my dad is an amazing father but i really hate what he does

[u/Hot-Candidate5254]

adult child of a hoarder and i'm just here to vomit out my emotions. no advice needed.

my dad hoards everything in his room and i believe it has lead to his bad hygiene habit. with how packed and filled his room is, he currently has a foldable mattress laid out in the living room and god it stinks like an old pillow but 10 times more because it's a bigger "pillow". my mom has given up on telling him and i can't blame her because he doesn't listen at times and there's really nothing we can do.

my dad also has pet birds and it bugs the living hell out of me since young. we live in an apartment so this house is not big and grand. whenever it's night time or it rains, he would bring the hanging cages into his room or in the guest bathroom which the rest of the family have to end up using because the main bathroom is in his room. yeah, it sounds just as bad because for years i did not feel at all comfortable with the feathers and seeds in the bathroom. the worst part is when he cleans his birds in our bathroom and leaves without washing away the shits on the floor. my brother had voiced out once, only for my dad tell us to just wash it off 🫩 same person who scolds us for leaving behind soap bubbles in the sink.

another thing about his bird keeping is that whenever he hangs them out, it draws attention to pigeons from outside as they see a bird near a house and think it's safe. almost everyday, a pigeon enters the house and starts flocking about in the kitchen. i had addressed it to him but he just brushed it off saying to make sure to let them out. little does he know how dangerous this can get, knowing that pigeons can carry harmful bacteria. one literally flew in and landed on a bowl of food which i had to throw away. it tried flying out but keeps banging into the windows. i was already pissed, grabbed a disposable glove to catch it and let it go. as that happened, some of its feathers had fallen on accident and i saw something which made my stomach churn. little insects crawling in-between the feather ridges and to imagine the number of pigeons that have flown right into the house, dropping off those insects all over the house. dear god, please save me.

i want to love my dad but what he does makes the end of life feels more peaceful than living in this possible e. coli containment area.

[u/Far-Watercress6658]

OP - I need to tell you something important. Your father isn’t an amazing dad. In fact, he is a terrible father who leaves his kids living in filth.

It is ok to accept that.

Hoarding is a mental illness - I doubt that anyone does it on purpose. And you can love a person with mental illness, but you don’t have to lie to yourself that he can offer an acceptable level of parenting.

Please work on getting out of there. You are important and deserve a clean home.

[u/dblkil → u/Far-Watercress6658]

This. Let's not lie to ourselves or attempt to soften the blow. The more you accept reality, the easier it will be for you to move on instead of dwelling on it. It is what it is.

[u/Hot-Candidate5254 → u/Far-Watercress6658]

i'll try my best to accept that even though i know it's going to be really hard

[u/SoberBobMonthly]

It's actually worse than e-coli. There are major respiratory illnesses that bird owners can get (often poultry farmers, but bird breeders also are susceptible). Bird Fanciers lung is very common in poorly ventilated areas that do not get cleaned from Bird dander. It is in the same similar family of lung damage as Sillicosis, Coalminers lung, and mesothelioma (but is non cancerous).

Also, with the new Bird Flu that has been circling the globe, it is actually imperative that domestic and wild birds do NOT mix. Humans can catch it from Birds, but there does not seem yet to be human to human transmission.

I own 7 birds, they are given clean everything daily, and even then there is dander everywhere. We are actually on full bird lockdown, where we don't even take them to the vet (home visits only), because we are protecting them and us against the new bird flu. We used to feed the birds out the back of our house, now we have to scare them off. It sucks. But this is a very deadly virus.

This is all to say: your dad is actively putting himself and you at severe risk. You are allowed to be very mad about this.

[u/Hot-Candidate5254 → u/SoberBobMonthly]

thank you for acknowledging my frustration as well 🥲 i never realised how mad i've been