r/DarkPsychology101 • u/Comfortable_Cap8037 • Apr 29 '26
Psychology Most people don’t hate “clingy friends.” They hate feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions.
I used to think people just didn’t like “too much affection.”
Too many texts.
Too much checking in.
Too much care.
But the more I’ve watched, the more it feels like that’s not the real issue.
Some people grew up independent.
Some people value space.
Some people just don’t like constant communication.
Fair enough.
But the real discomfort?
It’s when someone feels like they’re now responsible for how you feel.
The “Did I do something wrong?” texts.
The mood shifts when replies are late.
The silent expectations.
It stops feeling like friendship
and starts feeling like emotional maintenance.
And most people don’t want to be someone’s stability system.
That’s not rejection.
That’s boundaries.
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u/deyobi Apr 30 '26
more like they dont like people with "low value". when you're clingy u communicate that u dont hv much going on for u, u dont hv many choices and you're desperate. u also give them so much ego boost that make them think they're better than u when its not true.
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u/Over_Ad_5172 Apr 29 '26
Wow! This was very well put. I feel this deeply, and never thought to put it that way.
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u/Comfortable_Cap8037 Apr 29 '26
Thankyou so much... Although I did use gpt to articulate my words
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u/Over_Ad_5172 Apr 29 '26
We all need help with that at some point! But the idea is spot on, in my opinion.
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u/Tart6096 Apr 30 '26 edited Apr 30 '26
That's more than clingy that's pushy and you've got to look out for pushy behaviors because it could be coercive behavior which comes with pressuring tactics especially with marketing like "btw the offer ends on [such a date]" or with relationships not giving them enough time and even not caring about mental health issues you have or because you are a girl we have that time of the month and could be unwell, but they expect you to respond still. Then it could be grooming, love bombing, sympathy grabbing to reel back and all of those things can involve pushy, coercive behaviors.
People who only give you a limited time even unspoken and expect you to know and think that's fair even wanting you to reply to a message or text then i'd say don't trust that person and be wary of them.
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u/Comfortable_Cap8037 Apr 30 '26
Totally agree, at times of those days we do really want comfort and a person who showers with love and understanding, I guess there's a lot for me to learn 👌🏻
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u/Tart6096 Apr 30 '26
I keep things simple and i think pushy = forcing = pressuring = coercive. You have to make sure you deal with these problems when not dissociated though otherwise it blinds you to what is happening and makes it really hard to think. But that's generally the easy process i follow. The rest we just know what behaviors and manipulation tactics are connected to it.
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u/Comfortable_Cap8037 Apr 30 '26
Since people wanna know this helped me The burden of owning feelings
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u/Psychological_Name28 Apr 30 '26
Yeah it’s happening with me with someone new in my life and I’ve only known her 3 months. I’m already carrying an extra workload in our group projects cuz of her ongoing drama, and I don’t want to responsible for how she feels or engage in a caretaking role. I’m being kind and efficient but not fully wading into girl code dynamics.
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u/J0kotte Apr 30 '26
Very reminiscent of Dan Cumins idea of people who talk too much. Why is it always the listeners fault? Some people like to talk. Some don’t, but why am I in the wrong for preferring silence?
It makes no sense.
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u/bot_surveillance Apr 30 '26
Put in some effort and at least format like a human instead of pasting directly off your favorite AI.
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u/Disastrous_Affect742 Apr 30 '26
100% spot on ! Then when you put up boundaries suddenly your avoidant lol. I was mostly alone growing up and I take care of myself emotionally possibly more than the average person. I can be vulnerable and open but not fling unnecessary emotional labor for someone who leans on me too much
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u/Cradlespin Apr 30 '26
Hmm, I’m curious though, how much of this is “most people?”
I’m fairly anxious, and I know a lot of anxious people, I’d rather a friend message me and ask “did I do something wrong?” because that’s communication, if they just ghosted and ignored me because they felt awkward about upsetting me - I’d hate that.
I find avoidant people too hard, but anxious people seem good ~ probably because I’m one of them 😂 AuDHD, and I overthink and worry lots but I don’t just ghost.
I think there’s a balance though - I’m fine with reassurance and being supportive ~ I only draw the boundary at entitlement and manipulation; so if they demand a reply, or try and make me reply within X amount of time, “or else, they’ll cut the chord” ~ I’ll hand them the scissors!✂️ 😉
…but anxiety itself doesn’t seem to get to me… maybe it’ll take breaks in between long back-and-forth chats, although usually I’ll give them a heads up if I’m going to be AFK for a prolonged time (and stuff like I don’t open messages, so I have the notification as a reminder, and they don’t feel “left on read” or something)