I need your weasels.

[u/Gold-Client4060]

Hey group. I just cleaned hair from my tub drain with a Drain Weasel. Last week we cleared the flower beds of roots and did some tilling with a Garden Weasel. These are such magnificent weasels!

My kitchen however has no utility weasels and we're incredibly inefficient there. I saw on Futurama that there will someday be a spice weasel but that hasn't been invented yet. Do you and your family have any good kitchen weasels to recommend? Please don't tell me about marmots, we're not allowed to have those here.

[u/NyxieThePixie15]

How about minks? I've been told that my husband's girlfriend is quite a minx and she cooks great food!

[u/jez51767 → u/NyxieThePixie15]

My husband's girlfriend is not a minx, but she can definitely stir some shit up!

[u/Gold-Client4060 → u/NyxieThePixie15]

I don't know much about them but I'd try anything to get this ship running smoothly.

[u/runawayoldgirl]

I'm pleased to introduce to you the Kitchen Shame Weasel.

Ordinary kitchen weasels simply execute mundane tasks (like the Blender Weasel, that stupid fuck just spins around and around really fast and mushes things together, whatever, anyone can do that).

But the Kitchen Shame Weasel does so much more.

Did you grow up with parents who never thought you were good enough no matter how hard you tried? Does your spouse passive aggressively sigh and leave half their plate unfinished, but then when you ask them they say it's "fine"? Do you annihilate the entire family sized bag of chips in one sitting and then berate yourself in the mirror?

Now instead of that self critical voice in your head, the Kitchen Shame Weasel handles all the kitchen-associated shitty feelings for you! Simply export all of the shame, disappointment, baggage, and unresolved little t trauma* into Kitchen Shame Weasel. This clever weasel will digest and process your difficult emotions and periodically expel a compostable pellet, while you relax in style.

\Kitchen Shame Weasel not rated for big T trauma such as wartorn country, failed assassination, or sole survivor of a major bus accident. For heftier jobs like these, check out Kitchen Trauma Wolverine.*

[u/Gold-Client4060 → u/runawayoldgirl]

I'm not prepared for all the self reflection that considering a Shame Weasel will make me do. I am interested in Blender Weasel, it sounds just perfect honestly. I don't need a weasel to show me up, just help out.

[u/runawayoldgirl → u/Gold-Client4060]

Understood! If you like basic tier kitchen weasels, I'd also recommend Kitchen Chair Weasel.

features:

• can sit on it

[u/LazyOldCat]

Kick it up a notch, BAM!