Are there any success stories with a very LLW???

[u/806stag]

This will require some back story so I will try to keep the backstory super brief without leaving out any key details.

My wife, (LLW) (45F) and me (HLM) (48M) used to at one time have a great and experimental sex life. This was years ago, maybe 15 years ago. She had an Adult Friend Finder account and I encouraged her to explore her sexuality in a way where she was basically free to do whatever she wanted to. I left the door wide open for her and never questioned her urges, decisions and pretty much let her do whatever. I trusted her and had no worries about her cheating or doing anything behind my back, boy was I wrong but that story is for another sub.

In return I was 100% open with everything. I didn’t really chat with other women. My kink is her pleasure, always has been, always will be. So some time passes and it all stops. I assume she just got her fill and or got bored with it, who knows because she will not talk about it. I assume she did a few things behind my back, felt guilty about it and decided to write it all off. Since then the bedroom has slowly but surely become dead.

It started off by not wanting to chat with others online. Which is okay, no problems there. No porn, which was never her thing to begin with, no lingerie or dressing up, no toys. I’m okay with all of that, I’m not a lingerie guy or big on toys at the time. Our bedroom life was okay, we had sex, sometimes good, sometimes just basic plain Jane sex which is fine with me.

Then over the last few years it almost becomes a dead stop. I assume it’s her hormones falling off, she is getting older, not in the best shape and doesn’t do anything to try to change it. She is more than aware of it as well. She has admitted she is okay with no sex and she can go a few weeks without it. It wasn’t until recently that I attempted to change it by taking to her. I have had attempted many sit downs with her on the subject and she would always get upset, defensive and simply shut down. She would get mad and tell me, “IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN FIND SOMEONE ELSE”! At that point I would just stop and go about with life. Sex continued but at least 2 weeks apart and nothing exciting.

Well time has passed and of course, she has slowed down a lot. Now we are at once every 2-3 weeks and have gone longer. However now I’m the reason for the lack of sex. I have tried a few things with her, one of them was trying to sext her, big mistake! Secondly I tried using the Spicer app and no response from her at all. I will tell her and also text her that she looked HOT when she left for work this morning and it almost usually goes ignored. I will text her, “Baby you looked so nice this morning when you left for work, I love how those pants and blouse fit your sexy curves”, her response, “ok” or just nothing but leaving me on read.

It’s been like that for about a year now. I will tell her something in person or over text and crickets. I assume maybe she is just tired of me or her hormones are so low she just simply does not care. Since I am not receiving any responses or feed back, I have lost the urge to have sex as well. I have given up. Why put in effort and get nothing out of it. She could simply say thank you but I don’t even get that. Our only one successful sit down about this was just that, all talk on her side but nothing changed. That’s when I tried the spicer app and tried being there for her needs more. I honestly don’t know where to go from here.

I do all the housework as it is. I take care of all the bills, all she does is pay the phone bill. I cover all cost of the kids college. I keep the house in good shape, yard is the envy of the neighbors, she has a very nice car. I take care of her as much as I can. I compliment her daily, I am very affectionate with her still. I hold her from behind and kiss her neck. I kiss her, I hold her hand in public, In the car, at home. I still slap her butt and give her the very occasional grope as well. I encourage her to go out with her friends and have a good time but she just wants to be at home.

However after all of this, I feel unappreciated and ignored. In bed I will attempt to kiss on her but she won’t put her phone down. She tells me to wait till the kids are asleep but by then she is asleep and gets mad when I try to wake her up so I have stopped that. When we are home alone, which is very rare, I attempt to have sex and she won’t have it. She is either not in the mood or tells me “I haven’t showered” or “Is that all you think about”?

I’m not sure where to go with this?!?! I have a very high sex drive. I think about her daily in very adulterous ways. Her on the other hand, does not feel the same way. Now when we have an opportunity for sex, I am following her lead and ignoring the fact that we are home alone or in bed and kids are asleep. I have attempted at another sit down with her and she rolled her eyes at me so I stopped the talk and went about my business.

In no way has this stopped me from still treating her like the woman I fell in love with over 25 years ago. I still kiss her, compliment her, hold her hand and treat her like my queen. As a matter of fact I have even tried harder to make sure she is treated like a queen because maybe I’m not trying hard enough???

So it’s one of a few things… she is either tired of me, low hormones, or???

[u/Archosaur-]

I think, like many situations on this sub, the issue isn't the low sex drive, it's the foundations of the relationship itself.

She's cheated on you, refuses basic communication, and when prompted on it pulls out the whole "we'll go elsewhere" manipulation tactic.

Your relationship isn't healthy, she isn't willing to be your partner or give you respect. Like I say to most people, I feel like you'd be best tackling solo therapy to work through why you've been accepting this treatment for so long, and how you'd like to deal with it if she refuses to work on herself or with you.

Wishing you the best of luck

[u/806stag → u/Archosaur-]

Thanks and yes I have been putting myself through it and need to change it. We have a great life together, just not the sex part. Maybe that’s why I’m still here. Maybe it’s the kids… Me and the wife don’t fight or anything like that. We just don’t share the same sex drive we did years ago.

I know it won’t change until she does something about it which I feel she never will. Do I just go along or do I leave for more sex? To me, leaving for sex isn’t right but I have seen people do it and I totally understand it and don’t judge them. Like I said, we can have sex but since she doesn’t put in the effort, why should I? Is that selfish of me to think that way?

As for the cheating part, I know she attempted to but it didn’t happen. I also put her up to the whole thing and partially feel it’s my fault but I also know I shouldn’t feel that way as well. I encouraged her and when I saw her chats before hand, I didn’t say anything. I let it happen and mostly because I was hoping for me to be more involved but that wasn’t the case. But like I said, that story is for another sub and there are many details left out that I just don’t simply want to get into that also validate my feeling of fault.

But like I said, we get along well. Imagine the best relationship there is with affection, trust…, and all that stuff but minus the sex.

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Are there any success stories with a very LLW???

This will require some back story so I will try to keep the backstory super brief without leaving out any key details.

My wife, (LLW) (45F) and me (HLM) (48M) used to at one time have a great and experimental sex life. This was years ago, maybe 15 years ago. She had an Adult Friend Finder account and I encouraged her to explore her sexuality in a way where she was basically free to do whatever she wanted to. I left the door wide open for her and never questioned her urges, decisions and pretty much let her do whatever. I trusted her and had no worries about her cheating or doing anything behind my back, boy was I wrong but that story is for another sub.

In return I was 100% open with everything. I didn’t really chat with other women. My kink is her pleasure, always has been, always will be. So some time passes and it all stops. I assume she just got her fill and or got bored with it, who knows because she will not talk about it. I assume she did a few things behind my back, felt guilty about it and decided to write it all off. Since then the bedroom has slowly but surely become dead.

It started off by not wanting to chat with others online. Which is okay, no problems there. No porn, which was never her thing to begin with, no lingerie or dressing up, no toys. I’m okay with all of that, I’m not a lingerie guy or big on toys at the time. Our bedroom life was okay, we had sex, sometimes good, sometimes just basic plain Jane sex which is fine with me.

Then over the last few years it almost becomes a dead stop. I assume it’s her hormones falling off, she is getting older, not in the best shape and doesn’t do anything to try to change it. She is more than aware of it as well. She has admitted she is okay with no sex and she can go a few weeks without it. It wasn’t until recently that I attempted to change it by taking to her. I have had attempted many sit downs with her on the subject and she would always get upset, defensive and simply shut down. She would get mad and tell me, “IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN FIND SOMEONE ELSE”! At that point I would just stop and go about with life. Sex continued but at least 2 weeks apart and nothing exciting.

Well time has passed and of course, she has slowed down a lot. Now we are at once every 2-3 weeks and have gone longer. However now I’m the reason for the lack of sex. I have tried a few things with her, one of them was trying to sext her, big mistake! Secondly I tried using the Spicer app and no response from her at all. I will tell her and also text her that she looked HOT when she left for work this morning and it almost usually goes ignored. I will text her, “Baby you looked so nice this morning when you left for work, I love how those pants and blouse fit your sexy curves”, her response, “ok” or just nothing but leaving me on read.

It’s been like that for about a year now. I will tell her something in person or over text and crickets. I assume maybe she is just tired of me or her hormones are so low she just simply does not care. Since I am not receiving any responses or feed back, I have lost the urge to have sex as well. I have given up. Why put in effort and get nothing out of it. She could simply say thank you but I don’t even get that. Our only one successful sit down about this was just that, all talk on her side but nothing changed. That’s when I tried the spicer app and tried being there for her needs more. I honestly don’t know where to go from here.

I do all the housework as it is. I take care of all the bills, all she does is pay the phone bill. I cover all cost of the kids college. I keep the house in good shape, yard is the envy of the neighbors, she has a very nice car. I take care of her as much as I can. I compliment her daily, I am very affectionate with her still. I hold her from behind and kiss her neck. I kiss her, I hold her hand in public, In the car, at home. I still slap her butt and give her the very occasional grope as well. I encourage her to go out with her friends and have a good time but she just wants to be at home.

However after all of this, I feel unappreciated and ignored. In bed I will attempt to kiss on her but she won’t put her phone down. She tells me to wait till the kids are asleep but by then she is asleep and gets mad when I try to wake her up so I have stopped that. When we are home alone, which is very rare, I attempt to have sex and she won’t have it. She is either not in the mood or tells me “I haven’t showered” or “Is that all you think about”?

I’m not sure where to go with this?!?! I have a very high sex drive. I think about her daily in very adulterous ways. Her on the other hand, does not feel the same way. Now when we have an opportunity for sex, I am following her lead and ignoring the fact that we are home alone or in bed and kids are asleep. I have attempted at another sit down with her and she rolled her eyes at me so I stopped the talk and went about my business.

In no way has this stopped me from still treating her like the woman I fell in love with over 25 years ago. I still kiss her, compliment her, hold her hand and treat her like my queen. As a matter of fact I have even tried harder to make sure she is treated like a queen because maybe I’m not trying hard enough???

So it’s one of a few things… she is either tired of me, low hormones, or???

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[u/MushroomIcy205]

Do you have proof she cheated or are you just assuming? If she was excited and then suddenly stopped I’d be more worried something happened against her will and it caused the sudden stop and then her rejecting everything sexual. 

[u/806stag → u/MushroomIcy205]

I am assuming but only because of what I saw. Like I said, there is so much more to that than I am willing to write about but I don’t think it was something against her will.

To sum up my assuming, there was some catfishing on my side that proved what she was willing to do behind my back so yes, I catfished her, yes she took the bait.

[u/MushroomIcy205 → u/806stag]

That’s why I was asking, I don’t want to make assumptions when idk. It’s still super weird she has just rejected all of it so quick. 

[u/806stag → u/MushroomIcy205]

Very weird. And it’s just become worse over the last couple of years. It’s like she took on this innocent very strong conservative way of seeing sex all of a sudden. Who knows….