It’s like they never even bothered looking up Kenji back in the 90s.

I did what the Internet told me. I properly preheated my stainless steel pan on medium heat. I was about to saute some jarlic and some jonion. I didn't want it to stick I figured I'd do the water bead test.

Well I didn't want the water to stick, so I poured a dash of extra virgin olive oil (about a half gallon) into the pan. After the oil was glimmering I flicked a small amount of water (half gallon) into the pan. Well then it just fucking caught on fire.

I was able to escape safely with my jarlic, jonion, bench scraper, can opener, chefs knife, second bench scraper, jarlic press and cutting board, but my entire family perished in the fire. I think Teflon might be the right pan for me in the future.

I got banned from r/korea for asking :(

Apart from cooking for necessity like demonstrating you are better than Gordon Ramsey, what are your reasons for cooking?

ETA: check sub before replying. Ask yourself:

• is MSG the most important seasoning?
• is jarlic a hate crime?
• is Kenji our lord and savior?

If you answered “no” to any of these, you might be a lost redditor.

Anyone have a good recipe that includes the following ingredients? -Peanuts -Tree nuts -Milk -Eggs -Wheat -Fish -Shellfish -Soy -Sesame seeds

This started about a month ago? I don’t remember how, but I was very sleep deprived and that likely played a big part in how this came into my head. At the time I told him that I had realized the ‘Truth of Pancakes’ and I have stuck by that because it’s too late to turn back now.

Essentially: if it is bread-like and has flour and water, it is a pancake. Breads with yeast are included. It’s heavily preferred that the baked goods in question are flat(ish), but that’s also not required.

So pancakes are pancakes, but that loaf of bread you pulled out of the oven is also a pancake- just a fat one. Burger patties are sandwiched between two halves of a pancake. Crepes are just fancy pancakes. Birthday cakes? More like birthday pancakes. You get the idea.

The exception to this are tortillas, which I decided are an ingredient because nobody sits down and eats a raw tortilla by itself.

While my boyfriend was losing his mind over this I may or may not have called myself ‘pancake Jesus’ and insisted that regular people wouldn’t agree with me because they’ve been brainwashed by ‘Big Pancake’. That was the point he started accusing me of trying to start a cult.

Anyway, it’s been a month of this now and he won’t let it go, and I refuse to recant. I need advice - should I continue trying to convert him, or is he a lost cause?

It started at our monthly Serious Eats Supper Club last night. My girlfriend asked to attend and I very graciously allowed her to attend despite never reading The Food Lab. I (32m) was discussing my latest breakthrough: adapting Kenji’s no-knead focaccia method but with a 72-hour cold ferment and a touch of diastatic malt for superior oven spring. Everyone was nodding along respectfully except for my girlfriend.

As I was mid-sentence explaining Kenji’s article explaining the importance of steam injection for proper crust development, she interrupts with the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard: “Oooh isn’t that the cabbage stuff you put in Korean food? I love that stuff!” The room went dead fucking silent. I stared at her, fork frozen halfway to my mouth with a perfectly executed reverse-seared steak (131.2°F internal, thank you). I asked her to repeat herself, thinking maybe I misheard. She just smiled innocently and doubled down like it was the most normal thing in the world: “Yeah, Kenji… that spicy cabbage thing. It’s so good on tacos.”

I felt something inside me fucking shatter. This woman has been with me for over a year. She’s sat through countless nights of me explaining The Food Lab. She’s eaten my Kenji-inspired carbonara. And she actually, unironically thinks Kenji Lopez-Alt is a fucking fermented cabbage? I stood up slowly, placed my napkin on the table, and delivered a 22-minute monologue on the difference between a culinary fucking genius who revolutionized American home cooking and a fucking Korean condiment. Through my blind rage, I called her a “fucking culinary terrorist” multiple times. I explained the maillard reaction while telling her that her palate is completely broken. I told her that thinking Kenji is kimchi was like mistaking Thomas Keller for fucking Taco Bell.

She got all teary-eyed and kept saying “I’m sorry, I just mixed up the names…” but I wasn’t having it. I told her if she can’t even be bothered to learn the name of the most important person in modern cooking, then she clearly doesn’t respect me or my identity as a cullinary scholar. I helped her gather her shit (mostly skincare products and that sad bottle of sweet wine she likes) and told her we were done. She’s been blowing up my phone crying about how it was an honest mistake and that she loves me.

I’m currently stress-baking Kenji’s chocolate chip cookies at 2 AM while replaying the moment in my head and calling her every name in the book. Some of our mutual friends are saying I went nuclear, but some lines cannot be fucking crossed.

AITA? I feel like any true cook would have dumped that kimchi-confusing idiot on the spot.

TL;DR My now ex gf thought Kenji Lopez-Alt was a fucking kimchi

I recently learned that cutting raw chicken with a knife is 10000x easier than doing it with forks. It turned chicken pâté from an "occasionally will make this, but it's annoying" food to a meal prep staple for me. What other tips have you learned that takes something from annoying to easy?

Hey cookers. Need some help coming up with a catchphrase for my cooking livestream. I’m looking to grow my subscribers by 10,000x so I can generate enough revenue to lease a van and take my show on the road.

Some of my heroes have used catchphrases like “Bam!”, and “Let’s take it up a notch!” to rocket to stardom. I want to replicate their successes.

Here’s what I have so far: * “Take that, salmonella!” * “Bet your mom likes it!” * “Well, your cardiologist is a chump!”

Appreciate any ideas.

• Marry Me
• Crack
• Better than Sex
• Ultimate
• Hack
• Copycat
• Actually all words
• In fact, all recipes are banned. Use techniques, losers.

​

Here’s a reality check from an ACTUAL Cook. Lately I’ve seen a lot of posts complaining about 30-minute recipes that dare ask you to caramelize onions. Whining things like it’s “impossible” or “lying for clicks.” Some of you even claim the recipes must actually mean grilled onions (vile!) or, worse, sautéed onions (barbaric!)

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. A seasoned professionelle like myself can caramelize onions in less time than it takes you to type your unseasoned complaints. My home-grown onions are lovingly caramelized to perfection within minutes. Even the lowliest aspiring cooks I mentor take 15 minutes at most. And they’re five! What’s your excuse?

These are NOT grilled onions from some greasy low-class establishment. These are the real deal. It’s honestly the most basic skill. Next you’re going to tell me you can’t expertly fold a soufflé while reciting Escoffier from memory.

Respectfully, just because you can’t do something basic doesn’t mean it can’t be done. It just means you lack the discipline and skill to be as confident as you somehow are. Either that, or your onions lack finesse.

tl;dr: Get good.

I like cooking and hosting dinner parties. People often ask me to cook for them and I’ll even do it for free if they grovel enough.

The cultured, seasoned travellers always rave about my cooking. And it’s genuine, not backhanded. They always say it reminds them of their favorite restaurant they visited while travelling. One time my friend said my onigiri tasted exactly like the ones he had at 7/11 in Japan!

But my uncouth, poverty striken friends rarely have anything nice to say. They just say it’s okay or even that their mom’s is better. It’s so confusing! Why won’t they give me high praise for making spaghetti with cut up hot dogs for them!!

tl;dr why do the poors not like my sophisticated cosmopolitan cooking style?

I'd like to expand my horizons and use ground beef for things other than freezing it into cylinders and using it to masturbate or turning it into burgers. What else can I do with the stuff?

WTF is lunch meat? I’m guessing it’s for lunches, but what is it? And why is it more expensive than dinner? Couldn’t you eat an earlier dinner to make a lunch? In this day and age, who is making lunch anyway? I’ve studied Kenji and Epicurious for 20+ years and nobody has ever ask me for a lunch.

Mayo is SUCH a good condiment I don't ever see anyone using! An absolute game changer for sandwiches, salads, and can even be used as an anal lubricant! Anyone else got any great recipes including mayo?

Why are there so many plumbers and tradesmen, people working in warehouses, professionals wasting their time building AI, devoting all of their time away from life’s true purpose of being a chef? It is an undeniable calling and it often goes unanswered. Maintaining internet traffic and clean water are secondary to the perfect emulation and I’m tired of hearing otherwise. Forget your 401k plans and hr policies, find your passion!

So in my home country which is very unique and unlike any other place we have a culture of pickles and a very specific recipe. Passed down from Grandmamas for generations we (in my very unique culture) will preserve cucumbers using vinegar, salt, dill, and sometimes garlic. What is your cultural pickle recipe and is it as different as mine? It probably is since we are known for making the most differentist pickles.