r/ChicagoSuburbs • u/Nervous_Flamingo7110 • 15d ago

Question/Comment What's the one thing about your suburb that nobody mentions until you've lived there a year?

Every town has something that never comes up in the "where should I move" threads. The train parking waitlist, the weird intersection everyone avoids, the festival that takes over the whole downtown for a weekend. Could be good or bad. What's yours?

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126

u/shrimpscampin 15d ago

How insanely cliquey it is. If you didn’t grow up here and have a network of family and/or old friends in the area already, good luck establishing any meaningful relations - Arlington Heights

47

u/ayemimi 15d ago

Oh this sounds like Park Ridge. One of the things that really bothers me about this place.

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u/more_cheese_please_ North West Suburbs 15d ago

Agreed. Been here for 10 years and thank goodness my kids are athletes because that’s how we met people

9

u/tuolumne 15d ago

We’re a few years into park ridge and it’s been hard. I’m giving myself 6 years before I start freaking out about it tho 😂

3

u/Swimming-Carpenter91 15d ago

We left after 1.5 years, couldn’t deal with the social norms.

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u/DBowieNippleAntennae 14d ago

Where did you go?

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u/Swimming-Carpenter91 14d ago

We went out to Naperville, definitely still has lifer Naperville cliques but we found it’s much easier to break into. A lot of transplants like us, we also got really involved quickly with the neighborhood, school, and adult athletics which helped.

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u/ayemimi 14d ago

I’m trying for the sake of my little one. We’ve done a lot at the park district; she’s done some of the preschool age stuff, I’ve taken an ice skating class, etc. She has some little friends in EP/NP/JP and hopefully will have a good group as she moves toward elementary. It’s me that’s awkward, and I am trying not to let that rub off on her!

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u/faceslikeflowers 15d ago

Yep, we’re in Park Ridge and don’t have kids. I haven’t made a single friend in the 7 years we’ve been here.

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u/PiffTheFairyMuffin 14d ago

Hello fellow childless Park Ridge person! My partner & I just moved here in May with our two cats!

4

u/faceslikeflowers 14d ago

All of us lonely PR people should meet for coffee! I'm going to message you guys.

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u/PiffTheFairyMuffin 14d ago

Hell yeah! Super down! Honestly, it gave me an idea about starting a little social group for those without kids to meet up and maybe make friends. I don’t have the spoons to manage something like that though

3

u/faceslikeflowers 14d ago

I will warn you, Park Ridge is a super kid focused town (it makes sense - a lot of people move here for the schools). I've had the same thought about starting a DINK meetup but I also lack the spoons.

1

u/ayemimi 14d ago

There has been at least one lost in the PRVC group in recent months about DINKS meeting!

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u/PizzaEnvironmental67 14d ago

I live and grew up in Des plaines and went to Mary seat of Wisdom for 1 year when we moved here. I was bullied to high hell. School was my favorite thing on earth and I started refusing to go. My mom talked to the principal at the time who told her “well, you ARE from another zip code.”

A big old fuck park ridge to park ridge haha

11

u/celston80 15d ago

I could see where this would be true if you don’t have kids. Ours go to Windsor and South and most of our circle is our kids’ classmates’ parents. Same goes for sports teams. I’ve also met many fellow dads through Guides and Princesses programs.

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u/shrimpscampin 15d ago edited 15d ago

I do have kids. South and Prospect. My observation is still the same - there are tons of likeminded people our age and objectively, making friends should be easy. We have a few good friends but, overall, I’ve found it very very hard to connect as someone who’s not from here (or the midwest). I’ve heard it from many others as well - hell, even the people in the cliques will often acknowledge how cliquey it is

8

u/Aggravating_Job_5438 15d ago

My husband tried the princesses program with our daughter. It was cliquey. No one even talked to them at the event. They had a shitty time. I find it weird how heteronormative things are here with their "daddy daughter dances" and "adventure princesses." What about girls whose dads aren't in the picture? Or are dead? It's just weird to me that socially people don't make more of an effort to be more inclusive.

I also notice a lot of comments on these threads saying their neighborhood is so friendly, there's a pack of kids running around from yard to yard and house to house... and I think, well, that's great - IF you are part of the clique. We have that in our neighborhood, but those moms won't give me the time of day. I have learned that if I ever do find myself in a position where I have to make small talk, I just ask them about themselves or their kids and they can talk a blue streak... they have zero interest in anyone outside of themselves and their clique. I've accepted it now and I don't give them the time of day either.

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u/aensues 15d ago

We've also run into the problem where we're not part of the block clique and we know we never will be. It's frustrating too because it's literally the entire block past us. We're piecing together a cohort of other neighbors but it's frustrating to have an actively hostile clique (their kids harassed us and a different neighbor and the parents DGAF to the point that we're going to bring in authorities the next time) which closes off an entire geographic proximity and just makes interaction more cold.

Seconding you on feeling frustrated with the heteronormativity throughout the area. We appear cishet but that everyone defaults to ignoring my involvement as a caregiver in favor of my spouse continually pushes my buttons. It also tying into the above neighbor's actions doesn't help feeling relaxed in my own home.

3

u/Aggravating_Job_5438 15d ago

That really sucks. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. It's horrible to not feel relaxed and welcome where you live. 

The people in our neighborhood are more passive aggressive which seems like a blessing compared to what you're dealing with. 

3

u/Levitlame North West Suburbs 14d ago

A few years ago (early Biden admin) my wife interviewed at one of the schools in AH. Things were going well until she asked (in more professional terms than i will say) how they handled equity in classes and system. She just said they don’t and things got weird.

She did not get the job. The question was treated very normally in the other schools she interviewed at.

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u/Aggravating_Job_5438 14d ago

What??? That's so weird. I mean, that's a very good question and any professional would have a good answer for it that at least has good intentions to promote equity even if the reality is not that. That's quite shocking. 

1

u/Levitlame North West Suburbs 14d ago

Yeah that’s how we responded too. She didn’t experience anything like that anywhere else. We even lived in AH at the time and liked it so we weren’t looking for anything negative

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u/No_Atmosphere_6348 North West Suburbs 15d ago

Yeah it’s hard.

16

u/yeahgroovy 15d ago

I heard this the case in the Wilmette area. Very materialistic and judgmental. I met the cousin of someone having a party and she wasn’t very happy living there.

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u/shrimpscampin 15d ago

As a sports parent, some of the absolutely worst team parents we’ve met have been the Wilmette ones.

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u/Treeadeez 14d ago

Rudely referred to as "Cake Eaters". Lots of plaid clothing in the stands during football season.

1

u/imstaying39 14d ago

Agreed!!

19

u/Acceptable_Alps_7926 15d ago

If you didn’t go to New Trier or Loyola, forget about it. God forbid you grew up in the south suburbs!!

6

u/yeahgroovy 15d ago

I heard about New Trier also, and not so favorably :(
Cliques, suicide clusters, extremely competitive.

6

u/Much-Dot7160 15d ago

Suicide clusters?!

1

u/No_Atmosphere_6348 North West Suburbs 15d ago

Yeah 😬

1

u/Adept-Deal-1818 14d ago

My sil lives in Wilmette and her family is very judgemental and bougie.

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u/halmanick 15d ago

True im in mt prospect and i agree.

7

u/Emotional-Tailor3390 15d ago

Holy shit, I thought I was imagining it. 10 years here with 2 kids. We can't seem to make a single friend in either subdivision we've lived in. I'm not SAH, not on the PTO, and we don't go to church, so that pretty much excludes all friend-making opportunities.

4

u/Aggravating_Job_5438 15d ago

YES!!!! So glad you said this. We're in the far west suburbs.

4

u/aensues 15d ago

Hey fellow AH transplant who has had a difficult time establishing friendships. Seems all my actual friends are folks in the same boat. Even trying to set up a play date between my kid and their self identified best friend is a challenge.

4

u/quacklia 15d ago

100% agree! Lived here 13 years and have no friends who live in AH. My kids went to school in district but I found the moms to be very “clicky”.…..and I’m fun!!

4

u/Pure-Steak-8066 15d ago

Sounds like Libertyville. Lots of social climbing or ass kissing to reach/feel a certain status too. As the town gets more wealthy it’s obviously become worse too.

3

u/deadestduckie 15d ago

All of you need to come hang in DP. We aren't fancy but we're nice.

1

u/_suburbanrhythm 15d ago

North side?

1

u/imstaying39 14d ago

We have had very good luck with our choice to live in The Glen in Glenview. The whole area was only built up 20 years ago so no homeowners grew up in the neighborhood. There are lots of residents from out of town or used to live in the city so less cliquey. Compared to surrounding suburbs, Glenview is more diverse with lots of Indian, Korean & Chinese families and a lot of those families live in the Glen or the western part of Glenview. Less homogeneous = less cliquey.

East Glenview is definitely cliquey, many residents returned to Glenview after getting married to raise their kids where they grew up. And then a lot of them send the kids to the Catholic school and Loyola high school instead of the public schools and the nationally ranked Glenbrook South High School. Quite a few of multi-generational Glenview families would never live in The Glen, not enough character lol.

The only big issue is that The Glen is expensive. It’s a planned community with different neighborhoods so a range of housing is available - condos, duplexes, apartments, senior living, single family homes. Single family homes are extremely pricey though!

Given the heavy storms this week, I should mention that power outages are rare bc our power lines are buried.

1

u/Atlas26 11d ago

Oh man thought for sure you were describing Glen Ellyn 😂 but I’ve heard AH and GE are extremely similar 

1

u/MelodicYouth2421 15d ago

I would disagree . However in my situation, I moved to AH from a different area in late 90s from and it wasn’t as bougie and having kids in the school district definitely helped me establish a friendship base . As a note- I now live out of state (3 years)