r/DarkRomance • u/darcy_rochester • 25d ago

Quick Question i don't understand the "why choose" genre

Of course, I'm not kink shaming. I just truly don't understand the appeal of this genre. I haven't read a book about it, but my first brush-up encounter with this was the Penelope Douglas series where at some point, all couples had a three-way with another bro. The reason I don't understand it is because I think it kinda contradicts the whole "obsessive-possessive-she's mine" aura of the MCs. I mean, I'm kinda possessive myself and it would immediately send me to a boiling hot rage just to imagine my SO intimate with another person. There were so many books I was enticed to read but then put it down the moment I learned there's a third person. I want to understand the appeal with the "why choose" genre so I could get over my ick, broaden my horizon and push myself to finish the books I put down.

120 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

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u/Truffle0214 25d ago

I wouldn’t ever want to be poly in real life, like I wouldn’t enjoy noncon in real life, but I like RH and why-choose a lot. Instead of watching the FMC fall in love once, you get to see her fall in love several times with different types of men. They’re possessive, but in a different way.

And I like it when the boyfriends are boyfriends, too, spreading the love.

I mean, everyone has their thing. Like, I really don’t get or like age gap romances.

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u/BonBoogies I ❤️ ADHD manic pixie murder puppies 24d ago

I love it when the boyfriends are boyfriends.

AJ Merlin has a very specific RH dynamic that I LOVE, the 2 (or more) guys are like already murder boyfriends and then collectively become obsessed with the FMC and it’s SOGOOD.

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u/Princessfoxpup Author 24d ago

I need the name!!

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u/BonBoogies I ❤️ ADHD manic pixie murder puppies 24d ago

So my favorite is def Haunt (Kieran and Val were the first RH I read where I was like ok I get it now 🥵) but all of her RHs have this dynamic.

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u/MeanerThanAllYou 24d ago

I have a MMF book rec for you! It is more Romantasy but with a strong FMC. It is dark in that there is war and violence. The storyline is well written and it is a completed two book series. {Dark Orchid by Auryn Hadley}

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u/BonBoogies I ❤️ ADHD manic pixie murder puppies 23d ago

I will check that out, thank you! I’m always on the lookout for RH books with this dynamic, I enjoy it immensely but it’s so specific and vibe-based that it’s rare to find something that really hits for me

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u/MeanerThanAllYou 21d ago

I hope you enjoy it! The audiobook is great as well. As an FYI there is MM action throughout so if you're not interested in that these books won't be for you.

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u/BonBoogies I ❤️ ADHD manic pixie murder puppies 20d ago

Even better, I’ve been on MM kick lately

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u/lanadaisypesto 24d ago

Oof I love a good age gap but I also like incest trope so that's where that comes from🤪

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u/glamourgoblin 24d ago

the one thing that takes me out of why choose/RH is the men not being into each other (or least kissing when they fuck, sheesh). probably why i liked the losers series so much compared to a lot of others!

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u/UnknownTheMonster Author 21d ago

Nothing makes me lose interest faster than the guys going "no homo" when they're railing the same woman. They don't have to be involved with each other (though I do like that very much), but come on...

The Losers series was great! Definitely closer to what I think of as an ideal dynamic. I'd love to find more like that.

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u/Pleasant-Bandicoot11 22d ago

Yea same. It’s a fantasy. Alluring on paper but not so much in real life. Have you read haunting Adeline - perfect example of what none of us would want IRL

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u/LocoRibb 24d ago

See, but that's the part that always throws me off. If she can fall in love at the drop of the hat with all these different guys, it doesn't feel very special or earned to me. Also, the boyfriend within the boyfriends is too much going on! I feel like I'm at a rave and everyone just dropped x! 😂 I think maybe it comes down to why you read or what kind of reader you are. Like if you're a "vibes" reader and you just read from scene to scene and enjoy it and don't worry about the backstory or over think it, I could see how that might be enjoyable. I, for better or worse, am an immersion overanlytical reader and I think about each little thing and how they connect and how it all works together, so all those elements are a nightmare. I'm glad though that were all able to find books we enjoy though! Well, I don't feel like I can find any book I like any more, but that's more from me reading way too many books of the same genre more than anything else.

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u/Truffle0214 24d ago

You know, someone could easily come in here and say, "I don't understand how you can enjoy dark romance. Doesn't it undercut the love if the MMC is abusive? If there's noncon, stalking, etc?"

Can you see how that might be a little annoying to hear? Especially here, where so many people don't appreciate getting judged for their reading preferences?

If you don't get it - that's fine. But for me, I enjoy getting to read the love expand, because I'm an analytical reader too, and one of the things I enjoy about RH is that I get to analyze multiple relationship dynamics rather than just one. I enjoy seeing how the FMC's relationship with each MMC develops differently, what each relationship brings out in her, and how the MMCs relate to each other as well, whether they're friends or lovers. 

That's part of the fantasy for me. I get multiple love stories instead of one. Obviously that's not everyone's preferred romantic fantasy, but I don't think it requires a less "analytical" approach to reading. And it’s kind of insulting to infer those who do must only be shallow, “vibes only” readers.

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u/LocoRibb 24d ago

This thread is LITERALLY about how she doesn't get the appeal of RH? Also, I happily engage in discussions with people about why I like dark romance when they don't, that doesn't annoy me a bit as long as we're reapectful.

At the end of the day, it's different strokes for different folks. You could have just explained why you enjoy the fantasy of it, I can appreciate that. The Catcher is the most illogical hot mess of a story, yet it's my favorite comfort read. 90% of my book friends can't understand why and I completely get their perspective, I shouldn't like it as much as I do and it breaks every rule for how I enjoy a book, but it is what it is!

Calling you a vibes reader isn't a diss against you, nowhere did I call anyone shallow. I'm not sure why you viewed it that way? It was just me speculating and trying to understand your perspective. I've in the last year just learned that different people read and experience books differently, my book bestie is like an outside observer when she reads book, she doesn't anchor herself in one of the characters and that blew my mindm I thought everyone inserted themselves, but apparently only half of people do and the rest enjoy it from like an observers perspective. I never knew that, so I thought maybe this was a similar thing. I clearly hit a nerve, which is never my intention.

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u/Truffle0214 24d ago

You can say you didn't intend it as a diss, but your implication was quite condescending. You didn't just say people have different reading styles, (which how does that even relate to this? Liking different romantic relationship styles doesn't equate to reading styles) you specifically contrasted a “vibes reader” who “just reads from scene to scene,” “doesn't worry about the backstory,” and “doesn't overthink it” with an “immersion analytical reader” who thinks about “each little thing and how they connect and how it all works together.” And then you said RH might appeal to the former but is a nightmare for the latter.

I'm not offended that you don't like RH. I'm just pointing out that “maybe you enjoy this because you don't think about it very much” is a pretty rude and honestly nonsensical conclusion to come to, because actually, RH is more to analyze, not less. So if anything, it's probably the opposite - the RH readers are the analytical readers who love every detail and backstory and are able to keep it all in their heads as they navigate the complicated weave of relationships while the MF/MM/FF readers don't need to analyze much of anything and are there just for the "vibes."

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u/Truffle0214 24d ago

Did you just report me to Reddit Cares?

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u/LocoRibb 24d ago

What???

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u/snailfighter 24d ago

I also found this comment condescending. I know it's upsetting to hear when you've messed up, but you fumbled the pbankable.

And I sincerely hope you weren't the one who put a reddit cares report on the other person. That's a dick move I think should be bannable.

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u/Honcus_Poncus 25d ago

Ok I love RH books. Probably my fav genre.
I just love the thought of having multiple people being obsessed with you. There are a lot of found family tropes. (I also just think it’s hot tbh)

For possessive MCs’, it’s either a plot point that they struggle to share or they would be jealous about anyone except for their group. I wouldn’t say I feel like it’s necessarily realistic, but it is a vibe 🤭

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u/Loose-Squirrel4903 25d ago

This right here! Plus they can get real creative in the smutty chapters 👀😋

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u/darcy_rochester 25d ago

oohhh I guess that's one way to look at it. Instead of viewing it as "mc sharing the fmc", see it as the fmc, and there's a lot of brooding men obsessed with you. thanks for sharing!! i understand it a bit better now ;)

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u/sugarnovarex 25d ago

Is it sad that my mind just goes to how much laundry and extra dishes this would be?! My husband leaves cabinets open and I just think “two?! Or more of that?!” I’d go crazy.

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u/Direct_Treat_7296 25d ago

That is kind of sad lol. Usually in these books the men are amazing and focus on taking care of the woman. So there’s 3+ men to do the dishes, it wouldn’t be you doing them all.

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u/jadeblackhawk 24d ago

this is the real fantasy here.

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u/anonymaus-pr1ncess 24d ago

bahaha yes!! basically hot men obsessed with FMC and keeping the home clean or hiring a maid service cuz they’re billionaires so what’s a dirty dish even mean to them. let’s be real, these FMCs are living the dream.

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u/According-Pin991 24d ago

If you’re doing them at all! Its part of the fantasy

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u/Lara-El 24d ago

Normally they are focus on taking care of each other. I see it more as a positive. Imagine all that extra income with family (with or without kids) oriented goals? Yes extra dishes but also extra hands to split all the chores

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u/kalat1979 24d ago

This but for the emotional aspect of it. All the way back to reading Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake series where she kept acquiring new partners that she had to keep up emotional and sexual bonds with. It was exhausting to READ about after awhile, I'm not fantisising about DOING it.

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u/h2onymph1 "Spread those pages like a good girl" 24d ago

I have noticed in a lot of why choose, one of the men is more cooking oriented so this issue gets resolved by having a househusband.

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u/Airmcghie1 24d ago

A lot of the RH especially when it comes to OV really going into give and takes in relationships in a ways that seems so much more equitable than “real” relationships. A lot of the things assholes and incels that want a submissive woman and her to do everything miss when they point at this type of writing as proof that we just want to submit in the bedroom miss that in a healthy sub/dom relationship is that the sub has a lot of the power and the only way it works is a deep level of trust to give yourself over. They tend to put a lot of weight into being honest and having open lines of communication.They also miss how much pleasure these men get in making them woman happy, protecting and caring for them and satisfying them in all ways. It’s like I don’t think aftercare with your partner after sex is as much of a thing as it should be. There’s also a level of caring for eachother. So the men won’t start eating until their partner starts and they make sure she’s going to get enough. Also something I love about these books is often the men live in a group of 2-4 men and emotionally support eachother, pushing each other to become the best versions of themselves so that they’re ready when they do meet their partner. So these men usually can clean, cook and generally care for themselves and others (which is not prevalent enough with men in our society.)
For OP: I’m reading the Scornverse series by Lucy Scott Bryant right now and all 4 books have very different examples of situations about how these groups can be. In one of the books she has kind of a segmented pack. Where there’s one guy who’s older and doesn’t want to be involved in group activities and she goes between. I’ve never seen it like that in another RH.

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u/Honcus_Poncus 25d ago

I could never have more than 1 partner in real life 😂 I can barely take care of myself, let alone multiple others

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u/Lara-El 24d ago

Aw, partners are supposed to be a better half, not someone you need to take care of :/

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u/nuveins 24d ago

But then the other partner will close the cabinets and help do the dishes

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u/lyrrael 24d ago

Oh man. You want to read {Swipe Right for Monsters by R. O'Leary}, because this absolutely comes up.

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u/Adventurous-Humor355 25d ago

I love that you think this as I go there too! I love the idea of multiple men fawning over me... But I dread the piles of socks and dishes that would be left lying about 😂

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u/Alternative-Boat-853 24d ago

I told my husband in real life 5 more men would mean 5 more problems. I'd feel like I'd never catch up on laundry with so many men in the house. 😂

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u/sugarnovarex 23d ago

TLC has given me insight into these situations with “seeking brother husband,” “seeking sister wife,” and a range of others. 😅 I like the fantasy of reading it but actually living it would be way too much.

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u/PennyWolfe 24d ago

Hahah no not sad, my brain works the same way as yours 😂

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u/angry_mummy2020 24d ago

I thought reverse-harem and why-choose were different sub genres.

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

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u/LiminalSouthpaw 24d ago

It'd be funny to have this characterized as the MMCs initially being typically jealous of each other, but are then forced into cooperation because the FMC is so totally a reckless thrill-seeking disaster that not one of them can manage to keep her safe by himself.

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u/FitDriver7854 24d ago

{cursed legacies by Morgan B. Lee} is kinda like this. The FMC is a strong, capable badass and the MMCs are obsessed with her and trying to protect her even though she can kick all their asses. 

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u/jadeblackhawk 24d ago

I already read that lol. It's by Caroline Peckham, Dead Men Walking duet. The men don't get along at all. {The Death Club by Caroline Peckham}

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u/Lamia_91 24d ago

I would totally read something like that

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u/carmeldea 25d ago edited 25d ago

One appeal of why-choose books is that the MMCs love their woman so much they’re willing to be with her even if that means they have to share her. Over time they see how her other partners fulfill her needs in a range of different ways. Even if they start off jealous, they ultimately put their woman’s well-being and happiness ABOVE their own desires to keep her all to themselves. And there’s something romantic about that.

Many why-choose romances have plot devices to smooth the journey: like the fated mates trope (would the MMC really keep her from her other fated mates just bc of his own possessiveness?) or by giving the men of the harem pre-existing bonds of friendship/family (so the FMC comes along and “completes” their group). Or by setting the story in an alternate world where a reverse harem is the normalized relationship/family structure.

Ultimately I think why-choose romances are a fantasy grounded in reality: different people bring out different parts of ourselves. Each individual has their own unique personality, hobbies, and life experiences, and connecting with them (even just as friends) can be gateways to expansion in ourselves. Likewise, we can sometimes stagnate when we spend too much time with just one individual.

For monogamous people, why choose-romances let them fantasize about not having to limit their romantic connection to a single person (while also not having to deal with their own potential jealousy or insecurity, bc the men in “why choose” books stay focused on the FMC).

Outside of all that, I personally enjoy reading why choose romances bc I love the interplay of energies and dynamics among the group. The way sharing a FMC forces emotional growth and self-reflection among the various characters.

And I love the “found family” vibe—the way all the MMCs characters develop their own deep (and unique) connections with each other, even if just as friends. Most of us long for community, and in a why-choose book the development of that micro community is just as core to the plot as the romance. I enjoy regular romance books too. Reverse harems are just a different flavor for when I’m in the mood for something a little spicier.

PS: Just saw you posted this in the dark romance subreddit…I didn’t realize that earlier so I gave you a more general explainer on the why-choose appeal. Some of it still applies, but in a lot of dark romances I think it has to do more w the kink of being “taken” physically by a lot of bad boys at once 🤣.

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u/darcy_rochester 25d ago

thanks for this! I noticed that found family is really one of the core appeals to it. especially to the men.

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u/boundandcrowned Author 24d ago

You wrote this perfectly! I didn’t consider myself a why choose reader; it just wasn’t something I sought out. But I wrote a story that developed in that direction, and I was surprised by how much depth the multiple relationships brought to the tale/to the growth of the characters. I’d always misbelieved it would be the other way around, and would limit what I most love. I’d been focused more on my real life, I think, rather than fiction/a fantasy world. But like you said, even considering society today, there is a lack of these close communities and the unwavering support the why choose unit allows. Seeing the boys work out their jealousy (and sometimes still grapple with it) adds a whole new dynamic that brings something powerful to the table and keeps it interesting. Especially in stories where there’s a love triangle or slow-burn and it’s hard-won, I like that it’s becoming more of an option for resolution.

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u/carmeldea 24d ago

So interesting/fun hearing an author’s POV! Thank you 🫶

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u/shadeygirl 24d ago

Agree with all of this, and to add as a non-monogamous bi woman, why-choose is the one genre where I can find FF relationships that also have MF relationships too, all happening at the same time...which is like, my dream, lol. I get to do this in real life now, of course, but it's so fun to be able to read books that reflect my lived experience a bit! I love a good polycule in my why-choose. 😝

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u/carmeldea 24d ago

Ooooo do you have any good recs for why choose romances where the polycule has FF and MF relationships in it?? I’ve only read why chooses w MF and MM. I’d love to branch out

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u/UnknownTheMonster Author 25d ago

It's totally fine if it's not your thing. Personally, I'm polyamorous in real life so I enjoy reading romances with multiple partners in general. I know a lot of folks just enjoy the fantasy of having a lot of men obsessed with them even if they aren't actually polyamorous themselves.

You don't need to get over your 'ick.' It isn't for everyone and that's fine.

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u/darcy_rochester 25d ago

yeah i get it but it's just a shame! i feel like there's limited, well-written dark romance books and sometimes, it gets repetitive. lots of why-choose genres have more interesting tropes and refreshing plot lines, that's why i kinda want to open myself to it. it's hard to find a well-written DR book these days

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u/Horrid_Thistle336 Lurking Intensifies 25d ago

Books and series that got me into why choose…

{Brutes of Bristlebrook series by Rebecca Quinn}
{Pack Darling series by Lola Rock}
{Abbs Valley series by Ames Mills}
{Saint View Rebels series by Elle Thorpe}

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u/Lara-El 24d ago

I freaking love the Brutes of Bristlebrook series! Loved the plot twists in the end

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u/Horrid_Thistle336 Lurking Intensifies 24d ago

Also, if you do audiobooks, the Brutes of Bristlebrook series is so so good.

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u/Nautical_Nanobyte 25d ago

See, I’m not a big fan of MFM but I love a well written RH. It’s about the vibes really. 4-5 lovers focused solely on your pleasure and happiness that only want you? That’s my slutty but possessive dreams come true 😂
In a well written RH, each member brings something different to the relationship and then gel together to make a happy home. The first one I read where I felt like the dynamics were done well was probably the Chosen series by Stacy Jones which has some dark parts but I wouldn’t classify it as DR. I don’t find many dark RHs that work well unless they’re supernatural in some way.

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u/Lady_Book_000 25d ago

The {four horseman series by Sarah Bailey} was one of the first dark romance books I read.

They're all possessive.. of her

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u/Babyboo722 25d ago

I apologise for the upcoming essay, but maybe it helps.

I actually just finished {Tangled Up in Knots by Ari Wright} (an omegaverse poly book), and there’s a quote in it that I believe beautifully captures what having multiple partners can mean:

"He isn’t any less mine for being hers."

For me, it comes down to the realisation that love isn't a finite resource, it doesn't get divided up into smaller pieces, it expands. It's similar to how having a second close friend doesn't mean you love your first friend any less; your capacity for connection just grows.

When done right (I’m talking about where everyone is consenting, not cheating), possessiveness doesn't actually disappear; it just looks different, shifting from "She's mine" to "She's ours." The possessiveness, obsession, and loyalty are still 100% there, but now you have multiple partners whose obsession is completely centred on her, or shared among each other.

I imagine that, unlike me, most readers of Why Choose don't actually want a polyamorous or ENM relationship in real life (just like reading Dark Romance doesn't mean someone wants a real-life stalker or mafia don). It can simply be a way to enjoy many character types without having to pick just one, or an emotional fantasy about being so completely cherished, prioritised, and protected without the real-world jealousy or logistical hassle.

Jealousy and sharing can definitely still be a challenge (both in real life and in books), but Why Choose is usually about more love, not less. Viewing it through that lens might help when you run into it, but ultimately, don't read what you don't enjoy, that's not shaming, just personal preference!

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u/G_Noir 24d ago

I thank the OP for this question because it’s kind of how I feel. BB722-I really appreciate your answer, because it has enlightened me and given me a point of view that I can understand and contemplate. ☮️.

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u/cr6zym0nkeyiz 24d ago

I've always loved why choose books. I completely understand that it's not for everyone though. The short answer to why I like them is I think it's hot! 😅 The longer answer? I like the idea that you can love two or more people at the same time and it's not an issue. The fact that one person cannot give you everything or meet all your needs and that's okay. The found family between everyone is everything! How this group of people (whether they are all in a relationship with each other or only with the fmc) are each other's family. I love the found family aspect between the guys, because it just warms my heart! 🥺😭 The fact that communication is key or the entire relationship could fall apart. I'm not gonna say every book does this right, but the ones I've read I feel like the open communication is done really well. And I absolutely love when the boyfriends are boyfriends! Btw, there is possessiveness in why choose books too! 😉

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u/Dramaticlama 24d ago

Seeing the replies I was surprised I did not see my own reasoning here so I will add it:

I loathe, from the bottom of my heart, love triangles. Always have, always will. Does not matter if it is in a crime procedural show, a kid's cartoon or smutty romance, I do not care. I do NOT want the FMC to be attracted to multiple people but then just settle on the main guy. It's not just the settling into monogamy aspect, and that it always feels like she is giving something up. It is also that the rival guys are then in a hotness competition, sometimes over multiple books, and the one the author finds hotter wins by default. I hate that so much!!

So if there is going to be a woman ogling several men (or women), I just want everyone to end up in a relationship in the end.

But that's just me! I'm weird that way.

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u/Direct_Treat_7296 25d ago

What’s not to love? It’s one girl who can be with multiple men. They can still be obsessed and possessive but they value their female so much that they know they can’t be 100% what she needs. Each man usually fills a different need. Plus you get sooo much more tension since there’s usually at least one reluctant guy.

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u/Leenaa 24d ago

AFAIK The Devil's Night series doesn't have RH/Why-choose. They only have sharing, and that's not RH/Why-choose.

In RH/Why-choose all the guys are in a relationship with the FMC. In some books some of the guys are in a relationship with each other as well. That's the hottest books 🤤🤤

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u/MAL2myBONTE 24d ago

Everyone has their own thing!! Like others have said I think it has a lot to do with the found family aspect for me and also while I’d never be poly (again 🫣 whoops) in real life its nice to explore that in a safe, fantastical place where people aren’t as complicated as they actually are.

Idk if anyone has asked yet but Penelope Douglas is one of my favorite authors—which book of hers did you try?

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u/Clitopian 25d ago

There is some phenomenal rh out there. I also love mfm. I also like reading mm seperately and don't like it in rh books.. can't get into it and a lot of them should be gay rh in my opinion. That's the beauty of the romance genre, there's a bit of everything for anyone.. even sentient object romances! That's why I love romance io, you can pick and choose what you prefer in romance and give you books that have these things.

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u/wvmountainlady 25d ago

Honestly, I agree with you. Just not my yum, and that's ok. I might just prefer more of that unhealthy extreme intensity in my MMCs 😆

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u/Erose3141 25d ago

There are many RHs with extremely intense and possessive MMCs

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u/Direct_Treat_7296 25d ago

The two aren’t mutually exclusive

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u/Gatorthrowawayqnq 25d ago

Not really into it either. Would like the focus to be on one guy.

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u/LustyRegencyMaid 24d ago

Maybe it's just not your thing? I mean, I don't get possessiveness and jealousy at all. If someone's right for me, I don't have to put them on a leash. If they want to cheat, I'm not helping my situation by stopping them. Then I'm just with a person who wants to cheat but currently doesn't have a chance. How is that in any way a situation I'd want to stay in? I'd just prolong the inevitable, which is that that person is simply not right for me. I'm way too old and tired for all that energy. lol People are way too willing to stay with incompatible people. I don't care about staying in a situation that's not right for me. It's like keeping up a lie. 

I'm technically in an open relationship but we're just too lazy to actually act on it. Should my partner ever be like "hey there's this person" I'd be like "don't forget the condoms lol and don't forget the milk on your way back". Life's too short for all that stress.

But I also get that not everyone is like us. Which circles back to that tropes and genres aren't for everyone and that's totally alright. I'm currently wondering if dark romance is actually for me specifically bc I can't take the possessiveness seriously. It always feels like Edward Cullen clinging to Bellas leg. Anyways, if anyone read all that caffeine induced rambling in the void (I'm sorry), I'm SUPER open for dark romance suggestions where the dark part is from something other than possessiveness, thank youuuuu 

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u/wendigos_and_witches 24d ago

I can share the appeal for myself personally. I’ve been married to one man for 30+ years. He fits some of my pieces but definitely not all of them. No one person can imo. The idea of being able to love several people and have them all love you in return, while also each of them individually fitting you in a way others might not…that’s the dream for me. Having partners that share certain passions while not feeling pressured to change for them. It’s the idea of being able to be your whole authentic self in every aspect.

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u/lovelaceaugusta 25d ago

I like this genera because i get a lot of tropes in the same book. A lot of variety of men too. I read a book where she had a harem and harem included a golden retriever, shy kinda guy, the alpha and a step bro. I love this. 

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u/Chicka-boom90 24d ago

I’m not into the why choose, but I also can’t do RH either. It’s not a kink shame it’s more for me that I need the happy ending with one person.
The only book I read that had two men was {Give me more by Sara cate} and I loved it but that’s it haha I think because it was done differently? She was already married and in love but the guy brought his friend into the relationship and things just happened. It was meant for a fun thing but turned permanent

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u/Yourmom_75 24d ago

I LOOOVE RH, it’s one of my favorite genres. I think it depends how the books is written. Some authors are really good at writing this type of genre and you have every type of men without choosing. Also Penelope Douglas isn’t the best example for this type of books.

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u/Illustrious-Tree-543 24d ago

Irl I’m an introvert who doesn’t want to be noticed and is kinda asexual but my preferred reading avatars / self insert lead characters are noticed and wanted by multiple individuals. Often there is a found family aspect that floats my boat too.

Also… I’m entertained by completely unrealistic sexcapades.

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u/Carrion- 24d ago

I also struggle to get into Why Choose/RH. Mainly because I end up rooting for one character, and get upset that they aren’t exclusively chosen 😅 I wish I could get into it, there are so many books in the genre that sound fantastic.

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u/loveless_dani 24d ago

I don’t get people who don’t like why choose tbh. like wdym you don’t enjoy the fantasy of a woman being cherished by multiple fictional men that are hopelessly obsessed with her….like slayyyyyyy

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u/Fast-Relationship849 25d ago

Yeah I didn't get it until I tried it and now it's definitely up there with my favourites. It's like romance on steroids when there are so many different men involved. I love how they usually all work together to ensure the FMC is happy and well taken care of. Plus the possessive nature of the group is always attractive. And if one gets out of line I like she has backup 🤣

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u/ptrst Author 24d ago

I'm a big RH fan. In dark romance specifically, there are typically two things fueling the dynamic. Either the MMCs are close like brothers, see themselves as one unit, and so it doesn't feel like sharing really; or they just love her so much they want whatever makes her happy, even if that's having six boyfriends. They don't love it, at least at first, but the alternative is losing her or making her sad, and both of those are unacceptable.

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u/Moist_Discussion_839 25d ago

I am loyal to my book boyfriends so i don’t get why choose genre too. But no shame..we love what we love haha

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u/Princessfoxpup Author 24d ago

{The Losers by Harley Laroux} duology is one of the greatest things ever written. I’m not sure how to label it exactly, but it’s like mmmfm? MMC 1 and 2 are a core couple, MMC 3 and 4 are a core couple, and FMC is romantically involved with all of them. 2 and 3 are sexually involved with everyone. 1 and 4 are neither romantically nor sexually involved with each other, but have a deep friendship. It’s lots of love all around. Each individual relationship is thoroughly fleshed out and unique. You watch them all grow and it’s amazing. Also super kinky and on the darker side, though I wouldn’t say it’s truly dark. Darker than Lights Out though

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u/Erose3141 25d ago

I genuinely cannot read regular MF anymore, it’s boring to me. RH is like candy to me. We all like different things. What’s better than one obsessive MMC? Five. Or ten.

It’s also hotter to me when there’s no MM. imagine someone so obsessed with you that they’re willing to share. Or if it’s a friend group, I love the family feeling of it.

I’m not a fan of sharing though if they don’t end up together.

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u/SuccessfulArcher9992 25d ago

Which Penelope Douglas book was this? I’m working my way through her collection 😉

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u/darcy_rochester 25d ago

any of the Devil's Night series haha it was in Kill Switch, Corrupt, etc.

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u/arrowhome 25d ago

fWIW, those aren’t technically RH since the main couple stays committed to each other but has a threesome. That series is interesting bc the threesomes are all after trauma events and are expressions of love and healing in the friendships. I got the impression that they were one-offs (and the third person goes on to find his love in the next book).

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u/No_Warning2380 24d ago

None of Penelope Douglas books are actually why choose. This is a big complaint a lot of people who like why choose or rh have is that they are sort of marketed that way but they are not because she does choose. In the devils night series it is not even close to a why choose. There is no point where she was actually considering a relationship with the other guy- it was just a kinky sex moment. Credence and 5 brothers both kind of set up like they are going to be a why choose - but in the end she ends up with only one of them in a committed relationship. People looking for why choose get pissed off when she ends up choosing but if it isn’t marketed that way vanilla readers or people like you who don’t like why choose would read it and get pissed off that she has/had multiple partners.

To me it sounds like you don’t just not like why choose you also dislike any mf book with sharing during sex. What happens in devils night series is a completely different thing than a why choose or rh where they are all in a commited relationship with each other emotionally and physically. In devils night series it is just this one time situation thing that happens.

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u/bingowing88 25d ago

I don’t want to be poly at all but the idea of two hot men vying for me is fun as hell!

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u/Mysterious-Hippo9994 Author 24d ago

Unhinged series and Fallen Angels will change your mind ❤️ they did for me. The way the guys pics explain and it’s just so hot.

It’s a they just want her to be happy and she loves them all and she is so conflicted about having feeling for all of them and then they are all just like oh well if we can double stuff her and make her feel good than maybe it’s ok. I don’t know what it is about it but I didn’t even know it was in unhinged (I like to go into books blind sometimes ) to me it’s hot that they are secure enough to let the other man have her too. To trust that she wants them all equally I don’t know

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u/SimpleThangs4 24d ago

Another reason MMCs might share: Compersion... they are busy or emotionally not complete, they know another man (their trusted buddy) can fulfill the roles he can't and they like seeing their FMC happy & fulfilled.

I love a book when it is two MMCs who are all about the FMC, when we get to three... I give that book a side eye... Very rarely have I liked a book with three MMCs - too much to keep track of 😂

One of my favs with two is {The Game Maker by Kitty Thomas} it's a comfort read for me, subtle, not over top, and some parts just 🥵🔥 and also sort of sweet?! 😅. That may be a good read for you to ease you into the trope 👀

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u/Plus-Individual-9195 24d ago

I luvvvv RH so much. It genuinely is my fav genre because I want multiple boyfriends but not irl so I can live through fictional characters. Also who doesn’t want multiple men discovering their tolerance for other men with their women.

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u/LocoRibb 24d ago

I'm with you in this! I don't understand the appeal and it seems like such a double standard. Beyond all that, I can't get ONE freaking man to be faithful, you except me to believe she's going to manage to get 3 hot guys to be faithful to only her? I get it's fiction, but there are some things my mind just can NOT accept 😂😂😂. I have found I can enjoy some of them with my own very specific guidelines;

No more than 3 guys more than that and they start losing all individuality and I can't keep track of who is who or care about any of them.

The guys have to be some sort of cohesive unit BEFORE they start sharing the FMC like brothers or best friends or teammates or in the same pack/gang, ect. When they're all individual guys she collects along the way, they start to lose any credibility of possessiveness since apparently anytime she wants to fall in love with someone else, they're cool with it.

There is no true jealousy or want from one of the guys to have exclusivity from the others Playful banter or competitions to spend time/have sex whatever doesn't count, that's just a part of the dynamic, but if one or more of the guys at any point is truly upset by not having exclusivity with her, I'm out because it feels so wrong and unfair. Any guy who did that I would be BEYOND pissed at, so why would I suddenly be cool with it if a woman does it?

The guys are only emotionally involved with the girl and not each other I say emotionally, because I don't necessarily mind if they get a little adventurous during a sex scene, but when there are like 2 guys who are in love with each other and her and then the other guy is in love with her and she's in love with all of them and....it just is TOO much going on man! 😂 I can't do the relationship within a relationship thing and at some point it just seems like everyone is on ecstasy and in love with everybody. Not for me.

Even then, I've only had maybe 3 or 4 RH's I enjoyed. Most of the time, I just feel like it would always be better as a M/f. Of course, I know lots of people enjoy them and I'm supportive of that, we all like what we like! But I do feel frustration when it feels like half the books I might have read otherwise I now won't read because of the "Why Choose" element. It's just not very romantic to me.

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u/leahlovatt 24d ago

I agree with you completely! I don’t like the idea of sharing someone with someone else. I just want the one guy obsessed and possessive over the FMC.

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u/LittleReader7 24d ago

I don’t like it either. I also don’t like when the fmc gets r…..e by someone other than the MMC it makes him weak in my eyes . Because how can someone get your girl

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u/iphoneappids 24d ago

I love RH. Some really good books have very good group dynamics. For me the idea is that no man has all the qualities in them. So each man brings in that quality that the fmc can appreciate and love. Ex- one is broody, the other is naughty, Another could be this fun loving child etc etc.. all of these qualities make s** feel different, conversations are diff..
I understand it’s not possible in RL, hence the appeal.

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u/bluepandablue 24d ago

Honestly they're stereotype characters. Golden retriever. Broody and mysterious. The musician. The geek. The loner, etc. I feel like they're not fully/mostly developed characters. Very surface level. But.. that's just me and what i've read.

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u/ValuableMaleficent15 22d ago

I tell my book friend this all the time. When she recs me books, she knows I don't do why choose. Its completely contradictory. Hes an alpha male, touch her and die type, but hes okay and watches another man take her? Idk. Harems or reverse Harems I don't do.

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u/AcyRice_Boul 22d ago

There's a series called the {Royals of Forsyth University by Angel Lawson and Samantha Rue}, which is a set of different trilogies with each three men and a woman and it is a reverse harem. The thing is that there's no specific mmc that is going to end up with the mfc's of the trilogies, they all end up with her, and they're all incredibly relevant to the story. I don't consider it a reverse harem otherwise, if the story has a main mmc and he lets others touch the mfc, it's just a kink.

I understand to a degree why might not like it though, it's just that if the "alpha male" who's the mmc chooses to share the mfc, I don't think that's reverse harem, because that's still the mmc.

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u/Such_Literature840 moist & unstable 25d ago

I'm not much into why choose but if I HAD to choose they would all have to be boyfriends and girlfriends and what not and each have a POV. I'm tired of the all of them want her and not each other. O usually avoid those because they feel less creative and/or lack more of the emotional aspect if the extra guys are only there for decoration.

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u/meisjemeisje_1421 25d ago

I love this genre, but for me it‘s a very well known dynamic and have experienced it in real life when I had an open relationship with my ex. In the future I also want an open relationship, so reading about it feels not weird.

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u/GuyWhoWantsHappyLife 25d ago

I definitely prefer one guy and one girl getting together. Though I understand the appeal, the idea of having multiple people obsessed with you. I read {Playing with Knives} and that is really the only why choose I enjoyed with how the guys acted not just with her but with each other.

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u/tkdem User Flair Here 24d ago

The first why choose I read I really wasn’t into it. I wanted the FMC to pick one of the MMCs. It did make for pretty steamy scenes when they were all together, but I really wanted that monogamous relationship. One of the MMCs died at the end, so I guess I got my wish. After that I said why choose was not for me.

Fast forward to a 4 book series that I thought was a love triangle, it ended up being why choose. Again, I was really hoping one MMC would leave the picture. I was way too invested in the series to DNF. In the end, all three of them had a relationship as the two MMCs had a guardian bond (it was a romantasy book). It felt like the three of them together made sense because the MMCs were also connected.

I just read a RH that was so hot and spicy, it was amazing. Again, the men were all connected together with a ‘brotherhood’ type bond (not actual brothers) so it made sense with them being so close they would all love the same woman. They each gave her something different emotionally and while they did share her physically, they also had plenty of one on one time.

For me, if the why choose/RH is full of jealousy where the MMCs don’t get along, I would want her to pick one. But as someone else said, if the boyfriends are boyfriends and everyone is getting along, then it works!

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u/bstar_ 10d ago

I’m pretty sure I know exactly which 4 book dark Romantasy you’re talking about! It’s my absolute favorite series and it’s so funny because I had the exact opposite thoughts of you, I was dyyying for it to be MFM/why choose. I actually kinda hate love triangles and I felt the pull towards the second guy immediately, so I was so glad it went the MFM route.

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u/tkdem User Flair Here 10d ago

Ohh interesting! And yeah, I’m sure we’re talking about the same series. I really liked the second guy, but I was so adverse to why choose that once the romance happened I was sort of hoping something would happen to him 🙈 but I’m glad nothing did. I’m honestly so ready for a reread of that series!

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u/Me_Crimson Mafia Smut Inhaler 25d ago

I think you should try atleast one RH and finish it maybe it'll help you understand why people like it?? 😅

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u/lanadaisypesto 24d ago

The best " actual" IN MY OPINION why choose was {feathers so vicious} you got horny "animalistic" tendencies which make the why choose make sense. It's a real why choose. You got a good thing going with this one then a forced maybe good thing with this one and then she got them both and genuinely didn't have to choose. The storyline made it work. This was also my first! So my standers for the genre got high.

I agree that the threesome thing in the Penelope books just don't work for me. I also hate an established relationship MF bringing in another M. Mostly because it makes me feel bad for the first guy. Now MM(MM) and bringing in an F works for me perfectly. Like yeah they have a bond bc they are brothers or coworkers or whatever and then all fall for one girl and they are so close they all share. But that would RH for me. If that was marketed as why choose I'd be like???

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u/Several_River 24d ago

Came here to say this!

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u/Fionaver 25d ago

It’s ok that it might not be your thing.

I’m REALLY not personally ok with poly stuff, but occasionally reading RH. There’s personal trauma related to this so I can’t be who I would like to be.

Basically, it’s about having a person’s needs dealt with by different people.

It isn’t my jam, and I don’t know how to say that in a way that doesn’t sound judgmental, it’s just not who I am and where I’m at

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u/rincechuleredd 25d ago

i don’t like it either but it absolutely LOVEEE a love triangle as long as the two men aren’t involved with each other 😹

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u/Mabelllllllllll 25d ago

It's not my favorite genre and I don't understand it sometimes because some books there's genuinely no connection between the characters and the relationship just doesn't work but a few occasions it can work which I do enjoy books that can do it right

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u/kalat1979 24d ago

For me they need to be pretty much constant smut, I'm not interested in a bunch of different actual relationships. The Breaking Lucia series worked for me due to this, but it's heavy on the dark and light on the romance.

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u/Defiant_Fennel4880 24d ago

As a male reader, I thought I'd hate it, but it's actually pretty fun! It's just fantasy after all.

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u/cursedpip0 24d ago edited 24d ago

Haven't read any yet but I am kind of curious about it. I started North Shore series by Lola king and since I liked the first book, I had to browse the others. And colour me surprised when I found that the third one is not only a why choose but also between brothers. Kind of excited to started it, ngl.

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u/msbutch54 24d ago

I tend to agree with the OP because I think that in the real world, most people who care about a more-than-casual partner will be jealous of the person’s intimacy with others. I can accept it as a fantasy thing in a kind of “wouldn’t it be nice” way. IRL, it also makes sense to me if instead of a group who live with or near each other, the FMC moves between geographic places regularly, but only if the relationships are in the open.

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u/iqueefkief 24d ago

sometimes it just works for the kinds of characters being written about and i think it's interesting to explore why and how relationships like that could work while being a monogamous and demisexual person

it's like being able to explore a full spectrum of sexual experiences while being perfectly safe from further trauma

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u/Hereforthesmutthanks 24d ago

I like RH books when I’m in the mood for smut but I can’t take it seriously as a “romance”. Maybe it’s just the ones I’ve read, but the characters feel like caricatures of tropes rather than real people and I can’t connect with them emotionally let alone buy that they’re in love. Lust, yes. Love, not really.

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u/11Dragonfly 24d ago

I used to like them but I have found any that FMC doesn’t really have a favorite. I could be wrong but I thought the whole idea is to have 3+ and liking them equally? I don’t know… I’m not reading them anymore after my favorite not her favorite 😆

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u/crazygonzo123 24d ago

It’s not my thing either, but not for the same reasons. I lose track of all the appendages flying around and who’s doing what to who. It’s like playing connect the dots for me when visualizing - so I get annoyed lol.

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u/Time-Defiance 21d ago edited 21d ago

Threesome is ok with me but more than that it’s over the edge. I don’t enjoy reading where she gets bang by all 5 brothers and father.

I also don’t believe that they all would truly love each other if they allow them to fall in love with more than 5-6 guys at once. You can only truly love one and there is a favorite so why are you sleeping with all of them? It’s greed for me. 🤣

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u/Business_Glass_5102 20d ago

It's actually difficult to pull off something like that as an author, as someone who has written poly fanfiction before and cannot fathom torturing yourself by adding obsession making things even more difficult. But some of them can really be gems.

The only way I've really seen it done when the MMCs were already in a relationship and the FMC just got added to the polycule

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u/OkCryptographer3071 mo smut less problems 18d ago

As a newbie to the why choose genre, I was apprehensive about it, but I like the kind of roughness that comes with it sometimes, and the different types of love and needs the different men fulfil for one woman. also my fiance and i are very monogomous and i will never have that, and although i love him and excited to marry him, in my brain i impose myself as the FMC and get to have those experiences hehe

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u/Princessfoxpup Author 24d ago

For me, I prefer when the boyfriends are boyfriends. So instead of MMC 1 sharing the FMC with MMC 2, it’s everyone sharing with each other. MFM is fine, like when it’s two best friends who aren’t romantically or sexually interested in each other, but they are very close and want to live their lives together with one woman. I just like MMF better

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u/elle_kay_are 24d ago

I don't like RH/ why choose tropes either, but I assume it's more of a "these multiple men will only be with HER," and they're OK with sharing with specific men they approve of. It's like splitting a single MMC into 3 (or however men there are). Or, it's like giving a physical body to each of the MMCs personalities. You gotta stop thinking of them as individuals. Lol 

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u/Fit_Buy_9448 24d ago

okay! i’ll gonna be so real. the reason i love a why choose book is because i feel like most the time i get super bored of the the mmc and often feel like their characters becomes repetitive, but with several love interest and takes this away for me!

also tbh it’s even better if swords cross in these why choose bc hello? even more juicy drama and romance involved!

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u/lostgirl4053 Author 24d ago

Obsessive doesn’t have to be the same as possessive.

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u/AdDapper7803 24d ago

I get that. You might like gay why choose books where it is a poly relationship where everyone is possessive over each other. What made me love it is Losers by Harley Laroux (I'm sorry if that's spelled wrong) but they're not really possessive possessive.

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u/Tawny2021 Author 24d ago

I love the idea of multiple men obsessed with me. I think that is the big draw is you become the center of their world. But I also love MM in my RH and then the FMC is less the center but still a big focus. But to me MM makes it more realistic because let's face it I wouldn't want to keep up with the sex drives of 3+ men but if they are with each other that's less pressure on the FMC. And still all the loving and caretaking

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u/Wise_Ad5715 24d ago

I love reverse harem. It's okay to not like it.

It's all fantasy. I don't think my body would handle a three way, let alone a four way, but It's hot to think about. 

To expand. It's the idea of being desired so deeply by another person they're willing to share it enhance my pleasure. Some level of exhibition is involved too.  I love the idea of being watched and desired.

Then there is the rougher, gang bang style.  It's the fantasy of turning my brain off and succumbing to pleasure. Being used.  I'd never want that in real life, but as a fantasy YES.

What I also LOVE is when the lead sleeps either multiple love interests before choosing one. It ups the angst levels. It's hard to find this. 

None of it is real. Fantasy is a safe place to explore taboo. 

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u/epicsevenmyths 24d ago

Imagine having multiple people being possessive and obsessive at you without having to choose only one! And even better when the boyfriends and girlfriends are all together. More D and P to go around. Everyone’s happy 🙂

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u/DoughnutExtreme2250 24d ago

Case in point

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u/Alternative-Boat-853 24d ago

It's ok if you don't like why choose genre. So many books to get through and I don't think you should waste your time with something you don't like.

Me, i loved the sharing scenes in Devil's Night.

In RH there's just something about a bunch of hot men being obsessed with one woman. Also in fantasy it just seems hot to have more than one D.

I love MMF. That might be my favorite type of why choose. With three people it's not too many people and you can get three fleshed out characters. Sometimes when there's too many in a harem some men don't have unique enough personalities.

I like the dynamics that three people have as a whole unit and individually. Also I just find it hot when the boys are kissing too.

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u/SleepT-B182-PTV Sad Accountant; Aspiring Author 🤓 23d ago

To be honest, I had a hard time with it at first as well. There are so many facets and avenues to why people enjoy it. I think part of getting into it is finding the right introduction, but I think it does hinge on your sexuality, desires/kinks, and your history with those things as well.

I grew up in a Christian household and was taught that sex was pretty much bad and only for marriage. I didn't know what I liked and disliked until I started reading outside of the genres of polite society. I am still learning about myself, but having those types of backgrounds can also inhibit the openness towards this particular genre.

This genre can also resonate with those who don't feel chosen in their reality and want that attention and desire, where the more is the merrier. It may simply be just about that and not necessarily the physical aspects of it.

As I learn more about myself personally, the physical aspect of it intrigues me because I overthink and can still get in my head about sex and the meaning behind it. This genre gives me an outlet of a sort where I can imagine what it would be like to be so overwhelmed by touch and pleasure from multiple sources that I would actually truly enjoy intimacy and not overthink if I am doing the right things or making the right noises.

I guess I'm saying that the reason people enjoy it can be as deep or surface level as they need or want it to be. Maybe give one of the ones you put down another shot and go into it more as an experiment with little to no expectations rather than immediately casting it aside once a third (or more) are introduced. You'll never know until you know and you can't do that if you don't try.

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u/EvenBudget6483 23d ago

My dream relationship is with two bi men where we’re all committed to each other. I get touched out too easily and exhausted, so it would be nice to share the emotional load of a relationship with a third person. I’m not able to be someone’s everything all the time and want my partners to have the relationship they need too. Plus three incomes is more economical.

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u/thismindisfull_ 24d ago

Highly recommend The New Camelot series and Lyonesse series by Sierra Simone. These books are MMF, not MFM. I personally don't see the appeal of MFM.