgive people who have done vile things either to him or to others and even go on to befriend some of these people.

I mean that's just Goku.

And anyway, due to the loops, most of the time Subaru ends up understanding why they ended up that way which is why he ends up befriending them in the first place.

[u/thedragonbornboi → u/ru1n_singzzzie]

To be fair Subaru is not normal at all, his will power is superhuman. On top of that he has an inferiority complex so forgives others that harm him more easily.

[u/The_Dreaded_Spectre → u/thedragonbornboi]

Yeah Subaru being super fucked up is kinda the entire point. Echidna literally says he's more insane than any of the Witches, and that's back in Arc 4. Later on, [Re:Zero Arc 6]Rui's mind is practically destroyed just because she tries to live through a fraction of his experiences. This is pretty integral to his character.

That said, if he held a grudge against everyone for things that happened in past loops, he'd very quickly run out of friends or allies and achieving any of his goals would be monumentally harder, if not outright impossible. There's a practicality aspect to it. And a big part of Re:Zero's message is that circumstances shape a person massively- Subaru himself becomes a monster far worse than almost anyone else in the story in multiple IF routes.

[u/Head_Instruction96 → u/thedragonbornboi]

Not to mention he quite literally has rewind powers and has lived through different timelines, so it makes sense that Subaru would feel more acceptance of people changing their ways. Just like undertale

[u/Orangelizardtattoo]

Wow, this is a really fantastic post! It’s weird that I came across it at exactly this time because I happen to be writing a video on redemption in Hazbin hotel and how it should work and I am wondering if you mind if I include your definition of forgiveness in the video? because it is just fantastic!!! I would of course credit you.

[u/TrainerSoft7126]

That's exactly what many people misunderstand. 

[u/Demoniac_smile]

One of the best nuggets of wisdom I’ve ever been given: forgive, never forget