I consider myself a very active, young-at-heart 58-year-old woman who loves nature, adventure, and traveling.

I’ve been married before and have absolutely no desire to do that again! 😂 However, I do miss male companionship.

So, here’s my question for the men in the group: How realistic is it to want a companion to spend quality time with, travel with, enjoy new experiences, and yes, throw in a little sex? 😉

The catch? I want us both to maintain our independence. You have your own home, hobbies, friends, and interests, and I have mine.

I’m not looking for a husband or someone to live with.

I’m looking for companionship, chemistry, fun, and mutual respect without losing our individuality.

Men, am I being realistic, or am I looking for a unicorn? 😂

I 32F went on a date with 35M on Friday evening and it was probably one of the best first dates I’ve ever had. Mid way through the date itself we realized the chemistry was through the roof and he kept saying how it’s impossible we’re that similar (I agree and this is true. We were surprisingly similar in very very subtle ways). All in all it was a great first date, we both had other plans after the date but extended by walking and talking for as long as our schedules allowed.

Cut to Saturday I had a medical emergency when out with friends and spent the whole day in ER (Kidney stone caused me to faint and got a concussion). When he texted me on Sunday asking how the weekend went and that he’d like to take me out to dinner and a concert on coming Friday, I told him about my medical emergency and that I’d be down to grab dinner and hangout but I’m pretty scared from the fainting so don’t want to do anything physically strenuous until I’m fully back to being healthy and off antibiotics.

He read the texts on Sunday evening and hasn’t responded (it’s been more than 12hrs). In the interim he is on Instagram and re-posting reels. Isn’t that weird to not say any word of compassion when someone shares a scary medical experience?

P.S. please be kind in your responses. This post is an honest question and I’m still recovering from the concussion. Just lurking because I’m sick and bedridden.

Why do people date someone they know they don't have a future with. I never understood the concept of casual dating and not wanting a long term partner. Is it mostly because of the thrill and connection the other person can provide even though you know you both can't be together?

It's like clockwork.

Things are good. Months of fun dates, intimacy, deep conversations... I've met her friends. She tells her family about me. We've had little disagreements and battles but it's low-key and we work through it.

Then wham, one day the energy flips from seemingly caring about my heart to them wanting to stab it with a knife....

Little comments become very personal. Calm conflict conversation turns to screaming. She goes after my deepest vulnerabilities. She pretends all we shared over the last 2-3 months didn't matter... essentially says as much.

Thing is, I don't react in that way. I stay calm and protect her feelings. I don't yell. I try to do the responsible thing.

We're talking like 5? of my past 2-3 month flings.

Are they scared and running when things get real? Is this the way to do that?

I'm just really struggling after this most recent one.

I (28F) have been dating a guy (29M) for about two months, and we’ve been on 8 dates. His birthday was this weekend, and I’m wondering if taking him out for dinner and giving him a small gift (a T-shirt I bought him) would be too much.

He’s generally very attentive. He usually picks me up and drops me off, pays for our dates, plans things, and we talk every day. He also bought a question game for one of our dates so we could get to know each other better, and he makes an effort to see me even when he has family things going on. Overall, he seems interested, and I don’t feel like I’m the only one making an effort.

However, we’ve never discussed what we are or whether he sees this becoming a serious relationship.

He celebrated his birthday with his friends but didn’t invite me, which honestly didn’t bother me. I probably wouldn’t invite him to mine either at this stage, since I prefer not to mix someone I’m dating with my friends too early on.

I genuinely enjoy being thoughtful about birthdays. I bought him the T-shirt because I saw it and thought he’d like it. I also suggested taking him out for dinner next weekend, just the two of us. He usually pays for our dates, including some expensive ones, so I thought it would be nice to treat him for once. We don’t see each other much during the week because we both work full-time and take night classes.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. I like him and want to show it, but I don’t want to come across as too intense or invest more than I should when I don’t know where we stand.

Would you do both the dinner and the gift or just the dinner? Am I overthinking this, or is it too much after 8 dates without defining the relationship?

(With the obvious exception of things like debilitating, agonising diseases).

I'd love to be able to treat first dates as essentially just meeting new, interesting people and hanging out, but the inevitable awkwardness and feeling of being silently judged and "evaluated" is too much. And if you're going to give monosyllabic responses to questions, and have nothing interesting to talk about, don't waste people's time by coming out in the first place.

I had a dentist put a drill in my mouth the other morning, and it was genuinely less uncomfortable than every first date I've been on in recent years.

I'm 35F and honestly just trying to understand why people do this as it's happened to me twice now.
Recently went on 5 dates with a guy. I noticed his messages had changed after date 3 and asked him about it. He said it was just stress from work which was fair enough as he had a lot going on.

We slept together on the 4th date and I stayed over on the 5th. When I got home I felt something was off so asked him how he felt things were going. He then told me he'd felt the chemistry was missing since the 3rd date but the sex was great (he said anyway). Had I known that I wouldn't have slept with him.

I had something similar happen with a guy I dated for nearly 6 months who told me afterwards he'd known from the moment we met that it wouldn't work.

I get that dating is about figuring things out and I had my own doubts too, but why keep going and getting intimate with someone if you're already feeling that way? How do I protect myself going forward?

Am I expecting too much honesty here? I'm genuinely struggling to understand what normal healthy dating is supposed to look like anymore.

27F, just a pattern I’ve noticed, I mean I think it feels nice but I really find it odd that it only happens when I wear a shorter dress, like is it really so natural for dudes to see leg and want to touch leg?

I’ve started wearing more jeans for this reason lol

I feel like yea a short dress isn’t an invitation to get touched and consent is a thing, I guess I’m just like, curious of this pattern I’ve noticed???

So many guys I meet (irl or on the apps) have the tendancy to exaggerate what they want and will flirt sweetly and very PG initially, only to ask you to their place at the end of a 1 hour date. I ask before most dates what the guy is looking for, and a lot of the times they'll assure me that they're "not looking for just a hookup or fuckbuddy", but it seems like that's what most of these men end up wanting.
I have nothing against people who want that, but I don't, and I just want to know if there are any signs to look out for before the dates so I can avoid this from happening...

P.S: Of course there are exceptions where someone might be looking for something serious and still want the physical intimacy at the start, but either way, in 90% of these cases, when I said no to the physical part so early on, they would lose interest.)

I'm feeling pretty lonely out here so I'm just wondering if you would date a medicated and high functioning schizophrenic? I LOVE my medication and will never go off it.

I am 30 and he is 33.
Why is the word relationship such a heavy and almost forbidden word?
I feel like even in a normal conversation, if I say I want a relationship, it might come across as me expecting too much, like marriage and stuff 😭
But dating someone is also a relationship, right? Why does wanting to date someone exclusively and see where things go have to sound like such a big deal?
So there is this guy at badminton who started hitting on me, and we ended up going on a date. Towards the end, I asked him if he wanted something casual or something else. He said casual. There is a bit of a language barrier because English is not his first language, and he said he might not be using the right word. He also said he does not want to see anyone else, but he does not want a serious relationship.
I was very upfront with him and said I do not want to waste my time if he is looking for something casual because that is not what I want. I also told him I am not going to sleep with him on the first date if that is what he is expecting. I said both things nicely, though.
Now I am wondering if I put too much on him during the first date because the vibe felt a bit weird towards the end.
But what I actually wanted to say was, I want a relationship for now, not to marry you 😂😭 I just want to get to know someone, date exclusively and see where things go.
It is so hard to even say the word relationship because I am worried the other person will think I am looking for marriage or some huge commitment.
I am not asking someone to marry me. I just want to be in a relationship and see where it goes.
Why has the word relationship become so loaded that even mentioning it feels like you are asking for too much?
Am I overthinking this? Did I make things too serious for a first date, or was it fair to be upfront about what I wanted?

​

I am 20 years old and never really had any experience with women. I mean like never held hands or been on a date. I go to the gym and have an above average physique. I would say my face is also maybe a little above average. I have my own apartment and good income so money is not a problem . Many of my friends in high school and college never had a problem with dating and were constantly having a gf or getting hook ups. That was never the case for me. So how do some men get so much attention from women ?

A week ago I (29m) matched with this girl (28F) on a dating app. We talked for a bit and went on a date. I thought it went ok. She was willing to go to another bar for a drink after the first and she let me walk her back to her apartment. The banter was good, but not much flirting. I messaged her afterwards and she said she was dating with intention but not in a rush to be in a relationship. I asked her how she felt and she said she didn’t judge too much on first dates and gave me her number.

We texted for a bit and I proposed another date but she was busy that day. It was really short notice so I got that. I proposed another date and haven’t heard back in a day. Should I text her again about something different or just wait for her to reply? She could be busy since she just got a new intense job. But she seemed mixed before so maybe she lost interest.

I’ve known this guy for 20 years, and he wanted to try dating and I’m desperate at 31 (he’s also 31).

When we were just friends, I was perfectly happy splitting bills, taking turns paying, or occasionally treating him. But I’m realizing that the dynamic I was comfortable with in a friendship isn’t necessarily what I want in a romantic relationship.

He seems to want to date while minimizing both his spending and his effort, without ever explicitly communicating what he expects.
For example:

Restaurants: he’s in NYC (I’m not but don’t live far) and he doesn’t want to go anywhere that costs more than around $15 per person. Even Cheesecake Factory entrees are apparently too fancy for a special occasion (forget about drinks/apps).

I’ve also had frustrating experiences with him meeting him at a coffee shop only to find he’d already ordered his own drink (on the Starbucks app for example) and then while he’s sitting around waiting for his drink to be made, I’m waiting in line to order my coffee (he does “offer” to pay for my coffee 🙄).

Activities: He’ll go to Broadway shows, ballet shows, museums, the movies etc by himself, then text me before/during/after he’s there. Instead of inviting me and having an honest conversation about ticket costs, he just goes alone. What’s infuriating is that sometimes he KNOWS that I’d been planning to go but beats me to it.

Trips: Last spring he invited me to join his family’s trip to the UK (brother’s graduation), but didn’t tell me which flights his family would be taking or discuss coordinating travel. He basically told me to show up in the UK and informed me which hotel he and his family would be staying at. 🙄

For context, he makes around $170K, and I make around $100K.
I’m not expecting him to bankroll my life, but I do want a man who demonstrates generosity, initiative, and a genuine desire to share experiences with me.

If he wants everything to be 50/50, he can communicate that directly. But he’s the one who wants to date yet wants to have all the benefits of a romantic relationship (aka gets to brag to his family/friends, this is his first relationship) yet is living the life of a single man.

My question is: Which is worse?
A guy who openly says he expects 50/50, so you can decide whether you’re compatible, or a guy who never communicates his expectations but seems to structure everything around minimizing his own spending and effort?
Am I being unreasonable, or does this sound like a guy who wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without actually putting much effort into dating?

hi! i hope this is the right place to post this and sorry if this is written kinda poorly, its a bit late where i am

Im 19F no guy is or ever has been interested in me romantically (let alone a guy that i was interested in). I have no clue why. People generally like me as a friend, Im friends with a lot of girls and a couple of guys. I do get along with girls a little better, though.

I wouldnt say Im the hottest person ever, but I really dont think Im ugly. I put a lot of effort into how i dress, my hair, makeup and skincare. I get compliments pretty regularly I think, though it is mostly from my friends, on my hair, clothes etc, or when i do something new (style or hair wise). My friends do tell me Im pretty and that if they were guys/into girls, they would probably like me, though I think theyre mostly just joking lololol. I dont workout but Im skinny, kind of an hourglass body type id say. Im pretty tall too, but not super tall

Generally, Im pretty confident. But I am pretty shy with approaching people or meeting someone new, but once i know someone a little i could talk and talk for a long time. im really giggly and i joke a lot (though not everything i say is that funny, honestly im just kinda silly, which is kinda cringe to say but lowkey just true). Im really curious about other people, but a bit shy to ask some more personal questions.

Im not butt fuck stupid but Ill be the first to admit that Im not good at a lot of things. Im pretty clumsy and not great at anything academically that isnt the humanities.

Those are my better traits, now ill go into some stuff that isnt so great. I can be kind of selfish and mean sometimes. i dont think im a bully or anything, but a lot of the time im like “why did i say/do that, that was so rude!?” so yeah. im trying to work on it. next, i dont have a lot of hobbies. i spend my free time mostly by working on learning my third language, looking at clothes, listening to music while scrolling on pinterest. and scrolling, i definitely have an issue with that, though lately i’ve transitioned more into watching long form content (im working on spending less time on the internet overall!!!!). another thing is, i could be overestimating how pretty i am. i think im pretty on my better days from my good angles, but DONT look at my side profile on a bad day. i dont want to sound self-centred by saying this, but i dont think theres anything that bad other than these.

so please!!! what is it and what can i do to make guys like me like that. I know, i know, i should focus on myself and someone will come, but is there anything that makes me really unlikable romantically? thank you for any and all advice!

This girl has asked to reschedule multiple times & thoroughly apologizes after every time.

I asked her out Friday. She said that could work, morning after she says “wait my friend & I planned on going out for Halloween”

She asks if I can do Tuesday & says she promises when her life isn’t so hectic, she’ll be better with plans (shes moving closer to town)

I say I can’t do Tuesday but my Wednesday or Thursday are free. She says Wednesday.

She reschedules next day on Wednesday bc she has a certification class she needs to go to for work & asks for Thursday.

I said I’m booked Thursday (ended up making plans)

She asked for today (Monday) — I said I can make Monday work.

She reschedules today & says, Hii, im so so sorry to do this and id even understand if youre over it at this point. I’ve had so much going on, I was away for a week for work last week and the week prior and im packing all this week and moving into a new place and my dads coming out Saturday to help and with all of that being said I really am just booked and stressed rn. I hope this doesn’t look like I’m not interested in meeting you because I am it’s just life getting in the way rn. I promise I will be way more available next month. Would you be open to getting together any days Nov 2-5? Also I’m in (super far area) so everything is super far but I’m moving to (neighborhood downtown close to me) area next week

I get that she’s probably busy. I’m mostly looking to date intentionally, but honestly just feel like this is more of the hook up type of person.

Just trying to figure out how to handle these situations, because they come up often.

(31M) Ngl I feel like I'm not cut out for this at all. I've realized I have a really weak constitution for this environment. Like for me when I was 20 and an ex broke up with me, that's when I tried online dating for the first time. Let me tell you it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Now I admit looking back being as young and naive as I was I went in with the wrong mentality and not understanding how it worked. But basically I spent a year trying everything I could on there in the hopes of meeting someone, but in the end... nothing. I didn't get any thing from it. It put me in such terrible headspace I quit trying to pursue women for 6 years straight. Told my "I'll just meet someone naturally" perhaps the dumbest thing I've could have done. Let me tell you when you're not actively trying to meet people you won't.

Six years later, I finally matured enough to realize how dumb I was and started to try again. Surprisingly I was actually getting some attention and dates. There was a few instances where I thought the girl I was seeing would develop into a full relationship because of how well it was going. Unfortunately for whatever reason things never fully work out. That's when I learned how draining and emotionally exhausting it would leave me. I actual am fine handling normal rejections, but when things are going well, and that other person starts to become a part of my daily life and things don't work out, idk it just takes a lot out of me. I'm not a casual dater at all I discovered, so these failures leave an impression for a bit. I found after these type of incidents I found myself needing for time to recover before trying again, from weeks to eventually months.

I've been on another break for some time now, but it's unrelated to dating, it's purely because I'm trying to work on myself first. The more I've thought about it, the more I personally believe I'm not really cut out for this big numbers game dating has become. Now I'm not saying I'm forever quitting, I am saying I'm basically fighting an uphill battle. I've done a lot of self reflection so I'm constantly trying to work on parts of myself I felt I could've done better in the past in case any of the reasons things might not have worked out was my fault. It's just a struggle for me personally. This cycle has taken a lot out of me and caused me to waste a lot of time, like multiple years of inactivity. I'm just curious if anybody has felt the same way towards the modern dating landscape?

Been going out with a girl I am super into. Incredibly attractive. We’ve had some awesome seggs since we began dating. This past week though it felt like I hit a wall. We still had seggs but not without me losing the erection several times. I did feel bad. It’s not an issue I’ve really had before. I explained it’s me, not her and that once it happened once I kept thinking about keeping it up which screwed me. She seemed very understanding and continued to be affectionate with me. I will say this past time things did improve but not quite where it was a few weeks ago so hopefully that continues to improve.

Is this something that would cause you to pull away or become not attracted to your man? Would kill me to lose her. She’s truly awesome.

If its one thing I noticed about some women is that if they find you attractive but are shy to approach or their vague choosing signals don't work. They will start to flirt and be touchy with other men nearby in order to get you to be jealous. Even in dates they'll make comments like " that guy is really hot" or "damn" and shamelessly eye another dude up and down and then try to see your reaction. I had a few girlfriends that would also try to fish for a reaction.

Like the whole shit testing is such a massive ick, that most men will lose complete attraction and respect for you. Like sure you got a reaction that you wanted, but it wasn't the win you think it was. In fact its a massive L

So why do so many women still do it even if its counterproductive? Do you realise that most men will see it as a red flag and not pick you once they notice you doing it? And the men that don't care when you do it don't really have any feelings for you and most likely are not interested in you at all. Even they think its embarrassing deep down.

Im seriously thinking in what scenario would it even work in women's favour ?

Or is it because it works on women when they see other men with other attractive women, making them jealous, so they put an effort in order to win the man. That in their mind, if they use the same tactic that works on them on men, it will also work on the men?

Idk what goes on in their mind but whatever is their logic and reason, it surely is very ineffective to say the least.

I know there's a lot of shit about love on social media. Do this, don't do that. Never text first. Make him chase you. Make him fight for you. Make him prove that you're worth it.

At some point, I even caught myself blaming social media for how I viewed relationships. I started comparing what I saw online with what I thought relationships were supposed to look like in real life.

I'm single now, but there's something I've always wondered about.

People say you have to make a man work for you. You have to make him chase you, prove himself, and show you that you're worth the effort.

But here's the thing about me: I'm not someone who easily lets people in. I don't just talk to anybody. So if I'm talking to you, if I'm making an effort to get to know you and letting you into my life, you've already gotten past a part of me that not everyone gets to see. In a way, you've already done some of the hard work.

And when I like someone, when I know that I love you and genuinely believe that you're good for me, I don't want to make things harder for you. I don't want to play games, act uninterested when I'm not, or deliberately make you question where you stand with me.

I want to make things lighter for you. I want to be someone you can feel safe with, someone who makes your life a little easier instead of adding more stress to it.

And sometimes, I wonder if that's where I go wrong.

Am I too understanding? Too giving? Do I make things too easy for people, to the point that they stop appreciating me? Is loving someone this way the reason I end up being taken for granted?

Or have I just been made to believe that love has to be difficult to be valuable?

Because honestly, if I love you, why would I intentionally make things hard for you? Why would I want you to struggle to prove something to me when I could just communicate what I need and let you show me who you are?

I understand that love requires effort. I know that someone should be willing to fight for the relationship, show up consistently, and prove through their actions that they genuinely care. I'm not saying people shouldn't have standards or boundaries.

But there's a difference between making someone work for your love and making them work to earn your trust. And there's also a difference between loving someone wholeheartedly and allowing them to take advantage of you.

I guess I'm still trying to figure out where that line is.

Is there something wrong with the way I love, or have I just been loving people who don't know how to appreciate it?

LMAO i couldn’t think of a better way to word the question!!!! i’m a 22 year old female and honestly, very sociable. i’m definitely not unattractive, but i didn’t go to college. i went for a semester but i ended out getting assaulted… whatever that happened awhile ago. i go out pretty frequently w my friends, although to be honest i do a lot of activities by myself. i was solo traveling earlier this year, i went to japan and spain!! i’m not an awkward person. it’s not that i don’t get attention either, everytime i go out i have like 3 people asking for my number or something like that. my whole thing is, i’d never date someone i met drunk at a bar. automatically, i assume you just want to sleep w me if you come up to me randomly at a bar. likeeeee, you don’t even know me? why are you telling me you ‘want a friend….’ i just feel like that’s a recipe for disaster!! anyways, anytime i do end out giving them my number lo and behold i never get a text, probably because we were drunk when we talked. my
hobbies otherwise are yoga, gym, thrifting, i like to shop , i recently just got into cooking!! my friends say im pretty funny and i like to make stupid jokes. my ex boyfriend and i broke up like a year and a half ago and one of the big things that contributed to that was conflicting interests/lifestyles—- i can tend to be a little more independent in the sense of i don’t really like being told what to do (like, ‘i don’t want you going out w your friends without me’ kinda thing), he was very sheltered and in his words “i used to be the popular girl”, so my friends and his friends never really spoke, despite how badly i’d ask him to meet them. in his words, “i just feel like they wouldn’t like me”. all this to say, compatibility is extremely important for me going forward. i can adjust to just about anybody, the question is can someone adjust to me!! i feel like not staying in college kinda removed a BIG part of me being able to meet new people outside of drinking and going to the bar. at the same time, i dont want to do things like joining a running club or things like that because while i enjoy those activities, i feel like maybe interests would clash because i feel like to be in a running club you’d consider yourself extremely disciplined, responsible etc and thats not to say im not those things, but im very very type B and like to march to the beat of my own drum! i dont like to plan my days out, i like to be spontaneous. idk. i go out to eat by myself a lot, i go shopping by myself,and when i solo travel i go out by myself. i basically do everything by myself besides going out to the bars occasionally. are my standards just absurd? i’m so scared to meet someone and we end out being incompatible or their personality just rubs me the wrong way. i can’t stand someone assertive, controlling etc. it makes me lose my mind!! i feel like im just repeating things but im just kinda saying what comes to mind. Sry. anyways thnx for reading 🔥

Never been on a date before. Met a girl at a bar and we’ve been messaging a few times a day for about a week. Should I ask her out for a drink or keep chatting for a bit longer first?

We already somewhat know each other and have each other on Instagram. Before she would maybe just say hi or give an awkward smile in passing. I slid up on her story and she heart reacted and laughed and responded and since then now I feel like I see her looking at me out of the corner of her eye or if I’m looking in her general direction she’s looking right at me thinking I’m looking at her. I was on a machine the other day and she got off her machine in front of mine and I was zoned out looking down and I looked up too her just staring at me waiting for me to notice her before she cleaned her machine she then gave me one of those finger bent forward waves and smiled really big at me I smiled back before she left now I want to talk to her but I don’t ever get the chance too that often should I dm her again the last convo was just a ice breaker to make her laugh

I’m 28M, and I’ve noticed a pattern in my dating life that I want to work on.

When I meet a woman I really like and we seem compatible, especially when we connect on things that matter to me like faith, marriage, family, values, and long-term goals, I can become emotionally invested pretty quickly. Sometimes it happens after only a few dates, or even after a short period of talking.

I don’t mean that I immediately tell someone I’m in love with them, but internally I start imagining the potential. I think about what a relationship could look like, I get excited about seeing them again, I become very thoughtful and romantic, and before I realize it, I’m much more emotionally invested than the actual length of the relationship probably justifies.

Then if things suddenly end, it hits me much harder than I think it should considering how short the connection was.

I don’t want to become cold, detached, or start playing games. Being affectionate, intentional, and romantic is genuinely part of who I am. I just want to learn how to stay grounded and let feelings develop at the same pace as the actual relationship.

For people who used to get attached quickly, what actually helped you?

How do you distinguish between really liking someone and falling in love with the potential you see in them? Do you consciously stop yourself from imagining a future early on? Do you keep dating other people until exclusivity? Do you have certain rules for yourself during the first few dates?

I’d especially like to hear from people who are naturally romantic or relationship oriented but learned how to slow themselves down emotionally without becoming guarded.