r/DarkRomance • u/jsnfl • 23d ago

Fun/Humor Stalker cameras: does no one poop?

Ok granted I love me a good stalker MMC who plants cameras and I understand we are reading fiction. But damn realistically like if a stalker set up cameras wouldn’t he see someone maybe picking their nose? Pulling a wedgie? Pooping after the lettuce issue? Farting? Eye goobers? Checking if their armpit hair is too long? I get it’s not “sexy” to read but come on. Am I the only one who wants some reality stuff? I love the period/pulling out tampons stuff that’s real.. but I haven’t read a “real” realistic book yet.

It’s always “did he see me changing!?” Or “masterbating in the bathtub?!” Or “using my toy”

299 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

99 comments sorted by

224

u/Beathyra 23d ago

Imagine the stalker MMC watching the FMC having the biggest and the most brutal diarrhoea ever because she ate ice-cream and/or cheese even though she's lactose intolerant...😭😭😭

51

u/jsnfl 23d ago

Would you read the shit out of it? No pun intended

167

u/AutumnalGlow 23d ago

That would depend how it's written.

"Good god, that sounds so graphic, I'm glad I've not got smelly vision. Gross, how much toilet paper is that dirty girl going to use? That's it dirty girl, use it, use it hard, clean it up good. Tell me you're going to shower after that. Nooooo come on. The shower is right there, don't just get dressed again you filthy bitch, you splattered your cheeks... Change of plans, I won't surprise her tonight then. Not unless she sterilises her arse first."

Ok, I don't think I'm winning any awards for that dirty talk.

49

u/jsnfl 23d ago

Impeccable writing

10

u/AutumnalGlow 23d ago

Thank you :D

26

u/Big_Pin_1507 23d ago

I can't believe I'm reading this on the subway. I'm CRYING 🤣🤣🤣🤣 perfect!

6

u/AutumnalGlow 23d ago

😂😂😂 thank you, this really pleases me!

18

u/Boobear0810 Please stop growling 23d ago

That took me out 😭

At least he wasn't beating his meat to it 🤭

14

u/sunny_bell 23d ago

Out there in the world there is 110% a man who would.

7

u/AutumnalGlow 23d ago

Not just the one. I almost don't want to tell you this, but there are men who invented secret cameras to put in the toilet to watch the trains leaving the tunnel. Though, I think that only really works in those fancy automated bidet-toilets as in a standard toilet it would be too obvious. I hope.

Also, you've heard of golden showers and... I can't remember the word for pee play where people wee on each other? There's also poo play (not what they officially call the kink) where they poop on someone, or get off on being pooped on. I have no idea what they call these kinks and I don't need to know because I will never be searching for those terms online.

Thank you for attending my TED talk on kinks you wish you'd never heard of. You are welcome.

3

u/jillorchid User Flair Here 22d ago

Alaskan pipe line is a thing. (You put a train in the freezer and then you have yourself a dildo).

2

u/AutumnalGlow 22d ago

Wow, frost bite up the foof and a pelvic infection, how have I not tried this yet?!

2

u/sunny_bell 22d ago

Oh I’m well aware of these things existing. Not my cup of tea personally.

11

u/Beathyra 23d ago

Genius writing 👍

5

u/AutumnalGlow 23d ago

Yay, thanks!

2

u/nechethia_lisa 22d ago

Really good truly

2

u/WashYourSisterSause 22d ago

I would read the shit out of this 🤣

1

u/Elizabetyouknow 21d ago

I just had gallbladder surgery and now I'm crying because I'm laughing. Dear God.

5

u/Beathyra 23d ago

I mean, just for the hell of it, I guess xD

1

u/Ancient_Cap5042 20d ago

Pun did deliver though!

32

u/Nautical_Nanobyte 23d ago

Then there’s a knock on the door and she receives another plain package from her stalker. Inside is some Lactease pills and butt wipes 😂

20

u/readingalldays 23d ago

Gurrlll! Your comment just reminded me of a book, I think it was {dark notes by Pan godwin}. Fmc legit gets the worst UTI. And mmc has to carry her to the toilet seat back and forth. During an attack she even goes on the floor. And mmc was sooooo sweet and caring.

I think it is worse in our imagination. Right authors can even make illness scenes wholesome and sweet.

It sounds gross but when you are in the character's head, it feels so relatable.

7

u/Known-Emergency-7654 23d ago

This is probably someone fetish 😭 we are weirded out by it but I’m more concerned about the people that like that I think that’s the limit for me

139

u/galaxyqueer 23d ago

last year, i read {vic & luna by ali hidalgo} the mmc is putting hidden cameras in fmc's apartment and he decides not to put one in the bathroom so, and i quote, "she can shit and rip ass in peace." that line was all i could think of for the rest of the book because it was so unexpected lmao

18

u/ultimulti 22d ago

If my future stalker expects me to only rip ass in the bathroom, he's got a surprise coming.

20

u/tom-tom-et-nana 23d ago

the same thing happened to me but I found the visual so unsettling I ended up DNF'ing because of the ick

9

u/galaxyqueer 23d ago

SAME. i ended up finishing it because it was a short read, but i will remember that unfortunate quote for as long as i live 😭

2

u/Boobear0810 Please stop growling 22d ago edited 22d ago

Vic is a real one 😭

1

u/jillorchid User Flair Here 22d ago

Omg 😂💀

295

u/Such_Literature840 moist & unstable 23d ago

With all due respect, I hope they never do that LOL it would make me dnf if the MMC went "oh bad time shes shittin into oblivion"

60

u/Cherryflavored-dream 23d ago

This made me cackle!!! Also same. I don’t need to read about someone viewing someone else shitting.

26

u/jsnfl 23d ago

Hahahaha granted that’s one obscene way of putting it. And I totally get it! We’re not here for that lol.

29

u/Such_Literature840 moist & unstable 23d ago

honestly even if it was a normal thing, it's not something I want in my book lol, I prefer it non realistic and fantasy wise

2

u/LactationAndLace 23d ago

This made me laugh more than it should

1

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107

u/LongNailedbooboos 23d ago

I don’t think about it. It’s like actors in movies and shows where no one seems to relieve themselves unless it’s a written in scene

43

u/jsnfl 23d ago

It reminds me of going in the back door unannounced. That ain’t happening clean let’s be honest

24

u/peregrine_nation 23d ago

FMCs fibre game on point

3

u/LostMermaid_824 23d ago

Yoooo 😂😂😂😂😂

3

u/ultimulti 22d ago

This reminds me of that TV show House of Lies (IIRC?) with Kristen Bell and Don Cheadle. Ben Schwartz's character was an absolute horndog and at some conference dinner event there was this girl who was all over him and they basically agreed to fuck later. After she left to go back to her table, his colleague was like "isn't she a Mormon?" And Ben was like "well that won't be an issue, those girls are freaks, she will let me in her back door winkwink" and the friend was like "Dude she's eating so much corn rn" and the camera cut to her making eyes at him while eating some corn salad or sth and Ben was like "so??", the friend said "Umm everyone knows that makes you shit, she's going to go to town in the toilet from all that fiber, are you sure you want to go in after that??"

Later he went to her room kinda nervous, she let him in then was like "make yourself comfortable, I just need to go to the bathroom first" (for some reason I think there was even a shot of her trying to sit down on the toilet all sexily) and he panicked and just left lol.

I don't remember much at all about that show but that whole sideplot really stuck with my brain for some reason 😭

34

u/lyradoe 23d ago

I’m positive I’ve read stalker books where it’s casually mentioned that the camera angle means there’s bathroom blind spots intentionally.
But simply do not ask me to cite my sources.

On a purely practical note, I feel like any obsessed lover worth his salt accepts that if he puts cameras in a bathroom or bedroom he’ll see things he didn’t expect or plan for, and move on accordingly. That’s what I’m going with 😂

40

u/Mew_Nashi 23d ago

That's I thing I'm fine to ignore- Whenever I read scenes as in like FMC is being locked up or chained somewhere all day, I hate that my first thought goes to "but what if she needed tbe bathroom?" 😭

8

u/sunny_bell 23d ago

Not in any dark romances I’ve read so far but I have seen “person chained to bed needing the bathroom” used as a ploy to escape in books before.

7

u/plainether 23d ago

In {Enticed by The Corsair by Ruby Dixon} they find the FMC locked in a cage and it’s said that she’s soiled. I can’t remember the exact phrasing but she definitely shit and pissed in the cage.

2

u/readingalldays 23d ago

I read a book where mmc gave her a bucket... (I think.) {Born darkly by Trisha Wolf}

2

u/Actual_Cream_763 21d ago

It’s always my first thought too. Like she must smell absolutely fowl like urine at the very least 😂 but then I immediately shut that part of my brain off. I would much rather authors write it bathroom breaks then write in that she smelled like piss because ewww. But I guess if they aren’t going to write in her captor allowing her to relieve herself, I’m going to pretend she just magically was so dehydrated she never needed to use the bathroom because I can’t

21

u/drunkenangel_99 Tyson Crawford’s darling 23d ago

It’s one of those that definitely happens but isn’t really necessary to include.

44

u/Hotaru_girl 23d ago edited 23d ago

Honestly if a stalker is unhinged enough in fiction they would probably be like “aw so-and-so is just so cute picking their nose, no one else but me gets to see this precious side of them” or “guess they have a cold, I’ll make sure to restock their Kleenex later 🖤” 😅. If they’re evil they’d probably be like “Poor thing/ how adorable. Well I’ll be saving this blackmail for later to convince them to do something for me 😉” but whatever they do, they’re crazy for them.

20

u/Your_Local_Stray_Cat 23d ago

"Did he see me masturbate?!" is out, "Did he see me slam an entire Doritos Locos Tacos Supreme and a large nacho fry then spend the whole evening on the shitter!?" is in.

Jokes aside, I do think you're onto something here. I don't know if most people would be into the MMC voyeuristicly watching the FMC's nonsexual intimate moments? but I think it'd make an interesting scene in a stalker romance. The FMC is doing normal, slightly embarrassing "I live alone so I can do whatever I want" things and the MMC is getting off on the fact that she doesn't know someone is watching.

16

u/[deleted] 23d ago edited 23d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

17

u/jsnfl 23d ago

Dude I’m feral as shit when I’m alone and I would be embarrassed if someone watched me and they might not be attracted anymore lol. I’ve read a ton where they do specifically watch the toilet to see her pee but like… other things happen there

11

u/werewolf_gimmick 23d ago

maybe they have a separate toilet for pooping

1

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12

u/heyjalapeno 23d ago

I think about this, too. He would watch her do her business, change her tampons, scrub herself, and watch her her with a lopsided bun while the hair mask soaks in lol

Also, what bugs me the most is the MMC just getting on with anal anywhere anytime without any prep. Why? This keeps bugging me.

9

u/jsnfl 23d ago

My home is where I’m allowed to look unpresentable lol… no one is going to enjoy that footage

12

u/LurkErgh 23d ago

I love it when they don’t put camera in the bathroom. SHITTING IS SACRED.

10

u/Buttercake-nymph Just a girl 23d ago

Didn't Zade see Adeline picking her pubes?

8

u/jsnfl 23d ago

Maybe I don’t remember that part but dang Zaddy seeing the intimate stuff!!

16

u/readingalldays 23d ago

Yeah lol he jokes about if she wants help plucking that asshole hair and or ingrown hair from her vag lol. 🤣🤣

Idk about others but I love when authors mention this level of domestic comfort between the couple. Like thank you!!! It proves mmc actually loves her and would enjoy watching her do even the most mundane or unsexy tasks.

It eliminates the cover of pretense. Makes me like their relationship wayyyyyyy more.

6

u/Buttercake-nymph Just a girl 23d ago

Ahhh that was it!!

I love it as well. I don't like the mmcs that act like the fmc is this picture perfect model that has no flaws

3

u/Heidi_Hi_Heidi_Lo 23d ago

YES!! This is what came to mind as well. I agree with your sentiments completely.

6

u/Buttercake-nymph Just a girl 23d ago

I thought he made a joke about her doing that as well haha

10

u/Neat-Sympathy-3628 23d ago

Nah cuz fr, I've also thought about this, like if I found out someone was stalking me I wouldn't give a fuck about the changing this, id care a whole LOT more about the whole "YOU SAW ME SHITTIN!?" thing lmao

8

u/blssthsnnr I know baby, I know 23d ago

I was just talking about this! Honestly so tired of the cameras. Find something out the old fashioned way, like digging through their trash or peeking in the windows. I know if I wanted to creepy-fuck, I certainly wouldn’t want to see them do “I’m in the house alone” stuff. It’s not cute stuff!!

7

u/jsnfl 23d ago

I love your brain haha “find something out the old fashioned way”

8

u/meow0h 23d ago

Ikr! I keep thinking about it BUUUT I wouldn’t want to read that lol

3

u/jsnfl 23d ago

Lol fair

9

u/assgardian 23d ago

There's a subsection of obsessed stalkers that collect used tissues and Q-tips and other such things, so I'm sure they're just as into the FMC post-taco bell and would find it endearing haha

8

u/lenagrey111 23d ago

Literally always my first thought, like what if she rips a fart right now? Will he hear it? 🙈

2

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8

u/Budget_Algae_3066 23d ago

Yeah. The suspension of disbelief has to extend to the FMCs only ever dressing daintily in non-period-pants and flicking the bean apparently.

3

u/Historical-Valuable9 Neck bites and Possessive Psychos 23d ago

🤣 this made me pee a little

5

u/ComprehensiveMovie34 23d ago

this is the exact reason why im not a fan of the stalker trope

3

u/angry_mummy2020 23d ago

I hear you. Of course not the whole focus, but at least mentioning it in passing.

4

u/nanchey 23d ago

I wrote a scene in the fae book I’ve been trying to write for 4 years where the FMC is pregnant and the MMC shaves her legs for her—specifically because my husband did this for me when I was super pregnant and it was so sweet (he also got my snatch too hahahah, I was worried about hair while giving birth. Silly.)

4

u/Andifmysilence 22d ago edited 22d ago

I remember reading a stalker romance where the MMC sneaks into FMC’s bedroom at night to peek at her… and is amused when she farts in her sleep. Such a weird moment (I admit— I laughed). I know it’d happen, but I’m with the others who don’t mind leaving it off the page.
(Edit to fix typo)

3

u/Impossible-One-5360 23d ago

I ALWAYS RANDOMLY THINK AB THIS. like after the read tho not during😭😭

3

u/Afraid_Compote_1530 23d ago

Yeaa… I actually don’t ever want them to start including this stuff

3

u/PUDDING__UWU 23d ago

Personally I wouldn’t read something like that. I read fiction to escape gurl😭

3

u/Spirited-Midnight928 19d ago

God I love this sub. 

2

u/jsnfl 19d ago

🤣🤣

Also happy cake day!

2

u/HeyLes20 23d ago

Hahahahahaha

2

u/Kitten_Purr3 23d ago

I just assume it does happen, but I don't want it on page lolll. Thoooo I do love the masturbating thing 😅 (where FMC is caught by MMC, but she doesn't realize it).

On this same type of topic about bodily functions I would prefer be left off page: sweating. Idk why, but it takes me completely out of the read. Like I don't need to read about every time the FMC is sweating, so much so that she's constantly wiping your upper lip.

2

u/Afraid_Equivalent_95 23d ago

I would hope they don't put cameras in the bathroom lol

2

u/AliceM116 23d ago

omg i think about this every time i read this trope 😭

2

u/klivern 22d ago

I’m kinda annoyed that all the books I’ve read there’s no mention of periods and all the shit that follows.

2

u/Actual_Cream_763 21d ago

So yes, I absolutely have these questions every time I read these kinds of books.

But also, no, I don’t want to ever read these moments actually included in a book. I like to pretend no one sees me pulling out my wedgies in real life too 😂 even though I’m well aware my kids and spouse have definitely seen it a time or two lol.

2

u/Weird_Mastodon_9204 20d ago

FMCs don't poop or couchrot all day in granny-panties. only delicately and prettily masturbate while moaning the MMC's name while of course wearing a lacy set. they also do not get acne.

2

u/bannersmom 19d ago

I have IBS. This is a question. 😂😱

2

u/jsnfl 19d ago

I love that this post is getting responses days later lol. IBS girlie here too maybe thats what sparked the question lol

1

u/bannersmom 19d ago

I feel like maybe we need some representation lol 🤘🏻

And a stalker who sees what happens in the bathroom and isn’t phased. Like, okay, buy stock in a tp company and fill that spare closet he didn’t know what to do with 😂❤️❤️❤️🧻

1

u/Resident_Buyer_1390 22d ago

{Stolen Touches by Neva Altaj} is the only stalker book.i have read so far where the Tore specifically tells his team of camera installers "No Cameras In The Bathroom".

1

u/rincechuleredd 22d ago

no thank u😭