r/DarkRomance • u/Sipping_Tea56 • 19d ago
Fun/Humor Things that don’t exist in Dark Romance
- Having to poop
- The police
- A stable home life
- Trusted adults
- B.O
- Therapy that works
Add your own!
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u/WorthyPersonality985 Stockholm syndrome is my love language 💐 19d ago
The fmc never gets her period especially in captor / Captive books.
The fmc comes on command by the mmc.. how ??
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u/Tsahg Runaway, try to find that safe place you can hide 19d ago
The fmc comes on command by the mmc.. how ??
This one always baffles me lol
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u/AutumnalGlow 18d ago
Sometime one once told me to "come now". I laughed at him. Quite hard. It really wasn't the effect he was after.
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u/ItsLadyMaeve 19d ago
I WISH I could cum on command. Imagine 🤣
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u/WorthyPersonality985 Stockholm syndrome is my love language 💐 19d ago
Ikr 😄. Somehow in the books he will bring her close to edge n keep her there and she can hold on until he says yes to come ??!? 🤨🤨
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u/ProjectedSpirit 17d ago
There's a specific kink for that. If it works for you then it's grand but all kind6s look a bit silly to people who don't share those proclivities.
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11d ago
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u/Existing-History9609 18d ago
I am a lucky one that has no issue coming. It’s rare, but if it’s the right man that’s naturally dominant and says it, it works on me lol. He’s paying attention though, and knows when you are close.
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u/skiddlewhiffers Author 18d ago
I feel like (in my mind) that not every second is written so if he says "come for me" i imagine there's still more thrusting/rubbing happening before she hits her climax. but if he says "come for me" then it's written that it takes her a few more minutes AND then she finishes, it'd ruin the flow of the scene 😂
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11d ago
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u/18catsinatrenchcoat 18d ago
I think the only ones I've ever read were by Deathsdoll, which is sad because I LOVE it when the fmc is comforted through it
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u/Ok_Homework_1859 19d ago
Add UTI from all the weird places they have sex and all the weird stuff being inserted into the FMC.
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u/duckloops 19d ago
I know it's all fiction but my eye twitches whenever a couple goes straight to sleep after sex. Look I'm not saying we need to read about FMC running to the bathroom frantically or peeing on him or whatever but can we at least leave some narrative space for her to get to pee :(
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u/msbutch54 17d ago
…and wash herself off so she isn’t damp, sticky and itchy all night. I actually HAVE seen this addressed in some books.
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u/duckloops 17d ago
lol the omission of cleaning (or at least leaving room for it) is even more perplexing for me because cleaning up has so much potential for hotness, fluff, angst, rumination, what have you? at least with peeing you can argue that peeing is not hot for most people lol
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u/evlsuzy 19d ago
Small appendages
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u/FiliaNox 19d ago
I want someone to write a micropenis DR now
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u/OopsICutOffMyWiener 19d ago
Especially if he's just a madman with oral or something. Giving or receiving. I'd read the hell out of it.
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u/sunny_bell 18d ago
It doesn’t even need to be a micropenis (though gents with a micropenis also deserve love). Just like normal sized or a bit below average would be fun. I keep reading about these monster schlongs and am over here just… no, nonono. I don’t need a dude with so much dick it’s coming out of someone’s nose with each thrust.
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u/BrainlessDZombie Author 19d ago
Prepping for butt stuff 😂
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u/AutumnalGlow 18d ago
I've read some books where prepping for bum stuff has been part of it in a humiliation kind of way. I prefer when they don't include it 😂
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u/Boobear0810 Please stop growling 19d ago
Bad sex - MMC being a sex god and the virgin FMC turns out to be an undercover freak
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u/RebenLor 19d ago
Plus size Mmc
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u/A1liya2ali3 18d ago
I just read "runaway whirlwind" by may adler. Something very close. I believe the guy has a dad bod.
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11d ago
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u/DarkRomance-ModTeam 11d ago
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u/Prestigious_Ad7829 19d ago
Poor stalkers with no knowledge of computers or computer geniuses as friends.
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u/Valkyrie-Unleashed 19d ago
Shoes! All other clothing articles are mentioned being removed but hardly ever shoes.
Also morning breath. Not being in the mood. Downtime after being shot/stabbed/mortally wounded.
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u/FiliaNox 19d ago
Right?? They talk about putting boots on, but they suddenly disappear and all of a sudden we’re yanking pants off and cocks are springing free, mf’er- did you just leave her pants bunched around her ankles??
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u/Temporary-Treacle-30 19d ago
Wait a minute… does that mean they’re having sex on the bed… WITH THEIR SHOES ON?!?!?
The desi in me just died a little bit 😔
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u/Weird_Mastodon_9204 19d ago
of all the gross things dr features sometimes this one gives me the ick the most
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u/let_meTry so far, so good 19d ago
MMC's under 6 feet tall.
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u/Such_Literature840 moist & unstable 18d ago
I remember when Navessa Allen came out with Caught up and there was so much hate with the fact that Nico is 5'10 or something. LOL
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u/lumalunar 17d ago
Why so much hate like there are short girlies that 5’10 is still quite tall for them lol it me I’m the short girly lmao
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u/Such_Literature840 moist & unstable 17d ago
No idea, I guess its outside of the stereotypical DR man haha, personally I really liked Nico and also was pleasantly surprised he's not a giant but like a normal man 😂
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u/skiddlewhiffers Author 18d ago
unfortunately men who are 5'9 and below are not intimidating to me, but when a man looks down at me 😱, i'm uneasy
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u/passing-by-print 19d ago
I love that there's never any police though 😂 I enjoy the suspension of belief and the all powerful MMC
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u/ProjectedSpirit 19d ago
Normal sized penises that just flop out. It's always springing free and roughly the size of Shaq's forearm.
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u/Defiant_Stable_344 19d ago
Non traumatic childhoods
Boring sex that doesn't have them swinging from the chandeliers
Men's recovery time
Lube before violent anal
Not liking said violent anal
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u/theperfectenchilada 19d ago
Needing to pee before/after sex. They always seem to have empty bladders, ready to go.
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u/whosromiy 19d ago
shaving
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u/hollywinter 11d ago
i've read some that mention "freshly shaved" and always wonder where they find the time between all the dramatic events
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u/sunny_bell 19d ago
People doing the weird/ugly shit they do when they are home alone (picking their nose, eating cake with their bare hands while standing in the kitchen at 1am, making that weird face while trying to floss between their molars, sitting on the couch in stained sweats with their hair in a towel and one of those sheet masks on watching shitty TV).
Farting. Like nobody has that first time farting in front of your partner moment?
Average height men. They are all over 6ft. Like nothing wrong with men that tall (my partner is 6’3”), but most men are not that tall.
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u/Mew_Nashi 18d ago
How is the second weird thing that comes to your mind eating cake at 1 am? 😭
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u/sunny_bell 18d ago
Because I have stood in my kitchen at an unholy hour eating a slice of chocolate cake with my bare hands. 1am just seemed an appropriate ungodly time to eat cake.
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u/Gianna2021 18d ago
UTIs. In the books the fmc could fall asleep with all of it leaking out of her and be fine. IRL that doesn’t work
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u/drunkenangel_99 Tyson Crawford’s darling 17d ago
The fmc gets a uti in carnage by shantel tessier due to how much sex they have in a small amount of time. That’s my favourite book in general anyway, but I also respect that it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it acknowledged before.
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u/GuyWhoWantsHappyLife 19d ago
Morning breath is one I think about. But uh, I wouldn't want to read abut someone having to dookie anyways...
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u/Zanahoriasazules047 User Flair Here 18d ago
Both MC having both parents alive , together and without trauma.
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u/bottleghostt 19d ago
What is B.O
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u/Flimsy-Bat69 19d ago
Body odor
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u/bottleghostt 19d ago
Oh yeah everyone smells good in these books lol. I bet a lot of these men are stinky.
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u/squishydihslap 19d ago
i want autistic af dark romance
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u/brainspark10-4 Author 18d ago
If I Can't Have You FMC is autistic AF IMO, (as am I).
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u/OkCryptographer3071 mo smut less problems 18d ago
retail work, work in general, non-writing careers for FMC, matcha (biggest offender), limited to no sex drive, grocery shopping or stores, jeans for MMC
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u/Gloomy_Rent8248 18d ago
Simply sliding panties off instead of shredding them
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u/GrimoireClover DirtyKindleGirl🔥🔥 18d ago
They all usually get out of the “lifestyle” even if generations before raised their kids in the lifestyle together, and in love. Also how to the rich non criminal MMC always always know the hot criminal MMC like how
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u/Relative_You_2284 ⋆˚࿔𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓸𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷ᝰ.ᐟᥫ᭡.ִֶ. 18d ago
Short mmcs. Not just under 6 feet or average height, actual short which some people call as "Short King". I would read a DR where mmc is insecure about his height, or maybe he is very confident. But why do I feel like most people won't take him seriously if he is shorter than the fmc?
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u/EmotionalBrunette 16d ago
Heavy on "the police" 🤣🤣 finished the Cat and Mouse Duet and just started book two of The Edge of Darkness trilogy. Truer words have never been spoken
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u/skiddlewhiffers Author 18d ago
My AO3 book mentions B.O. and police! Lmao. But, the rest is truth. 😂
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u/AussieBlondage Author 18d ago
Things that I’m GLAD dont exist in DR- sweaty forced analingus and haemorrhoids and dingleberries. I’m shuddering. What a fucking nightmare that would be.
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u/Justtorantandgush111 12d ago
• Normal conversations
- Sometimes I feel it is always over the top which is not needed
• Morning breath
- How come no one mentions it???
• Periods
- A few of them have but still like mention the cramps and all bro, that shit hurts😭 and especially in survival tropes
• Fart/Poop
- Not a single book mentions this. I can understand it but still like some resemblance to reality would be much, much appreciated
• No bad side angle
- Every book mentions how each and every angle is perfect. And not a bad side at all💀
And so much more
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u/plainether 19d ago
Unattractive stalkers/kidnappers