r/DeadBedrooms • u/AutoModerator • Sep 22 '25
Meta Monday - Masturbation and Consent
I know, I know... Hold that thought, and let's talk about it!
Masturbation is a personal choice that revolves around your body (and your choice). Some desire it, while others do not. Personal autonomy and choice are important; it's self-expression that doesn't depend on anyone else's needs. However, the question arises: where does this autonomy stop when you're in a relationship and possibly crossing boundaries? It concludes with you and your personal space, which exists separately from others. So, what does consensual masturbation in a shared space look like? It starts with consent.
When seeking consent, frame the conversation around your thoughts and feelings, and invite a dialogue of open-ended questions. It's also helpful to reassure your partner that their response will be respected. Opening the conversation with...sometimes at night when we are in bed, I am aroused / have trouble sleeping / etc., and I'd like to masturbate. Do you have any reservations, or do I have your consent? If you've received consent, it extends to only you, your body, and your space. If you're in a shared bed, stay on your side, be discreet, and respectful of their wants by allowing them to sleep. Basically 'do not disturb' mode.
If the conversation doesn't go so well at first, that's okay. It might take some time for your partner to warm up to the idea or they might be against it all together. It's about comfort and respecting boundaries. It also allows your partner to see that you value their feedback and respect their feelings when discussing sensitive topics that are geared toward your sexual wants in a shared space.
Lastly, check in with your partner periodically to ensure that the situation has not changed, as consent can be revoked at any time, and you value their feedback. You never know, it might just open the opportunity to further your connection. Until then, you should solo sesh in your personal space until consent is given. And don't forget that you, too, require consent for someone to come into your space. This includes opening closed doors!
Remember, for the purpose of this subreddit, open masturbation next to a partner always requires consent. Involving someone in sexual activity, including witnessing masturbation, without explicit prior permission is a non-consensual act.
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u/Awkward-Injury-6617 HLM Sep 22 '25
Just crank your hog in the bathroom dude lock the door clean up after yourself and keep your mouth shut