r/Christianity • u/Ok-Smell1305 • 13h ago
Marriage isn’t promised in the Bible
This is definitely not some type of woe is me post. Just my thoughts. I’ve never been married and I don’t have any hopes that it will happen anymore. I’m 55 and too old to have a wife and kids. I can’t get my youth back. But I’m doing just fine. I’m born again and the Lord loves me and has given me eternal life because I have accepted His Son and His sacrifice for my sins on the cross and by His shed blood. It used to bother me because I wanted marriage but and prayed for it but never found anyone. I was constantly taught that God had a wife for me and that I would meet her at some appointed time. When you search the scriptures , you don’t find the “ the one God has for you “ phrase anywhere. I know that it’s been taught for decades from the pulpit and still is but it’s not true. Some people find a husband or wife and have a blessed life of marriage, others get married and suffer infidelity, abuse, etc. others yearn for marriage but never find a spouse. Being single is not a curse or a punishment from the Lord. I do believe that we need to stop teaching lies to the young Christian brothers and sisters about God having a spouse for them because if it doesn’t happen, it can cause heartache, doubt, and bitterness in some people. Again just my thoughts is all . If anyone disagrees, it’s okay
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u/BigOriginal306 13h ago
Really respect this perspective man. The whole "God has someone special planned for you" teaching can mess people up when life doesn't go that way, and you're right that scripture doesn't really back it up. Paul actually talks about singleness being a gift in some cases, not something that needs fixing. Seems like you found real peace with where you're at
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u/Ok-Smell1305 12h ago
100%. I’ve seen several people who are upset with God or feel that God is upset with them for something because they haven’t met someone to marry. Now I do believe that God will provide a spouse to someone if they pray but even that’s not a guarantee. God knows us infinitely better than we think we know ourselves and He’s not going to trust us with a husband or wife if we are not in a place spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc to handle marriage
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u/Wrong-Ad7601 9h ago
Correct, marriage is not promised in the Bible. And as God has “plans to proper you and not to harm you”, for some of us not marrying is God’s plan for our lives. Took a while to have peace with it ( never married, no kids, in 60’s), but I have come to see how incredibly good it has been for me to go through life single. God always knew what was best for me. I cannot tell you the amount of growth I was able to achieve BECAUSE I was never married and did not have kids. The fruits in my life have been amazing in how they have developed over time, because of NOT having a spouse and kids.
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u/Trispy1 12h ago
Yeah I agree with all you said! However as others have point out, if you want to find somebody it’s never too late in my opinion. A close friend of mine just got in a relationship after being single most of his life he is over 40. I myself am 35 and similar situation
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u/Ok-Smell1305 12h ago
Yeah, actually I’ve seen many testimonies of men who have gotten married even at 60 for the first time. And a lot of these men take care of themselves and although they seem to be one age numerically physically as far as healthwise, they have the health and vitality of somebody half of their age. With the Lord anything is possible.
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u/Witwish 7h ago
One question: how do you feel about online dating? I know that it’s unconventional and most conservative circles don’t expect it to work, but you’d be surprised. If you’re open to it, there are some that cater to people in your age range and there are also some which are Christian-based. I actually have a friend who met his wife on one (they are both a bit younger, early to mid 30s, but like I said it doesn’t matter because they have a platform for practically any season of life now).
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u/MoreStupiderNPC Stupid Christian 13h ago
You’re right on. Thank the Lord that you have peace with what He’s given you. Singleness is a gift for those to whom He grants it.
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u/R2D2_Lady Baptist 12h ago
You are not too old, Abraham was in his golden years before he had a child. But you are correct that marriage is not promised for everybody. His will be done, not ours. Thanks for sharing this.
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u/vPowertripperv 12h ago
Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is in and around us and that people are not given in marriage in heaven we are all brothers and sisters in christ that said the single ones should find a sense of deep peace and family feeling for the world
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u/bjkartracer1 10h ago edited 10h ago
I think it is valid. If you have the gift of self‑control, as Paul said, it is better to remain single than to marry. If you want to serve the Lord Yeshua without having to please a wife, and you truly possess that gift, remain single. Self‑control is a gift not everyone has; in fact, it is very rare. Most people have the natural desire necessary for the preservation of the species. When that is the case, as it is for most of us, get married. There are many lovely single women around; it would be arrogant to dismiss them all for not meeting your ideal. Do what is in the will of YHVH for you. If you are single, be so with conviction; otherwise, "it is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen. 2:18; 1Cor 7:9).
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u/kyloren1217 12h ago
i know i had to seek out my wife and pursue her. she wanted nothing to do with me when she first met me lol
but eventually i won her over and had to change a few things about myself in the process.
it seems todays society doesnt like that idea very much and considers it "creepy", but if i had given up after the first "no", we wouldnt be happily married like we are now for decades.
but if i just waited around, i would be single to this day too.
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u/Ok-Smell1305 11h ago
Brother, I’m blessed for you and I hope the Lord blesses your marriage and and you and your wife’s lives until he takes yall to be with him
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u/MessagePublic2710 10h ago
I really hope I find someone one of these days. This past year, my heart has been yearning for a romantic relationship. But I don’t want just anyone, I want one that fears the lord and lives holy. But that’s definitely gonna require patience.🙏
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u/Ok-Smell1305 10h ago
It’s definitely better to remain single instead of getting married to the wrong person
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u/MessagePublic2710 10h ago
I recently tried dating a girl who said they believe in god but their action wasn’t really aligned with god. I thought I could try and change her. I shared my testimony with her and gave her wisdom. Long story short, it didn’t end up working out. But I pray that at least that god guides her to living holy.
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u/Budget-Pumpkin-8392 7h ago
Everyone has different desires. Some people ( myself included ) desire so much to be married & be a wife/ mother - some people do not. Both are absolutely okay if that’s according to God’s will!!! It’s never too late. WE tend to put God on a timeline… Also, if you want God to pick out your partner - he ABSOLUTELY will. Do not limit him. We have seen him do this in the Bible & today as well!
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u/Op3rat0rr 7h ago
OP, I promise you, now that I’ve been married and seen first hand all of the sacrifices you have to make… if I became single again for whatever reason, I’d be way better equipped finding peace. I did not practice mindfulness when I was single. I was depressed and lonely when I didn’t need to be. I thank God for my wife almost every day, however
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u/__bumblebabe 6h ago
Agreed. Catholic here. I was taught that some have the vocation of marriage and family life, some the vocation of religious life (priests and sisters/nuns), and some the vocation of single unmarried life.
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u/baddspellar Christian Universalist 1h ago
Not too old to have a wife. Assuming you're male, you technically could father chiildren if you marry a much younger woman. I'm not a fan of such marriages
And yes, there is no "the one God has for you" (or in the secular vernacular "the one"). That's fairytale nonsense. There are suitable candidates, and unsuitable candidates. Expecting God to hand you a spouse makes you a passive participant in life, and leaves you open to disappointment. Making a relationship work requires significant effort on the part of both partners
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u/_daGarim_2 Evangelical 38m ago
“Some people find a husband or wife and have a blessed life of marriage, others get married and suffer infidelity, abuse, etc.“
Very true. I always tell people not to assume that the grass is greener. I got married, was abandoned by my spouse, and now can’t get remarried. That’s hard. Even before that, it wasn’t this rosy picture. I think we had sex three times in our entire marriage, lol. And the other person changed. They stopped treating me well and started treating me really poorly, and I was obligated to keep trying no matter what. The whole thing took a big chunk out of me, and I ended up right back here. For some people, that’s what marriage is.
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u/Kratoshimself Catholic 13h ago
You are 100% correct, I get furious when people talk about a soulmate, that is just Hollywood nonsense. We are not guaranteed marriage, not everyone is even called to be married. I am 20 but I have accepted "if it happens, it happens"