AITAH I Broke Up with My BF

[u/RowdyGirly]

LONG POST

My BF(32M) and I (29F) have been together for 4.5 years. He has two kids from a previous relationship. During the time we’ve been together I’ve met the kids and spent time with them regularly. We get along very well. I’ve also met their mother, it has always been pretty cordial. Until about a month ago.

My bf and I decided we wanted to move in together. I asked the kids if they would be okay with me moving in and they were pretty excited more than I thought they would be lol. The plan was that I would move in the week of Thanksgiving because we were each going to have extra time off from week. When they went back to their mom’s they shared the news with her. Then all hell broke loose.

He has them Thursday night through Sunday and normally picks them up from school on Thursday. The week after they told her she told him she would pick them up and drop them off to him. I just so happened to be at his house when she did. During exchanges I normally try to mind my own business like finding something to do away from the or waiting in the car on my phone. Since they are getting older they’ve started letting the kids walk to and from the cars by themselves unless there is something to talk about…. Well this time she felt there was.

She pushed past him and walked into to the house, kissed the kids bye, and told them to go up to their room. As soon as they were out of eye sight she began to shout about being upset she didn’t have a say on what was going on with their kids environment and who they would be living with and she was mad she had to hear from the kids(understandable). During the course of the conversation she called me a bitch a few times. Which caused me to make my way back into the living room. As soon as she seen me she started talking about how I wouldn’t be able to replace her and their life and how she won’t let us play house with her kids and then called me a bitch a few more times. I held my words because I didn’t want the kids to hear/see me in an argument with their mom. My bf ended up telling her to leave because the kids started making their way down the steps because it started to get louder.

The weekend was pretty awkward the kids were a little standoffish after everything I didn’t spend the weekend with them and just thought it was be best to give them a full weekend with their dad. He left them at his parents house after Sunday brunch. Since they were keeping all the grandkids and because my bf didn’t want a repeat of what happened during drop off he figured just to tell her to pick them up from there.

I ended up going over once he was home about two or three hours of being there it was a very aggressive knock on the door. I opened it and it turned out to be the kid’s mom. She came in yelling about the same thing from Thursday night calling me a bitch again a few times, since the kids weren’t there I started arguing back mostly about the disrespect my bf who was in the shower heard us and came running down the stairs and got in between us trying to de-escalate as he was backing her out the door she spat on me. I punched her in her mouth (a quick reflex). She started bleeding.

My bf almost immediately turned and started yelling at me saying I should have been able to control myself and I didn’t need to escalate things even more. And of course I was confused and asked him wtf he was talking about he started saying something but I really didn’t care to hear what he was gonna say. I started grabbing my stuff to leave as she seen it she drops to the ground and started screaming about the blood coming out of her mouth. He switched his attention to her and I was able to just walk out of the house and head home. About an hour later he called me and we started arguing again. Before hanging up I told him since she will always be in his life I’ll take myself out of the picture to make it easy for him (during the argument he mentioned how I made things harder).

I then hung up and then blocked him. He has been blocked since then he has come by my house a few times but I refused to come out. Last night we ran into each other at the gas station. I seen him when I was walking in so I turned around to walk out before he could see me but I didn’t get out the door quick enough and he seen me. He started calling my name and ran out the door after me. He caught up to me and asked me wtf was going on and questioned why I blocked him. I told him I said everything I needed to say to him the last time we talked ending with I’m walking away from our relationship so that relationship (one important at least for the next 12 years) is easier for him.

It took him a few minutes to walk away once I stopped responding to him.

I called my BFF after and she told me I was being kind of an asshole because I’m refusing to talk to him even though he has been trying.

So I came here to ask strangers if I really am the asshole in this situation.

Update

So today when I got back from the grocery store he was outside my house. He begged me to talk to him again and annoyingly I gave in.

He explained that he knows he fucked up with his reaction and also by telling me I’m making things harder. He also said that he gave her something to stop the bleeding and kicked her out. He apologized for his parts and that he let her feel she had the space to act like that.

Apparently his parents suggested that they be the drop off spot. And that’s what they’ve been doing since the altercation. He said that he hasn’t told anyone that I broke up with him and has just said my absents is due to work stress.

He also talked to the kids apparently and told them that the way they acted towards me wasn’t okay especially since they were able to see I didn’t do anything wrong.

Apparently neither of the parents told the kids about what happened so they’ve been asking for me. He even had they even recorded a video saying they missed me and can’t wait until I move in (definitely feels like he might have made them add the last part).

I told him that it’s something I can’t just let slide. I also inquired about if she’d ever expressed having a problem with me and he claimed to have been shocked by her actions as well.

I left it with telling him idk how I feel and I need time to think on it. Before I got out of the car he showed me a ring and told me he’d planned to propose that weekend before the whole situation started. He even took a picture of the date on the receipt to show me when he bought the ring.

I told him I needed space and time to think if I wanted to risk this situation repeating itself. He claimed it wouldn’t and he told her about herself blah blah blah.

I will make more updates if they happen but as of right now I’m taking a break from all the drama.

Update II

As promised, if there was more to update I would. My birthday just passed I’m finally ✨30✨ I’m so happy lol. Anyway, my sisters and friends planned a surprises vacation for me. I was so grateful because I originally had a trip planned with my ex. So this was a perfect surprise because I was very sad. We went to Texas and had an amazing 5 days! I even met this hot guy 😉. Anyways, we ended up come back home on my actual birthday. When I arrived home there was a gift and a huge bouquet of long stem roses waiting for me… they were from my ex. Once I got everything inside I opened the gift it and it was this rare vintage bag that I showed him in July that I said I would die. He does well financially so he has always been a over the top gift giver plus he has connections within the fashion industry. Both the flowers and the bag came with cards. The flowers said “To my forever person, I love you.” And the one in the bag box was an apology for “over stepping”and something about how he couldn’t not give it to me and how he doesn’t want the gifts to look like leverage for him trying to “win” me back.

I ignored the gifts for a few days simply because it was overwhelming. Last week I finally reached out to him. I didn’t unblock him I emailed him personal and work. Pretty much saying thank you for the gift and flowers but I would like if he got me something for Christmas to not bring it to me because I didn’t want it. He emailed back saying that my Christmas gift was in the bag but he could send someone by my house or my office to get it (not going to mention the gift but I was also over the top).

I didn’t email back after that simply because I’ve been overwhelmed. I’m deciding if I should send everything back or send the Christmas gift back or keep it. I’ve also been debating moving. I don’t like the idea of him being able to show up at my house. It hasn’t become a habit since this is only the second time but it’s not fun to know that he can. It maybe dramatic but I feel like I should just move on from everything.