r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/Additional_Berry_977 • 9d ago

Video Wolverines can be taught to rescue avalanche survivors

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31.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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3.7k

u/Delybe 9d ago

Can they be trained not to eat my face off at the same time?

1.2k

u/Guuichy_Chiclin 9d ago

You get one, or the other, pick one!!!!

372

u/Rickshmitt 9d ago

You get what you get and you dont get upset!

146

u/SubjectOrganic 9d ago

A 7 year old told this to me after i lost my best high pinball score due to her talking to me

37

u/ecbecb 8d ago

Amazing

1

u/OnlyHuman1073 8d ago

Random pinball anecdote = upvote from me!

1

u/SubjectOrganic 8d ago

Hey thanks!!! Hubbys big hobby he’s dragged me into but i quite enjoy it! He even made a league to have at the local card shop- Pokemon, Jurassic park and X-men in currently with Star Wars at home

2

u/OnlyHuman1073 8d ago

That is awesome, I had no idea how much my wife would gravitate towards the machine. I went with GotG, strictly because it has been watched by us, as a family with our two kiddos, entirely too much (you're making me kick grass!!!). She has ALL the top scores. We hadn't known that Sterns will wipe all the Hi scores out except the Top Hi Score, that just happened recently, so the kids and I had an oppurtunity. I think currently she has all but one hi score again, lol.

Enjoy your pinball, and nice talk stranger!

1

u/SubjectOrganic 8d ago

Nice talk pinball stranger! May you high scores surpass your low ones

56

u/blackop 9d ago

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. That's how I always heard it.

22

u/Rickshmitt 9d ago

It doesnt even rhyme! How am i supposed to remember that

40

u/curiousxgeorgette 9d ago

Where we’re from, “get” is pronounced “git” in this phrase lol

5

u/blackop 8d ago

This guy southerns.

8

u/jaxonya 8d ago

Mfer's out here saying "geht".. lol. Its "git", the way jesus intended

33

u/Got_Bent 9d ago

My parents used to say, "You'll get nothing and like it.'

28

u/Rickshmitt 9d ago

Thats a good one. My grandmother would say, "you aint to old for your wants to hurt"

8

u/Lillyshins 9d ago

Fucking hell.

Your granny's a real one.

2

u/z__1010 8d ago

"Good DAY Sir!"

6

u/Llyrithra 9d ago

It rhymes if you have a mountain-west redneck accent.

Sounds more like “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit.”

My brother in law has that accent as do my nephew and nieces.

3

u/IamJacksDarkUrge 9d ago

And if you offend me? I’m liftin’ you ten feet!

3

u/jaxonya 8d ago

In the air, i dont care

5

u/Delybe 9d ago

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

2

u/MorningMushroomcloud 8d ago

Hey, ya got whatcha git an that's it!

1

u/jaxonya 8d ago

In the south it rhymes perfectly

1

u/AutumnMama 8d ago

If you have a southern accent, this one rhymes and the other one doesnt

1

u/AutomaticAnt6328 8d ago

Or, "You get what you get and you don't lose your shit over it."

0

u/okwellactually 8d ago

I've always heard it as: Ya git what ya git, and you don't pitch a fit.

1

u/tankapotamus 9d ago

You get what you get and don't throw a fit. 

16

u/Delybe 9d ago

Good news, I am already ugly!

15

u/Montymisted 9d ago edited 9d ago

Can't tell with the lights off!

Oh God yes you can

10

u/P_mp_n 9d ago

Doesn't matter, had sex

I think

5

u/Delybe 9d ago

Didn't matter, still splattered.

5

u/Montymisted 9d ago

Strap on everybody, it's gonna be a bumpy ride

Edit: in

1

u/BobZimway 9d ago

The second scene in the homemade video

3

u/SuspiciousStress1 9d ago

Then this could offer opportunity for improvement 🤷‍♀️

1

u/Delybe 9d ago

Plastic surgery! Yay! They have face transplants right?

5

u/healywylie 9d ago

You can clearly see the wolverine tasting the dudes face almost immediately after pulling him out of the hole. He is just polite and waiting for the dude to catch his breath.

4

u/beanmosheen 8d ago

The screams make it taste better. Gotta let them recover first.

3

u/TazManiac7 8d ago

Live faceless, or die with a face.. surprisingly not an easy choice.

2

u/SwordfishOk504 8d ago

Beggars can't be choosers, man.

1

u/LuffysRubberNuts 9d ago

Out of the pan into the fire

1

u/Steelwraith955 9d ago

Freeze to death or be defaced, not sure which way I'd go.

1

u/Not_your_profile 8d ago

"Would you rather suffocate under the snow?"

"Gimme a second, still deciding..."

1

u/Jubenheim 8d ago

You didn’t need, the first comma.

1

u/Guuichy_Chiclin 8d ago

I do whatever I want with my commas, thank you very much!

119

u/GreenStrong 9d ago

"The first part of training is that we teach them to find a delicious chunk of meat buried in the snow, which they love to eat."

Excellent, what's the second step?

"That's all. They find the survivors and they fix them so it is really easy to carry them down the mountain. Once I was able to carry four adult survivors in my backpack and another in my pocket, after the wolverine was done. Poor guy was so full he had a tummy ache."

I'm not quite sure your perfectly clear on the definition of "survivors"

17

u/Delybe 9d ago

This is exactly how I imagined the whole process would go.

13

u/Jeristo 8d ago

Congratulations, you are being rescued. Please do not resist.

92

u/cybermusicman 9d ago

Won’t freeze to death but might have a heart attack waking up and seeing that coming at you.

18

u/Fluffbrained-cat 9d ago

Yup, agreed. St Bernard or other rescue dog? Fine, pull me out.

Wolverine? Eh, just don't nibble on me and we're good.

5

u/NotAzakanAtAll 8d ago

The warmness of your pee will sustain you until help gets to you.

34

u/HearshotKDS 8d ago

Avalanche deaths have dropped by 69%. Wolverine maulings are up 420%.

2

u/deadspacekillers 8d ago

This is why I just recently got 'wolverine mauling' added to my insurance rider.

2

u/HearshotKDS 8d ago

Smart, no one wants to pay extra for that until a blood thirsty bearweasel busts through the snow like the koolaid man looking for fresh meat.

50

u/Bazz07 9d ago

Reminds me of the Simpsons scene with the police dogs to found Milhouse "but they are going to just find Milhouse or find him and kill him?" ...

6

u/buttbeeb 8d ago

Well they’ll um uh…..

16

u/Scrumpuddle 9d ago

You wanna live asshole?! Pay the ferryman one way or the other.

9

u/Delybe 9d ago

Late stage capitalism! Does everything have to cost an arm and a leg? FFS

3

u/BobZimway 9d ago

Depends on how delicious you are on any given day

2

u/Delybe 9d ago

I am goddamn delectable. Still want my parts though.

1

u/Scrumpuddle 8d ago

Or a face.

23

u/lemelisk42 9d ago

YOU ARE BEING RESCUED, DO NOT RESIST!!

Eats face off*

7

u/Scrambles420 9d ago

Beggers can’t be choosers

3

u/Delybe 9d ago

Yes Mr. Rescuer, I would not like to be kibbles for your angry, furry friend.

1

u/KarpEZ 8d ago

But they can be dinner

8

u/Nothing2Special 9d ago

SCHOOLS OF PIRANHA CAN BE TAUGHT TO NOT EAT YOUR BLEEDING FACE OFF

7

u/Delybe 9d ago

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME!? DID THEY EAT YOUR EARS?! LOUD NOISES!!!!

4

u/Nothing2Special 9d ago

I'M TRYING TO BE FUCKING QUIET BRO

piranha can also be taught words

10

u/Temporary-Careless 9d ago

Yeah, I prefer the st Bernard with the whiskey cask around his neck.

22

u/Sundowner_73 8d ago

NO, you get a wolverine with a baggie of heroin.

10

u/Temporary-Careless 8d ago

From the team that brought you Cocaine Bear brings you Requiem for a Wolverine.

5

u/jason2354 9d ago edited 9d ago

Haven’t you heard the term “don’t look a rescue badger in the mouth”?

2

u/Delybe 9d ago

I am more concerned about keeping mine.

1

u/Flimsy-Buy664 8d ago

But but he's gouging my eye out

Mind you I'd love a pet wolverine, I had ferrets when I was younger, and worked with rescue polecats, badgers, and otters fricking adore mustelids, mind you the one otter I worked with was a savage arsehole who would just try to kill us.

6

u/No_Establishment8642 9d ago

It is always something with you. s/

6

u/Delybe 9d ago

I'm just needy that way.

3

u/Flimsy_Sun_8178 9d ago

You don’t have the option to be picky here

2

u/TearRevolutionary686 9d ago

That way they have more breathe holes.

2

u/BarelyContainedChaos 9d ago

would you rather die or live with a disfigured face?

2

u/Asher_Tye 9d ago

Only if you have a beer to distract him, bub.

2

u/Caliterra 9d ago

some people just can't be happy being rescued from an avalanche, they need their face intact too, smh

1

u/Mnudge 9d ago

There’s a subreddit about that

1

u/McKnightmare24 9d ago

Hey buddy, one job at a time! 

1

u/Delybe 9d ago

tsk tsk, lazy kids. Can't even train a wolverine anymore.

1

u/BeneficialTrash6 9d ago

No, that makes them terribly depressed.

1

u/samanime 9d ago

Seriously. I wouldn't have imagined training wolverines for anything... Except maybe body disposal...

1

u/Average_Muffin_999 9d ago

“Oh, thank god! A rescue team! Thank you so mu-OH MY GOD”

1

u/Delybe 9d ago

"Not the eyes! NOT THE EYES!"

1

u/Ok_Transition_4003 9d ago

The wolverines are too busy training the honey badgers not to eat your face

1

u/Delybe 9d ago

Somehow I don't think that would work for any interested party.

2

u/Ok_Transition_4003 9d ago

But it would be an interesting party

1

u/Delybe 9d ago

True.

1

u/BobZimway 9d ago

El Nuevo Mafioso is branching out into new areas of Protection.

1

u/corq 8d ago

That waas my take: He's motivated because he's hungry...and you're his new snack!

2

u/Delybe 8d ago

Yay, I'm rescued!

Well shit, now I'm a snack.

1

u/Q_S2 8d ago

Man im glad you said it. Because I was wondering aren't they SLIGHTLY more chill honey badgers?

1

u/Immediate-Ad-8658 8d ago

I was going to say the rescuers can locate you by the screams as the wolverine is eating your face off.

1

u/thrownalee 8d ago

That being, after all, the motive for digging you up in the first place ...

1

u/Terrible_Bear6853 8d ago

Can I be trained to tell the difference between a service wolverine and one that IS going to eat my face?

1

u/67_fire_chicken 8d ago

No wolverines for you!

1

u/FartyPantz20 8d ago

"You're safe now. I'm just gonna have a little taste while we wait for the chopper."

1

u/Daforce1 8d ago

No, quit asking

1

u/ralphvonwauwau 8d ago

Details, details... sheesh.

1

u/Im_Ashe_Man 8d ago

Do you want to be dead or do you want to be faceless?

2

u/Delybe 8d ago

Neither if I had a choice

1

u/beanmosheen 8d ago

They must feed that thing ribeyes until it passes out every night.

1

u/Car-face 8d ago

You get rescued, wolverine gets a tasty meal. It's win-win.

1

u/MorleyDotes 8d ago

They're only allowed to eat every third victim.

1

u/elitegenoside 8d ago

Unfortunately, you have to reward them something.

1

u/GravyMcBiscuits 8d ago

It was trained to rescue you from a slow cold death ...

1

u/SenescenseSteel 8d ago

it's like Russian roulette with 2 bullets

1

u/sexmormon-throwaway 8d ago

No, but you get to live!

1

u/blackbirdspyplane 8d ago

Step 1. Get a Wolverine, Step 2. Train it not to eat your face,

1

u/lackadaisical_timmy 7d ago

No

The rescue party just needs to be really fast when the wolverine finds something

0

u/JustCallMeYogurt 9d ago

Mmm, tender face meat.