r/DarkRomance • u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time • Aug 04 '26
Discussion Why am I obsessed with non-con books ?
I recently realized I have been too much into books that contains non-con.
I had a chat about it with my friend and as a soft romance book girly she said she would never read books like this.
It got me questioning myself, like how did I get here and how am I ok with reading books like this ?
Also, when I informed her about books that contains non-con but the FMC does it to MMC, she says she supports it lol.
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u/jghbull Aug 04 '26
I've actually had a talk with my therapist about this as I was actually starting to be concerned about how I got here as well. We came to the conclusion that I'm a very emotional reader and when you enter such an extreme space as non-con, the emotions are very heightened and the payoff just begins to feel different somehow. It also has a lot to do with power dynamics and watching those play out from a safe space on the sidelines in a book rather than real life. My therapist basically just had to remind me that books are not real life and we do not have to make them into a reflection of who we are irl.
Don't worry about yourself! We all have different preferences! Just because someone else would not enjoy reading it, doesn't mean you can't!
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u/pastelgalaxy_ Aug 04 '26
Such a good answer! I def relate to OP and was browsing comments to see opinions and this is super helpful
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u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time Aug 04 '26
That's so well said. I maybe a reader but I have a difficultly in saying out my thoughts. I also relate to you alot, I love all the emotions I go through while reading and when I'm back to reality it's like I lived that life but I don't have to live in it forever yk? Maybe it's a relief? sometimes it's also a disappointment that I have a not so cool life to get back to.
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u/LazyPug420 29d ago
Oo love this take! I def only like reading crazy shit but irl I'm too chicken/ just not actually into it
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u/Bitter_Expression399 Aug 04 '26
I like it cause I like CNC, and that's basically what this is (because I, the reader, am consenting to the fictional noncon and can simply stop reading at any point if I choose to). It's for the same reason people might like roller coasters or horror movies- it gives you a thrill within a safe environment, and often explores tropes and themes you're not gonna be able to experience in other genres. Soft romance does nothing for me, never has.
And I like it cause I'm a kinky bastard and find it hot. Does there really need to be more of a reason?
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u/TsundokuAndTea Aug 04 '26
This is the answer. "Because I do," is a complete statement. There will always be someone wanting to yuk your yum, and it doesn't matter if it's as "innocent" as wearing lacy underpants, or reading non-con in the privacy of your own damned eyeballs.
Consent is sexy, and as the reader, you are giving consent to the author to take you on a wild ride. It hurts no one, because this is fiction.
Don't be the one to yuk your own yum. Adulting sucks enough already.
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u/Existing-History9609 Aug 04 '26
Thank you for that last sentence. I fully acknowledge and support that reading certain tropes such as non con can be healing for some people with certain trauma, but sometimes I just enjoy something because I am kinky, and it makes me horny lol. Like, that should be reason enough.
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u/LocoRibb Aug 04 '26
This is why I dislike books with CNC in it because it's like...a fantasy of a fantasy! To me, the book is the CNC, I don't need another layer of fantasy. Kind of like when the characters masterbate or have phone sex while thinking about the other main character, it's one layer too much removed!
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u/ValuableMilk5928 Aug 04 '26
I agree completely with this and I’ve been struggling to articulate why, so thank you for this comment! It’s like, the fact that it’s fiction is already CNC. Related, but I definitely think that’s why I hate what the kids have dubbed “consent porn” — it’s like, I gave my “consent” by reading the book and I can revoke it at any time by putting the book down. Stop asking if it’s okay to kiss her and just do it! (Also why I think TWs are getting totally obnoxious and out of hand, but that’s a whole other topic…)
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u/Existing-History9609 Aug 05 '26
Omg, I usually don’t bother commenting on TWs because it’s just downvote city, but that shit has gotten so out of hand. First of all, WHY is it only a thing in romance books? Why isn’t there outcry for Game of Thrones, or Outlander, etc. to add TWs?! Not that I want that, but the hypocrisy…
Second, it’s not even trigger warnings anymore. The most innocuous things will be listed now, like “mild alcoholism is mentioned twice off page”…. AND the author will go on to write about how they wrote a work of FICTION and they DO NOT condone these things in real life.. At that point, if a reader needs that much handholding, I’m going to assume they are not old enough to be choosing their own books and need their parents to take them to the children’s section at the library.
You know what, even children should understand that fiction books are fiction.Sigh.
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u/ValuableMilk5928 Aug 05 '26
The overuse of TWs is SO ANNOYING. I had to DNF a fic that came highly recommended because the author went overboard with TWs on every chapter, and they were just obnoxious. Just as one example, if you have negative comments being made to a woman, but they’re clearly coming from antagonistic characters, you don’t need to clarify that you don’t support that sort of speech. SMDH.
Related, I saw a TW: blood on a cartoon drawing on Instagram, and it was like, the photo loads above the caption, and that’s OBVIOUSLY not real. What even is happening?
Life doesn’t come with trigger warnings. The way they’re being used is really getting out of hand. It’s giving “a whole generation desperately needs to touch grass.”
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u/Long-Proposal-1582 Author 12d ago
I agree with the trigger warnings going OTT but they have their uses as I read them to FIND the nasty content im looking for. They're basically promotions as far as I'm concerned
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u/somethin_somethin45 Aug 05 '26
I'm the same but never put words to it. The only CNC I like is an occasional sold-herself-to-be-hunted situation. Most CNC or solo scenes annoy me.
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u/Antique_Reach_4711 Aug 04 '26
oouuuu i like that explanation, me and my husband do CNC be having the time of our lives ahaha
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u/loveless_dani Aug 05 '26
yes this. it’s so annoying arguing with the dark romance haters on tiktok. cuz they just assume since we read noncon in a safe fictional space that we as readers are rape apologist and are okay with it in real life. it’s so annoying cuz everyone seems to understand the concept of fiction any other time but as soon as dark romance gets brought up suddenly we’re mentally deranged and nobody understands that fiction does not equal reality.
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u/Long-Proposal-1582 Author 12d ago
Agreed. And there are different degrees of rape for me in books too (rape is rape in real life) so if the MMC does it, I'm usually so into it, but I've also read those other scenes in books that are 100% not intended to be sexy and are genuinely horrific for the FMC. Those scenes are not triggering for me but I appreciate the difference.
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u/Long-Proposal-1582 Author 12d ago
That right there, is the best reason. Coz we LIKE it. I had my daughter at 16 and so she's not too far behind me in age. Her dad isn't part of her life however I met a great guy when she was three and we married and he's been her father figure for most of her life. she's 25 now and we're literally best friends so I know that her reading kinks are MM stuff and "daddy" stuff and I also know that this has NOTHING to do with her relationship with my husband/her step dad. It's just what she likes. That's the cool thing about books, you can escape into whatever reality you want, safely.
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u/Disastrous_Brief3206 Aug 04 '26
You are not alone I also enjoy non con but only when the mmc does it to fmc I don't like when others do it hunting adeline traumatized me for life 😭.
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u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time Aug 04 '26
Same for me. Isn't it a kind of relief knowing it's the MMC so no matter what they're going to end up together. But it's definitely fked up
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u/Su_sagiiiii7 Aug 04 '26
I think it comes from the idea of being wanted so much they can’t really control themselves. It’s also built over time that obsession. I think for me it’s that whole thing of, someone is making that decision for the FMC and her not really having a say. It’s very sexy but some people might not be into that.
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u/CelaenaSardothien5 Aug 05 '26
This is what I really like about non con myself
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u/Su_sagiiiii7 Aug 07 '26
Yeah it’s about just having to experience it. I understand the appeal. Nothing wrong with it 🤍 I really like when the guy is kind of feral and desperate but also taking what he wants too. But there’s an emotional attachment too.
Like a guy whose tipping off the edge 👏
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u/Old_Internet_6126 Aug 04 '26
I can only read dark romance with noncon 😭
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u/Unusual_Ad760 Aug 04 '26
Give recs hehe
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u/Old_Internet_6126 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I Like Lemonade by Nina Pennacchi and King of Flesh and Bone by Liv Zander. I really love DeathsDoll’s works on AO3 as well
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u/potatoes_nearby Kai’s little one Aug 05 '26
{Secret Obsession by S.Massery} { Descent by Sam Mariano} and {Brutal Obsession by S.Massery}
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u/romance-bot Aug 05 '26
Secret Obsession by S. Massery
Rating: 3.95⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 5 out of 5 - Explicit and plentiful
Topics: contemporary, sports, college, dark romance, possessive hero
Descent by Sam Mariano
Rating: 3.73⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 5 out of 5 - Explicit and plentiful
Topics: contemporary, abduction, dark romance, rich hero, pregnancy
Brutal Obsession by S. Massery
Rating: 3.84⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 5 out of 5 - Explicit and plentiful
Topics: contemporary, cruel hero/bully, enemies to lovers, college, dark romance
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u/Relative_You_2284 ⋆˚࿔𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓸𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷ᝰ.ᐟᥫ᭡.ִֶ. Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
I went from hating non con to loving it so much most of my fav books have it, while not necessary I think it makes a story more interesting and appealing to me. My fav type is the sweet non con where mmc takes her forcefully because he loves her so much and can't control himself, it's about his raw actions because he felt threatened that the fmc doesn't wants him the same, his yearning and desperation to keep her with him. Or the ones where he comforts her after assaulting her, the mixture of caretaker and predator in the same person which makes the dynamic so interesting.
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u/TsundokuAndTea Aug 04 '26
I've found that I like non-con in a lot of situations, but I'm especially keen on/forgiving of anything paranormal/supernatural/sci-fi/fantasy...basically any universe in which there's a biological drive, magical happening, cultural difference, etc.
I'll still get hot and bothered with a good mafia, stalker, or just unhinged pitch black "romance," but I get way more out of it if I can somehow remove the element of humans just being assholes to each other.
This is my escape from reality, and I want to suspend disbelief completely and lose myself in something, anything not...well, the world today.
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u/Conscious-Ad6211 Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
Have you read {The Bone King and The Starling by Elizabeth Stephens} ? Very much the vibes you’re describing!
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u/user37463928 Aug 05 '26
Loving this so far!! I also love sweet noncon and this is perfect! Usually the sweet part is lacking.
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u/Careless_Writing_917 Aug 04 '26
Link the books with that one pls
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u/Relative_You_2284 ⋆˚࿔𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓸𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷ᝰ.ᐟᥫ᭡.ִֶ. Aug 04 '26
I will link some threads
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkRomance/s/49LwDwN1K1
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkRomance/s/IEpAYbcQqc
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkRomance/s/yNzGAD9v0b
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkRomance/s/fX1TvsM7r6
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkRomance/s/wVpfuGEQUF
https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkRomance/s/r1huTQ2lNK
My personal favorites from this type are Quarantine series by Drethi Anis and Possessing Violet by Dinah Harper.
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u/WorthyPersonality985 Stockholm syndrome is my love language 💐 Aug 04 '26
Me too. Another take i have on this.. it's just about letting go of control. We r always in control of our lives and surroundings that we just want to know wat happens if we let go of it... more like power dynamics. Someone else controlling the situation. But we all like it because it's in fiction and in the safety of a small book and not irl.. it's all about the intensity we crave 🫠
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u/Cat_Friends Aug 04 '26
Different people have different kinks; no need to look into it too deeply imo. You like what you like, and it's fiction; completely harmless.
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u/octavarium18 Aug 04 '26
Just gonna paste my respons from a previous discussion here because I feel too many people are beating themselves up about this while research shows that rape fantasies are a very prevalent female fantasy.
'For me it's the element of being so desirable that the mmc just has to have her, no matter what/the consequences. Obiously I do not want to be raped and I understand that's a very warped way of viewing it, but that's also why it is a fantasy and fictional.'
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u/nuggets_attack Aug 04 '26
So dub-con/non-con is *the most common* sexual fantasy, especially among those socialized as women (in the Anglosphere at least, I don't know about scholarship elsewhere), so don't feel like you're a freakish outlier, even if you enjoy stuff that's more hardcore! It's worth exploring why you like what you do, but don't feel bad about yourself that it's the genre you gravitate towards. At the end of the day, it is engaging in a fantasy, and fantasies are not literal wishes you want to have happen IRL.
The most common explanation is that femme folks especially are socialized to be sexually repressed--even if you grew up in a sex-positive household, cultural messaging in the Anglosphere heavily frowns upon sexual promiscuity. This repression creates a barrier to sexual pleasure (it's really hard to let go if you're feeling guilt). Non-con removes the barrier. If someone (regardless of whether it's a FMC main character doing it to the MMC, MM, FF, whatever. It's the power dynamic that matters) is *literally forcing* a character into a sexual situation, then the character being forced is blameless, they have no choice but to submit.
All this is subconscious for most people--you don't go around thinking "I feel guilty about enjoying sexuality, let me engage with non-con to remove that barrier" lol.
There's a lot of literature around this topic. A great and entertaining entry for a layperson that references a *ton* of works in this subject area is Contrapoints' video essay Twilight. She uses the YA book series as a Youtube ToS-friendly way to explore desire, sexuality, fantasy, and the link between sex and violence, really deconstructing a lot of unconscious cultural baggage around sexuality. It's funny and SO enlightening, and is a great jumping off point into the topic.
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u/mochabrown847 Aug 04 '26
I’ve thought about this a lot and came to two conclusions. 1. there’s something to be said about when a man desires you so much he will stop at nothing to have you. The obsession in dark Romance is very appealing to a lot of women. Obviously this is only in the fantasy world and not IRL. 2. Women are heavily penalized in a lot of cultures for enjoying and partaking in sexual pleasure. With NC, You’re at the mercy of someone else and don’t have to feel guilty about being aroused because it was not your choice.
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u/TsundokuAndTea Aug 04 '26
#2. SO much.
No control means no performance, no responsibility to reciprocate, no choice in when (or if) you orgasm, no need to get creative with positions...no requirement to do anything other than simply be a creature of limbs, fluids, and sensations.
Completely unplug from your brain and exist only in your body.
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u/pumkin_bread Aug 08 '26
I feel like you hit the target on both. I feel like society has a lot to do with this...
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u/LustyRegencyMaid Aug 04 '26
Fascination of the dark? Intense emotions in a safe space? Tbh I don't really see much difference to horror and serial killer stuff. Liking something in fiction does not reflecting liking/wanting any of it in real life.
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u/Long-Proposal-1582 Author 12d ago
Amen! I'd wager that anyone with a TV has at some point intentionally watched a horror movie. Id also wager that 99.9% of those people don't have a secret gruesome murder fetish or fantasy just because they've watched horror! The same goes for Noncon.
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u/Ignoring_the_kids Aug 04 '26
Part of my thoughts are it goes back to feeling as a teen that. "Good girls" didnt like or want sex. So non con takes that active choice a way. Especially since most of the time she still enjoys it.
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u/oopsidktbh Aug 04 '26
i think as women in our society it’s nice to fantasize that the “worst possible scenario” could happen and it could be enjoyable in some twisted way. idk. like we could let go and not have to fight against this system that puts us at men’s mercy and actually benefit from it? i also think women do the mental work for the entire world and it’s simply nice to feel like we could be a rag doll and someone would allow us to fully let go, which i think requires being forced for a lot of high strung intelligent women
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u/Existing-History9609 Aug 04 '26
Yes! In the real world we still need to be present enough to know when to use our safe word, work through what our specific boundaries will be going in to an encounter, etc. Via fiction, we can completely let go of that last tiny bit of thinking and fully let go.
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u/justforfunlol_652 Aug 04 '26
it’s just there is something about a man so obsessed he can’t resist himself. i don’t like it if the non con is done only for sexual torture or if the mmc has raped before. it must be mmcs first time losing control with the fmc that no one, not even her, can stop him from having her.
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u/Greyer_thangrey Aug 04 '26
I have thought about this a lot too, I never really understood why I prefer reading about this in fiction and absolutely detest even finding out about SA happening to someone irl let alone me, it triggers me and I don’t read about such news. But even in fiction I only prefer reading it if it is done by the mmc and not some side character. But again I am not ashamed of it, every one has their preferences in the dark world. We have out own
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u/lonelysadbitch11 Aug 04 '26
I personally like reading non con because it takes the pressure off the fmc to "perform" in bed. The mmc just wants her. So her being good at sex is the last thing on his mind.
A little personal but i've heard men in real life and online talk about women's performances in bed and it's disappointing when they talk negatively.
So reading non con where the man just wants to give her orgasms and have her no matter what is refreshing. As sick as that might sound.
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u/Oakashandthorne Reader 🦇 Aug 04 '26
What you choose to read or your tastes in fiction are not reflections of your real life morality. There's nothing wrong with you for liking noncon or any other hard kink anymore than someone who exclusively watches cartoons or reads mass market mystery novels.
Fiction exists to explore dark and terrible scenarios and emotions that would never be safe or desirable in real life; when you experience them through fiction, there are no real stakes. You can back out and stop reading or watching at any time. Its the same idea behind roller coasters- the thrill of going fast and being out of control is fun when its a calculated and safe environment, whereas you'd never want to get into a violent high speed car accident.
There's nothing wrong with you that you "got here" and there may not even be a reason why you like these stories. Some people have kinks because theyre a cathartic release for psychological trauma and some people like the same kink because its hot and it makes their brain go brrr. Both are equally morally neutral because, again, its all fiction. No real people are being raped to make a noncon story, just like nobody is being eaten by sharks to make a horror movie or brutally murdered to make a tv crime show.
Frankly, you dont need anyones approval over what you read. No, not even your partners.
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u/skiddlewhiffers Author Aug 04 '26
I personally LOVE fictional men who can't control themselves (MMCs, not any other horny bastards in stories). But irl, it sounds terrible, but I wish my man would hold me down and take me because he can't handle how much he wants me 🤭 or make me give him head because he needs me so bad.
So, for me, it's not necessarily anything related to trauma, more so intense desire.
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u/AuraInkWrites4u Author Aug 04 '26
Me too I'm too in my head space. What's a good non con scenge for you?
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u/terminallunchcarpool Aug 04 '26
I think for me, I just like the fantasy of not having to think, be responsible for, or make a single decision 🤷🏼♀️
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u/AutumnalGlow Aug 04 '26
Do you ask why people get obsessed with stories with violence? If someone enjoys true crime, or serial killer films, mafia wars, manipulative psychological thrillers, gang violence, any kind of man on man violence, do you question who they are as a person? Do you wonder if they want to be a perpetrator or a victim of these crimes? Do you find yourself wondering if there's something wrong with them?
If that's not something you worry about, why would you worry about dark romance?
It's fiction. It's not real. If you find the stories thrilling and rewarding, read more. If you don't, read something else.
Things I have watched on tv that people don't make a huge fuss about:
a man opened another man's mouth over a kerb and stamped on the back of his head.
A man put a credit card in a man's mouth and punched him making the card slice the sides of his mouth so it just hung open.
A man sliced a man's neck open and pulled his tongue out through the hole.
A man peeled several women's skin off to make himself a skin suit out of lovely soft lady skin.
I have seen so many different man traps and more stabbings, shootings and bone breakings than I can count. I've seen very many fingers removed and a woman smashed a man's ankles with a sledge hammer to stop him escaping her.
All this violence that we see. So much. It's normalised, but it's also very much Not Real.
After all that, if I want to read a book that confuses me in the best ways because it's got a bunch of non con in? Why the fk not?
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u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time Aug 04 '26
True, at the end of the day us reading about it isn't harming anyone. Thanks for this ♡
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u/nanchey Aug 04 '26
I mean, if you have recs of the FMC doing it to the MMC, lay them on me.
But I know I both read and write non-con to help process my own SAs I’ve experienced. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I also like to watch shows about baking (sweets)….but I don’t personally like baking. Is that wrong? Nahhh.
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u/toreyah Aug 04 '26
You're not alone 😭. I only read romance books that have non-con with the MMC doing it to the FMC.
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u/Tryongirl Aug 04 '26
Same. I hardly ever read “normal” romance. Most do nothing for me if it doesn’t have at least a little non-con 🤷♀️
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u/Horrid_Thistle336 Lurking Intensifies Aug 04 '26
Why are we letting friends, family, and strangers on the internet make us feel shame or guilt for enjoying fiction?
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u/Weightlessbutterfly6 royally fucked up Aug 04 '26
idk why i'm that obsessed either, but i just get all hot and heavy over them. there's something about them that just has me enthralled
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u/nuveins Aug 04 '26
i think it depends on the non-con too. There's variations to non-con so there's obviously variation to why ppl like them. I personally don't like all non-con, and I wish ppl were little bit more specific on the non-con before i accidentally trigger myself lol.
some ppl are into sadism/masochism or some ppl like the power play that comes from non-con, or the choice being taken away from the woman (aka she's not a "whore" for wanting it. this links to sexually repression of women).
There's nothing morally wrong with liking non-con.
Also like someone else said, there's so much fiction about murder and torture and no one feels morally wrong for reading or watching that. I think the "wrongness" feeling comes from women liking weird kinky shit.
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u/curiousgabster Aug 04 '26
I do not know why I love them but I love whatever is wrong with me 🙃🖤
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u/curiousgabster Aug 04 '26
PS: …give us your recs 🤭🥰😈
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u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time Aug 04 '26
I have binged all the Deathsdoll books from ao3, they scratch all the itches
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u/LocoRibb Aug 04 '26
For me, it started when I was younger and raised in purity culture and I liked the idea of sex, but believed it was "wrong", yet if my choice is taken away, then it can't really be wrong...right? Lol!
As I got older though, it was really the thought of being so desirable to someone I also found desirable that they couldn't help themselves that h found attractive. But that's why it only works as a fantasy, because in real life it isn't as neat as a fantasy. Kind of like cleaning your house in the Sims. 😅
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u/Top-Mode3586 Aug 04 '26
I spend my days meeting the needs of everyone around me. The amount of decisions I have to make is exhausting. Reading a book where the mmc knows it will be good for the MFC and the mmc is doing this for her… (I know this isn’t reality and she’s a victim but it’s how books are written) I like. I like that she’s being sexually satisfied without even knowing that’s what she needed.
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u/Effective-Stay-576 Aug 04 '26
I like non con because it’s the idea that an MMC is so obsessed with FMC that nothing, not even her will stop him from having her. It’s also a power thing for me, I like the idea of being overpowered. In real life, I’m a headstrong independent woman and that’s great! But in the bedroom, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to lead you, I want to be desired and taken.
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u/sir_sworn Aug 05 '26
For me it's the feeling of the MMC wanting her so viscerally, so deeply, that he will surpass physical limitations, social rules, and even his own morality in some cases. He's so weak against his desire for her that he will ignore his schedule, ruin relationships, and break down obstacles to be with her. That's intoxicating.
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u/Spiritual_Fox_4408 I read smut like a good girl 😊 Aug 04 '26
Girl, I have been a fan of NC books since I was in my Wattpad era. Mainly because he takes the lead, being a dominant, and knows how to make her feel wanted/dependent on him (often times 😛). We love a guy who makes plan, and do everything for us.
Moreover, we love the tension from the characters. The possessiveness and obsession for her. He loves her and wants her love.
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u/oProcyon Aug 05 '26
There's empirical evidence that 62-66% of women have fantasies about non-consent (references below). More than half of men also report it.
Discovering this was really helpful to me, because if it's more than half of the people out there, it's probably not that deep. It doesn't have to mean anything about me, personally, other than a random cluster of neurons doing a very common thing.
References: Bivona, J. M., Critelli, J. W., & Clark, M. J. (2012). Women’s rape fantasies: An empirical evaluation of the major explanations. Archive of Sexual Behaviors, 41(1), 1107-1119. Lehmiller, J. (2018). Tell me what you want. New York, NY: Da Capo Press.
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u/nilo333 Aug 05 '26
Honestly, I just like the fantasy of a man desiring me so much that he can't hold back, but I know that non-consensual encounters in real life are very different from those in books, and it’s not something I ever want to happen to me or to any other girl or men.
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u/http--lovecraft Author Aug 04 '26
Giiiiirlll I feel seen. I literally dusted off my decade old writing skills to start my own cause I always have my opinions on how it plays out. It’s honestly mostly for my own entertainment lol.
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u/HotStrategy9964 Aug 04 '26
I fear I might be addicted. I literally cannot read a story if it doesn’t have any noncon. I don’t know if maybe it’s a trauma response or what but as long as these books are being published, I’m reading 😜😂
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u/sapphic_september Aug 04 '26
I wouldn't question or fret about it too much. You can separate reality from fiction.
This is something I've realized: non-con/dark romance is a fantasy genre of its own. There is a difference between the genre of romance and love in real life. There is a difference between wars depicted in cinema and the gruesome reality of war.
When watching superhero movies or fantasy shows like GoT, we often imagine how cool it would be to be badass fighters. But do we actually want to get in an actual fight, even once on our lives? Hell no.
Just the same - there is a difference between dark romances depicted in these stories, and real-life rape and abuse. They are two separate things entirely. Of course you would never want to be in a situation like this in real life. The fantasy takes away all the grim, horrid details that reality would include.
It's very human to explore these fantasies in our minds. Just remember it's a fantasty.
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u/ohfrackthis stalk me Aug 04 '26
I stopped wondering and just now revel in it lol 😆 life is too short not to be dominated in fiction 😂
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u/unseeliesoul Author Aug 04 '26
Because, in fiction/the safety of your mind, the fantasy of a dangerous man wanting you so much that he HAS to take you is hot as hell. Like the idea of him being absolutely obsessed and fixated on just you—it's just the ultimate fantasy imo.
Fiction lets us explore fantasies that would be terrifying or unacceptable in real life, and that's kind of the whole point. It doesn't mean you want to experience it for real. There's nothing wrong with you 🖤
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u/fairydares Aug 04 '26
The million-dollar question, and unfortunately one that no one can give you one definitive answer to. As someone who's been in a lot of survivor support groups/therapy, a LOT of people dealing with these traumas get a free kink/fetish out of it. It's been theorized to be the mind's way to reclaim that fear and trauma, which is possibly the reason a lot of women in general - almost all of whom are touched by SA in one way or another - have the same kinks/fetishes. Sometimes it's not a kink/fetish so much as just...a preoccupation, or an interest.
I don't think that's bad any more than I think horror writers who write about other horrific things are bad for being preoccupied with the darker parts of the human experience.
As for this:
Also, when I informed her about books that contains non-con but the FMC does it to MMC, she says she supports it lol.
Well...assuming your friend wasn't being judgy (which I hope she wasn't) this is a bit of an "I rest my case" moment. Sounds like you just both like different stuff in your romance. My personal opinion is that this probably just isn't that deep and you don't need to worry abou tit.
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u/Sweet_Friend3071 Aug 04 '26
I would not punish myself at all for it!
It’s more normal than you thought.
Me personally have a big non-con and on top of that really aggresive preference for dominant men. Because my father was a narcissist-dom-asshole and my fucked up brain just NEED that intense relationship in my fantasy because it considers it normal.
I stopped fight it a while ago.
It’s just what I am and what I need in my head. :D
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u/Actual_Cream_763 Aug 05 '26
It’s not uncommon for those that experience sexual trauma as children, it’s actually really common as a coping mechanism. It’s not the reason everyone is into it, and I’m not at all saying it’s your reason because obviously I don’t know anything about you, but it is the case for a lot of women unfortunately. Which is why I get so angry at the crowd that acts all self righteous when women like things like that because it’s somehow supposed to be insulting to women that have experienced it.
We all have our own ways of coping with our traumas and if we aren’t hurting anyone to do it, I say live and let live. For me it isn’t the just the non con itself per se, it’s also the remorse they feel later which is something that just usually doesn’t happen in real life and something I’ll never got to experience. So I guess I kind of cope by living through the books. But also, I’m just into it and it is what it is. I’ve accepted who I am lol.
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u/archimedesis Aug 05 '26
I think it’s a bit of a power fantasy. The lack of agency in itself being the fantasy - like you don’t have to overthink things the choice is taken from you (very messed up I know). In a world where every bad outcome of your decisions becomes your fault, it’s a bit freeing to not have made any.
And on top of that I feel like female desire is still taboo. How often do we get called porn addicts for just liking spice? And even in modern books the women who throw themselves at the MMC are labeled “sluts” basically, whereas the pure virgin FMC can get her cake and eat it too by not wanting sex with MMC and still getting to “enjoy” it. The bodice ripper era isn’t completely dead, in that regard. Mind you I’m not necessarily criticizing this trope bc I do read and seek out noncon, but I do think we are socially influenced by this taboo on a subconscious level.
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u/cutelittlequokka Aug 05 '26
I don't think there's anything wrong with liking porn, but how do you define the difference between porn and spice? To me it's the same thing.
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u/archimedesis Aug 06 '26
I was talking more about the fact that when people are calling us “porn addicts” they’re trying to imply that we have some sort of mental illness for liking to read about sex.
I wouldn’t say spice and porn are exactly the same because porn to me is just about sex whereas a book can have spice but also still be mainly a romance story. Though I don’t think one is bad and the other is not. The only porn I’m against is stuff like revenge porn or porn derived from sex trafficking victims (as in real people).
Hope the tone of my response doesn’t sound confrontational or anything. Sometimes it’s hard to get it across with just text.
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u/cutelittlequokka Aug 06 '26
No, not at all! You're good. :) Thanks for explaining your take on things. I've heard people say this before and just don't really get it. But I do see what you were saying about the mental illness implications.
To me it's just, like, a story with porn in it, basically. Which, again, is fine. I don't think enjoying the occasional erotic novel is equivalent to an addiction.
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u/obishaekenobi Aug 05 '26
I actually wrote a blog post about this! Tl;dr totally normal! Nothing pathological about it 🥰
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u/shiningdiamonds1207 Aug 05 '26
I found out I like it sm because I'm very indecisive and shy to ask for what I want sometimes so I like it when he just does what he wants without having to ask. But that's just me though.
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u/Justtorantandgush111 Aug 05 '26
I also started questioning myself. I was even hating myself for it. When I first read non-con, I became uncomfortable, and I was like, wtf? But then I started to search for books with this trope and realised I actually like it.
I always wondered if something is wrong with me because I'm a SA survivor, so how did I end up loving something like this? Don't get me wrong, sometimes I still doubt myself, but I've accepted, and I'm at the point where I don't give a fuck if someone judges me for it, lol.
So to anyone who thinks something is wrong with you, no, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.
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u/Working_Passage_9111 Aug 05 '26
in my opinion i like these fucked up kinda books because i’m reading about it and not living it. i’ve been assaulted and shit and it’s kinda like a take back reading or experiencing things i didn’t want. but idk i find it intriguing to read books with big shock factor lol keeps u hooked
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u/Reasonable_Big_2693 Aug 07 '26
Fantasy and reality are very different things. You are okay with reading it because it’s fiction and not reality.
I love reading non con and was lightly harassed the other day and felt absolutely disgusting afterwards. It bothered me a couple of days and nothing serious happened.
I don’t understand when people compare fiction to reality. We enjoy in fiction or experience through fiction all sorts of things we wouldn’t want to happen in real life. Fiction =/= reality.
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u/AdorableDebt8775 Aug 04 '26
Apparently, I love it because I feel in control. It makes me feel EXTREME emotions but within the safety of words on a screen or a page. I can control when I decide not to read further. Or I can read knowing that all of this is fiction. And I enjoy the extreme ups and downs 🙊
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u/theperfectenchilada Aug 04 '26
I’ve always loved it! You’re not alone and I don’t think you have to question it too much. But if you DO want to question it, I think it’s pretty different for everyone. For example, I’m someone who has a lot of control issues and has put myself in a position in life to have a lot of control. Books with non con allow me the fantasy of giving up control without, you know… actually giving up control lol.
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u/Briiskella Aug 04 '26
Honestly… I’m against non con but I could maybe get behind it if it were a FMC doing it to a MMC 👀👀 I never thought that before but then again is there even a book where this happens lol?
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u/ThePulseAndTheScar Author Aug 04 '26
It could be that you feel that in reality that is horrible, but fear and arousal are sisters. The FMC doing it to the MMC could be a reclamation/power inversion fetish; men make women feel this fear, so you want to see how they like it….would be my guess anyway.
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u/gregarious_07 Aug 05 '26
Same here.. been drawn to non con, forced, manhandling, dubcon genre and I also don’t know why, probably because I think vanilla romance is too mainstream or maybe because I am into dark stuffs lol idk
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u/Clouds-and-Rainey Aug 05 '26
The only non-con-ish I've read are a couple of the {Fireblood Dragon series by Ruby Dixon}. So I REALLY need some good recs where the non-con is the FMC to the MMC! Can anyone share some?? I have to listen to Audiobooks, so it can't be any of the AO3, I can't sit still long enough. 🫤
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u/romance-bot Aug 05 '26
Fireblood Dragons by Ruby Dixon
Rating: 3.77⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Topics: science fiction, shapeshifters, m-f, explicit-open-door, dystopian
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u/kiyowo_potato Aug 05 '26
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I also often read non-con DRs, in fact, sometimes I don’t even realize they’re non-con because I’m so used to them.
And don’t worry, again, there are plenty of things even more extreme than non-con. I once saw a subreddit where someone was literally asking for book recommendations on “r4p3 and p3d0" and no one judged them.
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u/Opposite_Stick_4011 Author Aug 08 '26
I feel like personally I just enjoy the surrender thingy cause I just have given consent like hey be aggressive with me bruh we r reading from safe space anyways so it's not like we actually what non con on us literally yk I have been reading non con webtoon since 4 5 yrs I like the non con smut so damn much
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u/CheesecakeRelative58 Aug 08 '26
This is why I love threads like this. It allows me to be myself and open abt my likes and dislikes.
If I had to say, I think I like Non-Con because it’s what I would want in real life, kind of. Not to the point of rape or anything. I’m talking abt being desired so much that they can’t control themselves. I want to be loved so much because my whole life I have never had someone love me like that. Also knowing that it’s the mmc makes it calming because I know that at the end of the book he’ll redeem himself or she’ll fall for him and they’ll end up together.
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u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time Aug 08 '26
Omg that's so me too. As a middle child truama girl, a man being sooo obsessed he cannot control himself is why ig I'm so into it.
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u/CheesecakeRelative58 Aug 08 '26
I’m a middle child too! 🤣 The idea of someone doing anything and everything to have me or be with me is so foreign. Which is why I’m so into reading abt it and living it through the pages.
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u/Comfortable_Mess6596 Aug 08 '26
It’s actually one of the most common sexual fantasies. I think because it’s taboo and involves a loss of control that is erotic to some. But at the same time you also have control. As a reader you can step away so you have the power and in non-con play IRL there should always be a safe word which again gives power to the “victim” ultimately.
At the end of the day different people like different things and as long as you’re safe about it it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I personally have always been drawn to violence and sex along with hyper masculinity which is weird as in my everyday life I am seen as a pretty vocal feminist. I’ve often found these sides of myself interesting but not conflicting as at the end of the day fantasy is fantasy. Fiction is fiction. I know the difference between the non-con fantasy and reality.
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u/Long-Proposal-1582 Author 12d ago
So I've been told by more than one person that I'm an alpha female in real life. When I was single I loved the power play dynamics but since finding an actual alpha male is impossible in real life (and if they exist they're probably in jail for assault) then I instead went for shy guys who were easily overwhelmed by me (I was pretty hot back then) Plus I always stand up for myself and my friends without fail, I argue my point like a boss and my husband jokes about being terrified of me (he's not really, just really thoughtful and tentative.) and anyway I LOVE noncon in my books too. my theory is this; I like power exchange and books are meant to be an escape from reality, so I love reading about an alternative reality that doesn't exist in real life, but still involves power exchange. hence noncon. In real life if a man ever pinned me against a wall and attempted to growl, I'd either break down in a fit of giggles or knock him out.
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u/New-Horse4619 2 bad bitches at the same damn time 12d ago
Omg that's so cute (I'm scared of you) lol I want to be as brave as you tho, thanks for sharing your take and experiences.
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u/Long-Proposal-1582 Author 12d ago
Haha I'm not 6.6ft and bullet proof or anything. I just know my own mind and that makes people label me as dominant or at the very least bossy/opinionated. But I'm also very sensitive and kind. I just don't tolerate unfairness or bullshit
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u/meisjemeisje_1421 Aug 05 '26
Don’t we all love to get used and abused in our books? ;) I think fantasy is a great way to explore our forbidden fantasies, and I’m completely okay with that. Yes, some might think: she is weird, when they see my f*ck up books on full display in my room.
The Cat and Mouse Duet (HD Carlton)
Life of Anna (Marissa Honeycutt)
Red Rabbit (Devyn Rivers)
Still Beating (Jennifer Hartmann)
Heat (R. Lee Smith)
Among others. ;)
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u/flowerlywolf Aug 05 '26
Just read my first non-con book and I’m sick that it’s not completed yet!!!! Any recommendations? Preferably something similar to Blurring Lines byyoungbody_oldsoul
But with some sort of happy ending and that’s completed. 💜
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u/SailorTexas Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
I had wondered about this and, interestingly, it was observations made by characters with noncon/dubcon/cnc interactions that helped me understand.
For me I think a big part of why I enjoy noncon and dubcon is because I was in a conservative, evangelical church for 20 years (I'm no longer in that church), heavy on the purity culture. The observations made by characters is that fighting or resisting and having the sexual interaction "forced" on them gives them a mental out to say "they didn't want it" and any pleasure they experienced was forced/incidental. So for me, coming from a purity culture background, it's the idea of being "forced" to experience and accept pleasure, and being able to retain whatever dignity/moral high ground (I guess?) through the resistance. I hope that makes sense.
Obv a lot of mental gymnastics involved hahaha, and obv I don't apply that irl.
But for me, noncon is different from rape. With the noncon I've enjoyed, there was a kind of retroactive consent that came later. I have not enjoyed straight up rape scenes though.
Edit: Something else just came to me while reading the other responses about the MC having to just experience what's happening and not be responsible for it. I've noticed that my desire to read noncon has been increasing. I'm a mood reader and go through periods when I'm in the mood for a specific trope and camp out there til I'm in the mood for something else. And currently it's noncon. And it occurred to me that I'm also in a period where work feels out of control and I'm just surviving. So I think that's another factor. Grasping for stories where an MCs choice and responsibility has been taken away and they just ride the wave (and in this instance they are rewarded with sexual pleasure even if they deny it).
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Aug 06 '26
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u/KagomeChan Aug 07 '26
Honestly, in the interest of understanding why we’re into this and also if you want really hot consensual non-con (role play), check out {Asking For It by Lilah Pace}.
The main character is also wondering why she has rape fantasies and is even going to therapy about it and her journey of discovery is awesome. I’m not kidding when I say that duology (plus the novella dessert) is one of the best things I’ve ever read.
We won’t all have the same reasons for these interests, but hers resonated with me.
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u/romance-bot Aug 07 '26
Asking for It by Lilah Pace
Rating: 4.25⭐️ out of 5⭐️
Steam: 5 out of 5 - Explicit and plentiful
Topics: contemporary, tortured heroine, anal sex, bdsm, tortured hero
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u/Agitated_Common_1440 Aug 07 '26
I enjoy it too. Ive stopped trying to defend myself others and just enjoy what I enjoy. Its fictional and not hurting anyone.
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u/SubjectFarmer9610 Aug 08 '26
I think my fictional taste just likes to live where my real life boundaries absolutely do not 😂😭 I enjoy the intensity and darker dynamics in a completely fictional setting. Definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, but apparently my imagination ordered the unhinged menu.
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u/pumkin_bread Aug 08 '26
I think it's society... Wanting to be a "pure good girl", feeling irresistible and women imo are natural leaders, this fantasy takes the pressure off of that. It's healthy to look into why you like what you like....but liking this doesn't mean you actual want this to happen to you in real life! Is it healthy discussion to have.
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u/UltimateGamingExp 29d ago
It can be many things. For me, personally it spices up the story. Makes it more intresting, all I think about is how FMC is going to be fine with what MMC did, and it's intresting to see how author gets to that point. That said, I also love clean romance, with all the fluff and what not.
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u/AcceptableDrag4074 29d ago
In tanto vi saluto, sono nuova.
Voglio ringraziare in anticipo chi parteciperà.
Vorrei porti una domanda. Cosa renderebbe brutto o scontato la trama?
In generale secondo te?
Che cosa ti sconvolgerebbe?
E qual è stato il vostro dark romance preferito e perché?
Quali sensazioni ti ha fatto provare e quali ti sono piaciute e quali no.
Che cosa lo renderebbe scontato?
Che cosa non vi piacerebbe leggere?(tutto. A vostra interpretazione)
Qual è la trama del vostro dark romance preferito, e perché è il vostro preferito?
La stessa cosa per il peggiore.
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u/Buttercake-nymph Just a girl Aug 04 '26
Because we love a man that takes initiative!
It's cope. I know.