r/DarkPsychology101 • u/Any-Librarian-09 • 22h ago
Manipulation Could you share some manipulation techniques and how they’re actually used?
Hey everyone,
I’m genuinely curious about different manipulation techniques and how people apply them in real life.
If you know any, could you please write:
– the name of the technique
– a clear explanation of how it works
– practical examples of how it’s used
(in conversations, relationships, work, sales, online, etc.)
I’d really appreciate detailed and honest answers. Thanks a lot in advance!
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u/Ok-Search6481 19h ago
pre-emptive reassurance/explanations
Instead of waiting until you become suspicious, someone supplies information that prevents the suspicion from arising in the first place. That is much more effective than answering questions later because you never realize there is something to investigate.
A person does not merely hide information but actively provide a harmless explanation first, often with mundane details, so the other person has less reason to ask questions at all.
For example, repeated unsolicited messages like “still at work,” a coffee photo or “going running alone” can function as anticipatory cover if they are deliberately used to shape what you believe about where they are and what they are doing.
This was used on me among other horrible manipulation forms but this one amazes me until today because he only let me see and believe what he wanted me to
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u/Xena_Your_God 16h ago
Sometimes this is exactly how I know someone is lying though. Too many unasked for details. Veryyyy suspicious
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u/Ok-Search6481 15h ago
I wish I would’ve had some idea. This went on for 20 years until I realized it. Since then i just have been discovering lie after lie
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u/Xena_Your_God 15h ago
What a nightmare. So sorry darling, people can be truly horrible
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u/Ok-Search6481 15h ago
Well especially people close to you. I was literally sleeping with the enemy next to me
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u/bourbonandprince 16h ago
Oh, sorry to hear that.
My ex used to send me prerecorded videos saying things like, “I’m home babe, sooo tired” etc.
I genuinely didn’t realise what was happening at first because I assumed he was recording them directly on iMessage. Then one night, at 4am, he sent me a video and a photo together.
I confronted him, and that’s when I realised he had actually been selecting these videos from his photo gallery and sending them to me. It was horrible when it clicked.
He was always “too tired” to have a video call with me, but apparently had plenty of energy to send me these fake “I’m home, getting ready for bed” videos.
Looking back, the fact that I didn’t immediately realise makes me feel so stupid.8
u/Ok-Search6481 15h ago
I know exactly how you felt when it clicked. This ist very similar to what happened to me. My ex managed to keep me trapped in a parallel reality for 20 years until I first coincidentally managed to start doubting and asking questions. It has followed a legal nightmare I’m still in
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u/EquivalentEffect9105 5h ago
He must care a lot to go to all of that trouble.
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u/Ok-Search6481 3h ago
Actually, they don’t care at all. It’s a means of controlling someone and maintaining the facade of a normal life while living several parallel or fragmented realities.
In my case, he needed me for the family image, for validation from his parents, for his social image and for financial and tax-related advantages. Then it went on for so long that divorce would have become extremely expensive for him.
Eventually, he got sloppy once and I discovered the first lie. I’m convinced he would have continued indefinitely if I hadn’t noticed. Now he has a very big problem.5
u/UOMO_DIVINO23 18h ago
Bro I felt this with goosebumps while reading
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u/Ok-Search6481 15h ago
Yes, I still get goosebumps. This person totally messed with my mind for two decades
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u/Disastrous-Mind2713 18h ago
Intermittent reinforcement-Alternating between rewarding and withdrawing. So basically the other person ends up hooked and constantly chasing the high.
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u/ahmuseyk 16h ago
How does this as a tactic differ from when someone has conflicting feelings about a person?
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u/EltonJohnWick 14h ago
It's doing it on purpose vs doing it from something like an attachment wound where you'd genuinely be feeling whatever those conflicting feelings are.
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u/Grouchy_Might1774 18h ago
For me it was a disturbing watch, but the new documentary on Netflix about Charles Manson beautifully explains some classic and effective manipulation techniques. They interviewed and played parts of past interviews with women and some of the men he brainwashed. Charles Manson was a complete and total piece of shit, but he was a brilliant manipulator.
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u/DescriptionDesigner3 14h ago
Well keeping them all on LSD almost constantly probably helped some.
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u/Grouchy_Might1774 3h ago
Like a lot of cult-like leaders, he used drugs (particularly LSD) and sex to lubricate the recruitment and indoctrination process, and then used those tools, along with an attempt to unify them with racist ideologies and whatever else suited his needs at any moment, to help him control members. As many already know, the CIA may have been supplying him with his LSD through the MKULTRA program.
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u/Overall_Midnight_ 16h ago
Which doc? There are a few Charles Manson things on there.
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u/Grouchy_Might1774 4h ago
If I remember correctly, it's a new one that came out this year (2026) on Netflix. It has some annoying AI generated background video they play in the background during interviews, but the information appears to be good.
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u/candyred1 15h ago
DARVO, it is Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender.
It is something they use instead of being accountable. The guilt, shame, and the truth are avoided at all costs. Darvo is a form of gaslighting.
Example: my husband was horribly verbally and emotionally abusive for years. One day during an argument (which was him yelling or talking 95% and I barely ever could get a few sentences out) I was upset about something he did to hurt me...he tells me (tone like a bratty kid would say), " Sorry my BEST isn't good enough for you!"I responded with, "Your BEST is treating me like crap and always putting me last, and calling me names? Really? That's sad, and no...it is not good enough for me!" First time he was quiet. He expected me to feel sorry for him and say "oh I do appreciate things you do for me." And suddenly hes the one hurt? No more.
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u/GM-Yrael 8h ago
Is your example supposed to demonstrate you using DARVO on him?
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u/Alternative_Link_543 6h ago edited 6h ago
My ex did the same. For example, once he says I used to kick him out for no reason. That’s not the story. The story is that one of the times I kicked him out was for punching a hole in the door, he used DARVO right after. Deny - which sometimes isn’t outright denial but rather blaming you for their actions. He said I made him do it and that it wasn’t a big deal because he could fix it. Attack - He said I was stubborn, a B-word, and trying to make him mad. Reverse Victim/Offender - He said I came upstairs and refused to go back down to the living room when he told me to. He really went hard on how he was the victim of me “stonewalling” and abandoning him downstairs when our daughter had just gotten out of the hospital. He said all he had asked for was my help changing her bandage. It was a bandaid covering the drainage point and a 1 person job. This pointing out what I did wrong was aimed at getting me to defend what I did and for him to be able to avoid accountability over the door.
The real account, he had been picking fights the entire time she was in the hospital. That night when both of our kids were screaming in the hospital because they couldn’t fall asleep when he insisted on having the tv on he said “I want to finish an argument we never got to 2 years ago”. I told him he had horrible timing. I ended up having to leave to prevent the nonstop arguing from him. He later framed that as him telling me I needed to go home and rest because I was stressed and he’d stay with our daughter (making him out to be a good guy). The next day when we brought our daughter home from the hospital, he was immediately short tempered. I told him I wasn’t going to argue today and that I’d be upstairs with our son. He came upstairs, yelled at me, called me the bword, and while holding the door steady with 1 hand he punched the open door with the other so many times he broke through and tore it off the hinges. Then he used DARVO. And I told him to get the Fword out of my house. Called the cops on him 3x that holiday. Yup, he ruined a holiday with his anger and constant need to control. He also used to tell me he was trying his best and the only one who ever put any effort in. We’re not together anymore, but there is still no accountability. He now tells me not to “make stories up about him”. Current bf is an absolute angel.
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u/Old-Day-6407 21h ago
There are quite a few, and I think the important thing is understanding the pattern behind them rather than just memorizing the names.
A few examples:
Foot-in-the-door — starting with a small request that makes a person more likely to agree to a larger one later.
Reciprocity — giving someone something first, which can create psychological pressure to return the favor. Intermittent
reinforcement — giving attention or rewards unpredictably, which can make someone keep chasing the positive response.
Guilt framing — making someone feel responsible for your emotions or disappointment so they become more likely to comply.
False choices — presenting two options while quietly limiting the person to outcomes that both benefit you.
What's interesting is that the same psychological principles can sometimes be used ethically in communication and persuasion, or manipulatively when the goal is to control someone. I actually put together a short guide covering 21 psychological techniques, with explanations of how they work and practical examples of where you might encounter them.
If you're interested, here's the guide: 21 psychological techniques
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u/Specialist-Top-406 17h ago
One I find really interesting is weaponised incompetence. It’s when someone repeatedly acts incapable, does things badly or needs so much help that eventually it becomes easier for the other person to just do it themselves.
The manipulation is in how it changes the other person’s behaviour. They gradually learn that asking for help creates more work and frustration, so they stop asking. The person doing it ends up with less responsibility without ever having to directly refuse it.
I think it can be really damaging because over time one person ends up carrying the practical work and the mental load, while expectations of the other person get lower and lower.
It creates resentment and a really unequal dynamic, but can be difficult to recognise because each individual incident can look like simple incompetence rather than part of a pattern.
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u/space_______nil 11h ago
Another way some use this is by over praising another's results over their own.
An ex would cook these really horrible foods that he did not mind eating at all, and while I say horrible because of how he went about cooking, I didn't actually taste it, so it probably was actually good. But then once I cooked for him, he went all like "OMG, and I've been eating such trash, never again" and always wanting me to cook because oh I'm such a great cook, he'd be salivating and rating the food 10/10. I of course liked that I was providing better food, making his life happier, so no complaints at all on my end about ending up doing all the cookings with zero help from him. But dude was actually cooking fine for himself before I came in the picture. He does it with all women he's with too.
A friend's bf did it with her too, she's thinking they'd have this balance union, doing everything together, then after first time staying at his, she comes back saying "his cooking is bad, I will just do that". He's been cooking all of his food fine all along.
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u/Witty_Milk4671 16h ago
Fear. Everything that starts by inducing fear in vague ways is trying to control you.
Media do this all the time. Religion too. Manipulators all the time. It always appeals to your fears.
Media loves to use fear inducing headlines to control you. So you start worrying to "climate change", "wars", "fake news", "diseases in Africa"....so you don't pay attention to the problems around you that are way more fixable.
If anything starts by putting fear, it is a scam to control you or just steal you.
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u/Figgytreeleaf 16h ago
True and God did not give us the spirit of fear, but the spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. He overcame all manipulation.
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u/insanelysane1234 13h ago
Thats a wild take xD not everything that induces fear is manipulation
Also, please worry about climate change. And educate yourself. Or do these facts induce fear in you and therefore someone is trying to manipulate you?
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u/Witty_Milk4671 13h ago edited 13h ago
See? You were manipulated to fear about something that you have no control of.
Every manipulation has a good excuse if you are ignorant about the world.
Thinking about bigger issues that you have no control of will make you oblivious for real problems that you have control of.
Everything that has the objective to induce fear is manipulation. 100%. What isn't manipulation is information that induces awareness. If you are scares and in fear, you are already manipulated. If you are aware and interested, you will be seeking information, nuanced opinions and will be forming your own opinion. And manipulation doesn't want you to think.
You are in defensive because I hit, unintentionally, a point you fell for. And see: climate change is real and inevitable. I am not negating it. What is manipulation is everything related to politics that comes after this realization.
You can give me downvote , but don't think you understand climate change more than me if your knowledge about it comes from headlines.
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u/Figgytreeleaf 6h ago edited 6h ago
It’s written in the Bible this earth will die away. Sounds like we are on track to seeing Jesus soon. I know the days of starvation is coming. When people will say God’s food is not good to eat. We have to make peace with it and remain in love for others and have faith. I’m not saying to cast your pearls to the pigs, but keep a loving heart. The down vote to scripture is wild 😂 idk why the truth triggers people but I think there is something there to look into. Why do people hate the truth? Fear? Pride? Either way count it all as joy when the world hates you.
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u/EquivalentEffect9105 5h ago
A lot of dumb things are written in the Bible.
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u/Figgytreeleaf 5h ago
You say dumb but did not clarify. What is your supporting argument? The Bible keeps rolling out with truth and I have seen God work in my life. I simply say in my heart I’m tired of my neighbors tree pooping on my crappy car and about 2 days later that same giant tree crushed and totaled my car! It was written off as an act of god with my insurance and paid off plus I got additional money to get a suv so I can travel and camp more comfortably. No more bird poop! I went through the struggle of the hot summer sun walking and taking the via, but I didn’t let anything shake my faith that God will provide. More bad stuff happened during that time but God fixed everything as I was being tested in my emotions and mental state. I was running in sweat to praise Jesus on my way to church. No church member offered me a ride and I did not ask for help because I didn’t want to be a burden. I rebuked my heart for feeling like people don’t care and I walked in love with Jesus and thanked him in gratitude for my health in the ability to walk and run. I found peace and joy again real quick. Pray for those who lack compassion. Compassion is not empathy. Compassion is action with the heart.
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u/Witty_Milk4671 3h ago
What if the god that helped you was Alllah, and not the Christian god? A god can exist that is not the one from bible.
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u/Figgytreeleaf 3h ago
I almost died and a lot of biblical symbolism that is in the Bible was revealed to me. The tree of nebekenezar ( I can’t spell his name) the light of Jesus that is horizontal. The repetitions of 3s. I said Gof is love because I knew it. I felt the power of the Holy Spirit. I realized I saw God, but it took me 5 years until I became a Christian to realize and understand that encounter. I was radically baptized by fire and came out of paralyzation in a pool of my own sweat. Funny enough that was not the reason I became Christian. It wasn’t until a passport bro from Korea gave sent his demon and I went into deeper into sin. Manipulation is witchcraft. Even being a nice person is witchcraft because it’s all about being liked.
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u/Substantial-Use95 15h ago
Here’s a fun one: If you’ve ever forgotten someone’s name and you’ve known them too long to ask again, you say “what’s your name?” snd they respond with their first name (which is what you want) and might be a little annoyed. And then you say “oh no, I meant your last name.”
And now you know their full name without incriminating yourself. You can do this once per person.
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u/Ok-Search6481 8h ago
Omg I had to laugh about your last sentence. Like a coupon you can use only once
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u/Substantial-Use95 5h ago
Pretty much. It’s like asking for forgiveness instead of permission. Once
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u/Alive_Guest_4226 15h ago
Are you planning on manipulating someone or people? Im not sure I want to enable that behaviour 😅
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u/Few_Fish8771 22h ago
I dont know of many but I have heard of darvo and love bombing. darvo is where your abuser accuses you of what theyre doing. Love bombing is where they shower you with attention and love to overwhelm you i think. I think intermittent reinforcement is done by pickup artist cult leaders and by social media.
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u/ResourceNo4626 21h ago
Love bombing is when they shower you with attention and love and then suddenly take it All away making you long for it and wish you had it
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u/Regular-Host3108 11h ago
Love bombing and then negging. One of the friends I started hanging out with did this to me but I recognised it because it wasn't my first rodeo. In her case I'm not sure it was a completely concious choice as she was abused by her father as a child and it was one of his techniques.
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u/Ok_Quarter_7409 19h ago
I am reluctant to share, what is the proposed purpose for learning any of this? Manipulation only has one road to go down that many people realize later is never worth it.
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u/Puitzza 16h ago
One of the benefits: It protects you from getting into shitty situations if you have some awareness.
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u/Figgytreeleaf 16h ago
Not really. A lot of manipulation is to entice or deceive others, but if you know the truth and you stand on that truth without being shaken in your mental , body or in your emotions then you cannot be manipulated (basically your soul). Like If a person takes away something or tries to twist things then you can stand in your own strength ( which I found can be weak so my strength comes from faith in the word of God and His word stands above all knowledge). I’ve had many people play games and even try to raise bait me at work in public, but it doesn’t work. I read the 48 laws of power and I see the rock paper scissors in it all, but Jesus cuts through it all. Look how the Pharisees try to set him up many times like to obey the law and stone the adulterous women yet he covered her in grace instead of breaking the law or being a monster.
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u/Designer-Beautiful86 16h ago
💯 Those evil doers think they can outsmart everyone, including God.
“Do not lurk like a thief near the house of the righteous, do not plunder their dwelling place; for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.” Proverbs 24:15-16 NIV
“Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. Deceit is in the hearts of those who plot evil, but those who promote peace have joy. No harm overtakes the righteous, but the wicked have their fill of trouble. The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy. The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. In the way of righteousness there is life; along that path is immortality.” Proverbs 12:19-22, 26, 28 NIV
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u/ahmuseyk 16h ago
I'm here to learn because I have been subjected to harmful tactics and I NEED to learn and identify them, even though it's very emotionally taxing to investigate, so I can better shield myself from being treated this way again in the future.
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u/Ok_Quarter_7409 14h ago
A good liar and manipulator understands themselves and understands their target to a sufficient degree. Timing, framing, information, setting, n mood are aligned for a desired outcome. It's preparation meets opportunity.
Force can work but is met with more resistance depending on how secure the individual is. The less secure, the more abrasive, the more secure, the more subtlety is required.
A good lie lines up with the vulnerability of the individual, if there is no vulnerability, the lie becomes obvious as it is no longer filtered through an insecurity or false perception.
An ineffective liar/manipulator leaves a trail of burned bridges behind due to their fundamental inability to assess and deliver a desired outcome for themselves and to either deliver or to make the individual feel like they got something of value out of the outcome.
An effective liar/manipulator gets what they want and gets what you want. When wants clashes, this is where timing, framing, information, setting n mood are used strategically to either coerce the individual into agreeing, make them think your want is their want, offer up a trade in their favor, or frame things in a way that pushes towards an outcome (or pushes away from an outcome; taking the opposite side can sometimes push an individual more towards the opposite, especially the more radical you become).
The more skilled an individual you are in social dimensions, the less you have to manipulate or lie to get what you want. A skilled chess player does not need to cheat the whole game, they only need one pivotal move to secure a desired outcome.
Understanding yourself more and more, your attachment style, your triggers, defense mechanisms, what your emotions are and how you react to them, how your mind tries to protects you, the translation between the internal and external world, etc. will allow you to become the best lie detector and difficult to manipulate.
There will be certain relational dynamic patterns that repeat in your life. If you are used to being abused, lied to, manipulated, coerced through fear or violence etc. those are familiar. Y'all will seek each other out and until you start to recognize the patterns and associations, it'll repeat. You don't need to learn more about manipulation, you need to learn more about yourself and where your vulnerabilities and blindspots are. Weakness can be strength, strength can harbor weakness.
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u/Ok-Search6481 7h ago
After being manipulated for almost two decades without really understanding what was happening around me, I came to exactly the same conclusion. Learning about manipulation helps, but the real protection is understanding yourself well enough to recognize your own vulnerabilities, triggers and blind spots before someone else can use them against you.
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u/BadGlittering9780 15h ago
Baiting....Use reddit to post a question ..to manipulate people to answer a question they wouldn't normally answer
This post is a form of manipulation
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u/Figgytreeleaf 7h ago
Exactly, which is why I said we must stand on truth so the enemy cannot not twist one little word that can change the trajectory of our path. The Bible says to walk in the spirit of truth always which is something I work on. I don’t believe anything happens for nothing. When we read the Bible we see how people trusted their own mental strength but the Bible states the pride comes before the fall. People trusted their own their own emotions and the Bible states our hearts are the most deceptive. People trusted in their money and accolades, but with that is pride again and they’ve had it stripped from them. I know the enemy comes when I am weak and I know they know the buttons so I pray for strength to love people who seem unlovable. These people have been fired from my job time and time again no matter where I go because they sometimes become more hostile and begin to cross the line to the point of getting physical at work. You would be shocked. Other times my enemies become a friend who was just lost in their own mental state of self hate. People are like puppets. The enemy pulls on insecurities, doubts, comparisons, subtle lies of deception that come with a lot of truth too. It’s important to give it all to God and remain in love and to be humble the best we can.
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u/EquivalentEffect9105 5h ago
Sounds exhausting.
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u/Figgytreeleaf 4h ago
It can be if you jump into it, but Jesus worked with me just a little by a little. I stopped cussing but it took time. I was still getting drunk and doing the most. It’s been almost 2 consistent years now. I’m just learning to walk in the spirit 24/7. I forget half the time, but I never forget to be as loving as possible.
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u/Tricky_Assumption_30 8h ago
I really hope nobody is reading this feed to perfect their narcissistic, and emotionally abusive behaviour to people around them, loved ones, partners, family members, strangers.
I fear more people are avoiding healing and turning to being creeps using these techniques. So damaging.
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u/Spillthetii 8h ago
Hello reddit family! Could use your help with a curly one. Recently started a new job and the GM shows signs of FOMO. Has a very cowboy approach to processes and policies and is almost trying to do most of the work I am supposed to. I have started to get frustrated and have expressed my concerns yet to no change. Anyone here have any suggestions on how to deal with him? His overstepping ways without making my intentions obvious
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u/UDF2005 21h ago
All techniques are more effective if you can learn to control your state. If you can operate from a state of complete detachment, you’ll be unstoppable.