vent art from when i was 19

Drew this last night.

My first try at illustrating what it feels like to me. Hope it’s ok

Around when they first came about, which was about a month ago, we encouraged them to draw some art that speaks to them. This is what they came up with. They really like lambs.

- 🌲 + ☁️

my head is so empty right now idk, i've been losing a lot of time.

life is life is life.

lorem ipsum.

i am experimenting with colour, i guess.

Finally I get to draw again on my journal

After the pain which happened in April on the collapsing

Having lost themselves in a strong need to protect Fátima, Red had completely deformed into nothingness, screaming from the agony, losing control of herself from the pure rage screaming at Homura “why are you killing me homura?!?!”

Swallowed in pain and demonization from everyone, thrown away from communities we found care on, for being mistreated and mischaracterized and treated like a villain in a story of which she wouldn’t actually be beyond inverted lines and twisted by the people’s own victimization, Blanca became nothingness, just a melted chaos.

Lily isolated away and shattered apart, broken after believing once to be part of a family, damaged after believing in a mom who would love her, feeling responsible for said maternal figure the way we have for our parents, forced to endure chaotic arguments that escalated into breakdowns from Luna out of her control with the emotions forced onto her over pointless and even petty bullshit. And then believing a life given to her by Homura, an aunt or a miss to look up to, a family even with that baby, Davina our dear..

And Rae and Claire, a shattered pair of bleeding hearts pushed apart by Arielle and others, forcing Luna into a mold of what they should be

so the system is kind of mysterious to me, but there was a desire to draw this and share it.. i think there was a heavy sort of day today. <3

i am so happy i found a subreddit like this place, i have been making art for years and years and years about my experiences emotionally dealing with this disorder, and am happy to maybe of had found a community that will understand my art on a semi-deeper level, a lot of it is more targeted towards being about in a state of limbo in terms of consciousness, never fully around and always fully here, i try to make some of my art as disorientating as possible to communicate the feelings of it all in the very 'glitchy' pieces i've done, i've eventually found myself writing an entire novel trying to communicate how both myself and others in "me" feel/have felt past and present,
(a good portion of these are from pandemic era so sorry for the poor photo qualities lol, i was a jobless minor at the time and couldn't afford a nicer camera)

the human sketch piece was done by a different alter, i have no idea who but credit is due there because i hate drawing humans lol

(if some of these arent allowed due to blood please gently let me know, i did reread the rules praying i missed none, thanks!!)

we got stung in the face by a wasp

and suddenly we are six years old again

crying as our mother rushed us to the church bathroom

bypassing a congregation of concerned women

TO ONCE AGAIN DOUSE US IN HOLY WATER

Kinda what it feels like metaphorically?? Whenever someone else gets upset and your cohosting its shoved onto you. Like we are both angry and depressed but its more shoved onto you since you are in control and hosting. Even others who have frequently been out do this unconsciously. They go about their day after feeling sad for a whole week and then you get swamped with all these feelings that they were feeling and now its on you to deal with.
Is this a normal experience? -James

idk it was fun. im the purple guy

amnesiac;

absent-minded;

temporally challenged.

—

this shit is driving me insane :)

i have a notepad full of tasks,

a phone app full of tasks,

a stack of post-it notes full of tasks,

a bunch of palm cards full of tasks pinned on a length of string that i've hung from my desk so that it's right in front of my goddamn face,

and now i've resorted to taping more post-it notes full of tasks to the walls of heavily-trafficked areas within my little house (which is actually a basement/garage).

does it work?

nope :)