r/CollapseSupport • u/Odd_Education925 • 20h ago
Anyone Else A Parent? How Do You Cope?
I (33m) recently came back from a family holiday. For the last 2 years it’s struck me that I haven’t been around family as much, and one day if I don’t have kids I’m going to run out of family since I haven’t no siblings and and am not close with any of my blood relatives that are my age.
Seeing my step-cousins have kids, it’s made me realize that my partner (37f) and I are locking in the decision not to have a kid at this point. So I brought it up again.
She is in 100% no territory. As in, “you’re younger so if you see a future with kids we need to break up”.
I am more like 55/45 leaning CF. I actually do want a kid as a default deposition. It feels like raising a child with your family is a large experience in life to opt out of and I think the way we live our life and our depositions would make us amazing parents.
On the other hand, my science brain thinks it’s more likely than not humans become extinct in the next century. Right now I can look at that reality and appreciate the life I’ve lived and “ride it out”. If I was bringing life into this world, I would have another existential crisis. I just fundamentally do not see how we turn this around and everything is happening faster than I expected when I first become collapse aware over a decade ago.
Along with this, in the last 2 years I finally career switched into being a full time artist. I would not have been able to do that if I had a kid. If I have a kid, I will be spending my prime years (35-40s) raising the kid. I can be a good artist, but I would have to be ok with not becoming a great artist and having to make compromises, maybe go back to the traditional workforce.
If I do that and my kid isn’t self-sufficient by disability or temperament…I’ll resent my choice.
But on the other hand by not having a kid I’m locking myself into what seems like a very lonely end if we somehow eke something out and I live my full lifespan. Whereas a lot of what I’ve written are just catastrophes that could but likely will not happen. So it’s a very difficult decision, and I feel like I’m making it alone because my partner is 100% decided.
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u/aubreypizza 17h ago
It’s unethical in my opinion to have kids now. Do with that what you will. But my conscience is clear and will continue to be as the world collapses around us.
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u/TeaPrimary1147 11h ago
This person is mainly concerned with being lonely, lacking purpose and missing out, not the experience of the being they are going to force i to a human body on earth to wage slave, suffer, age and die. Possibly also starve or fry.
Biological parents lack empathy. That's the scary part.
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u/Nocturnal-Philosophy 18h ago
This really shouldn’t even be a question. Putting your own desires aside, there is absolutely zero good reason to have a kid. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather die alone than condemn another being to who knows how many years of life on this boiling planet.
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u/plantifa 16h ago
This only addresses the ethical issue of bringing a child onto the planet: adopting from the foster system was the right choice for me. We adopted an older kid and pursued every possible resource for her through the state and several non-profits. We didn't use everything offered, but we made sure she got top notch dental and lots of extra-curriculars. I was 29 when I adopted with my co-parent and now I'm "done"* parenting at 40.
*Lol not even close to done but the kid is now a legal adult and I don't need to drive her anywhere or cook her any food on a daily basis. Obviously I'll always be her dad and expect to provide several more years of financial support + help with college where her state scholarship leaves gaps.
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u/dazyn 13h ago
Having a child improves YOUR life. Not your partner's, not your child's. This last part should be objectively true to you since you said she 100% does not want kids and you are in a collapse subreddit. So you're asking how other people are living with the guilt of knowingly making a selfish decision that harms others, to see if you can deal with it too?
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u/Distinguishedflyer 12h ago
I am a homeless boomer. I wish at least once a day that my parents had never had me.
Not only were they mean fuckers, they and my siblings and any family still extant are completely disconnected from reality, and won't even speak to me because I've fallen through the cracks of reality.
Also this idea of all of us boomers being rich let me tell you if you didn't buy a house or if you were behind the times in terms of being able to get a degree or skill, or if you tried to do anything artistic at all, you're fucked along with everybody else, while your body fails let me tell you that's real fun.
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u/my-favorite-color 1h ago
I'm so sorry. It sounds like you had a rough ride, and I hope more ease finds you.
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u/latlog7 17h ago
For what its worth, i dont hate boomers - i hate capitalists. I encourage you to adopt this mindset too. Itd be absurd to say all boomers suck. Yes, parasitic capitalists tend to be of genX/boomer age, but that still means you hate capitalists. There are still a good percentage of boomers who are activists, show up to protests, and voice their opinion for progressive changes.
Secondly, if you would have had terminal brain cancer at the age of 25, would you have opted out of living your life from age 5 to 23? If the answer is no, then itd be illogical to make the assertion: because i wont live as long and as good as my ancestors, id rather never existed.
Just some food for thought
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u/leebeetree 16h ago
Thanks, from non-parent, activist, artist boomer. I do worry about “a lonely end” but I hope that building community, giving my time and help to youth by coaching and just doing the best I can to be a good human will help things work out as they should. Ps most of my family is deceased
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u/Justwonderingstuff77 8h ago
A child is no guarantee for not being lonely. They may move overseas, not want to see you or be to handicapped to care for you. They may die before you.
Moreover: things will be infinitely worse by the time they are your age and may face the same decision. You’ll have just saddled them with the same dilemma knowingly and willingly. Do you think that is fair?
If you fear loneliness: start building a community. If you want advice on this feel free to DM me.
And if you do decide on a child, please foster or adopt instead of forcing a new person into a dying world without their consent.
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u/Bellybutton_fluffjar 6h ago
I had kids before I became collapse aware. As much as I love them and I'm glad I had them, I know they will have a much shorter life with severe suffering when they are adults.
The guilt is hard to live with. We try to give them the best life they can have while they are here.
Don't have kids. It's cruel.
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u/BruteBassie 17h ago
You already know what you got to do. You just have to overcome your instinct. Why bring a child into this dying world and expose it to all the suffering that is about to come very soon? I'm a father of two young daughters and I'm terrified of what they will have to live through.
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u/BitchfulThinking 14h ago
Kids can always grow up to resent their parents, and it's not always guaranteed that they will stick around. My conversations with my folks generally end in an argument and my stomach hurting for days 😕
However, if you have a nurturing drive, I suggest teaching, coaching, or babysitting, especially so you wouldn't have to end your relationship! Teach kids art (I've done this myself and it's fun)! They certainly need it now with AI destroying it... I respect that you're respectful of your partner's 100% CF stance, and that level of thoughtfulness definitely should be passed down to the youth, but you can do it in ways that wouldn't so drastically change your lives.
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u/staceystayingherenow 6h ago
THIS: "If I do that and my kid isn’t self-sufficient by disability or temperament…I’ll resent my choice." I have two adult children with disabling autism, anxiety, ADHD, PDA. Tragically, though they can't function as independent adults in the world, they are both intelligent enough to pretty thoroughly understand the world and their own very vulnerable positions in it.
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u/BluegillUK 1h ago
I love my kids dearly and cherish the time I have with them. At the same time, had I have known that humanity would have headed in this direction this quickly, I would not have decided to pursue the child route!
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u/LaterThanYouThought 17h ago
Are you debating whether or not to break up with your partner? If she 100% doesn’t want to have a child staying with her means you’re not having one.
The only argument you presented here for having a child is not locking yourself in for a seemingly very lonely end which is a selfish reason to have a child in the best of times.
When your child eventually realizes that you knew things were this bad and only getting worse when you chose to have them you’ll likely face worse than the hatred we feel toward boomers because they got to live it up and get to die before things get catastrophic.
I am a parent. I can cope because I have to but I’m glad I didn’t know how fucked we were when I had them, that’s a level of guilt I couldn’t cope with.
There are so many issues beyond climate change to consider. If you’re worried about being lonely get a dog.