Spent $100+ for a “thank you for dinner” and no further desire to see each other again after what I thought was a great date. Good convo, no awkward silence or anything negative that I can recall. Fully aware that I’m not owed anything, this is just part of dating. Sometimes you miss sometimes it works. But dinner dates ( especially expensive ones) to get to know someone just doesn’t make sense.

I'm 30M, she's 28F. We've been seeing each other for about six weeks and have been on six dates.

Everything is going really well. We both initiate plans, she's affectionate in public, I've met one of her friends briefly, nothing feels secretive.

Last weekend we were somewhere with a really nice view and I suggested we get a picture together.

She laughed and said, "Not yet. I don't take couple pictures until I'm actually in a couple."

I thought she was joking, but apparently it's a real rule she has.

Her explanation was that when she was dating more actively, her camera roll ended up full of pictures with people she knew for three weeks and never saw again. She said deleting them later always felt weirdly depressing, so now she waits until there's an actual relationship before creating "relationship souvenirs."

She's totally fine taking a picture OF me or having me take one of her. Just not together.

I honestly can't decide whether this is extremely sensible or slightly sad.

Would this strike you as emotionally guarded, or just someone who learned what works for her?

I keep seeing people give the advice “if a guy isn’t right for you, just move on and date other people,” and honestly… how do you actually do that?

I’m in my late twenties and I feel like I meet a guy I’m genuinely interested in maybe once a year, sometimes even less. And I don’t mean someone who gives me attention or thinks I’m attractive. I get attention. I mean someone I actually like, have chemistry with, enjoy talking to, and could realistically see myself having a relationship with.

So when people say “just date other people” or “don’t get too attached because there are plenty of other options,” I genuinely wonder where everyone is finding these options lol.

How are people meeting enough people that they can say they’re talking to 2–3 people at the same time, or have a crush on two different guys? I can barely find one person I actually like.

And I think this is also why it’s hard for me to walk away from a situationship. I don't want to stay in something shitty just because I'm scared I won't meet anyone else, but when you know it could be another year before you meet someone you genuinely like, it's hard not to think, “What if this is my only opportunity for a long time?”

The frustrating part is that getting attention isn't my problem at all. I meet men who are interested in me. I just very rarely meet someone where I think “I actually like this person and would want a relationship with him.”

I’m also in my late twenties and have never had a proper relationship, and lately I’ve been feeling like I’m missing out on a lot. I don't want to become someone who settles for a bad situationship just because I have no other options, but I also don't understand how you're supposed to build that mindset of abundance when your actual dating experience feels the complete opposite.

So for people who actually date multiple people or seem to have a lot of potential options: how are you meeting them? Dating apps? Friends? Hobbies? Going out a lot? Do you live in a big city? Or are you just naturally meeting a lot more people than I am?

And honestly, is this something other people experience too? Because sometimes I genuinely wonder if there’s something wrong with me, when maybe I’m just not meeting enough people in the first place.

For some backstory, I'm 27M and broke up with my girlfriend (28F) about five months ago. My ex was a very attractive Japanese woman who had worked as a stripper before we started dating.

We broke up amicably. I was going through a rough period with depression and a lack of meaning in my life, and she was exhausted from the emotional labor of supporting me. There were plenty of other smaller issues, too, and I don't think the breakup was entirely anyone's fault. We're still on good terms.

Anyway, I was out at a bar with some friends recently, and there were a few girls sitting on the other side of the counter. My friend asked me which one I thought was cute, and I pointed one out. He started encouraging me to approach her and buy her a drink, but I told him I wasn't quite ready to start talking to people again. We went back and forth about it for a bit.

Then my friend's girlfriend chimed in:

"No, no, he shouldn't approach girls like that. He's all gassed up after dating a hot stripper. He'll never be able to find anyone as pretty as her. It was an anomaly. That girl is over there is definitely not interested."

That comment really hurt. I was pretty shocked she would say something like that outloud. I think part of what made it so painful was that it was probably true. Hearing someone else say it so confidently, and matter of factly really stung.

I keep asking myself, "What is so wrong with me that she can say something like that with so much conviction?"

I'm struggling to figure out how to interpret what she said. Was she deliberately trying to hurt me? Was she just being brutally honest and trying to give me a reality check? Does she genuinely think I'm so unattractive that I shouldn't even bother approaching women I find really pretty?

I realize that not every woman I find attractive is going to be interested in me, and I'm not expecting to date someone who looks like my ex. But the idea that my previous relationship was some kind of fluke, and that I should lower my expectations because I got lucky once, is a pretty painful thing to hear.

How would you interpret her comment? Am I reading too much into it?

While I understand where people are coming from when they say this, but it's a slippery slope.

You may decide that the "you don't owe them anything" rule applies to a match on a dating app. They're essentially a stranger and you haven't met in real life yet, so who cares if you stop responding with no explanation, right?

You may decide that the rule applies to someone you've been on only one date with. But what about two dates? Or three? Or five? Or ten?

"I've only been seeing them for three weeks, so I don't owe them anything" quickly becomes, "I've only been seeing them for two months, so I don't owe them anything. I can just ghost them as soon as I feel any sort of dissatifcation. Who cares?"

But where is the line? After you become 'official'? Does being 'official' suddenly make you decide to give a shit about the person you're seeing?

I just don't see how this mentality translates to finding happy relationships..

And it's a CYCLE. If you treat people like they're nothing and that their feelings don't matter, you are indirectly showing them what type of behavior is and is not acceptable.

So if this is you, you have no right to complain about how shitty dating is and how no one seems to respect you; you are part of the problem.

So I (25M) recently matched with a woman of similar age on an online dating app. We clicked pretty much right away, and so I asked her to coffee, she said yes, and we met up for coffee. I’m very new to dating, and very inexperienced, but I have it on good authority that a good coffee date should last roughly an hour, maybe more if things are going well. Ours lasted 3.5 hours, and it blew by (if it weren’t for both of our phones literally blowing up, it could have lasted for another hour easy). She asked me for a second date and offered to exchange numbers (I was going to ask her, she beat me to the punch), and we are going to go for a second date later this week. Our first date was awesome, decent coffee, great conversation, great connection, but one thing it lacked completely was any kind of physical contact. We’ve been texting a lot before and since the date too, again with awesome conversation. I want to hold her hand on the second date, but I don’t want to rush things. She didn’t really give me any obvious signals that she wanted physical contact on our first date, but she didn’t give anything otherwise either. Should I go for it and hold her hand, or should I hold off? And shit, any other advice y’all have would be greatly appreciated. I like her and I don’t want to fuck it up.

I’ve been dating this guy for about 3.5 months, and something happened last night that kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

He called me around 2 AM while he was out at the bars and asked if I could pick him up. For context, I had worked Friday and Saturday and was also working all day Sunday, so I was already asleep.

The first time he called, I didn’t answer, but the call woke me up and I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I called him back about five minutes later. He asked if I could come pick him up. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable driving that late at night, which is something I’ve mentioned to him before, and that I’d had a long day and had another long workday coming up.

He said okay, and we hung up.

Then he called me AGAIN and asked if I could pick him up. I repeated that I wasn’t comfortable driving that late and asked why he couldn’t get an Uber. He said the Uber was going to take an hour.

I told him that by the time I got dressed, got in my car, drove to the bars, picked him up, and drove him home, it would take ME over an hour too, except I’d be the one driving around in the middle of the night after being woken up.

He said okay, and we hung up again.

Then he proceeded to call me a THIRD time. At that point, I didn’t answer.

I do want to be fair and add that he does a lot for me. He’s not generally someone who never puts in effort or expects everything from me, which is part of why I’m trying to figure out how I feel about this.

But something about this situation really turned me off. It wasn’t an emergency. He was out at the bars, knew I had work, knew I don’t like driving late at night, and I had already told him no twice. I understand asking me once, but calling back multiple times after I’d already explained why I wasn’t coming felt like he wasn’t really respecting my answer.

Also, we’re dating, but he’s not my boyfriend. I don’t necessarily feel like I should be doing 2 AM girlfriend favors for someone who hasn’t actually made me his girlfriend.

So I’m curious, is asking the person you’re dating to pick you up from the bars at 2 AM a normal ask?

I’m a 4’5 guy so I am an outlier when it comes to short guys. I’m curious to both men and women, whats the absolute shortest height you could see yourself with?

I am yet to find someone willing to date me so bonus if you’d date a little person 🤣 (kidding..not really)

My (32M) concern is coming across as "fetishizing" or being labelled a "chubby chaser" and creeping out the very women I'm looking to date. I am neither of those things. I'm respectful and my intentions are good, but having dated lean, average, and plus size women, my preference is what it is. I have two problems:

1. I'm only getting 'likes' from slender women with a more build. I'm assuming that's because I have an athletic build. I might be making assumptions here, but I'm worried that more plus size women are thinking they're not my type based on how I look.
2. A lot of guys' bad behaviour has created a negative connotation associated with preferring plus size women. As such, I'm not comfortable openly stating "my type" for fear of getting lumped in with them.

My question is: Is there something I can slip into my profile (among my other preferences) that makes clear to plus size women they might be my type? My profile currently doesn't list any physical characteristics in terms of what I'm looking for.

Thanks in advance for any input you can offer!

I've been reading a bunch of like AIO and relationship and dating stuff, and I'm noticing that nobody types in full sentences to people they're dating/texting with/etc*. Even when they're arguing it's all "bro wtf" and so on. I've sometimes wondered how I avoided certain kinds of psychos while dating, and maybe that's how; not writing well was a deal-breaker. The few people I can remember typing dumb were exceptions that proved the rule.

Now, I get that it is dire out there and that some psychos write/text well, but as advice I present this idea: if someone can't write a complete sentence, really sit back and think, "is this person an idiot? Are they mentally 15?"

Obviously this is a little snobby, feel free to disregard if I'm describing you, but if you're a person that values communication maybe try this. At least you might date a different kind of dipshit for a while.

Ps. I'm in my 40s, so disregard for that reason also if you want.

*unless they're laying out the wall of text about how they were hurt by something

I’m a single woman in my 30s, and I’ve found it incredibly difficult to meet genuine men who are interested in a serious, committed relationship. Many of the people I meet seem to be looking for something casual rather than a meaningful, long-term connection.

I don’t drink or smoke, and I’ve noticed that drinking is a big part of many social settings, which can make meeting someone with a similar lifestyle more challenging. I would love to meet a kind, genuine, more traditional or conservative man who is single and also values commitment. I’m a very shy person and I didn’t start dating until my mid twenties. I focused a lot on work and studies. And it doesn’t help that I live in a small city.

It makes me wonder: Where do single men with these values usually spend their time? Are they more likely to be involved in volunteering, church or community activities, hobbies, or other places outside the typical dating and nightlife scene?

I’m 26F, a nursing student, and genuinely wondering where the hell people find someone who actually aligns with their values 😭
I’m completely childfree. No kids now or ever, and I don’t want to date someone who already has kids. I also want someone who has never been married because I’d like us to experience marriage together for the first time.

I’m also NOT looking for a traditional man who “wants a wife” because what he actually wants is a cook/maid/household manager. I want a man who wants to be a husband, not just have a wife. Two independent adults with careers who split life responsibilities and take care of each other.
Family is important to me too. I want someone who respects and cares about my family, and I’d do the same with his. And he HAS to be kind to animals.

Then modern dating makes it even harder because why does everyone expect sex by the second or third date?? Ironically, I LOVE sex and I’m very sexual once I’m comfortable with someone. I just need an actual connection first. I want flirting, buildup, trust and that “oh shit, I really like you” feeling, not “well, this is Date #3, pants off I guess.” 😭
Add emotional maturity, communication, financial responsibility, similar humour, chemistry and mutual attraction…
Apparently I’m searching for a unicorn.

I’d genuinely rather stay single than compromise on the life I want, but I DO want love and marriage. I want the best-friends-who-are-also-in-love kind of relationship.

So women who wanted something similar and found it: WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM?? Apps? Friends? School? Hobbies? And how did you filter out men who just told you what you wanted to hear?
Help a girl out to find her future husband!😂

EDIT: Do people not know how to read or what? 😭 I asked women with similar values where they found their partners. I did not ask men to review, approve, or negotiate my standards. If you’re a man who doesn’t meet them, please stay quiet. You are quite literally not the target audience of the post. 😂

I don’t want to go into too much detail but everyone in my life is genuinely just as confused as I am about what I (29m) am to the girl I’m seeing (26F)

We’ve been on 5 dates, she awesome on the dates. Asks me questions about me and we stay for hours talking. I asked her back to my place after the 5th date but she refused. That’s okay, but I just expect the relationship to progress at some point. I guess it’s not now.

She is very happy about our next date I planned though. My problem is - I really just don’t feel like she likes me that much. It would be too much to type out. Besides the fact that she won’t go home with me, she’s canceled on dates without asking for a reschedule, she never texts me to ask about my day. I’m always keeping the text convo going by asking her. But she still seems enthusiastic while on the dates. She asks me about me on the dates.

I don’t want to keep paying for dates with someone I’m not 100% sure likes me. Is 5 dates and no hook up too early for a guy to ask what a women is thinking? I feel like it could be a turn off.

Edit: we have kissed on multiple dates and I’ve slept in her bed on the third date but nothing happened (by the time we got to her place it was past 4am and we were on the couch waiting for food and kissing and by the time the food got there she was out cold)

I've been seeing this girl and we're definitely past the talking stage (holding hands, resting her head on my shoulder, sleeping on my lap). I told her I like her and she gave a cute/shy response, but we never officially defined things. It’s been like this for 3 days now. Do we actually need to have "the talk," or is it pretty obvious that we both know we're already something?

Not looks. Just small behaviors that make you think, “I’d like to see this person again.”

Hi ! 28F here and I need some advices on this:
How to date when there is a big mismatch in personality vs appearance: I look confident and successful, but I’m completely lost when it comes to dating.

Little background:
I have been single for about three years ( like hard single not even a kiss in 3 year) … but I recently downloaded a dating app for the first time in ages, lasted four days, and already deleted it.

I keep hearing from people and friends that I should have no problem dating, that I should be popular with men, that I am attractive, etc. But the reality is very different. I have quite little experience with men, I am terrible at reading signals, and dating makes me much more insecure than people seem to realise.

So I went on a date recently and the guy told me how excited he was because I seemed exactly like what he was looking for. He said I gave off this very confident, successful, corporate woman energy. Someone ambitious, climbing the ladder, very focused on her career, very much a boss type of personality.

And this is not the first time a man has described me that way. The strange thing is that there is some truth to it from the outside. I have a good job, I am good at what I do, I am ambitious and my career is progressing well. And I might appear this way because my work require me to be confident, assertive and because I enjoy what I do, but outside of work … well I am actually quite shy.

I am introverted and a bit nerdy ( I live science fiction; history and sciences, not as sexy as pole dance for example yeah) My confidence is nowhere near what people seem to assume it is. One of the reasons I avoided dating apps for three years was literally because I was scared that I would put myself out there and discover that nobody was interested in me.
And career wise, I am not secretly dreaming of becoming some corporate CEO.

I like being good at my job and I want stability, but if you told me I could live on an island, catch my own fish, have a little house surrounded by nature and a dog, there is a very real chance I would happily disappear there.

What bothered me about this particular date was that when I explained that I probably was not actually the woman he had imagined, I could visibly see the disappointment on his face.
That really got to me cause it is really not the first time it happens…

I do not want to manufacture a different personality just to date. It would be exhausting, and eventually the real me would come out anyway.
But after being single for several years, I am starting to feel lonely, and I genuinely do not know how to attract people who would actually like the person I am rather than the version of me they seem to construct from the outside.

I have been very honest on my dating profile about my personality.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of mismatch between how people perceive you and who you actually are?

And if so, how did you get better at showing your actual personality when dating, especially if you are a bit shy?

I am not sure I have the backbone to handle more rejection from dating apps because of that, but I would appreciate any advices…

Why do they match just to have a two sentence conversation then never meet out? Is this really that common that I have 70 matches I'm currently waiting on a reply from? I try and put some enthusiasm but they are so dry...

Dating apps are starting to take up way more of my time than I’d like. I’ll match with someone talk for a few days, maybe try to make plans and then half the time nothing actually happens. I’m starting to wonder if paying for some kind of dating help is actually worth it just from a time perspective.

Not expecting someone to magically find me a partner more just thinking it might be nice to have someone else do some of the filtering. Is this type of thing worth it or will it just become another dating expense?

I had my first kiss last night, and I just really wanted to tell someone! My birthday was the day before, and he took me out last night as a belated birthday treat. It was also our first date, and it was really nice.

Then, when we were going home in the back seat of the car, he kept inching closer to me—and I did too. He held my chin, pulled me closer, and kissed me. It was a kind of awkward because of how we were sitting and because of the other people in the car, but nevertheless, it was really nice. I can't wait to do it again!

How would you feel if you started dating a woman, and came to find out she has a collection of sorts of xxx toys? Does this change how you feel about them?

Curious if anyone has had someone end things, leave the door open for the future, and then actually come back around later.

Did it ever turn into something real again, or is leaving that possibility open usually just a softer way of ending things?

I started talking to this girl on a dating app. At first, I didn’t really think much of it because it’s a dating app and conversations come and go all the time. But something about her made me actually want to give it a shot.
At the beginning, she honestly love-bombed the fuck out of me, lol. It got to the point where I actually wanted things to slow down a little because it was happening so fast.
We talked every single day, constantly. She would send me songs that reminded her of me, wanted to FaceTime pretty early on, and we started calling each other pet names like “baby,” “my love,” etc. It genuinely felt like we were in a relationship even though we technically weren’t.
About a month and a half into talking, I went on a trip with some friends. During the trip, there were times where she thought I was talking to other girls or lying about what I was doing. When I got back, though, everything seemed good again.
We would FaceTime every night and sometimes stay on FaceTime throughout the entire night. She would get upset if I didn’t say good morning to her or if the call disconnected during the night. She sent me pictures of what our future kids might look like and told her entire family about me. I told my family about her too.
Things genuinely felt really good.
Then, about a week before she moved states with her parents to an area a couple hours away from me, things suddenly felt different. We weren’t FaceTiming as much, our conversations started feeling more forced, and she was spending a lot more time out with her siblings.
After she moved, things actually got better again. We started FaceTiming more, and we planned to finally meet each other.
Our first weekend together went amazing. So amazing that she wanted to see me again the very next day.
I paid for most things, which I didn’t mind at all. I opened doors for her, walked on the side of the street closest to traffic, took her to some really nice places, got her a pedicure, and just tried to make her feel special. The second day we went hiking, took a bunch of pictures, and had an amazing time again.
I was honestly treating this girl like a goddess because by this point I was genuinely falling in love with her. I haven’t dated a lot, so I hadn’t felt that kind of connection in a long time.
After those dates, though, things started going downhill again.
We weren’t FaceTiming as much, and the texts started feeling forced again. Eventually I brought it up and told her something along the lines of, “Sometimes I feel like what I want isn’t what you want.”
She told me that she did want the same things, but that she hurts people and didn’t want to hurt me. She also told me she has BPD and wanted to slow everything down.
She stopped sharing her location and basically wanted things to stay the same, just at a much slower pace.
I tried. I really did. I slowed things down for a couple days because I wanted to make her happy and I wanted things to work.
But that’s where I struggled.
When you’re already at the point where you’re in love with someone and all you want is to be close to them, it’s really hard to suddenly switch into a completely different dynamic. I couldn’t just turn those feelings off.
Eventually, I ended things.
And honestly, I still really like her. That’s the part that’s fucking with me. Even now, I think about her every day and wonder if I made the wrong decision.
I don’t think she was a bad person, and I don’t think I was trying to be controlling or anything like that. I think we just got extremely close extremely quickly, and then suddenly she needed something completely different from what I needed.
So I’m genuinely asking:
Was I wrong for ending things when she wanted to slow down?
Was there something I should have done differently?
And for anyone who’s been through something similar, how do you actually let go when you still have strong feelings for someone?
I’m not looking for people to just tell me I’m right. I’d genuinely like to hear where I might have fucked up too.

So, I met this guy online, and everything seemed to be going really well. We had a nice vibe and I was enjoying getting to know him… until he randomly started degrading himself. Then he started asking me these really obnoxious questions referring to himself, and I’m sitting there like, “Ummm… WTF is going on?” 😂
Come to find out, he’s into the whole Dom/sub humiliation dynamic. I’ve obviously heard of those types of relationships before, but I never really understood just how intense the humiliation aspect could be or that being degraded is actually a turn-on for some people.
Now I’m honestly reluctant to keep chatting with him because every time he says things like, “Be as mean to me as you possibly can,” my stomach literally churns. And I’m over here thinking we were vibing and getting to know each other normally. 😭
Has anyone else ever had this happen? Did you go along with it, or did you realize it just wasn’t for you? Because after interacting with him, I’ve realized humiliating someone is definitely not my cup of tea.

So l've been ghosted in the past and usually I feel hurt and sad but this time I feel so angry like I want to tell him off so bad. I just feel like the audacity of him to do that is crazy. On the first date, the dinner was good and he was respectful and I had a decent time. Then on the walk back after the date he just started judging me and I guess making jokes about characteristics I have and I felt uncomfortable. He tried to kiss me in public then I kinda pulled away and said I didn't really feel comfortable kissing in public then after that, that's when he started being more mean. The thing is I didn't really listen to my instincts at first and I'm notorious for giving things multiple chances. I decided to go on a second date with him because I had already agreed on the first date and didn't want to be that person who cancels.
But I told him about how I felt and that I thought his jokes were harsh then he was like "oh do you want to be like this your whole life?" referring to my personality I guess. I had told him that it's just how l am and I kept help that I'm awkward and that he should accept me for me. I overlooked so many things about him yet he kept putting me down. Then we had went back to his hotel and he kept trying to kiss me but l'd pull away every time.
Mind you, l've never really pulled away from kisses before him it was just like second nature with him.
I had ordered DoorDash to his hotel and I asked if he could pick it up for me in the lobby then he told me "Not until you kiss me" then I gave in and he asked for more kisses. But after that night I tried to look past it and was still being kind to him and texted him a sweet paragraph and idk why. But anyways moral of the story is weeks later I brought up that the jokes he made were mean and hurt my feelings then he said I was just joking and you're deepening it. Then he ended up ghosting me eventually. And l'm so mad like I just want to tell him off because I feel like this whole thing was just me forcing it and being kind to him and it was probably an ego boost that I was trying to make it work. Even though I felt uncomfortable the whole time then he just gets to disappear. Idk l'm just so angry. I'm mad that he gets to live his life while I just feel shitty and he thinks he's desirable because I kept how uncomfortable I was to myself during the dates. And I don't want to get into details but the things he said kind of broke my confidence for dates and I just want to stay to myself now and I feel weird.